I'm an ex thief and haven't stolen from anyone for a long time. As I've gotten older, I've learned what kind of pain I've caused and the sense of anger that victims of theft feel.
In the last two weeks the sense of guilt has gotten so acute, so strong that I've had a weird desire to let people hurt me - like letting someone grind my fingers under their heel, kick or punch me in the face, or similar acts. I've been punched and kicked in the face before. I feel so bad I want to let someone do it to me again - I can't explain how terrifying getting kicked like that is so the fact that I feel low enough to want it says something about how low I feel.
This is obviously not acceptable. I put an ad up on Craigslist and paid someone who had been the victim of theft, thinking that if I let someone bill me it would be punishment enough. But that didn't work.
Is this common? Do I just sit with the guilt? Is there some socially acceptable, intense way of working this out?
Yeah, confession and/or making amends.
Until then, enjoy wallowing in your sin and/or guilt.
>>17007445
If you can't actually repay the people you stole from (an envelope with cash and an apology will do), pay it forward. Do Good Works, gratuitous acts of generosity or kindness, to balance out your karma.
Keeping in line with being kicked, you could post on craigslist that you want to buy working men's used boots for the cost of a new pair. It would be a rip off since they get a new pair and you get their shitty old ones. Then you could lick the bottom of the boots to work out your guilt.
There was a guy who posted on here a few weeks ago who lost a bet or had a fetish or something that caused him to lick another guy's boots. He got a parasite in his eyes from dog shit that was on the boots and might go blind. If you're feeling really guilty, you could do that.
The other guy gets money for new boots and you get to work out your guilt by doing the most demeaning thing I can think of. Win win, kind of.
>>17007445
What kind of thief were you? Did you steal, like, life-ruining amounts of money? Were you just like a street mugger? You ever hurt anyone in the process of robbing them?
You can't erase the past, and the guilt is just a sign you're not a sociopath. You did something wrong, you know it was wrong, and so the memory eats at you. But this self-punishment schtick doesn't help anyone. If you spent the first part of your life hurting people, spend the rest of your life helping people. Find some way to do something substantially good with your life. Getting a stranger to beat you up solves nothing. Balance out negative actions with positive actions, not just more negative actions that hurt you instead of a different victim
>>17007478
lol christian fag
Feeling the guilt and remorse is punishment enough, dude.
If you want to do more then figure out a way to apologize like >>17007515 suggests. Do good, don't prompt bad on yourself.
