Sup, popped a couple of oxy's left over from my broken leg a while back to take the edge off my relationship issues.
Feel free to lay some of your problems at my feet so I can help you out. Likewise this will also help shift my energy towards helping you.
Let's go.
OP here. I'm still here and keen to help.
Ask a question and I will do my best to answer
>>17011761
>i do prescription drugs recreationally
>not gonna mention anything else about my life but LOL TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS AND LET ME SPECIFICALLY HELP YOU
why would anyone want your advice? if we make our own threads we at least get multiple perspectives as opposed to just one drugged up guy.
>>17011761
How can I meet girls when I'm a skinny fat friendless 21 year old unemployed NEET virgin guy in a small city (~5k pop) in rural North Sweden where 50% of the city speak Finish and not Swedish (the only language I speak besides english)
There, gave you something to work with.
>>17011853
OP here. It's the internet dude. What do you expect?
>>17011856
if by 'meet' you mean not just introduce yourself then run away, try
>working out
>getting in either employment, education, or training
>dont tell them you are a virgin (they wont know til its too late)
>talk to those who specifically know swedish
>also take a finish class
>move if it continues to be an issue.
>>17011881
you to take a hint. but your high so well let it pass.
>tfw boyfriend isnt a stoner
Wow you didn't offer any advice to me
Thanks alot OP!
>>17011900
it's the internet dude. what do you expect?
>>17011856
OP here. Excellent question with a relatively straightforward answer my friend.
I was in a similar situation at that stage of my life except I was a fatty and from Australia.
I found that I had to invest in myself and work on how I could enhance my own life - gave me back confidence, before I could give to others.
What worked for me:
>> get hobbies - gym, martial arts, vidya
>> look good. Gym it up and learn how to dress well for your bodytype and lifestyle. This will help give you confidence to talk to people.
>> faking shit - enjoyed drinking, music, some pop culture
>> have a job. Even if only retail or customer service. It helped me learn how to small talk and forced me to talk to people. Having money gave me opportunities too.
Pretty much become whatever idea of a cool guy in your mind is. Have hobbies and activities where you can interact with people and have something to talk about.
Eventually you'll start clicking with people. Not everyone though. People like us are an acquired taste - like semen.
Girls will come in time. They'll sense your growing energy once you start becoming the best version of yourself. Be attractive to all first.
As for the language and cultural issues with your neighbourhood, well I'm sure people are used to the idea of someone who might not speak their language there. Do your best to learn a bit of their language, even just a few polite basics and phrases. From there you can take it some form of broken mix of English/Swedish/Finnish etc
Even then it's not like this town is your only chance of meeting other people so fuck 'em if it doesn't work out.
You seem like a cool guy though. In time and with hard work it will get better.
>>17011890
OP here. Are you srsly saying I can't be coherent and high simultaneously?
They're not mutually exclusive ;)
>>17011910
>you dropped this my fine sir!
>props fedora
>>17011971
not technically sure, but being coherent, as in logical and well organized, doesnt mix well with being high on fucking oxy.
but thats not the point. someone who is so low in life that they do prescription drugs recreationally isnt really in a position to give advice.
>you're australian too
you're kind of my dream man if you are no longer fat.
I'd really like a response, but I don't feel it's interesting enough for its own thread. Every reply is appreciated.
I had a BF at 16-18, he was extremely attached to me and wanted to get married early, I broke it off because it was too much too early for me (I also wasn't allowed to have male friends, attend parties etc, he was very possessive). It was a bad relationship, so I've abstained from involving myself with anyone until now, I'm 20. I met someone, he's 10 years older and my first casual sex partner ever. We haven't discussed our relationship, but the age difference and his bachelor-like lifestyle made me think it's just FWB. We used to just watch movies and have sex at his place, but now we go out to drink, watch movies, cook for each other etc. We stayed at his place last week, we just ate, had sex once, then cuddled while reading newspapers in silence for a few hours, I stayed at his place while he went to work as he said he liked my company and wanted to see me when he came home. Do you think it sounds like a casual relationship or does he put more into it?
