Didn't get the job. Kinda feels bad man...
im doing everything againsy my better judgement and silencing it to trust you!
![4017772540_2005277238_o[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/MVq7QRG.jpg "4017772540_2005277238_o[1].jpg")
>>17037949
What a great opportunity to start something online, OP!
Pseudo girlfriend pseudo cheated on me. Roommates had to be kicked out, Lost my job, got a shitter job and lost that too. Despaired for like two months.
Tried to kill myself and failed.
Tried to kill myself again and got interrupted and then decided to work on myself and it seems to be slowly coming together. Therapists and social workers just depress me further. Maybe next week will be the week things get better for me or maybe I'm further punishing myself and need to die sooner then later. Can't quite make up my mind. Feels like I'm not good enough for anything.
>>17037974
What skills do you have, anon?
>>17037990
I dropped out of college,
I did have some experience in rebuilding engine but, I don't want to go back into that line of work.
>Feeling lonely
>Read online that parks are a good place to meet new people
>Only people there are a couple
Feel even worse now.
I fucked up with a girl and tried to make it right by texting her thinking I fucked up even more but it was fixed and then I texted her more and fucked it all up again even bigger this time and there's no going back from it. Somebody stop me.
I was offered a job but had to decline mid training. I lied and said the job wasn't for me but it was actually because I was putting off the drug test and I couldn't stay off opiates sfor a week. Now I'm kicking myself in the ass for being such a pathetic fucking loser
I haven't been accepted into grad school, my ego gets shot down. Then I don't function as well socially, which makes it worse. Rinse and repeat. Soon I will have no self respect left.
>>17037949
>exchange messages with a girl for a couple of weeks
>all during this time she's in the middle of exams
>turns out that exams will go on for at least a month longer
>decide to just ask her out, since there's no end of exams in sight
>no answer in over a week
I'm tempted to contact her again and say that the timing was wrong and try to just talk for a while longer, but then again I'm not sure if it's even worth it.
>>17038227
My advice would be to go for your next target, maybe you will get an answer later.
Days like today make me just want to quit my job.
I work for an auditing/accounting company. The client that I was with today had some serious issues in this particular store regarding their procedures. I basically took shit from these fucking scrubs for 10 hours today because I wouldn't just fold over and work the numbers to their advantage or give them a pass on this or that. I stuck to my guns the whole day and it was just confrontation after confrontation. I've got to go to the office tomorrow morning and do some shit but as soon as I got home I poured a nice fat glass of bourbon.
You're not my fucking boss asshole.
I'm not here "working for you."
I don't "have to do what you say."
I'm here on account of your corporate office and your company's owners/shareholders to ensure that you fucking maggots are doing what you're supposed to with the nearly 4 million dollars in your building. If your shit is not in line it's your fucking fault and yours alone if you get pulled for an audit. It's my job to ensure the accuracy and consistency of the audit.
None of this bullshit would matter to me if it were not for the survey. They have a service survey that they fill out on me to give them an opportunity for input and he fucking grilled me on it. This fucking guy just made shit up and put it on there to make me look bad. Now I've got to count on the support of my superior and that's asking a lot because he's not really the kind of guy to go to bat for us.
>>17039550
Deloitte?
I don't know if I should ask if you want to hang out sometime.
My mom told me she wants me to go on a service trip in college. She framed it as her thinking it would be a good experience, but she's just guilting me into it. Problem is I don't have any friends and I have no reason to believe that will ever change even if I go on this trip.
I think I naturally endear myself to my professors because I'm disgustingly ugly and have no confidence. There really is no better feeling in the world than receiving approval from a professor or any authority figure for that matter. It just makes me feel so good about myself.
I purchased a 60 dollar video game that isn't even out yet because the most advertised character is a cute girl. I wish I wasn't so easy to manipulate.
My friend basically guilt tripped me into buying a 60 dollar video game for him. He made up some bullshit story about his mother getting angry at how he spends his money, but I knew he told me that because he knew I would buy it for him.
When I get older and have my own income, I look forward to the possibility of paying a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend for a few hours. I'm not even after sex, I would just like to see what it would be like to have one.
>> secretly and slowly fell in love with a stranger in a short amount of time despite still having a partner for 5 five years. Severed connection with stranger but feels awful about it. Don't know how to cope and heal.
wrote a longer version but no one cares so this'll do
I'm 31, married and have a kid.
I can't help but still think about my first love. We met in 6th grade and had a very sexual experience at the start of our sophomore year. He was the funniest person I've ever met.
Is it normal to still think about your first love?
>>17039550
Fight the good fight, anon. I had a boss who supported me in a similar situation. Wish you had support for doing what's right.
I love her hair, her eyes, and her toothy smile. I just want to invite her over to watch cartoons so I can hold her.
>>17039598
I think it's less about your first love but what you're not getting from your current situation with husband and kid. It's normal to miss the freedom of that earlier time. Hope that your husband can understand that and give you the attention or freedom to feel more "alive" like you were back then
ECT is on Monday instead of Wednesday like we originally planned, because I'm feeling more tired and depressed than usual so maybe every 7 days is better than every 10.
By Tuesday I will hopefully have figured out what kind of novel I actually want to write, since apparently I don't want to write a novel-length piece of Star Wars fanfiction.
Next week I'll hopefully have also started writing my (planned to be) 16-page project for Amazon's Kindle store, which is erotica, and which I have stopped taking commissions in order to write.
I also keep fantasizing about being able to kick as high as my head -- which I used to be able to do. Maybe it's about time to start taking martial arts classes again; I was thinking kickboxing or Krav Maga. I'll need access to a car for that though, which unfortunately I don't have. :\
>>17039589
I'm tempted to say you're a terrible person; but I know I would only be projecting and there's enough of that as it is on this board. I just..don't see how you can fall in love with a stranger? Or how you justify it; I mean after being together for 5 years and then emotionally cheating on your partner like that it's fucked. But I also understand you can't really help the attraction..I guess what bothers me is that women are like that. That they CANT help it. And that really makes for a depressing truth to accept, but s truth nonetheless.
I know better than to take what you say while you're intoxicated to heart.
I'm quite infatuated with you, idk. But I'm not as gullible as I first was.
I told you aloud that I don't really trust you anymore. I promise I meant it.
There's something about me that makes me cycle back to your toxicity.
Are you toxic or just confused?
I have an Oedipus complex.
Not like I would fuck my mom, but I used to have a bunch of agression towards my dad, and my mom was usually on my side. There is a weird tension between my parents and I, but they seem to have a really strong, happy marriage.
I'm visiting my parents right now, and we had a few glasses of wine with dinner. They pulled out a bunch of my grandma's photo albums that I've never seen before, and there were a bunch of pervy photos of my mom and aunt. Like that was most of the photos, just them in different skimpy outfits doing stuff. They lived in Hawaii on a military base for a few years, and my grandpa took a lot of photos. My grandma divorced him soon after their time in Hawaii. My dad just kept saying "you've got a hot mom dude"
My grandpa is a really weird guy. I've only met him a few times, but he seemed really childish, unintelligent, and obsessive (he also had a successful career as a VA therapist after his time in Vietnam) I worry that I've inherited his pervy vibes. My parents are both really attractive, cool, happy people, and I just feel like fat weirdo. I have a really strange family and I just had to write this down. Sorry for any mistakes I'm pretty drunk.
>>17039628
Post pics of your sexy mom dude
>>17039598
God damn! In a similar situation! . (jj) moved away long ago, we didn't end well. But we never had a proper chance. Keep thinking about her these days. In hs we had lost contact but a few years went by and we reunited! She lived so close to a friend of mine and couldn't believe it! Now I wonder if she's back and if she's nearby again! I just need to talk to her! If she hates me then let her tell me! I miss my friend! I miss her! I miss the time we spent and never had because I was such a coward to call off my other relationship!
>>17039614
You may have hit the nail on the coffin...my husband plays a lot of vidya.
>>17039631
Nope. Why did my grandma keep these photos? There are some bad ones. I'm so confused. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks they're weird.
>>17039643
Don't deny my request so and expect me to respond seriously to your next question. Fuck you; fat motherfucker (in your dreams)
>>17039613
Why don't you?
>>17039647
Pls no bully. I don't even want to look at the photos myself. Does anyone want to talk to me about this?
>>17039660
>>17039647
get a room
>>17039638
Ugh, sorry anon. Me and the man have been through phases like that- due to jobs and hobbies. Hope you can talk to him about it. Eroticism and love are opposite ends of the pendulum- they need to be managed by both people in a marriage. good luck!
