>Have boyfriend of 4 years
>He was really lazy
>No ambitions, no goals
>only played video games
>Asked him over and over to do something else for once
>He starts gaining weight
>Finally the message gets through
>He signs up for some sport, Jiu Jitsu
>I don't know much about it.
>He gets really excited when he earns a new stripe for his belt
>I can tell he genuinely loves it just by the way he tells me.about it
Here lays my problem, a few days ago I picked him up from class but I was 10 minutes early so I thought I'd see what he does, I walk into the place and its a unisex class, he was underneath some girl (who, was extremely pretty) and then he worked his legs around her head and she tapped out but for those few seconds her head was right up in his groin, then they swaped and he was on top of her, and Im conflicted I know that's the sport now but he goes 5 times a week for an hour and a half each time and since that day whenever he goes I've been getting upset thinking about him rolling around with the girls in his class, part of me thinking he's only doing it for that, he tells me not to worry because he dick bumps old sweaty guys he wrestles with just as much, but I dont know
Am I wrong to be upset?
yes, you are wrong to be upset.
>>16963153
no you're not wrong to be upset, jealousy is fairly natural.
That being said you shouldn't really do anything about it and just learn to deal with it cause hes not doing anything wrong.
>>16963153
It's okay to be jealous, but you shouldn't be upset with him. First you were unhappy because he was lazy and overweight. Now that he's working on himself, and making progress, you're upset that you may have competition. The poor guy just can't win.
Work on yourself, if you're not fit, and find some sort of physical activity you can do together. You could even sign up for Jiu Jitsu (ask him about it first, because it may be something he'd rather do for alone time).
Jealousy is normal, you aren't 'wrong' to be upset.
But don't you dare hold this against him. He's clearly not doing it for that. Don't fuck your relationship up because you're assuming his intentions.
>>16963160
Yeah I guess so, but, yeah I know Ill seem like a bitch if I keep pushing this, after all, I'm the reason he's training there to begin with.
your wrong for being upset but not wrong for being suspicious
You're right to worry. Every time I've been in a similar situation I've told myself not to worry, and in the end it turned that all my fears would prove true. Not saying its necessarily true in this case, but it could be.
>>16963170
I'm not unfit and fighting isn't really NY thing, I mean I play netball every Tuesday night and I go to the gym where I admit I know guys look at me but Im not stuffing their face in my vagina
>>16963190
>I go to the gym where I admit I know guys look at me but Im not stuffing their face in my vagina
Right, but gym =/= contact sport. I'm suggesting that you do something together so that you'll get over your crazy feelings instead of lashing out at him. Because that's a surefire way to make him want out.
>>16963153
i couldn't ever do BJJ because i'm pretty sure i'd eventually get paired up with an attractive girl and i'd try to decline and she'd think i'm being shy and she'd say it's okay and then we start grappling and she feels my boner up against her and she backs off while i say i tried to tell you while being semi-apologetic but she doesn't care and just gives me this disgusted look while i try to resolve it and it never gets resolved then the entire gym sees me as this massive perv and i quit or get forcibly removed.
>>16963208
You were skin tight pants under your gi, the gi is loose fitting, hides all boners.
-anon who has been training in BJJ for a few years
>>16963204
We have unisex basketball together Fridays but the jealousy is still there
>>16963208
>>16963218
also pretty sure you're supposed to wear a cup when you practice martial arts
>>16963208
Pretty much sums it up
>>16963239
Nope not unless sparring. When practicing it's pretty much a genital free for all.
>>16963153
Typical woman..... Gets upset because bf is a low life Neanderthal........ Gets equally upset because he is actually doing something with his life that you probably motivated him to do.......
But if I was in your shoes I'd probably be upset as well.... Though I'd come to my senses and think to myself, well at least they aren't be a fat fucker sitting on the couch playing video games all day.
>>16963328
That's true, I mean he is doing fitness out of the dojo, jogging with our dog, lifting, push ups and sit ups every night before bed, he really is trying, I guess I just freaked out because I wasn't expecting to see him grappling with other women.