I'm not ready for a relationship and we're very different people, but I'm getting very attached to him. I feel anxious when I haven't heard from him like my stomach aches and I'm in a terrible mood. I think about him constantly, but we're in completely different places in our lives. I have no idea if it's reciprocated, sometimes he seems to like me, other times he just seems lonely and to enjoy the company and sex. I'm really starting to catch feelings and I don't know what to do.
>>17011983
OP here. Why would you sideline me simply because I had chosen to get high on some pills? I was feeling sad about my own relationship pitfalls and I'm still recovering from that broken leg.
Nothing wrong with recreationally taking a few pills or weed in the privacy of my own home or with friends.
Doesn't mean I don't have anything to contribute. Shit happens and I'll get through my gloomy cripple period soon enough.
Lol, cheers :)
People actually like Australians?
Since that Swedish guy fucked off tell me about yourself?
>>17012028
becuase you are doing drugs recreationally you can't understand why its dumb, but it is. I dont smoke weed myself, but i can understand why people do it. Oxy is not weed. its a lot worse.
that being said the actual issue as i first described it is
>you are insisting people come here to ask someone who does drugs for fun for advice
>as opposed to making their own thread and getting multiple insights
you could just go to other threads and give advice, but you make it all about oyu. why would anyone choose you over a full survey?
anyone who takes drugs to ease their own relationship pitfalls doesnt sound like they'd give good advice. if you want to contribute, contribute. dont be the center of attention. theres some advice for you
>people actually like australians
i dont know about 'people' but im obsessed with them. i almost let an anon from australia move in with me for 3 months. he was an insufferable 'WAHHH MY LIFE SUCKS' kind of guy unfortunately. adorable as fuck with the best fucking accent though. im not even turned off by the fact that you're a druggie (Though id prefer if you were more of a weed stoner than a pill popper). idk I got this weird fantasy about curly haired australians who just wanna do drugs and dance and shit. but id settle for just an australian, i can never seem to get one.
>>17012025
i think one thing you need to acknowledge is that not every relationship has to have an endgame. you can enlighten each others lives for the time being, and go on from there.
you're 20 so if i had to guess you are in college? enjoy his company until it is no longer convenient. you cant ditch someone you want to be with just cuz you want to be with him. otherwise you'd just be forcing yourself to date people you dont like.
just make a healthy attempt to have your own life (see your own friends at least twice a week, etc) and see where it goes.
it sounds like its a casual relationship to me.
>>17012025
OP here. Sounds full on with your ex bf. A relationship is like a bar of soap - the more you try to grip it, the easier it slips away.
Definitely would have been traumatic for you and understandable that you're apprehensive about your current situation.
Sounds like a comfortable adult relationship without a title desu.
It's past a casual fucking stage where you now have rapport and affection where there wouldn't be for a FWB.
I don't feel the guy would have put the effort in to maintain it to this point if it was simply a casual fuck. You both appear to like each other and that can grow into something.
Ultimately you need to ask yourself what you want out of it and what you're comfortable comfortable living with if it doesn't go to an ideal plan.
There's definitely some big issues which need to be discussed such as your mutually respective current situations in life and your expectations for what you both want:
- Either with continuing your situation which won't be permanent as someone will crack.
- Walking away on good terms
- Letting your relationship evolve and having the stability and certainty which you definitely need.
As for your ideas on if he's reciprocating - well that's what most guys are like in my experience. Nothing personal. Sometimes we're lonely and want company and sex. Sometimes we want to do couple stuff.
Hope that helped!
>>17012058
Thank you for your reply! I know, but the thought of growing even more attached to him and our relationship undoubtedly ending at some point just makes me think the heartache won't be worth it, especially if he considers our relationship casual and finds someone else. I'm not ready for a committed relationship and doubt he'd want one, especially with someone as young as me, but I don't sleep with anyone else and would be devastated if I found out he did.