I'm so fucking sick of you being so hard on yourself for the smallest bullshit and joking about legitimately wanting to die as if it doesn't matter and wouldn't hurt me, the person you claim to love so damn much. Just fucking open up to me and let me help you and make you happy.
When I was young I couldn't understand why people were so racist towards black people. But now I see why, half the black population are nothin but a bunch of useless niggas who do nothing but inconvenience, hurt and hold down the lives of everyone around them. I saw that full fledged today and it's a fucking disgrace that after all these years the black community has almost nothing to show worth a damn. It's just all going more and more downhill.
>>17039682
That's the thing... You can't make your love happy. He/she needs to want to help him/herself. (sorry, probably not the same situation but speaking as someone who has loved an alcoholic... Feels pretty helpless)
roomates dad is my land lord. He hates roommate because reasons.
He decided that utilities are no longer part of the rent, gave us a week late bill and the proceded to shut the power and water off himself.
we will not have power or water this entire weekend and he still wants us to pay regualr rent with added utilities now.
I've been here 3 weeks and I'm moving out again.
>>17039669
Says the cocksucker self pitying on one of these threads
>>17039669
>>17039709
I don't understand what either of these posts is trying to say.
I can't wait to get out of this town.
It's the only thought that keeps me going.
Just got stood up. Damn. Why are girls so damn flaky? It's not nice to make plans for a date and then you cancel at the last minute.
>>17039622
Idk maybe you are projecting. I'm a guy and I'm the same way. Sort of. Been together longer than 5 years and keep thinking of some girl for a while now. It's a strong feeling. Hard to shake it. I maybe mistaking it for love Cus I feel she'll always have a place in my heart. All I'm saying is that it happens to guys too.
>>17039769
You know the old saying. "Fuck dat bitch!"
My mom tried to kill herself tonight. She called me drunk and belligerent, which isn't uncommon, and I told her I wasn't into it tonight. I noticed about an hour later that she had messaged me "I'm sorry". An EMT answered her phone. She's going to be okay, at least physically, but I don't know what her life will be like after this. If she'll lose her job, how she'll be mentally/emotionally.... And I feel like the most selfish person alive, but I don't know that I can bear the burden of my emotionally abusive mother demanding even more of my energy and sanity because I'm one of the only people in her life who can and/or will give her any kind of support.
I'm glad she's going to be alright, though. I don't know what I would have done had I woken up to the news that my one remaining parent had committed suicide after I'd refused to talk to her. I love my mom.
What a way to start the weekend.
>>17039682
As someone with depression, I do those things to cope, but I know it distresses my partner, so I try not to say those things aloud around him. Calmly tell this person that these jokes are very hard for you to listen to, even if they are just jokes, you can't lightly listen to someone you care about talk that way. Hopefully they'll be responsive. But keep in mind, it has literally nothing to do with you. They don't love you less for expressing their issues in that manner. Suicide isn't about hurting or sparing others, it's an inability to deal with the self. Don't freak out at them, but also don't try to fix them. Encourage them to see a professional if they're really having problems.
>>17039622
Not that guy but it can happen both ways, mane.
>>17039795
I know that feeling as well.
Similar story.
Been with gf for about 8 years. There was a break in the relationship 4 years ago. During that time I met someone else, we never became a couple, but something was different and I guess I became infatuated with her. I think about this other girl from time to time, despite having a gf. Until recently not knowing why, and my therapist tossed a small tidbit of an idea in my head and I think he might have been right.
For me, what it could be, is that with the other girl I was actually myself, my true self. Right off the bat I felt comfortable and enjoyed spending time with the other one.
Now in this relationship, even though its been going for years, I don't quite feel comfortable exposing the full me. I care about my gf, but I feel like I won't be as free with her as I was with the one that for a moment caught my fancy.
I somewhat gave up on being happy a long time ago. Just I just deal with it and stick with the gf because of her happiness.
Or it just be the grass seems greener and shit.
>>17040052
You cannot do this alone. No one has the right to demand their value from you. She needs therapy. You need therapy. Alanon for families helped me, but just being somewhere to know there are loads of relationships that are disfunctional as yours helps. And seeing the outcomes. Those who remain are fucked and those who get out and get help have life.
I don't see any reason to continue existing. I'm done trying. I have nothing to live for and I'm an unlovable piece of shit.
Lucky no one in my life gives a fuck about me. Lucky everyone will be better off with me gone.
Lucky I'm utterly worthless.
I just wanna get my own apartment and live the hell out of the place I live now.
> inb4 not living with paretns
> parents live 1000 miles away
> work/college/life on my own for the past three/four years
Ah, anon that deleted that story.
Thanks either way. In a strange way, although fucked up, it's oddly warming to read of those with the same feels.
>>17037949
I think I might be autistic.
While talking to new people, I feel real uneasy, and sometimes I panic unless there is a videogame in between. This is why I dropped high school, I dreaded oral lessons to the point that when the teacher asked me to do i would always say no and if they told me that i was gonna get a 1 if so, I said so be it.
I finished high school by studying night turn though, but for that reason I don't wanna go to college. That reason is why I can't seem to get a job too, since I get way to fucking nervous while getting interviewed.
I don't know what to do with myself, my neet life is 2 years old already and I want to kill myself
There's a virgin thread on soc and everyone's being lovey dovey and posting bridal lingerie and romanticizing abstinence and it made me feel so fucking hard
I had 2 girls suck my cock when I was 18 and I regret it so much. Wish I was a real virgin.
>>17040259
Lol any girl who calls herself a virgin has sucked dick and taken it up the ass
I know it may as well have been a rejection as she left it where she does not know when she's free, but I still am holding onto some hope that she actually does not know and will offer a Time sometime this week.
I feel so good sometimes now that you're gone, Harry. Really, really good. Cause you know you hurt me and stressed me out so much.
But right now.. And other times, I feel so fucking broken. Ive done everything I can to fix things, I really tried, and I'm so exhausted by all of this. I cared so much. I worried about you. A lot. I'm such a mess. You really ruined my life
...
Maybe I am not destined to feel happy. I expected too much.
RUINED. TWO. FUCKING. TIMES.
>>17040125
For her happiness? Damn! Sometimes I feel the same way! I knew the other girl for sometime. We were best friends. and maybe it is a case of grass and I don't like it. Anyway, that giving up on happiness is exactly the same thing I'm doing. I know this is mixing up shit and maybe out of topic to what we're talking about but I keep thinking to myself, fuck this. I should leave and just find myself.
>>17040407
You and I may be cut from the same cloth. As those are my sentiments as well. Things seem stable and okay with my gf. She feels that I am her "one", sadly the more I think about it, the more I see that she isn't mine. Sometimes what you love does not love you. So I continue to stand by her side as at least I know someone is happy with me.
There have been so many times that thought of "fuck this" has popped into my mind. Then it's immediately destroyed by the voice that speaks "why leave? Nothing will change, you'll be unhappy either way, at least here you serve a purpose, at least here you aren't alone".
What can we do about it?
If you can leave, do so. It may be what you need. Finding yourself is a hard tasj to take on, because people like us (if correct) have no idea where to start. It's like looking for a treasure you once heard, but you have no map, and no clue about it.
Found out my crush is into my roommate and lifelong friend, not angry, not even sad, just a zero, emptiness, i just want to sleep for a long time
>>17040444
Wana cuddle? I was "dating" a friend and I ended up liking him a lot. I told him I wanted to be something more, but he's probably going to date a slut he has a crush on even if she lives miles away.
I don't even have a strength to drink, I just want to sleep
>>17040419
In regards the voice that tells you to stay "because you'll be unhappy anyway", don't listen to it. Instead, be unhapppy by yourself. Lol maybe a ridiculous way of looking at shit but it works for me. I look at all these famous people like the rock, Kobe, any actor I like and I think to myself, these motherfuckers have all done amazing things in their life and it's amazing! Why do I not go out, find myself by doing my own thing. My happiness means something to me too. I'm not really aiming to be an actor, or an athlete. But I want to look back at my life and be satisfied. Can't do that if I'm pleasing someone else.
There's so many things going on in my life in regard to life and love that it's hard to just stick to one in this post. But just remember you're happiness means something man. Mine too and I'll keep fighting, you should too.
And hopefully, one day, I run into my old friend. hopefully she talks to me, kicks my ass, tells me I'm the worst friend ever, or simply turns and walks away when she sees me. Maybe then I will be happy as fuck knowing she never wants to actually talk to me.
Wish you the best. And break up with your girl man.
>>17040458
I feel for you, the more i got to know this girl, the more i thought this match was "made in heaven", music, and science, and hobbies and all. That's the irony of romance i guess, you get too much into it, you'll get hurt pretty bad
So... well. Posted this before but I think it must be lost at the archive, didn't get responses when I was still up to it. Gotta greentext it.
