I'd leave her if I were you. That's real shit, that's not a Seinfeld breakup. You can't expect her to take commitment seriously, so if you saw a future with her, it's time to reconsider.

>>17030976
And I fucking did, how horrifying.

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Noko no longer serves a purpose.

This tells me she puts promiscuous behavior as priority number one. Ergo, she's a sloot.

This tells me about you that you are someone who attracts these people because you are a sloot as well.

>I hope you get an std test.

>>17031017
Thanks regarding noko.

I don't disagree what you said. Yeah, there is tons of whoring around, but that's not something I can get mad at, nor is it realitic desu.

The fact that there was no regrets over this shit is amazingly horrible. I'd like to think people can act better than animals, and not fuck everything in sight. At some point you have to have an ounce of character and say no.

Just cause you can doesn't mean you should.

>>17031053
It's a clash of morals. It happens a lot in life. Time to work on trying to change yourself so you don't attract anymore harpies.

>>17031066
What makes you think this?

What am I supposed to change?

I can't know about someone's past until they tell me. It's not like I went out of my way to find someone like this.

>>17030969
Married but separated/in the process of getting a divorce, that's different from fucking around having an affair.

Otherwise, yeah, people do make mistakes, and they do feel bad about mistakes. You seem like you're probably a judgmental asshole if you're sitting there wanting proof that she actually feels bad. If you can't take her word for it, I don't see how you feel like you know her well enough to actually have considered a future with her.

As far as "setting things right", she can't make things right for the wife. She was a participant in her husband's activity, but she's not the one with the relationship with the wife. You don't know what the situation is there or what's going on in the marriage or whether or not the marriage is something that the two people involved are trying to fix/improve. You want to send your girlfriend to blow that shit up regardless of the consequences because you don't actually give a fuck about them, you just want to see some punishment happening to your gf.

Break up with her if you think she's a shitty person.

>>17031124

I don't think I'm a judgemental asshole for thinking this was fucked up. And it's kinda jarring when you see someone who should feel bad feel nothing or glad even.

She sure as shit didn't feel bad when she was fucking him. Why do you think she owes nothing to the wife? She effectively betrayed her. What if she gave her an std? Behaviors ought ton have concequenes. Real remorse has a price, otherwise it's empty words.

Also, why the fuck would I want to be with someone who:

>doesn't feel bad at all for this
>knowingly did this
>is fine with being a home wrecker and can't empethise with the person they wronged?


If I was in the wife's shoes I would absolutely want to know and harbor a grudge against the person who stabbed me in the back and failed to tell me. Even if just to get rid of the asshole who did this - and even if I didn't get rid of him, I want to make that choice, not leave it someone else's hands.

>she shouldn't make a decision the wife is entitled to make. Not confessing compounds the crime.

I love how I'm the home wrecker in this situation.

Inevitably on this board you run into someone who thinks it's stupid to expect someone to have some dignity, maybe even a little moral and ethical accountability.

>>17031124
Also they are married happily.

Im not forcing anyone to do anything. But I think this is the right thing to do.

It's disgusting and she knows it but the sad truth is that a lot of people don't give a shit and would do it. She probably got a high from besting his wife in a sense. People are selfish and unfortunately people like us (who wouldn't do it) are the minority.

Humanity is shit.

Break up with her. Blackmail the married guy. Then tell his wife somehow. Fuck him. Fuck her. She's a hoe. Get out.

>>17031199
I don't know them.

I feel so horrible for the wife. Empathy is a mother fucker.

Look... she says she's sorry about it. It's on you whether or not to accept that. We all make mistakes and yes, being part of a cheating situation is a huge mistake (and this is coming from a cheater).

There are two people who have to live with this. You and her. She apparently can and it sounds like you can't. If that's the case, tell her you two are through. However remember this sometime in the future when your morality fades.

>>17031372

>Look... she says she's sorry about it
>when your morality fades.

This is a perfect illustration of the cheater's mindset. Deep down, you think EVERYONE is the same as you, everyone would give into this kind of temptation if they thought they could get away with it. It just isn't true. Some people are genuinely capable of resisting their impulses and honoring a commitment, even when nobody is looking, and even when you really want to.

Let's be real, we both know your own "morality" will "fade" at some point in the future, if the right conditions occur again. And that's why I could never trust a person like you in a committed relationship. It's just a fundamental difference in personality, I don't even blame you, I don't think you could change your nature any more than a gay person could force himself to be straight.

>>17030969
I think the married guy is the one who has the responsibility to keep it in his pants and not fuck around.
I don't honestly think your girlfriend did something worse than just "fucking around" (which to me is still morally wrong, but whatever).

My ex boyfriend cheated on me and I've been very mad at him, because he didn't respect the promise he made to me, but not to the girl he cheated me with. She didn't owe me shit.

