Men of /adv/,
In your personal experience how important is having a crew/squad/tribe?
I'm not talking about just friends, people you hang it with, I'm talking about men who you're actively doing things with. Like frequently working on projects together, going to the gym, etc.
I feel that this dynamic is largely absent in 2016 America, but it would be hugely beneficial for self-development.
Thoughts?
I got a crew of about 7 friends, 2 of which Im really close with.
I would say it's extremely important and beneficial. It boosts your self confidence. Allows you to see your own faults and deal with them. Gives you a sense of belonging. Not to mention it gives you funny stories to tell.
it's important. you just have to be able to find that balance where you don't let them distract you from being successful, or better yet, elevate each other to be better.
my childhood crew disbanded, and my college crew lives too far away to actually be a crew anymore.
now i don't have a crew and feel worse off desu.
>>17045043
your question is confusing? your mates who you hang with and talk shit with ARE your crew... no not all of you will want to do the same thing together. and or some of your friends may not like hanging with each other. but thats cool, and its not just lacking in america: its everywhere. blame your feminist movement and the rise of the SJW females. there is no male empowerment anywhere. if you want male empowerment go join the big buddy programme and mentor a kid who has no father and has no one to hang with.
>>17045043
Trust me, its pretty damn important, when your down in the dumps and need a pick up, friends are invaluable. that and having fun is always nice, whether your going out and hitting the clubs or staying home and gaming.
>>17045087
>my childhood crew disbanded
>my college crew lives too far away
this statement apply to me far too much to be comfortable
>>17045043
My first "crew" has kinda dissipated and it's a definite bummer. But, I have a few new ones, so it's not so bad. (Work crew, party crew, etc.) It's better than being a lone wolf. People to have your back, support getting shit done - plus no one fucks with you when you have a group of pals that work together.
I highly recommend it, but I do miss my original crew.
>>17045043
>In your personal experience how important is having a crew/squad/tribe?
It is important until you are about 22, after that you realise who are your real friends are and that you can't do stupid shit, otherwise you end up being that group of 30yo guys going on lads holidays and drinking in night clubs hitting on 19yo girls.
>>17045131
And what's wrong with being that group? That group is a ton of fun. Much better than sitting in your house with your fat wife watching Netflix shows until it's time for bed and back to the office.
>>17045142
1/2
Because you don't ever grow up, you aren't taken seriously by your colleagues and women won't take you seriously if you are known to be sniffing around kids.
Before you finish university, lads holidays are a great life experience, after uni, they are a reminder of how much fun you had together, once you have a real job, they are just sad.
If you are trying to become a supervisor or manager, you aren't going to be taken seriously if you tell your colleagues "me and the lads are going to Zante/Ibiza", you don't sound responsible, you don't sound like management material.
When you are trying to meet women, the younger ones become disillusioned once they realise that you are just an old cunt who never grew up, or they have daddy issues.
The women your age see you as a child.
There are very few crews/squads/tribes that mature, you will learn what friends you can call for help at 4am by the age of 22, once you don't have to spend time together, you learn who really has time for you.
I was in a crew of 20 lads when I was at university, we went on lads holidays, backpacking, the gym, you name it, we overtook entire sections of bars, clubs and restaurants, we all knew everything about one another, I thought I had friends for life, we all did, any time someone's birthday came around, we all went out to any city, it was mental.
Then by the time we had finished uni, we all got jobs and moved to different places, we all vowed to meet for birthdays, before you knew it, we all struggled to get time off from work or due to other commitments, we didn't have the expendable income to book hotel rooms and get pissed when we had girlfriends, mortgages, kids and weddings.
You all sort of fall apart, you keep in contact with a few, you see some every other year at most, the others you lose contact with, stop talking to or you only hear from when they want something.
>>17045224
Letting you post part 2 before I reply...
>>17045224
2/2
>>17045142
From that group of 20 I talk to 3 every other month and 3 once a year at most, I tried getting into contact with others after not speaking for about 2 years but I just realised how much had changed and how far we grew apart, or in some cases how many I simply tolerated because they were in the group.