>>16963343
Indeed. You should be proud, now you have an alpha as fuck bf. I guess a woman's motivation is the strongest force on the planet.
>>16963365
I am proud of him, I asked him to do that move to me, the same one where he did to that girl, and It really hurt, like this was just a few minutes ago, I showed him this thread, because I dont keep shit from him and I dont want to feel like I'm talking about him behind his back, so he did that move to me, and yeah, it really hurt my neck, I didn't realise I had to tap out, that was my mistake, but yeah, I realise he put her in that pain and that made me not worry as much? that seems really psychotic now that I reread that.
>>16963391
Well, he could be sadistic, meaning he drew sexual pleasure from hurting that woman........
>>16963153
Martial artist here, that's part of it, there's absolutely nothing sexual about it.
You are too busy thinking about having 3 points of contact and not getting fucked up to gain any enjoyment of your genitals being near someone.
Assuming the club is any good, you are usually rotating every few minutes, so even if he is rubbing his dick on some JJ QT, it won't be for long.
I get why it bothers you, but really you have no reason to be upset at all, I'd recommend taking it up with him, its good exercise, you learn to defend yourself and it gives you and your boyfriend something to talk about or even practise at home.
>>16963208
You can wear a cup if that really bothered you, but in reality the blood won't be pumping to your dick when you are trying to wrestle someone
>>16963470
The club is Gracie Barra it says on his Gi, know anything about it?
Has anyone posted this yet?
OP, join the class with him. Be his sparring partner.
You get to keep an eye out for him, plus you get to find out what it's like anyway and hopefully you'll see that it isn't sexual and you'll lose your jealousy.
Besides, this way you can look "supportive" (even though you clearly are not).
Look OP, don't say anything or that you want him to stop. I'm a nerdy gamer, lazy, no ambitions. I'd know.
Look, for alot of guys like us, whenever we've tried other things before, they never really worked out. We learn to stop tryin'.
He's found something that he is not only good at, but really enjoys and it isn't video-games. If you tell him to stop, he'll regress further into his lifestyle of vidya and a lack of goals.
It'll become a lot more difficult for him to open up to you after that.
So join the class instead.
>>16963496
Im not really a fighter though, he did try to explain to me that the class would be perfect for if someone tried to sexually assault me, but I don't know, he explained that he doesn't want to always be my partner because he can already over power me, he needs to practice on other guys but at least I could keep an eye on him but I wouldn't want to intrude on his thing.
>>16963153
Why the fuck do women love to engage people who mostly do stuff they don't approve and then complain about it and try to change their ways?
Not saying he isn't a lazy piece of shit but come on instead of being 4 years with hin and trying so hard to change him why don't you get someone you agree with?
Do you girls have some sort of self imposed hardmode challenge or what?
>>16963507
>Im not really a fighter though,
Neither was your boyfriend before the class.
>he did try to explain to me that the class would be perfect for if someone tried to sexually assault me
Self defence skills are useful.
>he explained that he doesn't want to always be my partner because he can already over power me, he needs to practice on other guys but at least I could keep an eye on him but I wouldn't want to intrude on his thing.
So he told you that it would be perfect for you to learn some self defence, and you took that as an "It my thing, stay away"?
He wants you there. He wants you to see him kick ass. What guy doesn't want to look big and strong for their girl?
>he explained that he doesn't want to always be my partner because he can already over power me, he needs to practice on other guys.
And he's now ambitious.
Look, go there, check it out. Take one session, at least to try. You could like it.
my ex did that too and finally he ended up meeting her and then boom he cheated on me
I fucking hate how relationships work
As another life long martial artist who's done Tae Kwan Do, Muay Thai, Judo, Aikido, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu:
Sparing in a thick Gi (like in BJJ and in Judo) is not AT ALL sexy.
You're hot, sweaty, smells like ass, it's hard to breath, and you're too focused on doing so someone doesn't throw you on your ass or get in position to threaten to break your arm off.