If you think she did, just dump her and move on. I find it very hard to date people with morals different from mine.

>>17031389

It's not AS bad as the cheater, but it's still pretty slimy, and it shows a general lack of respect for commitment. It's definitely worse from a moral standpoint than two single people having casual sex. If I found out my partner did this, I think I'd react pretty much the same as OP.

>>17031398
I agree that it shows lack of respect for commitment, but I don't think it's extremely bad.
Don't get me wrong - I'd dump someone who did it, too. But in general I wouldn't date someone who had casual sex. I don't think that you're responsible for other people's actions, and it's not her fault if he chose to cheat.

>>17031389

I kinda disagree.

If she knows he was in a commited relationship she has a moral obligation to avoid him romantically.

I think the reasoning is obvious. But if you really need a reason:

You shouldnt do to someone what you wouldn't have done to you.

I don't know if she knew or not in your case, but if she did know. She did wrong.

What if she unknowingly gave you herpes? You wouldn't feel so forgiving. Just know your boyfriend and this cheater put you at risk for that.

>>17031434

It's not her fault he chose to cheat? Maybe. But it is her fault he actually did cheat.

>>17031372
There are three people who have to live with this:

The wife
The cheater
My gf

2/3rds don't care.
1/3rd doesn't know. I bet she would. I bet if I told her she would thank me.

i get married guys trying to fuck me all the time, anon.

it certainly makes you cynical. i slept with one once because i was bored and horny, and, no, i don't have a whole lot of respect for their so-called "commitment".

felt bad for the girlfriend but i think it opened her eyes to what a slime the guy was.

>>17031478
She doesn't have any obligation to avoid him romantically, he had the obligation to turn her down eventually since he was committed to someone else.
She did nothing extremely wrong, to me. Something wrong for sure, wouldn't be okay with it, but it's not as wrong as you picture it.

She knew, which is why I can kinda relate. It's my ex boyfriend who promised me to be monogamous, to be faithful and loyal. It's my ex boyfriend who broke the promise.
She allowed it, and she surely has some level of responsibility, and I wouldn't hang out with her to have a beer. Not saying she did something right or okay morally, but still, he is the one at fault here.
I think what he did is much worse than what she is, and she didn't do something extremely wrong.
If I got herpes, I'd be mad at him. He'd be the one who gave it to me.

>>17031482
Why? He cheated. He is the one who was unfaithful and not loyal.
It's not her responsibility to respect his commitment to her. As long as she didn't rape him or something, I guess?

>>17031197
it's not about the wife anon. it's shockingly easy to get fucked by a married guy. maybe about the sex and attention and no longer giving a shit.

>>17031380
So. Much. This.

>>17031500
A very different path to the same solution.

Did you tell them?

>>17031512
The lions share of the blame lies upon the person who violated the commitment.

But not a small amount lies at the "other woman's" door.

Don't avoid the question though. If you got an std from this, would you feel differently supposing the other woman didn't know.

You know he put you at risk for this even though it's small.

I would hope someone would tell me, if I were the spouse.

She's probably not telling because she knows it's partially her fault, and she doesn't want to face that. Even though she didn't technically betray anyone, the husband did, she did contribute to his harmful behavior knowingly and willingly.

On a personal note, I am just as disgusted by people who knowingly fuck married individuals as I am by people who cheat. They're on the exact same level for me. But I can understand that she might feel bad now, and just doesn't want to put her guilt into a spotlight.

>>17031514
I wonder what you will say when it's your turn.

Basically your telling me it's ok for men to cheat on you.

>>17031380
Underrated post

>>17031538
>she didn't technically betray anyone

I don't really get this. There's this thing called human decency. No matter what the guy is, she should hold herself to a higher standard and keep away from that kind of (hurtful) shit.

>>17031532
I don't think I'd be mad at her, no. I think that he'd be an asshole for putting me at risk.
I'd be frustrated, as fuck. But I think it's still, mostly, his fault.

She didn't behave correctly, for sure, but I think the responsibility lays on him.

Op, you're a fucking idiot and I hope you break up with her because she could do better than a complete retard like you. Kill yourself.

>>17031628
>cried the cheater/cheater-enabler

>>17031628
Elaborate pls

>>17031512

>Why? He cheated. He is the one who was unfaithful and not loyal. It's not her responsibility to respect his commitment to her. As long as she didn't rape him or something, I guess?

In a cold logical way, you're right, and I don't have a substantial way to disagree with you. But I know that personally, I would be very uncomfortable sleeping with someone who was already married/in a committed relationship, and hiding our affair from their partner. It just feels dishonest and scummy, on a gut level, and I wouldn't want to be someone who sees nothing wrong with this type of thing

I agree you don't "owe anything" to the partner of the cheater, but it just seems shitty to even think that way. Maybe it's like you owe YOURSELF better than to be another person's dirty secret. I don't know how to explain my feelings on this, but I think I'm not alone in feeling this way

>>17031781
I don't think she did something bad to the wife or that she has responsibilities in the cheating. He is the one who did it, all responsibilities are on him.

