Bros before Hoes?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Having a hard time /adv/
>Have best friend of 5 years
>we both get gf's
>still hangout regularly, but not as often, still best friends
>he dumps gf, I don't, I'm still totally in love and sure of my future with her
>he becomes social superstar and I have plenty of time with my gf, life is good
>he fucks up with a friend and looses his social life
>starts hanging out with me a lot more, making less and less time for gf
>I have college, work, and plenty of other obligations, I barely have enough time myself
>plans never work out with gf anymore, friend always makes it hard for me to leave when hanging out
>at the end of each day I've dissapointed one or the other, my gf understands and isn't upset about it anymore, but neutrally accepts that i'm an unreliable person.
>both sides are throwing guilt at me, and I already have a guilt complex, but neither side is verbally giving guilt, just making it obvious with body language and attitude.
>speaking with my best friend and telling him I need time with my love would make him feel betrayed
>my gf is the love of my life and that's the actual person I want to spend most of my time with
What the fuck do I do? I've been wrestling this problem for 6 months now, i'm no longer the same person. I have high ethics on not letting anyone down, and I don't know if I could talk to my best friend and tell him that I can't hang out as often.
I'll give background if any is needed. Thanks.
>tl;dr
bros b4 hos was just made up so that lonely guys can push their friends to be lonely like them and not be jealous about them
>>17000067
That I guess that says i'm justified to want to spend time with my gf.
How long have you been with this girl, OP?
What makes you sure that you and her will work out in the end?
What about this friend, how good of a friend is he exactly?
I'll tell you what dude. In my experience, girls come and go but a good friend is nearly impossible to find.
Sounds to me like they're both clingy and toxic. Especially your friend. Tell him to stop being a clingy faggot.
gf should understand the need for bro time when your bro is going through some shit, but six months IS a bit of a long time.
why aren't you hanging out in group settings with both friend AND gf?
>>17000083
Girlfriend: 1 1/2 years
Her and I have been through some of our most difficult times together and never had an argument last more then 10 hours. We truly understand one another, and have the same ethics, ideas. We love each other more then anything and would do anything to preserve that, every fear i've had in this relationship has been conquered.
Best Friend: We both developed as people together, became young adults together, learned a lot about the world, did so many crazy things together. He has changed and doesn't want to hear it, he no longer shares many views that I do. The fact that he's changed doesn't mean I wouldn't be friends with him, it just doesn't feel like the same guy. He's become quite selfish and lost any sense of empathy.
>>17000101
Girlfriend has been hanging in there doing well and understanding for the past 6 months, but were both getting exhausted at how our time gets shorter and shorter.
I've tried hanging out as a group, it worked when he had his gf, but now they don't get along well, typically my friend is really crude and intimidating to my gf. Not in an aggressive way, he just is that way with people.
You have to be kind of careful here. If your friend is getting clingy over you wanting to hang with your gf he has some problems. I understand wanting to chill with your friends but it's kind of weird he makes it hard for you to leave when you're hanging. If he doesn't understand you guys chilling and then you leaving to spend time with your girlfriend after a few hours or whatever then something may be wrong there.
>>17000134
Yeah, it's more normal then it seems, because hanging out with either of them is usually only for 1-2 hours max. I have average 10 hours of school a day, and I work quite a bit. I have plenty of other things to do, so all I can fit in is about an hour or two, where both of them are use to hanging out all day when I wasn't in such a hard situation.
Self bump
the simplest answer is just to be the master of your schedule. your friend cant make you stay. even if he guilts you you say 'i am not gonna fail a class to stop you from being bored. go do XX or YY'.
when it comes to my schedules im very strict. if i want to stay in that night i just say 'sorry i got plans that night' and thats it.
>Bros b4 hoes
Unless you have a hoe and its hoes b4 bros.
tell your friend to get out there
>>17000063
its a fine balance betwen bro time and GF time. because one or the other will seem to want more than the other will allow.
you might have to use white lies as excuses. not all the time just when you need them. no ones feelings get hurt and you can spend time with both of them.
>>17000063
it makes me feel sad that men spend so much of their time looking for someone to take them away from the friends who have been with them for so long.
romance is the most fragile of all the human relationships. perhaps when your girlfriend breaks your heart your friend might still be there to take care of you.
>>17000481
I've been doing this for months, the guilt from each side builds up.
>>17000442
I guess I just have to learn to be able to upset people.
>>17000500
It makes me sad you've never had a girl to show you what love is, that is your deluded reality keep your pity in it.
>>17000553
if they get upset because you say 'im busy that night' then you need not only better friends but a better girlfriend. normal sane people will see you are only available for a certain amount of time each week and just schedule with you accordingly. i think you are dramatizing how thry react.
>>17000553
I'm in a relationship, thanks. i still pity you. cant wait to see all the threads when you break up and your friend just doesnt give a fuck.
>>17000571
Again my gf got use to it, and I said he would get upset if I told him that we had to spend less time together. You already showed your opinion on how you feel about guys choosing their gf over their friend, he would feel betrayed.
And again if your girlfriend gave you the same thing that I have then you would atleast somewhat understand, no not sex. I have a decent ethic on how important friendship is, I'm not throwing it away, he's pushed me to consider cutting his time.
>>17000063
>plans never work out with gf anymore, friend always makes it hard for me to leave when hanging out
>at the end of each day I've dissapointed one or the other, my gf understands and isn't upset about it anymore, but neutrally accepts that i'm an unreliable person.
That's not fine. Your girlfriend is being a saint but your friend is being an asshole. You can't allow him to fuck up your plans with her, it's not like you ignored him at all. Tell him explicitly to cut the crap or cut your time with him. You can't allow your girlfriend to lose the trust she has in you because of his bullshit.
>speaking with my best friend and telling him I need time with my love would make him feel betrayed
Then he needs to grow the fuck up. Is he 14 or something?
>my gf is the love of my life and that's the actual person I want to spend most of my time with
Then do it, and don't fuck it up now for no reason. Also remember to talk with her about those doubts, and if you decide to act l would let her know. From the outside it's not clear, so I can't say for sure, but she could feel neglected and underappreciated if you had messed up plans with her at your friend's whim. You have to make sure that she knows that's not the case.
Friendship is great, one of the best things in life, but it looks to me that, like you said yourself in >>17000115 he is only being selfish. A lot selfish and childish and is probably using your guilt against you. I don't want to create shit if there is not, but pay attention about the possibility of him trying to fuck your relationship with your girlfriend intentionally, out of envy,jealousy or whatever. If he really is changed so much and has no empathy he could totally do that.
>>17001112
>>17000115
Also:
>Girlfriend: 1 1/2 years
>Her and I have been through some of our most difficult times together and never had an argument last more then 10 hours. We truly understand one another, and have the same ethics, ideas. We love each other more then anything and would do anything to preserve that, every fear i've had in this relationship has been conquered.
She is your friend as well, and being a better one right now.
>>17000126
Dude 6 months is a lot. Why didn't he tried to hang out with someone else as well? Also try to tell him to chill, are you sure that he is not being particularly bad to her?
>>17000612
>he's pushed me to consider cutting his time.
Do it. Immediately. In my opinion, the longer this situation go on the worst is going to be.
>>17001147
>>17001120
>>17001112
Quality posts guys, I'll take these into consideration, my girlfriend and I talk about absolutely everything, so she understands. But I guess it's all on my plate to be able to dissapoint someone and not feel guilty.