>The club is Gracie Barra it says on his Gi, know anything about it?
Gracie Barra is one of the most prolific and premier Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) associations. Their claim to fame is, their founder (Carlos Gracie Jr) was the son and student of one of the primary developer of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (Carlos Gracie Sr).
>>16963533
>my ex did that too and finally he ended up meeting her and then boom he cheated on me
>I fucking hate how relationships work
If you are anything like OP, I can see why your ex ditched you.
It's cruel. "Hey try this out, you might love it". "Oh, you do like it... wow you're so proud you got a new stripe, good for you". "Okay, stop doin' it now it makes me jealous. No, I don't want to join and see for myself, I just want you to stop doing this thing you really like".
To be honest, OP's boyfriend is better off without her...
>>16963508
Because he's literally the funniest person I know he makes me laugh daily and I need that in my life, he's the sweetest, the video game thing just got out of hand, he had 2000 logged on one game, fucking Battlefield 4, I'm so glad he doesn't play it anymore
>>16963541
That's reassuring, yeah, he keeps talking about Helio Gracie, I have no idea what he's on about.
>>16963493
I live in the UK, the nearest one is about an hour away.
>>16963507
>Im not really a fighter though
I wasn't when I started, a year into training I went on to work as a door man and I loved it.
You would be paired with someone of a equal skill level or build to start with, you aren't expected to be flexible/strong from the start.
Also, self defence skills are pretty useful.
Ultimately, you asked him to do something, he did, now you are jealous, when you can just take it up with him.
Make your mind up OP, I'd recommend trying it out.
>>16963552
That's not fair, I'd never ask him to stop doing it, I'm not a monster
>>16963568
>That's not fair, I'd never ask him to stop doing it, I'm not a monster
No, you'll just make the odd remark about his his crotch was all up in his opponents face, make the occassional snide comment, get upset, maybe sulk a little. All these millions of ways to passively let him know you're uncomfortable with him doing this.
Anything but avoiding outright telling him to stop.
Because that's make you bad.
So you'll just sit there hoping he eventually gets the millions of hints, that you disapprove. You'll essentially emotionally blackmail him into stopping.
But as long as you don't say it outright, you aint a monster.
OP, you're the issue here, not him. You need to do something about that jealousy.
Seems like a healthy kind of jealousy.
Did he at least come up with some innovative positions for sex? Haha just kidding^^
If you want him to love your relationship, think about things you could to together and try not to show jealousy because it's rather a sign of weakness.
>>16963575
So what I keep all my jealousy to myself, I'm not making excuses here but he gets a little upset about a guy at my work, but I don't hold it against him, he got upset then started to improve himself for me, but he still gets snide about him sometimes but I don't care because its healthy not to keep these things to yourself, we both do it, but at the end of the day we're cuddling so does that really matter?
>>16963153
You're wrong yes, because that is a rather common technique. Let him enjoy his newfound passion.
>>16963552
lol no I started to feel happy for him and stuff UNTIL that girl started to hang out with him alot and yeah she looked quite good :-( And then after weeks he finally told me he likes her more than me and he cheated on me. That was the point where I just got crazy and gave up on him.
Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh like I was there for him 25/8 when he was an fat friendless fag and now he has a girlfriend, a lot of friends and looks better.
I guess thats how life works
>>16963585
>So what I keep all my jealousy to myself,
Not the point I was tryin' to make...
I said do something about that jealousy. I didn't say bottle it up.
Join the class, or take up something else thaty you can do together as well... once a week go with him on a bike ride or something. Shit.
Show him that he can do things other than "cuddle" with you.
Make an effort to move past this instead. Damn bitch.
>>16963575
lol she is not jealous, she acts like every normal person would act. Stop to discredit her fair sense of distrust in that whole thing
Gurl, ur doing it right :) Like that guy wont be woth a shit if he hangs out more passionate with another girl more than he does with you
>>16963153
You are wrong to be upset. Stop being selfish and jealous, just be happy for him that he has a great hobby that he's passionate about and is great exercise.
