Some back story. I have only been in 2 relationships, the one I am in now, and my first. My first was with an abusive crazy girl that treated me like shit. Regardless of this, I was still in love with her, and I was very attracted towards her.
I then had gotten into a small fling with another mentally unstable girl. Extremely hurtful, but I would get super turned on by just imagining fucking her.
Now the girl I am with now has been more healthy of a relationship. I am treated much better, and I love spending almost all of my time with her. Unlike the other girl I can put my full trust in her, and expect her to not stab me in the back. This girl isn't really my type, my type is usually small skinny white girls, but she is chubby and part black. The feelings I get with her are more from a place of comfort, rather than me getting super turned on.
For some reason I don't feel that way with her. I don't know if it is her looks, or if I only am attracted to crazy people. I don't want to throw away a great relationship, but at the same time I feel like I am missing something. Other than my not getting that same feeling I am super happy.
It isnt love, dump her.
>>16975115
I care about her way more than those other girls.
I feel like I love her more than the other girls.
>>16975121
well then don't dump her
>>16975143
Has anybody else had any experience with this? I really want to know how to fix it.
>>16975109
When you dump her and she starts fucking some Chad to get over you, then you might start to feel attracted to her and upset about your decision.
But if you stay with her, you won't be happy. It's your choice OP, but either way you're fucked
>>16975109
How old are you?
I'm on the girlfriend and of your siuation. I'm sure she can feel it. I'm about to go crazy because my boyfriend is clearly a sexual person but doesn't want to have sex. He would rather masturbate. But he tells me he loves and cares for me more than others he has been with. But it really hurts to know I can't please him. I'm trying to decide if I should just break up with him and find someone that loves my personality and thinks I'm beautiful and fuckable!
End things. She will find someone that appreciates her fully, you will find someone you can appreciate fully.
>>16975341
At no point would I not have sex with her. She's usually the one that doesn't want to. I find her attractive, just not as attractive as previous girls.
Other girls just seemed to be able to drive me crazy, where as I don't really feel like I super want to have sex with her.
>>16975363
Its not near a big enough issue to break up with her. We are good together, which is why I want to try and figure out why I don't feel that same spark sexually.
>>16975505
Maybe because it's not a challenge?
>>16975535
Maybe. I think its a personal thing. The crazier the girl, the more I want to fuck them.
Maybe. I don't really don't know what to tell you. Have you tried talking to her about it?
>>16975109
dont break her heart anon
if you want go whit the relationship, dont do anything that you will regret if you start loving her
cause i did that and trust me you never know whit whom you might fellt in love whit
>>16975550
You know I got to thinking about this, probably because I'm in the same situation. It is probably the same as woman being turned on by bad boys. There is just something about them and exciting. Even if it's not good excitement. I think it comes down to what stage of your life you're in and what you want for your future. I mean it may be exciting to fuck the crazy girl but is that who you want to spend your life with? Or do you want to be with the woman you love and loves you in return and you feel secure with. I could go on and on because I'm a long winded person but I think you get the point. Good luck man.
>>16975109
>chubby and part black
>>16976803
Exactly
Hey, listen.
Coming from a girl's perspective that has gone through this with an ex... just break up with her now.
If you are not sexually attracted to her it is going to cause some serious turmoil, whether in yourself or projected onto her. Don't do this.
It hurts finding out that your boyfriend isn't attracted to you because you are not his type, but loves you because you make him feel emotionally and mentally supported.
Make your mind up. Deep down inside you know it won't work so don't lead her deeper into a relationship that is not well-rounded.
Do her a favor and break up with her, OP.
>>16975109
It depends on you. If you're lucky enough to be in the top 20% of male specimens, dump her. Comfort is settling, and you have the potential to find a mate that you'll be madly in love with for decades.
If you're in the bottom 80%, and aren't willing to marry your girl, dump her. Sooner or later you will. Better to do in sooner.