>2013, went back to school
>I was pretty asocial but eventually that faded away with people I met
>2014, new girl in class, friends tell me she kinda fancied me, I thought they were joking
>some time later she starts approaching me more, chit chat and the usual shit, laughs at my jokes
>late 2014 I see her again, the usual but I'm attracted to her, so what do I do? Like an idiot I get away from her, ignore her and decide I'm not worthy
>she ends up giving me the cold shoulder as well, deservedly so
>I get more popular, she gets less successful, she fades away, I notice she's no longer in the class (she was the sort of unpopular shy kind of girl, didn't even use social media much)
>late 2015, I have a friend that's in class with her, she just tells me that this girl says hi
>some weeks ago discuss with someone how I regret a few things in life, one of them not talking to this girl more
>just by random chance one week later she gets my number and talks to me
>"hey anon how are you doing? I'm now kinda following a different path, I want to become a decent chef, I always loved cooking, oh hey I need to go it's been a pleasure talking to you [insert some random kiss emojis here]"
>Now I kinda want to talk to her but I spent a whole week with my phone in my hand unable to do so
I don't know how to get rid of this fucking feeling. I'm starting to hate myself quite a lot and I take her perspective into account now which makes things worse. Friends been telling me to text her and I'm just like that kid in that nickelodeon show being pretty fucking stupid and not getting the thingie while everyone's shouting at him.
>>17040419
Also if you are happy with your girl, consider doing stuff for yourself. Break up doesn't necessarily have happen. But you can do stuff for yourself too. I know a few couples that do shit by themselves. Both had to travel for school and that kept happening for years. They're still together. So I guess there's always options. Take care man.
>>17040173
it doesn't matter to matter
I'm so fucking anxious for exams coming up and all the revision still left to do. On top of this i'm depressed and it's fucking up my life rn. my crush is haunting my dreams and i wake most mornings extremely sweaty which leaves me even more depressed and when i'm like that i find it so difficult to communicate, think on the spot or just feel comfortable around other people, even my family. It's also impossible to revise when you just want to sit alone and read or listen to music or play games.
this becomes a catch 22 situation and i don't know how to get out of it.
>>17040496
Have you considered playing sports? I used to play basket ball and it worked wonders. I suck at basketball. I barely know the rules but goddamn was it ever uplifting, exhausting and cleared my mind.
i'm so fucking infatuated with someone i will never meet lmao.
We'll never be together again. The thing is i think about you every second of my life.When i go to sleep, i see every time we were together. But when i wake up, you're not here.
I've been alone my whole life because others rejected me, so i cloaked myself into a shell of solitude.
Yet i wanted you to know a part of me nobody knows. Yet i've gone beyond what i'm capable of to make you love me. You did, but for a short moment.
And there comes the times when we were together. When we were not only two, but one.
And then comes the mornings when i wake up, alone, empty of your touch, your smile, your presence.
And then comes again my life, a never-ending circle of suffering, because you're not here, because...
We'll never be together again.
Took a handful of Gababentin last night because I wanted to die. Didn't die. Slept for 14 hours. Now I feel like I can do anything.
My doctor is giving me monthly free samples of a $300+ drug on the down low to help me lose weight, because my insurance won't cover it. My doctor's cool as fuck. She's going to get the snazziest Christmas card I can find this year.
It's so frustrating!
I really like you, but I'm holding off on saying anything because it's close to the end of school and everyone's trying to get shit done. I wouldn't want to pressure you even further, but I know that when school ends I won't be able to meet up face to face for a good while (Almost until school starts) and I'm worried that I might lose my chance. But I also don't want to lose the friendship we have right now because you're just awesome to be around regardless.
ugh, why does my brain always do this. This is the second time something like this has happened and I messed the first time up and I'm terrified that I'm going to mess up again.
>>17040530
This could be written by me.
I wrote in the letters thread about thinking they wanted only sex and how in love I am. How real our relationship is. How I never knew if they really knew me, that I'm afraid to let them go. How glad I was they followed me home
I'm a woman
R
>>17040577
Hey pal.
I've been in this situation and I can tell you that at least you should have means to contact each other. Otherwise it's going to be harder.
I mean sure thing you probably should wait until shit's almost done, you're still going to see each other. I'm sure you'll have a few days after that in which you will still see each other. Don't lose that chance.
I'm so tired of being stupid. My thoughts are so sluggish.
I just want to be alone and laugh at internet shit. that's all I really cherish.
>>17040444
Time to cock-block.
>>17040605
Honestly I'd take the second one myself
I can't stop thinking of you. I go to the places we were and see you a thousand times again when I'm gone in places we've never been but I've seen them with you, I walk through your eyes and relate to myself all you would tell me, we coexist in a time zone controlled by external forces, and the strength of our love persists, I won't leave you, I can't leave you, I'm so in love with you, that your heart and soul finds me, leads me and comforts me with your gracious presence again. I gift you. and we live, we do. Be mine! Please
I tell myself sometimes, I've fucked it up
It's all fallen apart
So I can't be surprised when it does
I was beyond that
I overcame some of the worst odds
Shared out to me
And anyway
It's better now
You confuse me. But I will learn.
>>17040472
Nut up pussy.
There, you got a (you)
The trust was there
I opened up in a way I had with no one
Why did they take it away?
Emotions surfaced
Never before
Definitions of mood
He made me feel something
So strongly
Being misunderstood
Mattered to me
We can read each other
A connection, before it is spoken
They tried to take him
They knew he was everything
But he was stronger than that
His kindness bored them
They ran to escape
Like me
Yet not the same
Anywhere else
Good
It wasn't a place for those games
Breaking minds
Controlling expectations
Acting like
Anyone would believe them
It kinda odd. She essentially rejected me but is still taking the time to send me grammatically correct messages.
If she really just wanted to reject me she would not care about grammar
>>17039704
Renters have rights in most places, what he's doing might be illegal. It's stupid being caught in the middle of something just because he wants to prove a point to his son.
>>17037949
>21
>Trying Tinder route to get grills
>Get match
>Kindacutefatgirl.jpeg
>She keeps blowing me off
Fine fuck it, I don't need to settle anyway, so I am ignoring all her texts but fuck sometimes I wanna reply...I know I am better then settling for a fat girl that clearly has no intention of bettering her self physically but I have always had low self esteem and I want to get that low hanging fruit sometimes.
I had a couple of interviews lately, I'm hopeful I will get an offer from at least one of them, but I'm worried they may both reject me. I don't know what I'll do if I get an offer from both, I don't want to think about it because I don't want to give myself false hope.
I got fired from my last job, and I feel like that's going to look bad on me, but they cared enough to ask me to interview so maybe not? I'm still worried. I'm also kinda bummed because I've worked a long time and neither of these jobs is a huge step up, but I guess everyone has to start somewhere. Part of me is also afraid of a full time job. Being unemployed these past few weeks has felt like a weight has been lifted. I'm free and happy but I know that can't last. I'll run out of money and need work eventually. fml, I wish I could just work and do what I enjoy and not work for a living. I think I'd feel more fulfilled then.
I hate my fucking husband. I HATE this dude. Ex-husband, actually. But we have 2 kids together and we love them but we hate each other. It makes me cry. I still remember when we loved each other. We loved each other for a long long time. We spent every day and night together for 7 years. We had great sex. We talked. He loved me. Then he started to hate me because I wasn't keeping the house clean enough. I married a fucking Nazi. I hate him so much. It hurts SO bad. I didn't get FAT like all his friends' wives. I guess he just wants a big fat fucking wife who doesn't care about sex, just a fat fucking hausfrau well that's not me. I'm GLAD because I cheated on him dozens of times. I cheated on him two nights ago with someone. Went to their posh hotel and fucked. Yeah. I haven't had sex with my husband in 4 years. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.
That didn't take me long, I knew I would fail.
So tonight i'm going somewhere where I'm sure to get my already broken heart broken again. Why can't I stop feeling? Why can't I stop feeling? There's no drug on earth that can make me stop feeling.
Please don't hurt me again. Please don't hurt me any more.
Today I'm going to go get my laptop inspected at an Apple Store only to be told it'll cost $300 to be repaired because I'm certain the motherboard is fried. I don't have that money.
On Monday I'm going to study hard and catch up on my Japanese work.
On Tuesday I'm going to a birthday party with people who like me and people who don't like me, and by the end of it they're all going to be in love with me.
On Wednesday I'm hanging out at a friends house all day. Probably gonna go shopping.
Thursday I'll stay at home and work on music.
