Loved but desired.
I'll try to keep my explination brief. I've been married for 8 years now, seriously committed to my wife for 10 (dated on and off before that). My wife admitted to me recently that she's never really lusted after me, or anyone for that matter. She claims that she just doesn't really want sex herself. Which is not to say we don't have sex, it's just I always have to initiate or ask for it (and I'd say I get it 60-70% of the time). I know she loves me, we've been through a lot and she's supported me. She's also usually pretty willing to try things I ask for (pegging, crossdressing). But it's started to bug me, because I know she doesn't "desire" me. Is that weird or bad? It makes me not want to be with her, which then makes me feel bad because I know she cares.
Most people want to be desired, so I completely understand your feelings. If your wife feels that way, I'm wondering: how much does she enjoy the sex you're actually having? I mean, if she doesn't "really want" sex, could it help if somehow it would be more pleasurable for her?
This means she really trusts you saying such thing or she believe you won't leave her anyway. Which is good news for you.
>Is that weird or bad?
IMHO after 8 years of marriage you are lucky to have only this problem. Maybe she is the mystical asexual being the internet sometimes talks about. Don't worry about this much and keep doing what you do.
>>16996446
ahh its the 7 year itch. you need to romance her again and again to keep the spark alive.
remember how and what made you two fall in love with each other.
she doesnt desire you is a bad thing because you arent making you "want" her sure she loves you but she wants to know that after 8+ years you still find her sexy and will still find her sexy
>>16996470
>you have to win her again
But according to OP, she NEVER lusted after him or any other man
>>16996457
I've asked her if there's anything she wants to try or experiment with. She says that just regular sex is good enough for her. The only thing I'd say I can definitely tell she likes more is roleplaying and pretending we're certain anime characters (The more I say this stuff the more I feel like we're some disgusting weaboo couple).
>>16996470
When I'm away (which is often because of my jobs) I send her messages that I'm thinking about her. When I come home, if the kids aren't home I've tried grabbing her up for an immediate romp (this is probably the least success sex approach). I've taken off work to surprise her. Offered to take her to a boutique lingerie store. In a counseling session awhile back (probably two years ago) she said these things don't make her want to have sex with me. She knows that I want her, and understands I'm showing my love for her, so she does it for me, not for her.
>>16996446
More than likely OP she just hasn't figured out what she enjoys in sex yet. Most women don't even learn to have an orgasm till they are in there twenties. You two should have a date out on the town in which you hit up some adult stores and look for books geared towards fun sex, and maybe have her discuss what she does like (that she knows of so far) and try to build off that.
There is also the possibility that her hormones could be off, so if you guys work on the sex life for a while and she honestly doesn't feel she wants more sex, have her make a doctors appointment about this. Excersise and diet is also a HUGE factor.
It's taken me about 5 years to really start figuring out what I like in the bedroom and exploring new things, but even when I want sex, I don't really crave it unless I'm getting enough exercise and the right foods in my diet.
Another thing that helps is dressing up for each other once in a while. Go on small dates where you both have the opportunity to really clean up and remind each other what first attracted you to each other.
>>16996508
Fellow femanon here, we very rarely like to just be grabbed for a quick fuck. Not saying it never happens-there are certainly times it's nice and we want to, but we often find it much more enjoyable with foreplay, or when you guys start early in the day with little things.
In the morning give her a slow kiss on the neck and then continue on with other things. Send her little flirtatious messages a few times throughout the day that aren't too raunchy. Make your hugs last a little longer than just a few seconds, and grind into her a little. Touch her more.
For us it's a lot more mental than physical.
>>16996508
a womans sex drive lasts all day so if you want her horny at night you have to start wooing her in the mornings. the other thing is when you help her with the housework. (sure it sucks but it needs to be done) she needs to know what makes her feel sexy. she knows you love and desire her but she needs to find out what turns her on too. a good idea would be have a romantic day but she tells you what she wants instead of you showing her what she wants
The majority of women don't experience 'spontaneous' desire like guys do. So she's normal and it doesn't really make sense to expect 'more'.
Read Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski.
Embrace Weeb Hell. Get really into it-go to cons, do cosplay, start a Facebook page. You'll have lots of company.
