How do you cope with loosing someone you love?
I got dumped by my girlfriend. She just fell in love with someone else. She actually had principles, and I never expected that from her.
We've been doing everything together for 4 years, and now I just can't stop thinking about her, and it hurts. When I'm listening to music, cooking, playing vidya, taking a shower, and even going to bed, I'm haunted by the fact that she's not with me anymore, and she's probably enjoying some other guy's dick. It's a real torture.
I've been drinking myself to sleep, tried to hate her, but it just doesn't work. It's not the first time I get dumped, but it's the first time I loose so much.
How did you cope with it? How did you get better?
Needless to say I'm an insecure fat fuck, finding another girlfriend would take years, if it ever happened.
Bonus question: Where do I have to look for a new relationship? How can I start a new one? And how do you make a girl fall in love with you?
>>16987928
>fat
>She just fell in love with someone else
dude how do you not see this coming.
Time for some self improvement...
>>16987940
maybe she was fat too, maybe they both had a fetish for fattening eachother up
>>16987940
I will. But you're not really helping. My main problem is about suffering from the loss. Improving myself and finding a new girlfriend is secondary, even though both are linked.
How long ago did you break up, OP?
>>16987947
I was actually fatter when she fell in love with me. Lost about 30kg, but I'm still in bad shape.
And she was slightly chubby, but I liked it. She was cute overall. >>16987940 is probably right.
the only way i got better was unintentially turning into a stalker to the point where she was fed up and straight up told me to fuck off
then after a while of not talking/seeing her u learn to live with it. i still wanna pick up the phone and call her but i dont. have to respect her choice to keep me out of her life
>>16987950
2 months ago. Feels like 2 years.
I know it's recent, and you can't realisticly expect to forget someone you shared almost 20% of your life with that easily, but there hasn't been a single bit of improvement in 2 months, it even got worse as loneliness came back to me.
>>16987966
I asked because I'm basically in the exact same situation.
Two days ago I had to see her again and it was fucking hard. Yesterday I got drunk with my friends then when I went to the bathroom I ended up calling her and fuck I'm dumb.
>>16987991
Never calling your ex back is something you learn to do after the first breakup. Even when you're drunk.
It will never make things better, only worse.
Whatever you do, don´t use anyone as rebound. It hurts that person.
>>16987955
>she was slightly chuby but I liked it
oh yeah? Got any of her body?
>>16988003
I had already learnt that but you shouldn't underestimate the effect that ending half a decade of partnership does to you. I basically am so lost I keep forgetting basic stuff and repeating old mistakes that I never thought I'd do again.
>>16988010
It's not like I care anymore. This one is kinda old, she was a bit thinner back then.
>>16988010
Dude why would you make OP rummage through his ex's photos right now? Are you really that cruel?
I'm sorry, OP. This is a grief process, not much different from mourning for someine who died. Long-term relatonships are the worst for this: it often takes months to really recover from the shock. The rule of thumb is a month for every year you were together.
I recommend throwing yourself into a new interest: something you always thought would be neat to learn, but never really got around to. I don't recommend artistic pursuits for this purpose -they backfire too easily- but anything else will do. Many people find physical pursuits like contact sports to be cathartic. Perhaps that's something you might like?
>>16988010
>>16988034
Fuck. Forgot pic.
>>16988035
I don't care. It's not like it would change anything anyway. She's gone, seeing a picture of her won't hurt more than what I experience daily.
>>16988047
hot :)
>>16988047
Yes it will. You have to give time to process what happened to you so you can recover properly and you'll never do that if you keep on looking at your old stuff and such.
Or you can ignore my advice, but then again, what is it that you want here?
>>16988046
Thank you for your advice. I will have a lot to keep myself busy. I will start to work soon probably, and I will have to workout for years to get a decent body.
I always kinda wanted to learn a martial art or a fighting sport, but chronic anemia always prevented me from long and extensive lessons. Thank you for the idea though, I may try it in the future.
>>16988047
nice desu
>>16988060
I won't ignore your advice. I tried to throw away/sell/give her back everything that made me thunk of her, but there is daily things that just keep reminding me of the time we did it together.
I think I never looked back at the lewd photos we took together until now. You may be right, I maybe should delete them.
>>16988094
You don't have to throw anything away. They're still your memories and one day you might want them back.
Get a box, put everything you have that is related to her in it. Get an external drive and all the digital stuff goes in there too. Put everything in the box, close it, store it somewhere where getting it back is not easy, and don't open it again until you're absolutely healed.
>I got dumped by my girlfriend. She just fell in love with someone else. She actually had principles, and I never expected that from her.
So, she cheated on you like pretty much most women do?
>>16988102
Even then, I don't think I will enjoy reviving the painful memories. I will do so, but I don't know if I will be loved ever again. I'm afraid of that. I spent most of my life alone, I had a grand total of 2 girlfriends in 24 years of life. And I've been fucked over two times in the same way. It was a miracle I went with both of them, one because she never had anyone before, and one because she had an unexplained crush on me. But I never could get in a relationship when I tried. Reject and "You're a nice guy, you deserve to be happy" are all I know.
