>Been dating my GF for a year
>We're both 21 and virgin
>Known each other since junior high
>She's never had a BF but in high school made out with several guys and had a friend with whom she discovered herself sexually (father she went was a titjob)
>Never did it because she wanted "feelings involved"
>Had a GF but was really shy and made very clear sex was off the table
>She never liked the idea of intimacy but she always tried to make it up
>Broke up when college started
>Stay single for a while and start dating this girl
>Expect that everything would be great since we've know each other for a long time
>Finally get a moment of privacy
>Try to get her in the mood
>She's told in the past about the thing she liked with other guys
>She really enjoys it
>She get to spend the night at my place
>Try to go further
>Always stops me
>Try talk to about it with her
>Says she's really into me but there's something that traumatized me
>Tells me that before we started dating she went to a friend's alone one day
>Got really drunk and wakes up naked or her friend's couch
>Panicked and went to the doctor to see if she was raped
>Turns out she wasn't
>Says that's the reason she can't stand the idea of having sex
>Feel like an asshole for trying to push her
>Time goes by and she starts avoiding intimacy with me
>Talk to her and says I'm trying to push her
>Explain that I don't feel like it but explain that she hasn't taken my needs or expectations into account at all
>Says she's sorry and we agree to take things slow but try to be more intimate
>Comes to my place
>We are having a good time watching a movie
>Go out three minutes to make popcorn
>She's asleep as a rock
>Don't say anything and go to sleep
>Remember the fact that before we started dating she felt very comfortable about her sexuality and also the things she's done with other guys and get angry
>Also remember the story she told me and feel like a dick for not being able to understand her situation
>Don't know what to do.
Your anger at her past experiences is understandable but not justified. I bet she would like to be that sexually open person again, too.
Having said that, wanting more intimacy IS very justified. I'd just bite the bullet and open up a conversation about it where you focus on at least wanting to make progress - if she can't do that by cuddling up more or kissing you spontaneously than by couple's counseling or individual counseling to help her get over this experience - for the relationship to withstand.
You're thinking way too much about your "needs and expectations".
That line right there exposes you as a huge asshole. I hope you didn't say that to her, especially after she opened up to you about an experience that left her feeling scarred.
If you're so caught up on your needs, than leave her and let her find another person that can actually understand her and support her, because you ain't cutting it dude.
>goes to male friend's house
>gets drunk
>expects that everything will be 100% platonic
>wakes up naked
>immediately assumes that she was raped
This is not a girl that you want in your life, OP. She makes bad decisions and then blames other people for them. Right now she is blaming you.
Don't waste your time on her, OP.
Problems like that never evolve into something good. To her, you're a really good friend, but she doesn't picture giving you her pussy, and likely never will. If she starts to sprout up excuses, it's not worth it. You're in some sort of extreme friendzone.
> Source: the exact same thing happened to me, excepted she had a problem because she was in love with someone who turned out to be gay, so she was "afraid and insecure about sexuality".
There is no easy way out, but trying to get her comfortable with sex and solvine her "problems" will, at best, allow her to have sex with her next boyfriend.
>>16989028
Not really. I have always been supportive with her during all of our years of friendship and together we've sorted out many troubles. But when one of those troubles has to do with me she doesn't bothers about how I feel and just limits to play defensive all of the time.
>>16989104
Sorry, it was >>16989033
>>16989028
I totally understand that is not justified, but I think what gets me the most are not actually the things she has done but the thought that in the past she has cared about what the other person wanted, whether it was just kissing or a titjob. Sometiemes I feel that she has managed to be in a situation where she can easily play victim whenever she's not comfortable but also get my undivided attention if she ever feels even slighty aroused.
>>16989104
And, what exactly are these troubles that she doesn't bother with? That you want to get your dick wet, but she won't let you? Come the fuck on....
>>16989057
I don't believe she's really blaming me but it seems like a very exagerated story.
>>16989092
That's actually something similar to what some (female) friends have told me. They say that I was friendzone but really, I just thought that they said it out sympathy for me.
>>16989057
This right here is the truth.
I'm looking into getting involved with a similar experience (i think she was raped, but regardless).
