Every single damn time I try to date a guy, this happens:
>meet guy
>think he's attractive
>guy invites me on date
>have great time talking to him
>second date
>guy starts getting close, maybe makes a move to kiss me
>panic mode engage
>secretly want to run away, don't touch me, get away type-stuff
>stop being attracted to guy, whenever guy expresses sexual intent just totally lose interest
What the hell is wrong with me? I find guys attractive, but I haven't been able to date one for so long because this crap always happens. This did not happen when I dated a girl, I wanted to be with her all the time and didn't mind the physical contact. Why haven't I been able to have the same with a guy?
Every single damn time I try to date a girl, this happens:
>meet girl
>think she's attractive
>I invite her on date
>have great time talking to her
>second date
>Have another great time chatting and getting to know each other
>two more dates later
>she suddenly becomes "busy" every time I propose to date
>she stopped being attracted to me, whenever I try to take things slow they just leave and go hunt for dick from someone else
See what's wrong here? Maybe it just takes more time with you to get comfortable around guys. The problem is though that guys don't want to take it slow because most women act like sluts so lots of guys take the hint and try to get into your pants asap.
You just have to wait it out until you find a guy who's also willing to not jump the gun or just get over your autistic panic mode.
>"hey it takes a while for me to feel comfortable enough with someone to get physical. if that's cool with you let's hang out again later this week."
why is communication so taboo these days
>>16997843
>>16997852
Even if he's almost 30? Would he be ok with it?
>>16997809
>Why haven't I been able to have the same with a guy?
Fear.
>This did not happen when I dated a girl
Hmm
>>16997860
Yeah, not all guys are sluts
>>16997852
I think it's an interesting "slut complex" Where women will feel that the guy will lose interest in her and move on if she doesn't act in a promiscuous way. Especially if the girl is interested in the guy.
I think it's ok for you to want to wait to get physical with the guy, but understand that you must communicate that to them, hey maybe they bounce, but good riddance because that isn't what youre looking for anyways. For the guy, if you start to distance yourself, and "secretly want to run away", to them it looks like you aren't interested, thus no further effort is expended.
>>16997809
Either stop being a prude or accept the fact that you are a lesbian
>>16998029
No, the instant they start to suggest anything sexual I lose interest. When it's just them hovering over me and getting too close, it frightens me and I want to leave. When they start talking about sexual intent, I am completely uninterested. Instead of fearing that he will lose interest, himself, I'm actually hoping he does so that I don't have to be the object of his affection any more. But I feel guilty over it because
a) I found him attractive at one point
b) he's not doing anything wrong, I feel bad doing this to him.
>>16997809
Because, speaking as a man, most males are congenital fucking scumbags.
>>16997809
There's nothing 'wrong' with this, you just need to communicate with the guy. Tell him you need to get to know him before you want anything physical. Sure, there will be guys who will drop you for that. Let them walk away because they're a bad match for you.
It's likely that you haven't had this problem with girls because girls are taught to be more socially aware than guys. A girl might notice that you don't like being touched and stop, while most guys won't stop ANYTHING regardless of what they notice until you very firmly tell them 'No.'
>>16998051
>he's not doing anything wrong
Okay, there is no 'wrong' or 'right' here. There is simply what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. Talk with the guy to let him know what makes you uncomfortable. If he leaves, so be it. If he stays and doesn't listen to what you have to say and keeps touching you, ditch him. When you find a guy who listens, you may have a winner.
That being said, try to have these conversations somewhere in public (coffee shop, etc), since some guys take this kind of thing way too harshly and react aggressively. If you find a guy like that, just cut all contact because they're never wroth the time.
You're gay OP.
>>16998074
>>16998093
Hey, thanks anon, warm hugs to you! This is such good advice.
>>16998104
I thought so too, but didn't think lesbians can like how guys look and flirting with them? I like guys when they are shirtless objectified hunks, but only to look, not touch, apparently.
>>16998212
You're definitely not straight, and it doesn't look like you're bi. Bi people have sex with men and women, if they're attracted to them. You're a lesbian who thinks men are attractive. That's all.
>>16997809
Because you're not really gay. You might like the idea of 'hanging out' with guys but when it comes to intimacy the revulsion of kissing/cuddling another man kicks in. This revulsion is in our DNA, it's natural.
Give up the dudes.
>>16997852
this.
>>16997860
He won't like it but if he's really interested he'll stay. Was in a somewhat related position with the now mother of my son.
>>16998473
It's in your DNA.
>biologists everywhere either start to cry or laugh hysterically
>>16997809
perhaps you are a giant homosexual
and thats ok
engage in girl on girl proclivities and be happy
You're being neurotic for no reason. Realise these guys aren't going to hurt you and get over your anxiety. A good man will protect you not hurt you. There's nothing wrong with looking for someone you feel comfortable with who doesn't move too fast and who you think is capable of handling you properly.
Maybe it's necessary for you to see a psychologist to work through it. Sounds like there are more deep seated issues at play that make you unable to trust men that you aren't willing to acknowledge at the moment.
Alternately have you considered telling these guys how you feel instead of leaving them guessing and in the dark.
>>16997852
>why is communication so taboo these days
This guy gets it
>>16998565
>op enjoys sexual relationships with other girls
>op does not enjoy sexual relationships with men
Do you really think seeing a psychologist will help her become more comfortable with men? Doesn't there seem to be an easier solution?
>>16997809
Maybe you're engaging too much much and it scares the shit out of the guy.
Try being mire cool like if he was your friend when you're on the first dates.
I wish that was my problem. It usually goes:
>meet guy
>we date
>everythings great
>they get bored
>fuck their ex gf
>>16999386
Well, I'm normally totally "cool" in this sense. I just talk with them, and the guy is always the one to make the first move. I don't think I'm scaring the guy with my intensity, since I'm in no rush to do anything with them.
Shh just come to the gay side, OP. The sex is better.
>>>/lbgt/
>>16999984
are you that same lesbian that's been posting Sunstone the last two weeks or so?
>>17001090
I mean, I haven't been posting Sunstone THAT much.
...Have I?
>>16999984
All the lesbians I know say that objectively, straight sex is better, so I dunno. Anecdotal evidence, but that's the word on the street.
>>17001179
How'd they know?
But I'm pretty sure I read a study about lesbians rating their sex 'most satisfying' (although having sex least frequently)
>>17001191
Except for like 2 of them that I know, none of them are gold-star lesbos. They all pretty much started off dating guys and switched to women. Usually only comes up when we're shithoused, and I don't care that much, it was just interesting in passing.
>>17001203
So you mean you know bisexuals who prefer dick? Well that's different obviously. I meant actual lesbians but yeah people have different preferences.
I was in what seems like the EXACT same position a couple years ago. I used to lose interest in guys who would want to be intimate with me and was scared by advances by them. I was also attracted to women so I thought maybe I was lesbian.
I've now been with my boyfriend for two years and am so glad I got past that point in my life. He scared me a lot when we first dated but since I had found him attractive before I got scared I persevered. When he kissed me I just felt scared and I just told him that I wanted to go very slow.
Bit by bit, I became used to him. My fear passed and I felt incredibly attracted to him. I'm so glad I got over that. Now I don't feel that about men at all! Hopefully you'll have the same luck, OP, so find a guy who is worthy and try to stick it out to see what happens!