>>16988108
She told me they didn't fuck yet. And there was the world "love" involved, so I guess it doesn't count as cheating....
>>16988094
Get rid of EVERYTHING. You will never be able to move on if you're still hanging on to any memories of her. Love letters - burn them. Clothes she got you - trash them. Pictures of her/even innocent ones together - delete them. Besides, you don't want a future girlfriend stumbling on any of that, she'll go psycho and walk on you man.
>>16988437
> future girlfriend
I wish. But unless there's yet another miracle, I won't get one right away. I honestly don't know how to attract a girl into wanting me. Even if I had (when I will get) a nice physique, I wouldn't know how to do it.
But thank you for the advice though. I will do it.
Another problem I may face is the fact that I'm a wierdo, fetish-wise. I never forced or even talked about my fetishes to any of my girlfriends, but I'm in pretty deep. I keep it completely separate from real life, but it's a parallel thing. Should I abandon all my fucked up fetishes and get more "normal" ones, or should I indulge in fapping a bit for my sake?
One of the many reasons I have a hard time getting over this loss is because GF roughly had the same fetishes. She also was a furry, and even though I wasn't in it, I enjoyed her being one. Even if I find someone soon, there's no chance she will be one, and it's even less likely that she will have the same sexual preferrences as my now-ex.
>>16988419
>She told me they didn't fuck yet
of course she's gonna tell you that especially if she is in love with another guy. It's none of your business at that point that they fuck.
Unless there is abuse no woman breaks off a 4 year relationship. They do it because they are fucking and that gives them the guts to move on
>>16988730
So you're telling she IS a whore.
I gave her all I could for as long as I could. She never acted like a whore, and I nevrer thought she cuck me.
I know you're saying what you're thinking, and I also know that there's no use saying something going my way, or saying something I'd like to hear...
But damn, the way you put it, you make it sound like it's the right thing to do.
I know this is no hugbox, but it hurts, man. It's unfair I end up destroyed because of her bullshit
>>16987948
But self improvement is the solution... dont be dumb
>>16990104
So I just have to hit the gym like a madman, and all my problems will go away?
>>16990967
Why does self improvement only have to be the gym? Finding out how not to be a sadsack is.
>>16992138
You can't expect me to be happy right after being dumped. I will get better and smile again, but it may take time.
>>16989056
I'm not saying she's a whore but I am saying she fell in love with another guy while in a relationship with you. That doesn't just happen and becoming physical with him was part of the process. She could have stopped it at any time but didn't.
When she fucked him she knew she passed the point of no return with you. How long she was fucking him, who knows. Maybe once and she knew she couldn't be intimate with you again so her incentive was there to end a 4 year relationship and deliver the blow to you hoping to cause as little pain as possible.
>>16992332
I expect a level of maturity and understanding. Understanding that theres a lot to self improvement not just pumping iron.
>>16992436
Or maybe she could have told him to fuck off. It's not like she was raped. A week before it happened, she was repeating how she was happy with me, and how much she loved me.
If she wanted not to hurt me, she could have prevented to shove in my face that she was "in love" with another guy.
I still feel like the "in love" part is an excuse to leave me. You just don't fall in love with someone you barely knew, only to end a happy and long relationship.
Fuck. I'm having a hard time to believe they fucked. You may be right, but I honestly can't understand why she did it in the first place.
>>16992532
Sure, I know. But the thing I will probably have to work the hardest on is getting in shape.
Honest question, what do you think counts as "self improvement"?
>>16987928
Distract yourself. Play vidya with friends, go meet up with friends, family, do activities etc. The best thing to forget it's not having time to remember.
And if that doesn't work my friend, there's always chems to put yourself high in the sky.
>>16992544
I dont know, i want to kill myself almost everyday
>>16987928
lets start at the beginning OP.
you need to let your heart heal in the only way you know how to. yes its going to hurt, because everything yopu see or do reminds you of the time you spent together. eventually the sad feelings fade.
you cant MAKE someone fall in love with you. if they like you and you like them maybe something happens maybe it doesnt. right now your heart has to heal.
>>16992614
You're right. But I'm already kinda using chems. I take the tramadol I usually take for a chronic pain in pretty higher doses, and it kinds of keep me dazed enough to escape reality. But I have to stop, I won't go anywhere that way.
>>16992635
You're also right. But you still can heavily improve your chances to make a girl fall in love. It helps a lot when you actually are interesting.
>>16987928
I have been through a similar thing. The best thing I learnt in my years after is that you must learn to be happy on your own again, get back into that thing you liked doing before you started spending all your time with them. Go out meet new people, not for the sake of relationships or sex, but just to have fun, if you really loved this person you will always think of them from time to time, but once you find yourself again you remember the good and not the pain. In the nicest possible way don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself, that will only make you feel worse, an inspirational quote usually for Woking out but it fits everything in life. "Today's pain is tomorrows strength"
>>16987928
OP I was litterally about to make the same thread
Got dumped 2 months ago by my previous gf and it still hurts like fuck
Also she was litterally a 9/10 and I'm barely average, so I have no idea how the fuck I could find someone like her again... I tried on dating websites but the girls are trash-tier
>>16987955
>being depressed over that
bump OP