Friday I'll do the same.
Then on Saturday I'm leaving. I won't leave behind a single trace or a single memory or anything. I'm going to run. Im going to spend the night wandering the city and I'm either going to sit on the rooftop of a shopping centre and watch the stars and sunrise, or I'm going to jump off and end my life. I haven't decided yet. It'll depend on my mood. But I won't be coming back home. I'm excited.
>>17040672
Ha ha
I like this post
Thank you for
Idk, this post
Is is not rejection
Idk what it is though
>>17040737
Is this pasta?
>>17040758
I was saying that when a girl is typically interested in a guy they would write out grammatically correct messages in an attempt to impress them.
But this one has stated that she does not know when she's free next by saying this "I'll have to see. I usually play it by ear everyday. Lol" for all intents that is a rejection. But she is still sending even the rejections as grammatically correct messages.
I laid all the cards of my life out for you
As we learn about each other
And now I feel it's your time to make the first move
And let's do it again
Don't let it kill you
It's not worth it
Your life is gold
It's not money
It's not powder
It's not a pill
It's not drinking alcohol and pacing
until you
Don't know who you are
Who you were
Is who you are
And who you are
Is beautiful
Another chance
>>17040510
I just went cycling, conquering an 'infamous hill' near me. It helps a lot and i kinda realised i needed it after writing this. thanks
>>17040790
No probs man. Get better!
My ex went from being a loving person to an abusive jerk. He also became spineless, bending over to his batshit religious parents' will and started to buy into their medieval point of view. His entire familiy is toxic and abusive and nothing I said was getting to him.
I wish I could have saved him but the only thing I can do is save myself from him. If he had better, more loving parents, things might have turned out differently for us.
I've managed to lose all my friends. I knew I would too. I had this premonitions about three weeks ago that it was going to happen after I ran over a cat, but desu this was a long time coming. People can only put up with a drunk burn out for so long before they cut you out of their lives. I shouldn't be surprised. I thought I felt lonely before, but this is another level.
>>17040648
Know what nigga I'm going to do it
If I can't do this why would I deserve her attention
I fucking hate being poor. Why did I have to lose my job? Losing my job probably just screwed me out of going to my dream school because I can't afford the fucking application fee. I've been applying for jobs like CRAZY and I had two job interviews last weeks and I got rejected for both and now more than EVER in my life I need a stable source of income and I'm so fucking frustrated and I can't even buy myself a drink or a fucking pack of smokes.
>>17040903
You probably did. I get mad about the house not being clean. When I had two jobs, I would come home I would clean, wash clothes, put away the clothes, and everything else that needed to be done. Useless she was. Now she works and the house is still a mess. She was doing okay with helping clean but it's starting to go downhill again. It bothers me that it's the most fucking easiest thing to do when the house is dirty. I have no other problems with Persay but not having the house clean gets to me and ultimately makes me think we're different people.
>>17040953
Wrong reply or are you trying to imply I was a lazy shit who deserved his abuse? If you meant the latter, please shut the fuck up with this misogynistic /r9k/ bullshit that assumes women are the ones always causing problems.
I've never been blessed with a good life.
Not especially ugly, but not attractive enough for nice girls, so never had a GF. Worked a shitty low wage for years, lived with parents, saved up money while lost pretty much all my friends.
Now I'm free of that shit job and looking to do some travel and find a settle down and start over. Making plans to head out west next month and getting hopeful.
Now the last few days I'm getting weird palpitations in chest, feeling like I'm choking now and then and can't sleep. Going to my doctor Monday.
If this is what I think it is and he asks why am I not in the hospital...
FML
I fucking hate this social stigma that you're required to be in a relationship. I do not need to be in one and I NEVER had the desire for it. But of course there is always this fucking peer pressure about it be it quiet judgement or looks of bewilderment, usually one of those extremes whenever someone asks about it.
>>17040741
>I would fail.
That's probably why you failed, anon.
This is fucking hilarious...
>met you through this site
>years together
>towards the end, find you in a general to both our amusement
>you break my heart and leave
>meet someone else in the same general I wouldn't be in if not for you
>damn, attractive and smart
>provoking the same feelings as you have
>what are the odds, I mean really
This is just too much. I think my sides are breaking from the constant laughter.
>>17041017
toppest of keks
>tfw your ex might have saw you exchanging info
did it taste like justice?
>>17040970
Seconded. I cooked and cleaned when I was In Labor! I vacuumed the entire house 3 days after childbirth! Men don't see how much work we do they just see the things we didn't do. I know several people who've gotten divorced over this issue and so my advice to everyone is don't get married unless you can afford a maid! Cue: a man needs a maid by Neil Young.
>>17040970
Na, even though I had my reasons to be mad. I would get mad for a very long time. That would bother me for a long time. I would spend more time being mad than not. I was saying maybe I let anger control me and be upset all the time because I "NEED" the house clean all the time. And same goes for your husband. I don't think you deserved the abuse. I think you guys were incompatable. So I'm glad you're out that if I remember correctly you said you were out the relationship? If so good. If not that sucks.
I am not coping at all well with my life right now.
Nothing terrible going on, I'm just falling apart.
Meh.
>>17041045
As I stated. I did all the cleaning. All the cleaning. And working two jobs. Guy here.
>>17041017
Chad. I don't think this is the place for you.
Seriously though. How do you do it? Share your secrets.
A line without beginning.
Time is a day that echoes himself.
Memories attached to it. Time flows differently when we were together.
Today seems like an eternity. The exact opposite of back then.
Why ? Why does time flows too fast when we are with people we like the most, and why does it flows too slow when we long to be with them ?
The answer lies within the brain. Because when i was with you, i only allowed myself to feel, not to think.
To feel your touch i liked so much. To feel your love i desired so much. To feel you. That was yesterday
It hurts. Absent of all these things, i cannot help but think about yesterday. This is exausting. And this is today.
Tomorrow leads me to a path which has two roads : the two of them are damaged and cloudy, and there is a sign on both.
The one on the right says "yesterday" and the other one has "today".
I see you standing on both ways.
Because time is a day that echoes himself.
A line without end.
>>17040488
It does to me.
But I've spent the last 2.5 years especially being consistently proven that I don't matter, and that I'm worthless.
There's literally no reason as to why I should be/am alive.
I'm nothing. I was always nothing and I will always be nothing.
>>17041148
You'll always be a piece of shit if you say you're a piece of shit. Don't be a fag. Give your life purpose.
>>17040951
And to top it all off, my parents are trying to take out their life frustrations on me and ruin my chances of continuing college. And I can't even get a fucking job to try and help myself out! It's like I can't win no matter what I do. I've tried to do EVERYTHING from day laboring to pushing shopping carts at stores and I can't get a call back and I'm so frustrated I want to slit somebody else's throat or maybe my own.
>>17041159
Look into taking care of the mentally challenged. I think they're always hiring and there's multiple places to apply. Pay is shit but depending on the place you might get overtime. Job coach. Life coach. Care taker. Personal assistant. Are part of what they're called I think.
It has worn off. I was being delusional.
I still want you, somehow.
>>17041173
What's the best thing to search up if I want to work with the mentaly challenged? Like just "hospital" won't cut it, will it?
I really wish she just said no to a second date. This radio silence is killing me. I feel insulted. Word on the grapevine was that she wanted to see me again too.
>>17041200
I'm not too sure. They all have their own names. Try googling care-taker for mentally challenged. There are facilities where the mentally challenged can walk around and the only one I worked with had "...Clinic" in front of it. Maybe you could go to your nearest college and ask Cus sometimes they have programs to teach and get in contact with. I didn't have any prior experience or had a single class. It was on the job experience.
Sorry more than you asked for. Back to topic.
Look up "Access" for mentally challenged they're a driving service for them. You'll eventually come in contact with other people that know other agencies.
>>17041200
You'll also have to pass a background check I think.
That or try warehouse jobs.
I'm stuck at a dealership waiting for an oil change
AMA
>>17041255
Did they give you free bottled water or coffee?
>>17041269
Excellent question there.
>>17040745
Me neither
And agreed........
>>17041102
And today I love you the same
If I show you a different way
When I'm tired
And each day
From now
In time with one another
No lines uncrossed
Between us
Mingus died almost a year ago, I'm sorry.
Hope Bob's still doing his thing.
I am my own worst enemy.
I have wanted to die for years. I've always been afraid to give up hope and keep trying very hard but life hasn't gotten better, only different. I still feel alone and I don't really understand or like people at all. I'm only holding on so I can enjoy the last few years with my senior dog and give her the best I can. She's always been such a good creature and she makes me feel happy with how happy little things make her and how she greets me every day after work. Once she does die I'm positive I'll kill myself.