When any of us get married, we invite the whole group, my wedding had the best turnout, 10 from the group showed up, invites were sent out 9 months in advance, some didn't even have the decency to give an answer until I called them.
We get our group picture any time we meet up, but they happen every 2 - 3 years, even then we are lucky to have even half of us show up.
If you want to figure out who your real friends are, look at your group, figure out who you think would help you if you needed it at 4am and were 50 miles away, then half that number, then you have a high estimate.
Yes, going out drinking may seem like more fun than how you think married life is, but in reality you refine your circle of friends, you go out and do things with your wife (she only gets fat if you let her, which is why you date a cardio bunny, not someone who did sports at uni), you go on interesting holidays, you go on double dates with friends and you have the income to just do anything you fancy.
The point of life is working to live, you aren't living if you get blackout drunk with your boys, you aren't living if you spend load of cash on getting pissed in another country for a week, you aren't living if your weekends consist of talking shit with people who are only around you because of the group.
Eventually, you have to grow up, that's the hardest realisation when you grow up, for me that was at 28yo, many from my group realised around the same time, some sooner, some still try to live like they are 20.
>>17045043
Very important.
My "crew" and I have known each other for +15 years.
>>17045241
Sorry, had a bit more to add to it before I was ready to post it.
I'm not talking about a crew that just wants to party and do stupid shit, I'm talking about a crew that also grows with you.
I've noticed myself that I'm at my fullest and most masculine when I'm hanging out with a group of like-minded friends.
Not just people who want to party, but people who are also working on things, building businesses, etc.
What I read on the Internet is that you have to be completely or 90% or so self-reliant, and I've never felt like that has helped me, I've always felt that I'm best with a crew.
So I wanted to know how many people felt the same/shared similar feelings.
Looks like enough to confirm my theory, alright.
>>17045043
>hugely beneficial for self-development.
Indeed!
My crew and I are what would be called tough guys. It started innocent enough. We just hung around and played cards. It developed into something more after a while. Now, twice a week we make an effort to have tickle parties and bubble bath night. You're not living until you get tickled by big strong hands in a bubble bath. This is the secret to many ancient cultures such as the Romans. Gladiators for example gained loyalty and trust with each other by being naked and having sex with each other.
>>17045224
>>17045245
Cool, I'm 29, let me paint another picture here (also, you write like a good friend of mine who went to Manchester and is your age... ever know a Luke? I'm from the US though).
My childhood gang and I have done some of what you mentioned - grown up, moved away, gotten real jobs, that kind of thing. I'm a corporate marketing executive for an internationally recognized brand, but I haven't given up on holidays and trips with the gang. I go out of my way to get together with them, and they do the same (despite as alluding to, some people have fallen off). I've got a couple of groups, but I'm going on 5 different holidays with the groups this year, all of which will be partying and fun - hitting on girls and getting drunk. We can do this kind of thing now because we all have money.
Work takes me seriously because I know how to separate fun and business, women take me seriously because I have a great job and I haven't succumbed to a "dad bod" or given up on experiencing life.
The people that I know that have fallen off, with your mindset, are married and are MISERABLE. Life has become going through the motions, never seeing the days they used to love again.
I live a super fun life, not that everything's perfect. But I leave for New York in 2 days and I'm going to spend the whole time at bars yucking it up with my friends. Being at home having to deal with a kid sounds awful.
>>17045266
Also, this guy has a point. Having a crew or lads or whatever you want to call them doesn't necessarily mean it's all for partying. We're all successful as fuck people edging 30 who give each other great advice, work towards amazing things, but can still party when it counts.
>>17045043
Every normalfag in this thread needs to be lined up against a wall
>>17045321
They are all codependent betas if you ask me.
>>17045295
>>17045307
This guy gets it. Thanks for sharing your experience!
>>17045224
Thank you for giving an opposing viewpoint. Although I don't agree it was a good contrast.
>>17045331
a normalfag can be codependent
still need to donate lead
It's important if you have one and meaningless if you don't.
