Hey /adv/
I broke up with my gf of 8 years in December 2014 after I found out she cheated on me multiple times. It really fucked me up for a while because I thought I would marry this bitch and spend my life with her.
Since then, I've met a new chick who I'm quite fond of and we've been dating for several months. The problem is that I can't get my old gf out of my head. I think about her a couple of times per day. What's she doing? Is she enjoying life? Does she miss me? Shit like that.
To make matters worse, a year and a half since I last spoke to her I still have terrible nightmares about her almost night. I've accepted that it's over between me and her but I can't seem to shake her memory. Any tips?
I'll hang up and listen.
>>17008965
mental discipline time.
Ex does not miss you . Stop letting her live in your head. make a conscious effort to think about something else when it comes up.Hate her for what she did to you.
She was part of your life for almost a decade so don't be ashamed to get some theraphy or something
New chick might be like "you still have feelings for her" and you might but this is not a movie and really you just got well fucked up by the decade girl
>>17008965
How did you find out?
>>17009018
Had my suspicions so I hacked her iCloud account with a program that would allow me to download her text messages.
Found awful, awful stuff. For example, she made fun of me in messages with the guy(s) she was cheating on me with.
>>17009045
Tell us about your relationship with your mother.
>>17009117
It's fine, normal.
She nags me about shit like college and work and worrying that I drink too much.
>>17009123
It's normal? Meaning similar to most people's? If so then you're fucked
>>17008977
>hate her
Don't do this OP. Hate is a very strong feeling, and you don't want to have strong feelings for someone that you want to get rid of.
Try to rationalize what appened with your ex, and accept the fact that if she was cheating at your back, your relationship was already over even when you two were still together. She's been a bitch for what she did, but since you cut contacts with her and your story ended, it doesn't matter anymore.
You don't have to forget her, just accept the fact that she's a part of a closed chapter of your life and move on.
>>17009137
Sure thing Sigmund
>>17009149
If she is coming to him even in dreams when he has no control how can your advice work?
>>17009155
>implying Freud is the only one who thinks relationship with your mother affects your later relationships
>>17009160
OP here
I figured because I think about her so often during the day and she's so rooted in my psyche that I dream about her at night.
I just dunno how to overcome it.
>>17009167
Here is a hint. It isn't really her but what she and what happened with her represent about yourself. That is what you have to work through.
>>17009162
Why would a normal relationship with my mother mean that I'm "fucked"?
>>17009174
this sounds like great advice
Can you elaborate please?
>>17009175
Cause most people's relationship with their mother sucks
>>17009185
What do you think is the message of her and that situation to you? What did it make you realize about yourself?
>>17009194
Mainly it made me feel like I was naive as fuck because apparently the cheating was going on for quite awhile.
It made me feel like I trust people way too much. But now, 17 months later I almost feel paranoid about relationships with people, girls and guys.
>>17009205
I would think it also made you feel not very valuable. Yes?
>>17009207
Correct
>>17009218
This is what you must deal with. Your sense of value.
>>17009220
how?
>>17009228
Do you feel you have a lot of value?
>>17009235
Sometimes...but overall not really
>>17009238
That's your problem right there.
>>17009254
I understand and I appreciate the advice, I really do. It might be the most eye-opening advice I've heard since this whole ordeal.
But how do I suddenly feel like I have value?
idk how to go about it
>>17009255
It does not have to be sudden. You have time to build it. It is the direction you are going in. So the question is what would make you feel valuable? Which goes back to the question of what you think is valuable in a person in general.
>>17009270
So the question is what would make you feel valuable? Which goes back to the question of what you think is valuable in a person in general.
not sure desu
>>17009255
Was in the same situation and what helped me was getting fit. It made me feel a lot better about myself
>>17009296
Then you first need to figure that out.
How did you start getting suspicious of her ? Like what were the signs ?
>>17009160
Just keep himself busy and occupy his mind. When the thought of her arises he has to identify this and switch his train of thought or be around people or do things that will make him forget. Slowly you train yourself. Its difficult, but it works. You'll start getting use to not caring or getting better at avoiding thoughts of her until its natural.
>>17008965
>I've met a new chick who I'm quite fond of and we've been dating for several months
hahaha you are an idiot i hope you get cheated on again for not learning your lesson the first time.