>>17040989
I also hate the social stigma of being expected to be in a relationship, perhaps for different reason
I actually want to be in a relationship, but not for the sake of being in one with anyone because I am expected to be
I feel like there's something wrong with me for not enjoying family "get-togethers." or not caring about being close with them. I care about my family because they are my family, but besides that I wouldn't really miss them if they weren't around. I get along okay with them but we all don't have much in common, or else they're just unpleasant to be around. The only person I can see myself having fun with is my sister, and I don't do much with her because she's always with her fiance anyway.
That all being said, I envy people who are close with their families and do stuff regularly with them. It must be nice to genuinely have a good time and LIKE them as people, and not have to deal with people that have huge glaring flaws.
No matter what fleeting motivation or happiness comes to me, deep down, no matter what I do, the one thing that remains constant is the desire to kill myself. I'm obviously struggling with mental illnesses, i've been dealing with this shit since 7th grade. I'm trying to force myself to do all the shit necessary to life but I really just don't fucking want to. Life has lost all luster. As if it was ever there to begin with lol. There's really no meaning to me. Give your life meaning, yeah, I have hobbies. There's shit I'm interested in. But it's honestly all completely pointless. And by being alive you NEED to keep going. Can't just stop or you end up homeless and without shit. So I gotta do all this shit that I don't want to do, struggle with doing, find pointless. I don't see anything in life. I see no tomorrow, I see no meaning, nothing worthwhile. Just absolutely nothing matters, so all I can logically figure is to kill myself.
>>17041471
It's like you're me in another room.
Jeez, man.
We'll make it.
Just do it and one day you will be comfy and in your own space.
Why stop now? We've been fighting since 7th grade.
>>17041337
Most animals are special like that. They can seem to connect to us in ways that are pretty uncanny.
When your dog does pass away, maybe it'd be good to look into adopting another pet? Maybe helping out another being to a happy life would help.
My mom asked me to check on the dog while she is gone for the weekend with my siblings. I went, took care of things, played with the dog and left.
I'm 23. All I could think about was how glad I am that I don't live there anymore and how the past five years have been the best of my life. Now that I'm in control of things, I am actually happy for the first time and on track for a good career.
When my mom brags about my accomplishments on Facebook or in person, people always comment that it's all because of her, her hard work, she's such a great mother who helped me every step of the way. But the truth is, I can't think of a single time she "made it all better"; usually she made everything worse. I know it's wrong to think this way about your own mother, but I'm leaving my hometown soon and don't think I'll miss her very much.
>>17041311
this is not how it works
I'm just stupidly pissed off at the smallest things now. I want this year over and done with, and I want to be back home with him.
Tell us how it is
Go on, try
Your standards
Their way
Someone's advice
Another's decision
Someone's observation
An experience
An opinion
Lives
I told someone i was interested in you, and asked for advice, but asked her to not say anything. I kind of hope she doesn't listen.
I know it was probably foolish and overly optimistic to think that this much time WOULDN'T have changed what I could and couldn't tell you about, and it was probably selfish to think that you would have any advice or way to comment on the crazy rambling nonsense I sent you. I probably opened up too much about feelings I'm not really justified in having anymore, and probably just hurt you by bitching too much about how things are going. I probably just should have stopped talking to you and we could have been friends later down the road.
The reason I felt compelled to tell you the things I did is because a few good dreams of you tore a hole in me, kind of the opposite of what those feelings did when they meant something.
TLDR; sorry for thinking dreams are anything more than just dreams, and talking to you like there couldn't have been consequences. Things change.
I'm in love with a girl that can't love me back. She's been very damaged by her past, tried to kill herself after the last person she trusted betrayed her, and now has a crippling fear of losing me if she opens up more to reciprocate the feelings I have for her. Part of me knows how much she really cares for me if she fears losing me so much, but the other part just wants her to take a chance and open up to it. She can't understand that I will try my damnedest to never harm her and never leave her and never do anything anyone else did to her. She's said that it could be possible someday, and that I'm someone she could see herself being with out of anyone else she's known or knows. I hold out just because I love her so much and I only want to help make her happier and better. It does hurt me sometimes that I know I can't have my feelings reciprocated, but I do it just because I feel unwavering affection toward her. I just hope you open up soon, please.
>>17041035
Good chance that the ex did.
A little. If this pans out I will probably die due to laughter, and it is looking like it will.
Lately I've developed this sort of necessity of washing my hands like 20 times after I use the bathroom, not sure if it's some sort of sign of OCD since I've seen some other symptoms in wikipedia and they sort of match with me, but I'm not going to self diagnose myself of something with a wikipedia article, that's fucking stupid, my real issue right now is that there's no water in my house today, it's been like this for over 10 hours and it's driving me fucking INSANE, I NEED to wash my hands, I feel fucking terrible and I'm sort of freaking out.
My gf made me cum twice today
That's a new record for her
>>17040257
go seek medical help anon.
>>17040554
good, you have been reborn anon, enjoy your new life (and don't try to kill yourself again pls)
I'm a bottomfeeder. I am a failure. I try to start an education, but I always fuck it up. I'm too scared to move forward.
>>17037949
I feel like 26 years of wasted potential and bad decisions. People love me, but I have lost a sense of connection with everyone I used to care about. I have a fear of the government taking over my country. I wish I knew what I could be really good at. I wish I loved God more. I've become an ungrateful shit over the last 5 years. I fucking hate 4chan but I can't stay away from it. Think about situations where I kill myself on the reg. Live in my inlaws basement. Finally got a job... At Dicks making 9.25/hour. Spend hours on Terraria every week. I have a 6 month old and one on the way. Just applied for medicare.
I sometimes pray for people on here and people I meet in real life with the slight hope they might affect me in a positive way/save my life someday in the future. I fantasize myself as a hero a lot, sacrificing my life to save someone else. I care about people and I have a desire to serve them, but it sucks trying to make people happy and failing.
I'd never kill myself, because I have a strong sense of duty, but I would die for a cause I believed in if given the opportunity. But even thinking about it depresses me as I feel my life has no worth to anything I care about. Fuck.
I wish the best on all of you.
>>17042255
do it, you might be scared but there's no other way around and when you're able to do it you're going to hate yourself for how long it took you.
>>17041102
I only call you when it's half past five
the only time that I'd be by your side
I only love it when you touch me
not feel me
when I'm fucked up that's the real me
when I'm fucked up that's the real me, babe
The hills have eyes
the hills have eyes
who are you to judge?
who are you to judge?
Hide your lies
Hide your lies
Only you to trust
Only you
I'm going. I'm fucking going. I'm scared but I'll be there. I have no expectations.
I keep messing up lately and I feel like everything I say is weird. And I can't believe what I accidentally did at my friends house and they still haven't talked to me since then. I feel like a loser. I just wish I wasn't so awkward.
I love you. But I don't want you anymore. You need to change. I'll never trust you the same anymore, but I know for one think I love you still, but at the same time you disgust me.
>>17042380
What'sd you do, senpai?
I killed a tranny once.
>feel like I'm gonna be working minimum wage for the rest of my life
>want to get schooling so I can get out of my slump and find a better job but afraid that I'll get rejected from the only college that might take me
Yeah, I know that there's no point in complaining if I'm not gonna do anything about it, but it's just something I've been thinking alot about lately and it's bumming me out a bit
>>17042395
you don't want to know, just something very embarrassing
I've been having thoughts about hurting small animals, and it's making me uncomfortable
>>17042432
I do though
I fear I destroyed my chances with her by sitting by during that thing Monday where her "friend" began hitting on her
I should have done or said something to him so he backs off. But you know what they say
Hindsight is 20/20
>>17042389
Story?
>Dated a woman for 5 years
>Went through some shit early in the relationship,really put myself on the line to help her
>Gave everything I could
>Did everything I could
>She wants a house, marriage, and kids
>I want to be financially stable before I even consider any of those
>Otherwise things are good
>She starts making more and more friends, male and female
>We move in together
>All emotion and intimacy grinds to a halt
>It's like she doesn't want to be anywhere near me
>Lose my (shit) job, start hunting for another one
>She only talks to me if she has to
>Get accepted into training program for awesome job
>She breaks it off literally the night before I start
>She met someone else online
>He lives in another country entirely
>Not even mad, more relieved than anything
>Except she doesn't move out
>Too much of a pushover to tell her to fuck off
>She mooches off of me for close to a year
>Agreed to pay for internet and groceries, I have to nag the internet money out of her and the only groceries she buys are cereal and bags of chips for herself
>Finally moves out to go live with new boyfriend (who she has seen in person twice)
>Find out from her sister that she cheated on me two years into our relationship with an ex when she went on a trip
>Can safely guess she was involved with at least 4 other men looking back with that light
>My rage knows no bounds
I burned a lot of bridges and ended up cutting out almost a full third of my social circle in the drama-shit storm that I threw. I know there were many better ways to handle this, but regret nothing except for the fact that now I can't seem to fucking meet anyone else and don't know how to even begin to meet other people.