If you could marry her, stop with the fucking flings and do right by her. She's treating you well, and is probably a pretty good person. People like that don't deserve to her hurt by your feelings of "missing something." We must sacrifice many things as we get older. The devil is in What and When.
>>16977361
I never said I am not sexually attracted to her. Its just that I am not as attracted as I have been to other girls in the past.
I initiate sex with her all the time. Is it just because I am used to her?
>>16977426
I'm not sure where I stand. I have been working on myself and have changed a lot though.
As for a future, I could see it getting to marriage. She treats me well, her family and friends love me, and we don't have any incompatibilities.
I'm not having flings with anyone else. I've been tempted, but I haven't. Most of the time when I'm tempted its because she's not with me and I'm lonely.
If I dumped her, I know for certain I would regret it. I'm not good at detaching. I also have a lot of trust issues with women, and she is the only woman I have been able to trust with most things.
Like a guy/girl previously mentioned, the feeling I am talking about isn't necessarily a good feeling. Its more like adrenaline and excitement.
>>16977436
You're comparing, OP. Don't ever compare. It is extremely damaging. You seem to have a "type" and now you are going for something that is completely opposite.
My ex wanted a girl with brown hair and blue eyes and a small chest.
I'm half korean, 5'9, and I am definitely not flat chested. I'm also not a timid girl.
He loved me a lot but it started to turn into a strange therapist relationship or a mother/son sort of thing. I always comforted him when he needed it but I just knew he wasn't attracted to me physically.
It's more stressful for the girl, I think, from my own experience. Though, he did go through a lot of stress, too.
Idk, your relationship isn't mine. You gotta figure this out.
My ex had a lot of emotional struggle bc of how much porn he watched. Idk man.
>>16977488
I watch a lot of porn too. I'm usually always horny.
I don't know how to even begin figuring it out.
I'm going to be a dick and tell you that the attraction will not come if you don't feel it initially. The first few months (at least) of any relationship should just be you both fucking. When you're not fucking, you should be thinking about fucking. And when you're not thinking about fucking, it should be because you're asleep or dead.
The physical side of a relationship (at least when you're younger) is extremely important. If you don't have it now, you'll find it becomes a much bigger issue in future, especially if you have a high sex drive.
It's really sad but maybe you just don't see her as somebody you find attractive. It seems like you love her personality and how she makes you feel, you just don't have that amazing spark when you look at her.
The other side of the coin is that it would be very damaging to you to continue dating mentally unstable women who you can fuck but can't trust or relate to. There's probably an aspect of a mentally unstable girl that you find attractive.
Only you can decide if you can maintain a long term relationship with somebody you don't want to fuck. Some people can do it, other people can for a few years and then stray (me) and others can't handle it at all. The important thing is to decide what you want so you don't end up dragging this girl along. It sounds as though she is a really lovely person.
>>16977469
Then find the middle ground called, "harmless flirting". Alpha men do this all the time. It can even be healthy for a relationship, boosting your partner's ego after you charm a few of the women in the room and then go back to her to fuck her senseless.
>>16977504
I really think porn takes away from reality. I'm sry, OP. I wish I could help you more...
I feel for you in your situation.
>>16975494
You don't have a problem.
>>16977567
I don't know about this one necessarily.
With my gf, i was initially insanely horny because she is a little Asian with big bouncy tits and maybe cleavage. Then we finally became official and i fucked the shit out of her.
Around the 6th and 7th month though it became more of an on and off thing. Sometimes i still feel like shoving her to the floor and pounding her, other times it feels less visceral and more like, i dunno, "normal" sex where I'm not ultra aroused? Then other times where it swings back the other way and i desperately want to nut in her little pussy.
I think it could be a natural swing of things once the relationship becomes stable. I think there's also something to be said about "hate sex" or "frustration" sex that often occurs after a fight - you just want to fuck her real good and make her scream after having a bigger disagreement. Maybe that happens when you're with the crazy ones, like somewhere in the back of your animal mind it is just like "ARGGGHH you crazy bitch I'm busy going to beat the shit out of your stupid pussy..."
