So my girlfriend said recently that she doesn't really think getting married and having kids is for her. She imagines herself as "the cool aunt" in the future and thinks kids might be too much responsibility. I'm trying not to worry about it too much because she's only 21, but in the back of my mind, getting married and having kids is something I've always thought I'd end up doing.
Should I not worry about this at all, since neither of us is anywhere near being ready to get married and/or have children? Or should I worry that I might be heading down a road where, in a decade, we're still together and I'm devastated that she won't marry or have kids with me? I mean, if I'm like 30-something and that happens, I'm going to just give up on life.
Make it clear that you do want to be married and with kids in the future.
>>16984602
Keep your opinion steady and don't falter. Some women try to test the waters with their bf by saying they're not interested in having kids whatsoever when they actually want them.
In the next year or few years she may change her opinion, but if she doesn't it's time to leave.
>>16984607
I did try to make it clear that I want to be married at some point when she brought it up a while back, and after I explained the legal benefits of it she seemed to come around at least a little bit. I think some of her thoughts on marriage and the like may stem from having divorced parents.
You gotta talk to her. Find out her definite answer and go from there. If you want kids and marriage and she doesn't then you should get out while you can or else you'll grow to resent yourself and her.
I was the same way, didn't want marriage or kids at 21. When I first dated my husband I told him so and he wanted the opposite. At 27 we got married and at 30 I had a kid. So it's possible your gf may or may not change her mind.
>>16984940
What changed your mind?
>end up
The reason you're having a slight worry in the back of your mind is because you think she's old enough to start making firm decisions about this. However that also means that you're old enough to not be using phrases like "end up." Do you not realize how irresponsible and flighty it sounds to say that you're going to "end up" getting married and having kids? I'm exaggerating the point a bit here but it seriously is a little scary. "End up" is not the words an adult uses to describe permanent union of lives and the creation of new one(s).
Lead by example. First you decide, right fucking now, whether you're going down this path in life and when you are going to do it. Be upfront with your plan. THEN you can expect her to give you her personal feedback. Act on that response, not on some off the cuff remark she made.
I wouldn't be surprised if she never changes her mind. People (particularly mothers) are a bit delusional and tend to think that everyone will want kids eventually. A lot of people just don't have the urge. Logic can outweigh it for a lot of folks. The mere visualization of being a slave to a screaming infant the size of a loaf of bread, terrified that I will accidentally harm it in some way but simultaneously wanting to murder it, and then having to buy it loads of shit for another 20 years and not being able to travel or be alone was enough to convince me.