I know full out that she isn't going to be jumping up and down for sex right away.
No idea how long you guys have been dating, or w/e.
The easy choice is to bail, but that is upt o you.
>>16989122
Dude, it's not just about sex, it's about the whole intimacy thing. I know for some girls it takes a really long time to feel comfortable in that way with someone, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't at least care a bit about how the open person feels about that lack of intimacy.
>>16989142
It's been one year and a month. I really love her and do my best to be patient and understanding. But man, sometimes I just miss my asexual ex, because at least she would give me a freaking chocolate to calm down my hornyness instead of just making me feel like an assshole.
Dump her. No reason to stay with her. Stop thinking only about the others. Start thinking about yourself.
Meh, she seems to be all about victimizing herself and isn't too considerate to you
My thoughts are that if she hasn't had sex with you now, she doesn't want to, period. Guess she's just not sexually attracted to you. She'll probably have sex eventually with a guy she knows not even half as long as you.
No offense, but it seems like you're kind of afraid of her. I mean, it's pretty obvious that you have the moral high ground in this situation, so why not use it to let her know that you feel manipulated by her?
>>16989232
That's what I'm trying to do, but it's pretty shitty that it will ultimately look like I'm the bad guy here.
>>16989256
I agree she does and I have asked her precisely that and said that she does feel attracted to me, even though at this point I doesn't seem like so.
>>16989259
It's not that I'm afraid of her, it's more like I don't want to hurt her feelings and she uses that against me.
Well OP there are two possibilities:
1. You don't dump her and you feel miserable
2. You dump her and she feels miserable
You aren't the bad guy for dumping her, you tried and gave much more than she did. Just move on
>>16989009
You haven't even had sex yet and your already running into "intimacy" problems. What she wont even make out or cuddle anymore or something? The relationship isn't serious, dump her.
>>16989009
Don't waste your time with that train wreck. If she's causing you this much stress and tension without even letting you fuck her., it can only get worse. And besides who thr fucks gets traumatized by not being rapes?
That girl just needs a cock up her poop shoot
>>16989333
We do, but recently this has gotten so awkward that I won't even try make out too much because I know that if I keep going the only thing I'm going to get are seriously blue balls. She only likes to make out and probably get to second base whenever she's in the mood or in her period, but when I'm the one who's horny she goes full ice queen.
>>16989350
I have no idea. I would really hope that we could talk about that experience but she won't just open.
>>16989358
Lol
>>16989451
>. I would really hope that we could talk about that experience but she won't just open.
That could be a whole other can of worms.
>>16989469
I'd rather have that instead of being in this kind of limbo where I don't know is she's really damaged, not sexually attracted to me or simply just a bitch.
Wait, so the guy the clothes off the drunk bimbo, and then decided he'd better off not raping her? That's fucking funny!
>>16989503
More like bullshit, I would say.
>>16989497
Trust me dude, she most certainly is damaged. As for the cause, who knows. Do you really want to go through the agony of figuring out?
>>16989509
Fuckin agreed!
>>16989516
Well, I don't think it would an agony. We've helped each other all this time and have little to none secrets, so even though this shit that happened to her is now affecting our relationship, I would be more than happy to help her.
>>16989535
How much do you know about what actually happened to her?
>>16989057
So much truth in this post, ignore the inevitable tide of manginas and white knights that will attempt to shame this anon.
OP, this girl is one of two things. Let's break it down.
>She makes bad choices and refuses to accept responsibility for them
Now, I'm not saying anyone ever "deserves" to be raped. I am however saying that there's a lot of shitty people in the world, about half of which are male, and as a female there are steps one can take to avoid being taken advantage of.
Riddle me this: why is it that whenever a girl drops "I was raped" into your lap, it's almost never a one time occurrence? And yet, there are plenty of women who go their entire life without being raped once? It's because shitty people, the type of people who will take advantage of a girl either legitimately don't see anything wrong with their actions or outright revel in being a wolf amongst sheep, and in either case no amount of hashtags or "social awareness" will change their ways.
There have been, and always will be, shitty people.
