Need advice on re-initiating a relationship.
Bf and I broke up a month ago, he moved out a week ago now lives 2 hours away. We broke up because of communication problems, we were inadvertently hurting one another. After some learning and self-examination I found a way to make it work, asked him to stay (this was a week before he left) and he said 'I need to be strong and do this for myself', presumably not believing it could be different. Now it's been 5 days since he left and he's texted me saying that he wants to get together when we've had time to be alone and work on ourselves, go to therapy, break bad habits and be more productive. He says that though he keeps thinking about coming back he's not sure that he isn't deluding himself.
I want him back and am certain our interactions will be more positive. Most of the issues were with me, and my lack of empathy/emotional intelligence. He lives 2 hours away and I have a sick cat so I can't go visit him, I can only text or invite him here. He wants to limit contact so he can focus on himself more, but would obviously be overjoyed if I texted him. I'm worried anything I do will make him miss me less and therefore be less likely to get back together. What would be your next move?
>>17008569
I should probably add that I was the one who originally ended the relationship.
You should seriously give this some more time. You're compounding your old relationship mistakes with a new one: thinking that it's a good idea to pursue someone who isn't enthusiastic about you. This is how people end up in miserable situations.
Wait until "thinking about" becomes "enthusiastic about." And if he stops missing you and moves on in the meantime, there could be no clearer proof that his enthusiasm was missing all along.
>>17008586
I think you're correct.
I'm anxious to get back together, but I think that contacting him now will make him less interested (you want what you can't have). If I give him time, he's likely to think about me more in terms of when we first met, rather than the sadness and hurt when he left 5 days ago.
>>17008586
>Wait until "thinking about" becomes "enthusiastic about."
How will I know? When should I contact him? Ideally he should be the one texting me, but if he doesn't, how long until I text him with a "hey! do you remember the name of xxxxx" and feel out the situation?
He plans to come up sometime to see me, maybe stay over, or at the least pick up his things he left. When he does, what do I do?
>>17008601
>you want what you can't have
Truth. And are you sure that isn't EXACTLY what's going on with you, right now? When you were together, you wanted him gone. You asked him to come back, he said "no," and now you want him more than ever.
I think he's right. I think you both need some time to yourselves, and some distance from the relationship to figure out what your individual needs and priorities are. I think you should stop thinking about it like "if I act like I don't care, he'll come back," and actually MOVE ON instead.