But I think that if you agree to be the other woman, you have no self respect and you have no respect of relationships, in general. I do agree with you on that, I'd never do it myself and I would never date someone who cheated or willingly allowed cheating.
It's part of something "bigger" - I don't like casual sex. I don't understand sex outside of a loving, committed relationship. I don't want to have anything to do with people who don't feel that way.

>>17031380
undercooked toast

>>17031808

I think there's a pretty important distinction between casual sex between two single, unattached, consenting individuals, and carrying on a secret affair with someone who's in a relationship. There's no DISHONESTY in the first thing, and that's what matters most in my eyes.

A history of casual sex doesn't bother me in a potential partner, unless they have a history of being really impulsive/unsafe about it. OP's situation, in my mind, is grounds for a breakup. There's a big difference.

>>17031808
I fail to see how that's possible that they have responsibility.

If you know someone is doing something morally indignant, you are partially responsible for it.

Apply that to any other circumstance and you will see I'm right.

>>17031834

It's like if you SEE someone about to step in dog shit, and you could easily say "hey you're about to step in dog shit," but you just keep your mouth shut. You didn't take a shit on the pavement, and you didn't force them to step in it. But you knew it was happening, you could've stopped it, and you chose not to. It says a lot about you.

>>17031830
Exactly. You are facilitating dishonesty. That makes you responsible to some degree. You need to be responsible to someone if there is wrongdoing, and that's the deceived party.

Not only are you facilitating cheating, you are facilitating deception.

Sure you can see how that puts to to shame and in the debt of the person who you are working against.

>>17031840
If you make it so that the dog shit was put there by you, I think it's a better example

It's the mentality of people who can't see the big picture. They are the ones who base their morality off of "well I'm not hurting anyone so it's fine." They can't see past themselves.

The reality is, if people refused to enable cheaters, and instead made the infidelity known to the person's partner, the world would be a much better place. The "it's fine if you're not the one cheating" thing is ultimately very bad for our culture. It creates an environment where unfaithfulness prospers.

>gets mad when her friend cheats on her
>is a slut herself

You see the hypocrisy now? By the way, I'm not siding with your girlfriend, I'm siding with myself on this one.

>>17031861
I don't know what you mean

The "third person" in a cheating scenario should not feel guilty

They've done nothing wrong, unless the person getting cheated on is friend/family, then they're betraying someone close to them

Outside of that; Why blame them? They didnt cheat on anyone. Its the cheaters choice and they're the one with someone to betray

Ive been the "other guy" in situations before and I dont feel guilty. Shit happens man, if anything I feel like Im doing them a service

Im letting them know what a cheating ho their gf is, so they can break up with them

I'd rather that happen to me than stay with someone that would cheat on me, wouldnt you?

>>17031874
>I'm letting them know
OP's girlfriend kept it a secret with the husband and won't tell the wife, so that's very different.

>>17031874
Cause enabling someone to do something immoral is wrong in itself.

You have to reject empathy for the person who is being cheated on.


These things are wrong you psychopath.

Its being an accessory.

quote from ex

"theres 3 guys in my life. you, that kevin guy u dont like and this guy i really really care about. hes married for 5 years now and since he got married we only meet up about once a month."

point: all women have a man they really like but couldn't have. they will do anything to be with them, marriage don't mean anything.

i didnt read the thread but im never getting married.

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>>17031874

I can't say I agree with that.

Suppose I know you are going to rob a bank and I drive you there. You kill ten people.

By your logic, I'm not responsible for any of that.

However, morality, ethics, and the law don't agree.

You are wrong.

>>17031912
Pretty fucked.

Did the married man know about you? Don't you think he should have not been a faggot about this?

>>17031857
/pol/

>>17031952
Wanting the world to be a better place and for people to take responsibility in doing their part in that is /pol/-tier now?

>>17031963
aka don't be a degenerate.

Which is exactly what fucking a married person makes you.

There is only way to change that: make the based choice and tell the truth.

>>17031904
>>17031931

But the 3rd person is irrelevent. If someones capable of cheating, they will cheat. Regardless of who its with
If its not with you then it could be with some slut from somewhere else

I wouldnt call it enabling

I get the driving comparison, but they're not really comparable because its not likr driving is an enjoyable thing you want to do

And its not like cheating is akin to bank robbery and murder

>>17031987
If you know someone is doing something wrong or hurtful, and you help them do it, you are enabling them.

That's simply the definition of the term put in to practice.

But the same logical premise applies to both senarios. Your contention that the person who helps cheat did nothing wrong is the same argument as the driver of the murderer doing nothing wrong.