This isn't news to anyone, ergo, this girl cannot wrap her head around the idea of "as long as I avoid being drunk/isolated/both around unfamiliar people in unfamiliar places, I probably won't get raped."
She's an idiot who revels in being the victim.
>She had consensual sex, decided she was raped, and is now lying to you about it
Anon, I hate to break it to you, but if a girl gets drunk with a guy and wakes up naked on that couch she got that dick. She might not have been raped, in all likelihood that dude probably tore that ass up and she loved it, then decided she regretted it.
You don't want a chick like that in your life, I shouldn't have to explain why.
Anon, here's what you do: meet this girl for coffee, tell her it's over and that you just don't think you and her are at the same place mentally or emotionally and that a relationship would be unhealthy for both of you.
Dump her. Cease all interaction. Find a new girl.
She probably just got the clap. That's all. Get rid of her.
>>16989549
What I know so far is that the guy of the apartment is a friend from high school whom according to her had been very close to her until that day. She says that all she remembers is having a lot of vodka, puking and his friend helping her getting undressed, then she just said that whatever happened next "wasn't very hard to guess" (although she had herself examined and didn't seem to be raped).
>>16989578
That's a pretty good analysis, anon. I think that the "rape card" is pretty shitty move from her, but at this point, I guess I just need to hear that shit from her in order to have some sort of closure.
>>16989621
So why should her getting drunk and fucking some guy have any affect on her intimacy with you? She sounds like a sloppy train wreck. You probably don't want to get near that snatch.
>>16989636
I have no idea. The more I hear it the least guilty I feel and the most suspicious I get.
>>16989653
You said you are a virgin right? You don't want to waste your 1st time with that bimbo and all the baggage she has attached to her sexuality. You would be doing yourself a disservice.
OP your time is now. Tell her that you have sexual needs,which is quite normal for a young male, and if she can't satisfy them you will have to dump her and get another girl. YOU TRIED TO BE WITH HER AND SOLVE HER PROBLEMS. It is not douchy at all to leave her and find someone, who is better for you.
>>16989028
You definitely need a cock up the ass, pronto!
>>16989033
>your needs don't matter, only theirs
You're an idiot and kind of an asshole.
>>16989705
It sucks that you believe that because you know someone from a long time, when in a relationship everything will flow naturally.
>>16989767
lol, what?
Dude, I'm sorry to break this to you, but your relationship is pretty much doomed.
If she wasn't raped and uses her "traumatizing" experience to make you feel guilty, she's manipulating you.
If she was raped and lie to you about it, then she doesn't trust you. Now, I'm not saying that you deserve her trust, just that she doesn't appreciate what you do for her and that's why she won't tell you.
In any of these cases, there's not a lot you can do about it. So take your time to process it, think about yourself and move on.
>>16989621
Probably because in all likelihood she wasn't raped, and was wetter than a seal's pocket.
Girls are really fucked in the head, their mental gymnastics are impressive, and I've always said as adept liars as women are, their best lies are the ones they tell themselves.
What I mean is, girls don't want to be thought of as sluts, and I mean OBVIOUSLY she's not the type of girl to drink half a liter of vodka and let two guys tag team her so OBVIOUSLY it was rape.
I'm not even trying to sound like a misogynist, but how many "rapes" do you think were purely non-consensual on the part of the woman? I'd say %20, and I'm feeling charitable.
This has only gotten worse in recent years with the definition of the word "rape" getting seriously blurred by feminazi rhetoric.
>Rape 10 years ago
Did you say no? Was he violent or did he threaten you with violence?
>Rape today (thankfully not in legal terms, usually)
Did you say no? Was he violent or did he threaten you with violence? Did you say yes, but regretted it hours, days, or months after the fact? Did you say yes, but reluctantly?
You'll notice a recurring theme is that women are basically never held accountable for their actions; if a woman feels bad or regrets something, somebody did something wrong, but it most certainly wasn't her.
>>16989033
Found the mangina.
>>16989903
I totally get it. This trend is absolute garbage and I wouldn't really even try to make a defense of her case. What matters is that even if she was raped that, that doesn't mean that she should use that to make me refrain from wanting to be intimate with her. She being unable to tell me how she really feels or what happened just makes both more suspicious and worried about her.