Yep, I'm in college now. And I do have my own life, he actually complains a bit about me not always having time to hang out, he doesn't have many friends while I have a busy social life. And you're most likely right about the casual relationship, was just confused as I've never had one before and I'm completely inexperienced. My friends mostly just have sex with their FWB, then they don't sleep over and meet up once in a while. So I was a bit confused when he started inviting me on dates, calls me just to talk, cook for me etc. It's so confusing haha but thank you for your reply, I appreciate it!
>>17012090
>not worth the heartache
so are you just never going to date then?
romance is romance is romance, even casual fling romance. my opinion? its always worth it if you enjoyed the time spent with that person. it doesn't matter how the relationship ends. if a parent dies their time spent with you is not suddenly invalidated just because its over. same goes for relationships.
im a big believer in independence and being single and finding your own way. but despite that i think heartache is ALWAYS worth it. the more you experience the stronger your heart becomes. some people will say you are cold, but one day you'll look back at how much of a disaster you were at your first love and think 'wow i was edgy'.
the reason old stories contain such passionate people in adulthood is simply because dating wasn't so casual at the time. your first experience with a partner might not be until adulthood, so you experiencei t HARD. that of course fades over time, but by the time you are 25 or 30 you still might only have your SECOND romantic encounter in your entire life.
so they acted like teenagers with adult responsibilities. they acted like the pain was so hard they had to end their lives.
whereas now we get our second boyfriends by 15 and have our parents there to walk us through the heart break. by the time were well into adulthood we've experienced break up so many times that it doesnt hurt you nearly as bad as it did back then when you'd be sad for months.
some might say you grow cold or numb becuase of this. i disagree. you grow stronger. you know that relationships arent permanent, but you know you want to enjoy what you can while you can. it gives you a willingness to love in most any circumstance. it gives you the wisdom to leave when its clearly a sinking ship.
go get your heartbroken. you are a young girl. its your job.
just promise yourself that if you happen to last through senior year, you will break up after graduation.
>>17012078
Hi OP! Thank you for taking your time to do this, I hope your leg is okay. Yeah, my ex and I weren't good together, had a very dramatic relationship, his feelings were very strong and it turned toxic, so I've sworn off relationships for a long time. Even though it turned to shit, he was my best friend, and the break up pretty much wrecked me, so there's definitely been some apprehension since.
It's a very comfortable relationship, I really enjoy that we can be together in silence just reading, cook for each other, have fun etc. When I was younger, relationships and dating was mostly about partying, drinking, heavy makeouts etc. I love that we can just lay in each other's arm and listen to music without talking, it's so intimate and comfortable, but it also gives me the feels, haha. I really appreciate your response, and I'm glad to hear you disagree with >>17012058 and you don't think it's a purely casual relationship - I have my doubts, but ultimately feel like it might be something more, he's a very introverted guy with few acquaintances, so I think letting a girl cook for him and having her stay over is a ery big step for him. I completely agree I need to sort out my shit and find out what I want, I'm just unsure at this point. I actually highly enjoy our current relationship, I don't need us to be "boyfriend and girlfriend", but I'd really love to be exclusive. Any good way of introducing this without scaring him off?
And honestly, I get it, company and sex is always fantastic. I just want to be sure he enjoys it with me, and likes me as a person, and it's not just because I'm there, y'know?
>>17012099
Thank you for your reply, I can't answer in depth as I'm about to leave, but I appreciate it, it's an interesting perspective and you seem like a pretty strong person. I think you're completely not, it's not time wasted, it's me missing out because I'm afraid as fuck of getting my heart broken. My ex was my first boyfriend, and the heartache after breaking up was devastating, so I've been too scared to gain new experiences - probably missed out on some fantastic memories and people on that account. Thanks for your insight :)
I have anxiety or confidence issues with women who show that they like me. This happened recently with this girl I see all the time on my bus rides. I'd see her smiling at me and taking glances at me. I want to approach and introduce myself to her, but when I'm about to my brain freezes, my head feels light, my throats dry, and I end up not doing anything.