The events don't have to the same, but the underlying acts are absolutely the same.

>>17032002

So you're saying that the third person should feel responsible for ruining their relationship?

>>17031987
This mentality is exactly WHY they can so easily find people to cheat with. It's a cycle of infidelity. People say "eh it's fine, because if it's not me, it would be someone else" and now they are another addition to that group of "someone else" willing to enable a cheater. And it just keeps growing and growing.

Conversely, if people were taught and pressured to not be enablers and instead OUT cheaters, this would reduce the amount of people willing to cheat with someone and, consequently, the people willing and able to cheat.

>>17032023

Or how about this: Dont fucking cheat?

The issue isnt there are people willing to be mistresses or whatever the male equivelent is,

The issues is these hos and manhos aint fucking loyal and cheat!

If they didnt cheat and just worked on the relationship, or got the balls together to breakup like a man and go fuck someone after, then there no issue


As the third person, if they want to cheat and you dont want to "help them cheat", then you make no difference. They're gonna cheat with someone

If you want to help them cheat, but they dont wanna cheat, boom, problems solved, nothing can be done

>>17032015
Yes. Because they actively played a willing roll in doing that.

Same as the driver who knew the murder would happen.

>>17031869
Both of you are sluts, why are you even mad about it? Just move on.

>>17032037
It's gotta be both of these:

>Don't cheat
>Don't allow people to cheat if they are with someone.

One doesn't work without the other.

>>17032045
I'm a slut cause I'm fine with casual sex. That is what I meant.

I'm not ok with fucking around with married people or people who have significant others.

I'm a slut, not a monster.

>>17032037
Cheaters are absolutely in the wrong and have no excuses, ever. And cheater-enablers aren't AS bad. HOWEVER, that does not absolve the enablers of any responsibility. They are still in the wrong.

It takes two to tango, and both are guilty of allowing that tango to happen.

>>17032066

So since the cheater-enablers are in the wrong and have hurt someone:

>Do they have any obligation to feel guilty?
>Do they have any obligation to apologize for their portion of the shitty behavior.

Remember:
>Covering for someone and hiding their lie is dishonest and further wrongs the injured party.

>>17032037
>As the third person, if they want to cheat and you dont want to "help them cheat", then you make no difference. They're gonna cheat with someoneIf you want to help them cheat, but they dont wanna cheat, boom, problems solved, nothing can be done.

But why do I have to be the one that facilitates the wrong doing? I have enough morality and self respect to stop this. I should even have enough respect to TELL the wife what is happening.

>>17032090
>Do they have any obligation to feel guilty?
Yes
>Do they have any obligation to apologize for their portion of the shitty behavior.
Yes, but more than that, they are obligated to let the other person know that their partner is unfaithful

>>17032111
I'm GLAD there are people left in this world who can actually be decent human beings.

The guilt would eat me alive, ya know?

That being said, I don't think I can fix a person morally.

>>17032125
>I don't think I can fix a person morally.

You can't. You shouldn't try to change people in general, especially in relationships. People can only change themselves, for themselves, by themselves.

>>17031191
Word.

>>17032135
I told them I expected more from them. And that I think they need to come clean if they truly regret it.

I didn't say they had to do this. I did tell them my opinion of them has been diminished.

Should I sit on this for a while? Ask if they did the right thing and showed some moral fortitude on this matter? Break up with them if they didn't?

Or just say fuck it and do it now?

>>17032090

>Covering for someone and hiding their lie is dishonest and further wrongs the injured party.

This. I think we're really getting somewhere now.

Think back on the whole scandal about Catholic priests touching kids. The molestation itself is awful, but that can happen literally anywhere. The reason it was such a huge deal is because SO MANY people, high up the hierarchy in the Catholic church, KNEW about these abuses, and worked to keep them hidden rather than working to bring the perpetrators to justice and prevent future slip-ups.

The cover-up was, in many ways, even worse than the crime. There's no question that the molesters themselves should've been exposed and probably jailed. But what do you make of a person in a position of leadership, who hides and basically condones these actions, just to protect the "image" of their organization? Especially if you consider that there are many children who would've gone un-molested if one of those people had spoken up, brought it to the attention of the public, and made a strong statement condemning those actions.

I know I've strayed FAR away from the matter at hand, but the point is that you can be complicit and responsible for wrongdoing, even if you aren't actually the one breaking an agreement or breaking trust.

>>17032148
That is an excellent example, and it's completely correct.

This is on a smaller scale, but I think the same logical and moral premises apply.

>>17031628
>OP, you're a fucking idiot for being a good person

Fuck off.

Marriage is retarded

>>17032162
I don't disagree. I think that tons of stuff is retarded. But I don't fuck that shit up for anyone cause I'm not an asshole.