How do you make myself not feel like a failure?I spent afew grand for a cert, about to finish and I don't like doing it,it's just a necessary stepping stone that I'll never used again and I hate myself knowing nothing else besides this skill or what little I got out of it.
Is this the time I move on to the next thing or am I stuck using this skill that doesn't light me up in anyway? I feel trapped and isolated in my knowledge knowing the way I learned all these years was entirely wrong and I don't know the right way or atleast MY way that works for me that shows results.
>>17042580
It's not that interesting. Basically,
>go out with girl
>she's emotionally unstable
>extremely sensitive, and I accidentally hurt her feelings a lot
>she says she loves me and a bunch of stuff still
>a year passes
>get uncomfortable sexually with her
>she internalizes it and starts distancing me
>she dumps me for some dude and breaks up with him in a matter of 3 days
I'm not giving my "friend" 400 dollars for the TV and x box that got stolen from my house, because I'm on SSI and I live paycheck to paycheck. I'll probably end up blocking him on facebook the next time he brings it up.
I dyed my hair blue and now I look like a fruity la la homo man.
I have no prospects in life but playing Star Wars Galaxies keeps my mind off of how much of a failure I am.
>>17042826
call the police
>>17039649
A relationship is like a hot bath, you should ease into it rather than jumping in
>>17037949
No, you idiots, I'm not as social and outgoing as I pretend to be. Aside from a few other friends, I don't really have any other friends aside from you.
I feel lonely as fuck, too. I wish that you would text me more frequently, because while we do text each other in an almost daily manner, we usually do it out of necessity or because we need something.
I wish that I could improve this situation, but I'm scared as fuck of rejection, and I fear that I will have to pretend to be social with my new friends if I do indeed meet them.
So, I can't improve my relationship with you and be high-value person because I'm not actually and outgoing, pro-active person, but I can't meet new people because I'm afraid of the idea of them being turned off by how anti-social I am.
I'm also comparing the frequency in which I text with my friends to the frequency of other people's texting habits. That's pathetic, I know.
>>17042989
Initials?
U guys seriously suck. I am a loner just like you so I should know that it sucks to be alone 24/7. There are times when human interaction feels good. But u guys wont give me the time of day. I don't want to let you go but, I know that regardless of our mutual interests you guys don't want to share good times with me. Do I suck that much? It hurts to let u guys go but I don't want to go through life without someone I can count on. Please don't feel like no one is by your side. If you ever need me, I will be there for you. I just hope it doesn't take years for you to realize being alone is impossible 100% of the time. Please call me, I know how horrible it is to be alone in times like this. I need human interaction, I hope it's with you guys some day.
>>17042277
I feel the exact same way.
>>17042170
I doubt anyone would disagree with your guess of OCD, anon. Go see a mental health professional.
>>17040554
>Took a handful of Gababentin last night because I wanted to die.
goddammit i burst out laughing at this, i'm going to have the worst fucking bedside manner
>Didn't die. Slept for 14 hours. Now I feel like I can do anything.
Sounds great! Don't waste a new lease on life.
Fuck off, J, you cringeworthy shitposter.
Why are you doing this to me?
I still love you. I don't know why maybe i'm just lonely. I can't stop thinking about you. You're my everything. It feels like shit knowing I mean nothing too you. Will you ever get out of my head. I don't want to love you infact you kinda gross me out not that I wouldn't marry you. If you could prove trust worthy. Is it voodoo? do you hang around with my hair and somehow make me want you soo badly? Do you know how much you hurt me ? do you have any repentance in your soul?Did you push me away on purpose because you knew you would hurt me more if i was around? or is the problem all with me just in my head ?....either way if im with you or not i'm suffering because of you. I don't want to like you.I really want you gone from my mind, but that seems to be an impossibility . Something gotta give. Jesus Bless her and her kin, the father of her child and me for we need the holy spirit.
Fuck it. I'm going to sink this friendship by telling you how I feel. It's moot as fuck now, but this shit will eat me from the inside out if I don't just up and tell you how I felt about you. If it fucks things up, and it will, it will be worth it. I need to get you out of my mind and I think the first thing to do is just get this shit out.
Just need to work myself up and prepare for plane to crash. Becsuse I see that mountain of shit coming.
>have friend that I click with really well
>they bond with an annoying fuckboy
>can detect that fuckboy doesn't like me
>slowly driving a wedge to isolate me from friend
>friend is doing nothing to stop it
This is the only friend group I have. If I stop associating with them, I'm completely isolated and have no one to talk to. Do I endure the fuckboy to keep my very compatible friend, or do I ditch the friend and, by extension, the fuckboy?
I think I'm going to kill myself soon
But all my friends worry way too much
So I'm going to tell them I'm taking a break from social media
But then I'll disappear for good
I don't even care about myself anymore and I don't make any attempt to be happy. I ruined everything and I deserve this. I drove all my friends away through my drinking. I fucked every job I ever had, I'm too weird and stupid to talk to people. Spent years working on my appearance only to go from getting no attention from girls to getting attention from obese moms who shoot heroin, because my personality is still shit I guess. How am I supposed to fix that?
It doesn't matter. I'm certain I'll kill myself within 2 years. I can't even be on the computer for more than a few hours anymore, my eyes start to water and I have to take abreak. I'm pretty sure I'm going blind from computer addiction because this place is easier than socializing. Carpal tunnel too.
I have no one. No friends, no family, no anything. Terrible choices, unnecessary spending and zero savings. No future outlook other than slowly destroying my body through manual labor.
The only people who want to be around me are garbage, and I don't want to be around them. But my old friends don't want me anymore because I would show up incoherently drunk all the fucking time.
I have been trying to improve, desperately, read a thousand self help books, listened to podcasts and applied it and worked out and lost weight and dressed better and everything. I don't want to miserable but the harder I try the more disappointed I am. "Lower your standards" I don't want retarded meth-head friends who go on about conspiracy theories and I don't want to have sex with 200 pound monsters. How much more fucking improving do I have to do because I feel like I've wasted the past 2 years with all this effort and no progress.
I'm already old before my time, my back hurts, my knees kill me, my elbow pops randomly from fapping, my thumb goes numb and like I said now the computer's shot my eyes. I'm 25 and feel 60.
>>17043190
I'm so bad at everything. I can't enjoy video games because I'm bad at them. I can't enjoy creative hobbies because I'm bad at them. I spent like an hour trying to figure out how to download a digital copy of a movie and almost broke down crying because I couldn't figure out this basic technology I'M SO FUCKING STUPID. Literally so stupid that people at my old job assumed I was an ex-addict who'd fried his brain.
Literally every night I get into bed and all these thoughts race through my head and I fantasize running up the fire escape and jumping to my death. I cannot imagine it getting any better.
>>17043063
Initials?
>>17043210
Doubt it matters.
Directed at SC.
I simply go by IV.
>>17042432
obviously we want to know, senpai
>>17039570
Dont be a pussy dude just do it
>be salesman
>get strangers to like for a living
>talk to anyone with confidence
>random girls flirt with me constantly
>give zero fucks
>finally find a girl I like
>can talk to her easily, but only contextually
>try to ask her out, but get too nervous
>even though I talk to strangers for a living
Just...why?
>>17037949
>I lose jobs left and right because i'm a fuck up.i really like the retail because i like talking to people because i don't know anybody i have no one else ( i moved to a new state)
>spend money on a cam girl to pretend to be my girlfriend we talk and she gives me lists of things to buy at the store to cook for that week.
legit pay her to text me and skype me to say ha good night/Have a fun day in the mornings.
I just wanna hold a job , but i'm easily made an example of and let go ect.
Damn it. I'm chickening out.
At least I wrote that letter she'll never read.
>>17043309
i'll do that for you for free man
He's seriously making me think that I've made a huge mistake by having so much faith in him. There have been several instances where I should have just removed myself from the situation but I chose to stay because I care about him so much. The longer I'm involved, the more I'm starting to realise that I don't think he is actually capable of being in a healthy relationship and the whole thing is just going to end up dragging me down.