>>16989724
This.
Anon, you don't owe this girl anything. You've got needs, she's got needs, but your needs are incompatible with one another. Walk away.
Men are allowed to dump women, a lot of people forget that.
>Friend Zone
This comes down to two things. First, men need to realize women never owe you sex, sometimes a woman wastes your time, money, and patience, and that sucks but all you can do is walk away. It's shitty of a man to pressure a woman into sex or feel entitled to sex, then again, it's also really shitty for a woman to lead a man on knowing she never intends to fuck him so he'll continue to invest in her emotionally and financially.
That said, society only shames wrongdoing, hell only even acknowledges wrongdoing on one of the sexes in this equation. I'll leave you to figure out which.
Hint: It's the one which has an entire movement dedicated to stroking their ego and forcing the "this sex is literally incapable of being in the wrong and to imply that they are is misogyny."
Understand this: while both sexes feel the need for sex AND emotional gratification, men date primarily for sex, and women date primarily for emotional and physical security. That is, women want to feel important and want to be provided for.
OP this woman, and most women will continue to fuck with your head and waste your time as long as you continue to indulge in her bullshit.
The real mindfuck is the moment you drop her, stop giving her the time of day, tell her outright you don't have time for her bullshit she'll go into panic mode and fuck you.
If you don't want her, she'll think there's something wrong with her. Here's something I recommend every man read on the subject.
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-31122.html
As the saying goes, alpha fucks, beta bucks.
>>16989955
You need to stop trying to make sense of her. She doesn't even know why she does what she does, women never have to explain themselves and are never held accountable for what they say or do and so as a result most fail hard at reflection and self-analysis. They're creatures of impulse, emotion, and whimsy, dogs chasing cars, wouldn't even know what to do with one if they caught it.
Ditch her. She'll either fuck you for reason I've already explained or she'll fuck off and find another simp to host her pity party.
Anon you're 21 years old, you need to get this oneitis out of your system. Women are way too loose and replaceable these days for this chick to be playing hard to get.
Assuming you're at least moderately attractive and not autistic getting laid is hilariously easy. Just get on OKC/Tinder, hit up the occasional bar and play the numbers game; fuck between one or two new girls a week and I'm basically on autopilot, not even trying, and this doesn't even count repeats or FWB.
The most attractive thing you can do in the eyes of a woman is focus on yourself. A man who has his own life has a lot to offer and is worthy of respect, and she'll want to be important to you, a man who is willing to suffer this kind of bullshit is a sure source of attention; why would she fuck you? You're already making everything about her.
Don't fall for the Disney meme; don't worry about your first time being with someone you "love." At your age you're not capable of anything meaningful anyway, even if you'd like to be.
Honestly, if you have the means to travel, I recommend every white American male visit the Philippines for a few weeks; you'll get laid nonstop and live like a Rockstar.
Then when you get back the pussy will be off it's pedestal and you can start vetting potential partners critically.
You're not this bitch's therapist. To hell with her, move on to better things and go get your dick wet.
>>16989988
That's brutal, dude. I really appreaciate and yeah, I should definitely do something quick about it. At times I feel that I'm wasting the best years of my life.
>>16990132
>At times I feel that I'm wasting the best years of my life.
I'd go with that feeling. At your age literally all you should be doing is getting educated/establishing yourself in a career, traveling, and building a foundation for your own life.
Under no circumstances should a man under 30 pursue anything even sort of serious/committed/longterm with a woman. Pump and dump is fine. FWB is fine until she becomes a distraction.
You don't love this girl anon, you just lack options. I promise you if you just do your thing, get yourself at least a four year degree and then a decent career, your own house, car, life, you'll be able to pull some top shelf ass down the road.
This girl is damaged goods at 21, why would you want that? Are you a fucking loser? Because losers settle down with headcases at 21 years old.
Take it from someone who, himself, was once a loser.
You have so much potential you don't even know, don't let this girl ruin you.
>>16990279
Thank you, anon. People like you make me still have faith in /adv/.