The thing is that this isn't the first time it's happened, and one previous time it was with I girl I had a crush on, which made me feel like shit when I just stood there doing nothing.
How do I get through this anxiety? How can I actively do something and approach these women and not end up feeling like shit for doing nothing?
>>17012119
there is no cheatcodes to press in that will make this work. however, there is some mindsets you can try to get into.
first and foremost being, shes into you. worst case scenario, it doesnt work out and your life is literally the same as it was before. there is no negative consequence for this.
that being said, if you DO make a move you do have a chance of it going well and getting the girl. so realistically your choices are
>ask her out, maybe get the girl, maybe your life is exactly the same as it has always been
>dont ask her out, never get the girl, life is the same as its always been.
life is going to be the same no matter what. so make a move.
literally nothing to lose.
the best approach would be if she has some sort of conversation starter on her. with girls this can be hard cuz they tend to not wear as many graphic Tees as men do. they wanna be all stylish and shit and commenting on that is either a direct flirt or just ghey.
if she has a book. if you can hear the song shes listening to, if you can see a brand that suggests her educational institution or place of work. comment on those.
worst case scenario is you recognize the brand of her phone and ask her about it. if you have a similar one, talk about your favorite parts, or least favorite parts. if a different phone, compare. pretend ur thinking of switching. or if she hates hers, talk about why yours is great.
go from there. the only other advie i can give is if you dont have a business card, get one. doesnt have to be a REAL business or anything, its just that they make life REALLY easy when you can just hand someone a card and say 'call me sometime'. it doesnt give them a chance to say 'OH YEAH LET ME TYPE THIS ISN AND ERR WHAT WAS THAT? OH THATS MY STOP!' etc.
its always more convenient and less awkward to say 'i gotta go, but here is my card, call me, we can talk about XX sometime. maybe this weekend over coffee?' and there you go.
>>17012090
>>17012078 here
It's never an easy situation. Change is always inevitable especially with any relationship. Be it friendships, casual lovers, conventional bf/gf stuff.
Tbh he's probably having the same ideas and feelings that you are if that helps.
I'd suggest since you're an adult and can take initiative with having the 'what are we' chat with him. Can't hurt to talk!
Question for you and others -
I'm in a vaguely similar situation where my current relationship is on the ropes. I'm 27 and she's 22 though; been together almost two years and I've had doubts that she isn't as in to me as I'm into her.
This is her first relationship and my second.
Feel that she's stonewalling me as she hasn't shown interest in doing conventional couple stuff like staying over, going on holidays together, eventually moving in later in the year etc
Always avoids giving me a straight answer or starts crying when IRL.
Blames her parents and their culture saying they wouldn't approve - we're from Australia and she's of Italian background and I'm of English/Singaporean background.
Other than that it's pretty great. She's looked after me whilst I'm recovering from my broken leg, she's got her shit together career wise having finished university and is now a nurse, besides the last paragraph I do like her family.
I feel like the relationship is running out of steam. I still love her genuinely, I want to work it out. She's saying that I should be grateful for what we have and appreciate it. I want more but I feel she doesn't want to give it.
What should I do? Break up? Live with the status quo? Persist and hope she comes around but risk driving her away?
Advice please.