It's partially my fault for being so understanding but I'm forced to do this because I desperately want things to work out. All I want is to make him happy and show him that not everybody out there is a dick, it is possible for somebody to care about him. However, it feels like he's just so guarded, there's no way I'll ever actually get through to him. If things don't change in the next few weeks, I'm going to have no choice but to remove myself from the situation, as heartbreaking as that will be.
I think he's wonderful but this infatuation can only last so long with no real justification or reassurance and I'm concerned that once this moment comes, the realisation of everything I've given up to be with him is going to hit me and I'll feel like I've ruined my life.
>>17043520
Initials please?
>>17043535
If it was referring to you, would it even make a difference?
apply everywhere.
If you have a degree look outside of your town/city/county/state/country
in that order.
>>17042996
R.J.R.A
>>17043279
I'm a chic. I know he's too shy to ever ask me, but I'm trying to figure out if I should bother or not.
>>17037974
Stick through it man, good luck and please push forward with therapy. Maybe even get a new therapist if you don't like your current one.
I have a feeling that I won't get the job and I will be stuck in perpetual poverty.
Feels really bad man
>>17043292
Same here
I gotta find something to do today. She says she really likes spending time and being around me but she's not sure what she wants right now. She just broke up with her boyfriend or a year and a half or so and we'd kinda sorta been talking for about a month. The way she talks about her ex boyfriend you'd think he just kinda had her around. Didn't pay her any attention, he had almost no sense of humor, and the whole thing was one sided. Hell, she even outright said the last one. And then last night we sat really close to each other, she ran her fingers through my hair for about half an hour. She told be her ex boyfriend would have never let her do that. And she kept thinking that it wasn't fair to me that all she could think about was him. I can't disagree, and I don't. She says she has no idea if she really wants to go anywhere with this. She says I gave her too much attention, and I did. "Too much too fast" she told me. And I've agreed to give her some space and move a little slower. Give her time to let the dust settle. It's a major paradigm shift for her. I'm not without fault either. I get carried away sometimes and I don't think. Which isn't an excuse for anything, I should've been more respectful of the situation. The plan now is to back off but stay an arms reach away for when, and if, she decides she wants anything. If not, well I didn't invest a whole lot in her. If she does, that's awesome. I just gotta stay distracted today and not let it eat at me. Might watch something on Netflix, play video games, guitar or go hang out with a buddy of mine I haven't seen in forever. I may be good at sitting on my hands, but that doesn't mean it's ever been easy. I'll see her in class tomorrow during our 1:00, and I don't plan on ignoring her. Just being a little more delicate.
Don't care anymore.
Please shut the fuck up already.
>>17044063
Why can't you try understand things from my perspective just this once?
>>17044125
Lol, ok anonymous internet stranger.
Might understand your perspective if I knew who the fuck you were, but I don't and have no interest in playing your dumbass games.
I wish that I could get out of this lifelong phase of just watching things go by and not enjoying life. Nearing 21 years old and all I see and hear are people who are happy with where they currently are, while I look on and excuse my current situation by saying it'll be better once I'm older. However I don't even know if that is a guarantee.
I currently work a retail job that I've begun to absolutely hate(poor pay and shit management) and I go to school for a CS degree that I'm not even passionate about.
And I honestly don't know what the solution to my problems are. Like yea I could go and drop out and/or find a new job but I only have a year and a half left of college and I hate the idea of wasting those 3 previous years just for some soul searching mission that might put me in an even worst scenario. And what kind of job would I look for? My gpa for CS is shit(2.4 maybe 2.7 after semester) and I am not really good at stuff I don't care much about or study so it's not like I could find an internship.
It's just like I'm seriously stuck in a small space moving slowly in some direction. Add on other small problems and life just fucking sucks for me right now.
i hurt one of the most important people in the world to me last year so bad, that she completely cut all ties with me and refused to let me apologize or talk it out.
i've been through 2 relationships and im in a third one right now...
but i still love her. my heart just refuses to let her fucking go. she has no interest in me whatsoever and she's blocked me everywhere she could, but i still find myself thinking only about her 24\7. should i confront her despite the fact that she obviously wants nothing to do with me, or should i keep trying to let her go? do these things take more than a year?
i always get the idea to do something, but come the time to do it i don't. i was just feeling rage, and wanted to explode. so i thought of getting it off of my chest here. but now im here and i dont feel the rage anymore. its gone. instead im sad, and confused. and i feel as though its pointless, that either posting this or deleting it wont make a difference. i just spent one hour being distracted about how to answer a message. i went through a barrage of emotions that i can't even remember, it doesnt even feel like an hour passed. all i do is think. and i hate that.
>>17042432
once its out of your head it wont seem that bad. just get it out there. tell a story. could be good, could be bad. but it won't be your last.
I wish I never moved up here after high school. I'm sick of this town. Sick of the shit teachers at the college, sick of the snow IN FUCKING APRIL, sick of the fact that everything but Walmart closes after ten. Fuck this town.
>>17044529
If she doesn't want to be around you confronting her will make it worse. I know how you feel, I've been obsessed with my ex for a year now and always feel like talking to her. Stay strong, this is only temporary.
Last friday I started my first serious and paid job ever, managing the ticket office for a theater. I was so hyped because I got it by getting lots of people to trust me. And in three simple days, working just an hour and a half each, I managed to fuck up a lot. My boss tries to be understanding, but I feel I just keep upsetting her.
>>17044819
You're new, anon. Things take time. I've been at my job for five years, and I still, on rare occasions, screw up. It's human nature, don't let it get to you.
I care about my cat more than my live in girlfriend of 5 years
>>17044867
Yeah, I guess. It's just that it should be a simple job. Cashing people, giving them tickets, and counting money at the end of the day. Yet I still manage to screw these tasks so easily. I even got to make the theater lose the money of some tickets because of some shenanigans.
Well, I got another month to learn. I just hope I don't do worse. Thanks for listening.
Girlfriend (20yo) of 2.5 years doesn't want to have sex until marriage for religious reasons. I was okay with it up until last year because I wasn't comfortable with it either but since starting uni have recently become a lot more open about a lot of things and it changed my mind. It's putting a strain on our relationship. I want to break it off because I know it's not going to be sustainable (also she is very religious and I'm not at all, another problem in the future) but I do care about her and breaking up because of sex when other things are generally okay seems wrong.
Bit long for my tastes, but here goes.
Known this girl for nearly a decade now, almost fell for her instantly. Hang out here and there over the years, never really losing contact, but not keeping in touch everyday either. Fast forward to now, she has a 5 year old, both of us have been in committed relationships since we met. Occasionally spend time with her and her daughter in public. Encounter my cousin at a bar, congratulate him on incoming son. Family "curse" gets brought up (very few girls born in my family) and he tells her that she and I are more than likely going to have a boy. She and I haven't done anything sexual or romantic ever, but she doesn't seem phased going as far as saying it could be the truth. Met her mother later that night and was introduced to her mother's boyfriend as her good friend from school.
Not sure what to make of the situation really. This summer is the third time she and I have planned on going to the same weekend getaway trip, first time we are both single and she's suggesting we drive together.
>>17037949
I'm tired of being forgotten.
I'm about to go ghost on my family and roommates.
I feel as though I'm depressed. I have absolutely no motivation or direction in my life, and I get incredibly anxious in most situations (especially socially). I've been ready to talk to a therapist for a while now so I told my mom about it and she said she'd help me get one. It took a lot of strength to admit that I need help and actually vocalize this to someone, so I was happy. Unfortunately, she never followed up. Once again, I asked her again after some time passed and she agreed to help.
Now here I am, confused by her actions. Not only did she ignore my request again, she's essentially trying to kick me out of the house. I'll either have to go away to university, or move out on my own. Of course she really wants me to go to school. Now it's not that I don't want to get away and explore on my own at some point, but right now I just do not feel mentally stable enough to do so. I've had some dark moments in the past, and I feel wholly apathetic towards mostly everything. I have trouble talking to everyone because I get very anxious, and I can't even get over my fear of driving. I just want to at least get a start on dealing with what seems to be some personal mental issues, before I try to go live somewhere with random people I don't want to be around. She claims that she's doing this in my best interest, but I have a hard time believing that when she wouldn't even try to help me before. I think she just wants me out of here.
So I'm not entirely sure what to do. It's not like I'm doing nothing at all. I've been in community college for almost a year now, and my plan is supposed to span two years of CC, then transfer to uni. I'm even applying to jobs now, though I'm terrified of working and even the interview itself. Is there any way I can just get therapy on my own? I'm sick of wasting my time relying on other people. Maybe I can convince her to let me stay if I'm getting help.
>>17037949
Fuck this world. I've done fucking everything to try and be happy and find a purpose, but I fucking can't. I'm going to end it later tonight. I'm scared to die, but I can't go through another day of this shit. I just wish it could of been different.
