how thick are you?

His life is his responsibility. Your life is your responsibility. Start taking care of yourself because no one else is going to. Maybe in turn he'll learn by example and stop dumping his stress onto you.

You're not being a good girlfriend by keeping quiet. You're just being an idiot.

>>16987839
Emotional care, validation and gratification are part of a healthy relationship. You act immature. Don't forget that what he feels is not necessarily exactly as much of a problem as the real issue is, and it's probably not that bad. He is just sharing.

>>16987853
He shouldn't share toxic negativity. It's like sharing diseases. It means you do not give a crap about the other and you want them to be as ill as you. She should dump him as he is no good.

>>16987844
i'm normally between 95 to 100 lbs, but i'm at 105 right now. (5'3")

>>16987846
so how do i talk to him about this in a way he won't withdraw into himself?

>>16987853
what does that even mean? and yes it is that bad... he tells me how his life is pretty hopeless and that it won't get better. i'm pretty sure he has some form of depression.

i don't think it's normal to talk about how when he hurt his knee that the world is against him. or blaming everyone around him for his poor decisions...

>>16987867
True, if that's the way he is and whether or not he has passed the point of toxicity. The description OP gave is very vague, and there is a difference between dropping someone toxic and refusing someone emotional support. The decision of whether you help your current SO improve or dumping them for someone better is what makes an honorable person, though I don't deny either possibility.

>>16987885
Dump him before he ruins you too. You're not his psychiatrist. He has no right to ruin your life.

>>16987894
i'd like to try and give him a chance to improve for the better. but i don't know what i can do. not even sure if i have high hopes for that.

it seems like he has been depressed since he was a teen. he's 28 years old now.

>>16987897
i feel this way, but i want to give him a chance to improve himself before i dump him for being "too depressing"...

>>16987923
you wouldn't be dumping him for being too depressing, you'd be dumping him for having a serious problem and refusing to get help. Is he in therapy, is he on meds? He needs these things to get better, dumping them on his gf is not fair.

Give him an ultimatim that he needs to seek treatment or you can't remain together, its the same as if one partner was an alcoholic or had a medical problem they refused to get treated and just expected their partner to be their nurse.

>>16987931
fair point... not sure how he'll react but i'll try this.

>>16987839
OP, you're dating r9k and now you know why nobody wants to be with them.

>>16987853
This is so right it hurts.

You need to see to your own mental health before you can take care of him. Start seeing a therapist.

Besides, this lets you lead by example. You'll be better able to nudge him in this direction when you're going that path yourself.

>>16987853
>emotional care, validation and gratification

If you truly believe this, I can tell why you are single.

I've very often heard this shit and it hurts me that you (mentally at least) kids really believe that. Neither of those are obligations in a relationship. Making you a satisfied and alround happy person is NOT what your girlfriend is responsible for. It is neither her responsibility to pull you out of mental problems or cure depression. This literally is why so many young relationships break in an ugly manner: Because one or both think the relationship should make them happy. No, it should not. A relationship is primarily the "fusion" (I'm sorry, I lack a better term here) of two people who decide they want to live together (emotionally or physically, you don't need to share an appartment). If you enter a relationship and expect to suddenly become a happy person you're in for a very bad ride.

OP, to answer your question: If you feel that his mental setup takes a drain on you and he is unwilling/ unable to change that, you need to decide whether the constant drain (caused by having to deal with this negativity) and the possible loss of general happiness is worth staying with him. Maybe it is because he is otherwise a perfect match and you don't care so much about this problem. But you sound like you do care about this and you sound like you cannot deal with his negativity.

Make up your mind OP and decide. Don't let your feelings interfere with his decision, sometimes you gotta turn them off/ ignore them to make a good decision.

>>16987923
Is he letting you express your negative feelings too? If not, then dump him

people like you make me so sad. you're so absorbed with yourselves, you dont stop to think that OP has the opportunity to help her bf.

he doesn't need a listener op, he needs someone to motivate him, to change his perspective. he's losing all the pieces, help him put it together

>>16988255
that's the job of a therapist, not a girlfriend

Lazy people on /adv/ will always tell you that breaking up is the only option.

My partner and I both experience sadness and frustration. We often vent to each other. Then we do something fun to lighten the mood. Because we are committed to supporting each other.

Next time he vents to you, don't let his depression change your mood from light to dark, instead try to change his mood from dark to light. Just try it. Do something fun.

>>16988258
lol therapy, sure

and it's not her absolute duty, and she isn't required to do anything, but if you love someone and truly care about them, you would just fucking do it regardless of the impact on yourself

id give my life for someone, people like you wont even give a few bad feelings

she has no obligation, but either dump him because she doesn't actually love him and is wasting his time, or help him with his problems. it's as simple as that

>>16988095
>>16988255
>>16988274

the thing is, i was perfectly fine before i met him.
he has just such a toxic way of thinking... blaming everyone before himself, believing the world is out to make him miserable, no one loves him enough or cares about him enough, there is no solution to x y z problem, there is no point in being a kind person, hope is nonexistent... and he always ends up choosing poor decisions that end up making him more miserable.

i don't know what i can do to help. i tried to lead by example, and i guess it's working a little bit. he does complain a lot less. but it's getting exhausting... i feel like it gets all unraveled when he has a bad day... it's like it's the "worst day ever" rather than an unlucky day. when he gets upset, it's like the world is ending.

>>16988141
>>16988290

i just don't want to feel like exploding at someone or thinking so darkly about someone. i suppose i should cut it off before i spiral down the same path he chose? if there is anything i can do to help him, i would. he is a great boyfriend otherwise, i just wish he could brush off the things that don't go his way like normal people do.

>>16988678
I can relate to how he feels. I'm a very negative person, and I think the mistakes I made are 10x worst then what they actually are. I end up making bad descisions becuase I simply don't care enough for the outcome of things. The thing is, I don't allow my negativity to infect other people, and when I'm feeling terrible, I usually have to take a break from interacting with anyone.
Ask him about his problems, and tell him he needs help. That's usually what most people need. If he doesn't want to seek help and continues down this road, stop going out with him. A relationship with a negative person is very harmful in the long run.

Dump him.
It doesn't matter that he did nothing wrong; you can break up for whatever reason you like.

>>16988258

It may not be their job, but that's what people that have a relationship outside of "acquaintance" do for one another, they help each other stay on the path when they feel themselves slipping off of it.

/adv/'s first response to any situation is "dump them"

In this case, it's not warranted. Negativity IS toxic, but if he's being sweet and nice to you and the negativity is only in his outlook on life, the problem isn't that he's shoving all his problems on you, it's that you're succumbing to his way of thinking instead of being a guiding light for him by thinking, acting and being the positive person that you normally are.

The answer here - as long as the negativity isn't directed at you or accusatory - is simply to not succumb to his way of thinking. That's something that you CAN control, and as a result there's no real need to dump him.

Worst case scenario, ask him to vent his negativity to other people, because sustained, repetitive venting CAN affect relationship quality (as you are seeing).