>>16963595
>Stop to discredit her fair sense of distrust in that whole thing
I don't need to discredit her if she's not even willing to go there and try it for herself to find out it aint sexual.
She's discrediting herself.
>lol she is not jealous, she acts like every normal person would act.
I'm pretty sure a normal person would have suggested doing something together with their significant other, especially if he was reluctant in the first place - at least to encourage him.
>Gurl, ur doing it right :) Like that guy wont be woth a shit if he hangs out more passionate with another girl more than he does with you
What?
Girl, go back to /cgl/ or whatever lady equivalent of /r9k/ you came from... Women's studies class? maybe.
>>16963596
Thats not selfish, there is another GIRL hanging out with him and he does seem to show slightly interest in her.
Like if I were OP I'd try to talk a little subtle about that topic and make clear, that I dont like how he behaves to other girls without telling me about that.
>>16963603
>that I dont like how he behaves to other girls without telling me about that.
ignorance is bliss.
What seems like an innocent part of the sport to him could mean something else entirely to her.
Asking him to tell could open a whole new area of jealousy and insecurity.
>>16963594
I've already mentioned we do basketball together on Fridays, we also play Rocket League together and we both love Seth Rogen movies, you're just a bit of a rude cunt, dont imply that all we do in our relationship is cuddle, I wouldn't have been with him for 4 years if that was the case.
>>16963603
>there is another GIRL hanging out with him and he does seem to show slightly interest in her.
Not the guy you replied to, but OP isn't really an authority on if her bf likes this girl he was wrestling, she just said that she saw him make a pretty girl tap out.
OP's issue is her bf hanging out in a setting where there are women that aren't her, but she is making excuses not to try JJ out.
>>16963613
like you have ZERO empathy for what is going on with the OP. Dont you understand that she doesnt feel well with the actions of her boyfriend? If she is a little jealousy that will be okay, because if her boyfriend will love her.. he will try to do everything thats making her happy again. Even when this involves to stop making weird actions with other girls she doesnt know about
>>16963613
Weird actions? Triangle choke is common as fuck, you retard.
>>16963627
>Dont you understand that she doesnt feel well with the actions of her boyfriend? If she is a little jealousy that will be okay, because if her boyfriend will love her.. he will try to do everything thats making her happy again. Even when this involves to stop making weird actions with other girls she doesnt know about
Trolling has fell a long way since 2005.
OP told him to do something
bf did something
she gets a little bit jealous because sometimes at JJ he is paired up with a pretty girl
but OP doesn't want to join
Asking him to quit something that he enjoys is an awful thing to do, he isn't doing anything wrong, the issue lies with OP's perception of what she saw (bf making a girl tap out), a more reasonable assumption would be that her bf attacks women.
>>16963613
Wrong person I meant >>16963627
>>16963603
They're not "hanging out" they're grappling in a BJJ class. Huge difference. From experience I can say nobody is thinking sexual thought when rolling and any good dojo will be sure that this doesn't occur. BJJ is about exercise, self defence, confidence and self improvement. If OP thinks her bf is going there to handle other women that's a trick of the mind. Human nature forms jealousy but you have to be mature to overcome this for your relationship. This is what I meant by selfish, you need to put your relationships ahead of your own emotions. If you can't you're not ready for a serious relationshit.
>>16963632
>ecause sometimes at JJ he is paired up with a pretty girl
but like he potentially COULD refuse to pair up with that girl, so OP can feel safe and well again.
I wouldnt risk the whole relationship for a random girl if I was OP's boyfriend.
OP tell him about that and if he starts saying such bullshit like insulting you etc then you can start being a little suspicious about that pairing. If he is going even to meet her, confront him with that and tell him to finally stop, because you dont feel well with that. :)
OP like you dont have to tolerate something you are uncomfortable with, I know that feeling and it was bothering me for AGES till I came up with it in a conversation. Its just a natural feeling and you just CANT ignore a natural feeling. It wont work, I promise you. I tried it myself a lot of times, but there was always the little bit of feeling about that which was bothering me.