>>17037949
I hate what I'm studying.
I'm a 20y old kissless virgin and I feel like someone Put a spell on me:
I had oneitis on a girl when I was 16 y old but for some reason I can't fucking forget her. She never was my gf and she actually friendzoned me but I don't know why I can't forget her, whatever the fuck i'm doing she is never going out of my fucking mind.
Also anxiety and always stressed, depression and all of this.
>>17045530
Don't kill yourself anon, we're all on this shitty ride.
We have to do something about it, and I'm sure you'll find something to do.
I'm not saying everything will be fine, and you'll be happy; but don't end your life, I'm sure you have a hobby a dream or something
>>17044819
[spoiler] I have the same job what the hell.
I'm R. If you're one of the people working with me [/spoiler]
I'm gonna stop wallowing in regret. I'm gonna remember this feeling and not let it happen again!
Just ONCE do i ask for something of life and it wont even give me a chance.
My girlfriend is having another anxiety attack, and I love her, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. She starts blaming me for things that aren't my fault and my mood just sinks every time
I wish my roommate would move out soon. I don't want to start a fight.
Never rooming with girls ever again.
I feel as though I'm a slave to the expectations of other people around me. Everyone wants me to do this, do that, blah blah blah blah but I just want to do what I want and tell them to fuck off. But I can't. I'm horrified at their reactions. I can't stand the thought of real confrontation, even though I crave it more than anything else.
My parents are annoying religious nuts upset that I'm not going to pursue some boring as less middle class career path that I have zero interest in. They want me to get married and all that bullshit. I have zero interest in doing that. I'm fine doing physical labor and not having to bring my work home with me. So long as I can pay the rent, buy books, and have days off, I don't give a shit.
I don't really care about getting married, either. I'd love to have kids with my SO. But she wants to get married and I think I'd basically be disowned if I didn't get married. She's also rapping me pretty hard about doing something different, job-wise. I think partially it has to do with her family's expectations. I don't hold it against her at all. But I feel as though I can't talk to anyone about it, because people don't understand or don't care.
I hate being a people pleaser and don't want to be one anymore. I'm terrified that I won't be able to not be one and will end up working a soul-crushing job that I hate and have a horrible, cookie cutter life that I will regret to my dying days if I don't put my foot down soon.
i came in my girlfriend and didnt tell her, but i did scoop it out.... She has been on the pill for 7 years now so i think i should be good.
>>17045646
been on the pill for 3 years and I'm not pregnant.
I don't even use condoms. But I guess its better to be safe than sorry. Don't worry about it.
>>17045650
you are a saint thank you
>>17045660
yea as long as she's taking it regularly you should be fine.
>>17045646
>i came in my girlfriend and didnt tell her
virgin here so sorry if it's a dumb question, but how did she not feel it?
>>17045699
i wasnt deep at all i guess
I don't have a source of money except for student loans. I can't get a job because engineering classes take all of my time. I lost all of my scholarships because freshmen year I worked in a prestigious position for a student organization and neglected my classes because I didn't know better and nobody told me better.
Waiting for an email back about an internship but I probably won't get one because my grades are literal garbage.
I'm going to need a car or motorcycle soon but I don't know if I can pay for it.
I've fucked up in a couple of my classes this semester despite putting so much work into them
There's nobody in my classes that can empathize with/I'm too afraid or embarassed to talk about it
My student advisor doesn't seem to care and is probably waiting for me to drop out
Also found out I have high cholesterol today when my family has a strong history of heart disease.
First time posting in /adv/ for probably four years
I hope my parents for see me as a failure.
Art school was a mistake.
Why did I spend so much time playing video games than doing something useful like reading on business and politics.
I wish I had better friends.
I'm scared of death. I don't want to live an unfulfilling life till I die.
>>17037949
I want my booty call back. But she was such a fucking clingy bitch. Goddamn, but now that I'm in a dry spell, I need that pussy.
My "friends" couldn't give a fucking shit about me and my sole purpose is pretty much making people feel better about themselves when they see my pathetic lifestyle and choices. Not to mention I am the laughing stock of my family and my sister overshadows me in every single way you can think of.
She just posted another picture. Every time she does, it cuts to my heart again. Not that I'm much use. I basically go looking for them. It's a painful addiction.
I dreamt about her twice in one night this week.
It's less than a month away from one year since the breakup. It's been a year. She doesn't care. But I still do. She doesn't care, and I have what may well be permanent mental issues from this.
Every picture she posts, every hint of her existence, and it puts me right back to where I was.
It's taking all of my energy right now to keep myself from breaking down again.
There have only been a handful of days in the past year when suicide hasn't been on my mind. I can almost feel the rope tightening around my neck. But I won't do it. Not yet.
How much longer must I fight this?
Or will I fight it until I die from it?
I made a mistake a very rare mistake at work. I don't make mistakes but I'm not the only one at fault. I took over someone's shift so the ould do my shift cause another person asked. We re just so confused. But i feel so insecure. I feel like I'm really ugly, or not attractive cause I'm flat and I have short hair. It sucks at times just honestly feeling so... Unsure at time. I feel so lost.
>>17045894
How about blocking her?
Finally worked up the nerve to tell her how I felt after almost a year of feeling this way because apparently someone found out how I felt about her and already told her a few weeks ago. Turns out everything went just as expected and I'm just not good enough for her just like I'm not good enough for anything. It sucks when you've never truly felt a thing for anyone for the entire ~20 years of your life then finally meet someone for the first time you feel you'd do anything for and actually cause you to work to improve yourself just for a better chance with them only to be denied the only person you've ever loved. Guess it's back to wishing someone just kills me or I die through some accident because I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself and I care too much about how it would inconvenience others if I just offed myself the way I want to so badly.
So yeah today wasn't the best of days.
>>17045918
I should, I know that, I really should, but I can't bring myself to.
>>17045580
I don't think I know anyone going with R in my work. Unless you're working in Barcelona. But weird coincidence.
>>17045959
Then you'll continue to feel like this. Do you want to feel like crap, my friend? No? Then do what's best for you. Come on man.
Smoking is fucking stupid. It's bullshit and pointless and every single cigarette takes time off what little precious life I was given. Every single one makes me feel like shit. I don't know why I went back to it. This is the last fucking time I'm lighting up period. No more. There's too much I still want to do and four months dying in a bed, with life slowly staining away while I'm knocked out by liquid morphine and anxiety meds isn't how I want my family to see me go. It isn't how I want life to end. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and take up knitting or sewing or collages or guitar and fixate on anything and everything BUT smoking and just fucking live life without excuses, dammit.
>>17046114
Try vaping if you haven't. It's embarrassing but I've been doing it for two weeks and I haven't wanted a cigarette at all.
You claim to be my best friend and you said you'd never be like the last one who got rid of me. You're replacing me too, just like she did, the difference is you're replacing me with God.
Two hours a week (a day if I'm lucky) to do something, the rest of the time is God's? This is not a friendship.
Why did you have to become uber religious?
I hate how I am insanely empathetic, then just a few hours later I have violent thoughts about the people I care about most. I am constantly going back and forth between hating them and willing to die for them. It scares me because I don't know who I am or what I care about. So many things don't seem real any more and I can't trust myself.
>>17039563
PWC
>>17039611
I actually haven't heard anything about anything yet. I told my boss about it all and he said he hadn't had any emails come through at all.
My heart is in the right place
Becky-san I will show you true love if you want it
I want a family. I want kids. I'm 25 and I'm just about to join the Navy. that's like 4 years until I can get serious about a family. I'm just tired of being so alone and I want a serious relationship like everyone else on earth has had. My longest relationship was 9 months in like 9th grade. I want the whole shebang but I have no good job. Whatever.
after almost 2 years i still think about my ex girlfiend. The problem? I'm in another relationship. My actual girlfriend have several problems (Like depression) and I cannot just leave her cause shes very inconstant and could do something to hurt herself (I mean it. She already tried to kill herself with medication). I dont love my ex girlfriend, I just fell some kind of angry on her everytime I need to see her, and that rage dont let me be an good boyfriend to my actual girl. I really dont know what to do...
>>17045894
This is one of the most pathetic, overly dramatic posts I have ever seen in a GIOYC thread. Think about that.
How long were you together? How old are you? Was she your first?
Cut her out of your life, all avenues. Distract yourself. Time cannot heal you if you are constantly reminding yourself.
I'm terrified I won't get a job out of college and just don't know what to do. I think about my last girlfriend even though I'm in love with my new girlfriend of 4 months. It's a weird feeling. My friends are slowly dissolving away. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