>>17045321
aren't you an edgy specimen my friend
>>17045357
You don't belong here, get the fuck out back to Facebook
>>17045365
my sekrit club
go back to /r9k/, loser
>>17045353
Like a girlfriend or a job.
>>17045370
Kill yourself after you realize you have no friends normalfag
Family aside, the only person you have in life is yourself.
>>17045365
Sorry, didn't realize this was a super secret club..
I'm sorry man, it is actually nice having friends. You should try it at one point.
>>17045043
You realize that nobody you befriend is truly loyal. Look at the "mob" for example. They take a blood oath, do deeds together, yet they turn on each other when it's right for them. Be a man and don't count on others to make you feel important.
>>17045381
It is a secret club and you're not it in it fucking normalscum
>>17045393
That's not what this is about. It's about being an empowered individual and seeking to increase that power with a group of other likeminded individuals.
We're social animals, and there's a lot of power in being social with people who are like yourself.
>>17045413
>empowered individual
>individual
There you have it. Don't count on anyone but yourself. If you want friends, have friends,you want work buddies, have them too, but don't count on them to 'empower' you. Most people are incredibly selfish and only in it for themselves and leave or backstab once they get what they want.
>>17045393
>be a man and hide from potential risk
nice defence
>>17045439
Or you're man enough that you don't get yourself run over by anyone, and can make the right friends that are actually there for you and won't fuck you over.
Must suck having no one that has your back.
>>17045440
>not knowing when risk outweighs benefit
You'll part ways sooner or later.
>>17045451
>needing someone on your back
Sorry I don't like men behind me because im not a faggot
>>17045451
It must suck counting on others to have your back. Only you have your back.
When you get older,wiser, you'll learn.
>>17045483
Old enough to know they still do.
>>17045501
How old are you? In your 20's? Wait a bit.
Your self-development is lacking if you have to get defensive.
>>17045043
Literally the only reason why I haven't gone off the deep end. My three buddies and I used to hang out almost every day in high school. We all go to different colleges but over breaks we hang out as much as possible like old times. I love my m8s
>>17045291
Kek
>>17045088
>blame your feminist movement and the rise of the SJW females.
Lmao wot m8
This squad shit is negro talk.
But I have a pair of buddies I go to the gym with and see multiple times a week.
They keep me sane and happy.
I'd kill for them, to be honest.
Being with people you trust is important.
>>17046364
This.
The whole "yo, this here's muh squad/posse/crew" is stupid. However, in essence, for a man, it is so important to have heterocentric relationships. Other guys you shoot the shit with, play sports, drink, and talk girls with 95% of the time, and 5% of the time have meaningful conversations. Without that, Psychologists have found that depression is almost inevitable for them.
Interestingly enough, even gay men have to have heterocentric, non-romantic relationships in their life, or else they could suffer from depression. It's a really great thing to have other guys you hang out with, AND can be deep with on occasion.
>>17046382
So true.
It's some old remnant of some tribal behaviour.
Humans are pack hunters.
We need to be in a group to exist.
That's why war brothers are the tightest fucking bond any human can make.
The best we can do as civvies is have some good bros we can trust.
Just have a beer, eat some good food, and talk once a week. If a man doesn't do that, he goes crazy.
>>17046393
>Just have a beer, eat some good food, and talk once a week. If a man doesn't do that, he goes crazy.
Bingo. That's what we need, connection, belonging.
>>17046393
Spot on about the military. I've heard it said that after a while, you're not fighting for your flag, your country, or even your survival. You're fighting for your brother, right there in the shit with you.
I used to suffer from severe depression. I attempted suicide and thought I would be miserable for the rest of my life. I actually ended up at a church that had small groups that met during the week instead of just the sunday service. I joined one, and every week, all we do is drink beer, talk about school and sports and girls, and support each other when we need it. I think that's why a lot of religions are successful: when they promote fellowship instead of isolation, it just works.
Since joining this small group, I've been able to actually get off antidepressant medications, been happier, been more confident with girls weirdly enough, and even have gotten closer to God.
So, OP, yes - your "crew" is extremely important. Just don't be a faggot about it, and act like you have an entourage or something.
