I'm an extremely understanding individual. There have been several incidents in my current relationship which would have caused most people to flip out or at least spend a long time complaining about it.
I do this because I want things to work with my partner and I don't want to fall into the habit of petty arguments. I am hurt by some of the things that have happened but I have a view that shit happens and it's how you deal with it that matters.
However, recently I've started feeling like I can't bring up any concerns I have with my partner. I feel like by dealing with them and excusing them in the first place, I have no right to feel anything from them afterwards. Understandably, my confidence is a bit knocked and I'm doubting the success of this relationship, but I don't feel I can bring the reasons up because they've already been dealt with.
I think I just avoid any conflict with this person because I don't want to be seen as a bad guy, but by doing that I'm probably causing myself more anxiety in the long run.
Any tips on how to deal with this?
I would read up on how to deal with conflicts in a healthy manner. it can be tricky, and honestly I've been married for 4 years and am still learning how to do this shit.
>shit happens and it's how you deal with it that matters.
this is an excellent viewpoint, and it shows you're already partway there.
anyway, after you've done some studying on it, talk to your partner about what's been going on and how you feel about all this. let them know that you are going to be a bit more vocal about issues that come up, but that at the end of the day you still want what's best for the relationship. their reaction should be supportive. a good partner would want for you to feel able to air your beef when needed. if not, that's a bad sign.
also remember that you have the right to feel whatever you feel, whenever you feel it. in certain situations it may or may not be appropriate to express it, but your feelings are always yours and you're allowed to have them. make sure you mentally separate the feeling from the decision to act on it or speak of it. if you think of them as the same thing, then you will feel invalidated every time you can't speak up about something. in this way it's easy to get in the habit of invalidating yourself while feeling as though the other person is invalidating you, when in reality they'd be perfectly fine with you airing your opinion. not sure how much of that applies to you, but am saying so anyway, just in case it does.
>avoidant personality disorder
>>17003570
Talk to them. I understand conflict is hard but things will get worse...I promise.
>>17003760
I guess when I do end up speaking to them, I don't want it to be negative. I'm so scared of them leaving me that I'd rather just deal with the shit myself.
>>17003622
This is the most accurate description of me ever.
>>17003570
I have the exactly same problems with my GF anon.
Although I've actually had several conversations with her about our issues, it never changed anything.
I suppose some people are just not meant for each other.
Please don't think "it will just work out", because it won't.
>Even though I'm giving you such advice, I'm now afraid of breaking up with her for the THIRD fucking time. And we already are engaged.
Please don't repeat my mistakes anon. End it while you can.
And after you find a new one, start being assertive ASAP and put YOUR interests before anything else
>>17003807
I got fed up. Don't know how I got the courage, packed and left my ex after 4 years of giving in. Now I learnt to be less 'nice' to others but I'm sure as hell happier. You don't have to be a big meanie, just don't say yes to everything they ask of you. You are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, not with them.
Anon don't waste your kindness on those who won't reciprocate