>>17012162
>genuinely
sounds like you love her casually. and thats okay. people all like to say 'IREALYL DO LOVE HER AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER but i also want to leave her'.
if it was true passionate genuine love you'd just stick it out by her terms. but im not saying thats what it should be. im actually saying thats a silly notion. if her family is aware of you as they seem to be, and you've been dating 2 years, then her parents not understanding is just an excuse to me. she might want to take things slow. she might never want to move in.
the fact that she cries is interesting. but if i had to guess she is where most people are
>they do love and care about you
>but they do acknowledge that you arent their 'true love'.
as such they dont want to leave you cuz they like you, but they dont want to commit cuz they know they'll want to leave at some point. but they arent sure what that point is.
my recommendation? its your second relationship. its her first. id enjoy it while it lasts, but if its making you uncomfortable, wait til you are back on your feet then leave her.
then maybe come on holiday to hollywood and experiment with me.
you oxy poppin egotistical sexy aussie.
>>17012197
Haha, yeah there's love there but you're right - it's not the whole 'one, true unconditional love' ideal on the pedestal which we grew up hearing about.
I'm not sure I even believe in that kind of love. Do you?
Perhaps I love the idea of a relationship more than I love this particular girl. That's the epic truth bomb which I'm grappling with. Love is a beautiful thing and it's a pleasure to enjoy when it's there. But it does fucked up things to people lol.
Tell me about yourself?
I've always wanted to go to the US :)
>>17012252
>I'm not sure i believe in that kind of love. do you?
I do. people feel extreme things. but i dont believe it lasts forever or that it can truly take over everything else. at some point that just becomes obsession. I believe you can love each other truly and deeply. but I believe that doesn't make it an exception to the rule of entropy. all things end. ive come to a place where i find that more fun than the concept of loving one person forever.
I have a brazilian bf at the moment. but i also want to get my australian bf. i also want to get my jock bf. i had a lumberjack bf, and a novelist bf, and a scary movie bf, and a raver bf. i want to enjoy ALL the bfs. or at least have flings with them all.
>perhaps i love the idea of a relationship more than i love this particular girl.
i feel most people feel this way and dont realize it. its the reason 99% of /adv/ is 'HOW COME I CANT GET A GF'. it treats people like they are appliances. people saying they'd rather be in a horrid relationship than be alone. alone isnt so bad if you're doing it right.
there's a native american spirit totem about the bobcat, which teaches us to 'be alone without being lonely'. i like to think ive mastered that. before my current bf i was single for 4 years. nad the relationship kinda has cheat codes cuz hes leaving in september at the very latest.
>tell me about yourself?
im a huge fucking faggot
>I've always wanted to go to the US
well if you need to couch surf ill try not to molest you (unless you are into that).
>>17012282
>>17012252 here
I like the cut of your jib. I see the wisdom in what you say and concur that it has truth.
I find I'm better at giving advice than at taking it desu. I would prescribe the same advice to another however when the shoe is on the other foot it's harder to swallow lol.
You've got me dead to rights my friend :)
I'm a flawed beast of a man and it's good to put life in perspective.
Normally I am comfortable being solo. However, relationships are a weakness for me which I'm trying to work on currently.
You've been great to talk to but now I need sleep. Thanks for the advice!
>>17012346
you can just say "OP' here mate. theres only been six people in this thread. you, me, that chick with the older bf, but were the only ones left.
I think were all a little better at giving then getting because giving advice is objective. but when you try to use that advice you gotta cut through the emotional layers of your life just to make that possible. When people come here and ask for advice they dont realize that they actually want advice. for the most part they actually want a away to disconnect from their emotions surrounding the issue. they hope to find a magic cure.
i had a similar issue. my friend has become toxic and i knew i had to cut him out of my life. i advise people all the time to just drop it, and yet i kept building it up in my head like it was a really complex thing to do. once i realized that 'i give this advice all day, but am not taking it' it made it easier for me to just send him a text and cancel all of our plans indefinitely.
>relationships are a weakness to me
then perhaps you need to force some singularity next time the opportunity approaches itself.
good luck anon. sleep tight.
>>17011853
>opposed to just one drugged up guy.
you forgot to add
>who has relationship problems and deals with them by popping oxys
>>17012383
hey man what'd you expect its the internet
