Why does he thing being nice is bad? Are you being taken advantage of? Are you submissive to the point of abuse because you are nice?

Explore why he's bringing this up. If he just wants some nasty trailer park girl then he isn't for you. Move on.

>>16976826
I definitely am not that submissive. I call him out all the time.

I asked him permission to talk to his best friend because it is kind of weird to do that? So, I wanted him to know and I wanted to respect his friendships and comfort levels.

Apparently, that made me look like I was scared if him being mad at me? When I blatantly told him I was asking out of respect to build trust.

Apparently, he just wants me to do these things, without any consideration or thought and I do not feel comfortable with that.

By doing these things, I'm protecting myself as well in case he goes crazy and starts saying shit.

Know what I'm saying?

>>16976821

Tell him you won't change for him. If he loves you he loves you for what you are. He ois being a jerk.

I understand you... my girlfriend told me I'm too different from other people and that she wants me normal. Some people just cannot appreciate our positive traits.

>>16976840
Yo your bf is a dumbass.

Hahaha

Some of these dude would love to be asked shit like that.

I wouldn't care. He made a big deal out of nothing.

From the sounds of things he's the asshole here. Theres more such thing as being to nice, the world could do with more people like you. Just don't let people take advantage of your kind nature

>>16976821
Without farther knowledge of as to why exactly he would regard you as being too nice, I can contradict the guys in this thread. My girlfriend is "too nice" as well. By that I mean that she would apologize all the time, always tell me about how much she likes me or that she wants to cook me an elaborate dinner when she returns. (We're at university and she visits her parents)

Now I don't want to sound like a jerk, at first I certainly enjoyed that kind of behaviour, just like anyone else. But you see, if someone acts (sort of - not always and in all regards) submissive and always tells you how awesome you are, that shit eventually gets tiring. Maybe some virgins here cannot imagine that, but it completely takes the spark out of the relationship. You're supposed to conquer your SO everyday again, there's gotta be some romantic/ sexual tension. When that fades, it all gets boring. And since your BF (seemingly) doesn't wanna hurt you, he puts that as "being too nice".

Then again, I might be totally wrong here. Just giving a heads up.

>>16976849
I totally will tell him that I'm not changing. I just didn't want to jump to conclusions if I really was being irrationally nice. I definitely have to have a talk with him. Ughh.. your gf wants you to be normal?? Wtf is her definition of "normal?"

>>16976850
I think he did, too... I knew I was doing the right and honest thing but yeah.. he's being an ass rn. Thanks, man.

>>16976852
This made me feel less like the asshole here. Thanks for that. I'm definitely not going to deal with this from him. I'll talk to him face-to-face later. I hate texting serious convos.

>>16976909
I can understand this. I just wish he had explained it to me like you did. He honestly just said that I was too nice and then didn't explain it. That's why I'm so mad.

I'm taking this advice, too. These are topics I'd like to talk to him about. I definitely don't apologize all the time, but I do offer to pick anything up if I'm going to see him.

I have a lot of introspection to do.

>>16976910
I'd be pretty careeful about how you put that. Getting reinforced in your opinion online very quickly leads to an overly mitigated feeling of being in the right. Just because some dudes on 4chan tell you youre right - and seriously girl, this is 4chan here, a shitload of dudes would tell you youre right on here - doesn't mean you actually ARE. No one on here knows the dynamics of your relationship and therefore noone but you and your BF can actually seriously talk about this.

>not change

That sounds f*cking imamture - no offence tho. Eventually you will realize that you always adapt to your partner, i.e. change. Of course, don't be goo adapting to all your SOs wishes. But don't be a rock either, no one likes rocks.

>>16976929
Yeah I'd suggest that. You see, eventually you have to tell someone how you think. And if the topic is a negative one for you, he is bound to sound like a douche, but mentioning this still is necessary. As to why he didn't elaborate on this, I don't know. Maybe he is one of the quiet kind who don't really like talking about issues. Maybe he didn't take it as serious as you did, who knows.

Good luck, OP. Have a serious talk with him as to why he said that, then reflect upon that.

>>16976910

I asked her but she didn't reply, saying that she accepted me until we ended up in a relationship. She hinted she wants to see me vegetarian, with short hair, dressed in a suit, with a job to support her as well because she wants a "perfect boyfriend". I'm a stoner traveller with dreadlocks, I've always eaten meat and I hitch-hike regularly.

Good luck with your relationship femanon

>>16976821
Too nice person here too. Just spent half an hour completing some bullshit political survey for some guys canvassing for mayoral elections. It's just hard telling people to go fuck themselves, goes against my nature.

>made me feel like crap for being who I am.
>I typically clam up when someone I genuinely care about picks at me.
>Should I talk to him about it? Even tho over probably missed my chance to talk it out?
>I also don't say anything about him to my friends unless it is good because I was raised to guard and protect those closest to me.
Sounds like you're thinking about it 100 times as much as he did when he said it. I'd say just forget about it unless it comes up again.

>>16976936
Yeah. Tb h, he is the one that wants to talk about these things and we got into a fight about how he doesn't really know anything about me.

But, everytime i try and bring something up he cuts me off to talk about himself. So, I told him the more he cuts me off the more he is stopping himself from getting to know me.

I'm just irritated af.

>>16976821
Just date me. I'll appreciate you

In social interactions, the key is to be nice in BEHAVIOR and INTENTIONS but not in speech. Not immediately. It leads to teasing and playfulness and dynamic conversations. For example if someone asks you a favor, instead of immediately acquiesce to perform the favor you can pretend to hesitate and dance around the conversation and ask them to plead you and ask what favor you will receive in return, even when you are 100% going to do the favor regardless of what they say. It's good that you were raised to guard and protect those close to you but it's also good to make an effort to create a dynamic relationship. Both of those things are good. I understand that it hurts when you are criticized, it always hurts, but we need to grow beyond that and take it as an opportunity to look at ourselves.

>>16977283
Thanks man. It feels good to be appreciated. Even if it is just a thought.

>>16977315
I've gotta work on this. Growing up with a mother from South Korea and a man in the military really brainwashed me into doing things immediately.

I've definitely gotten better over the years but it is damned hard to not move and do something that is asked.

Thanks, anon.

>>16977029
I ended up texting him and he feels bad about it. He definitely thinks that I misunderstood him, but i gave him an option to talk about it or we could just drop it.

I'm exhausted and now I realize that I definitely misunderstood the situation.

Damn, relationships are rough.

>>16976930
I appreciate your honesty and how straight forward you are.

That is one of my negative personality traits: i don't feel comfortable with change.

But, change is inevitable. I understand this because I imitate certain things he does now. I've changed without even realizing it.

I just need to understand him now, in this situation.

Thanks.

>>16977315
>instead of immediately acquiesce to perform the favor you can pretend to hesitate and dance around the conversation and ask them to plead you and ask what favor you will receive in return

dude what the fuck that's manipulative as shit. that's not even on the spectrum of nice/not nice that is actually just messed up. someone did that to me regularly i'd drop them from my life pretty sharpish.

>>16978650
Boyfriend A: "hey can you pass me that beer?"
Girlfriend B: "I'll do it if you give me a kiss on the cheek"
Boyfriend A: "wow that's manipulative as shit!"