>>16963631
... omg the fuck is this.
>>16963153
>he was underneath some girl (who, was extremely pretty) and then he worked his legs around her head and she tapped out but for those few seconds her head was right up in his groin, then they swaped and he was on top of her
wow I bet you'd find condoms in the shower of that place, all that sexual tension...
>>16963655
as an anon with anxiety/OC problems i have to object to this
>Its just a natural feeling and you just CANT ignore a natural feeling
>there was always the little bit of feeling about that which was bothering me
such feelings are often totally wrong and we shouldn't ask our partners to humor them, it isn't healthy for either of us
make sure something is actually abnormal (eg like you said, if he meets with her for coffee or something) before you take action, don't drive yourself nuts worrying about things that aren't actually problems
though i definitely agree that you should bring up anything that bothers you in conversation, don't keep yourself and your partner in the dark about anything. If you can tell it to a bunch of anonymous people on the internet, you can tell them too.
>>16963507
>but at least I could keep an eye on him
Don't do it if that'd be your only reason. Trust and all that.
desu don't join classes with Him.
Training is for warriors, and done alone. Ive sometimes trained with my gf, to make her happy, but always impacted my training.
Don't be so self centered, let him have his fun. He is bound to meet other girls, in the world, and you should be comfortable in your relationship towards him. I mean he went through the motivation to get up and become strong for you. Is that not enough?
He seems like a stand-up guy, and you seem worried, understandably, but don't act on it. You gonna work at his work next, cuz he has an attractive collegue? its an issue with no end, and the solution is within your head, not within controlling him, trust me on this.
>>16963153
No you don't have to worry that's pretty normal in martial Arts... He could meet pretty girls anywhere else all you have to do is trust him!
If he's all about the sport this won't get him sexual errected in any way!
>>16963916
>If he's all about the sport this won't get him sexual errected in any way!
confirmed never played any sport
>>16963575
I know it's not your advice thread but you should really see a therapist.
>jealous girlfriend
>understanding and constructive criticism
>jealous boyfriend
>insecure man child I hope she leaves you
Stay classy /adv/
>>16965271
This, what the fuck, /adv/?
>>16963667
BJJ, try raping a chick that is proficient in it
It is a shit situation, but you did lecture him to change his lifestyle. You should have encouraged him not chastised him. That might have led to resentment he won't mention, and in thus the potential for infidelity.
>>16963176
Other way around
>>16966330
I encouraged him so many times, If I was nice about it he wouldn't listen, I had to crack the whip to get him moving and now he's enjoying it and wanting to go, even if its raining he'll walk to the dojo if Im not home to take him (he has.vision problems not allowed to have his license)
>>16963611
>basketball on Fridays
>Rocket League
>both love Seth Rogan movies
>been with him for 4 years
Is that all you have in common? Jesus Christ, this relationship sounds like shit.
>>16963391
>Actually talking to boyfriend instead of just being crazy
>Boyfriend isn't mad and plays along
>Fears mostly quelled
OP, I'm going to say that you're doing fine. Keep things open between your bf and you, trust and verify, and don't let people make you needlessly worry.
Tread carefully OP, it sure sounds like he can't win here. If I were him and you came to me with this whiny jealous bullshit I'd start thinking about trading up if I hadn't already.
>>16966643
I didn't want to list every little thing we like, I don't have to explain my relationship to you, fuck off.
>>16963153
Honestly if he is progressing (earning stripes) then he is focussed on the BJJ and not that girl's vagina. You have nothing to worry about. If you start acting weird about it you will either
a) drive him away from you
b) drive him away from bjj and make him fat again
Just chill
>getting in a relationship expecting the other person to change
that was your first mistake
>>16963601
Based on the stupidity of the post, combined with the stupidity of the OP, and the fact that she supposedly showed her bf the thread, OP appears to be posting as other people to make herself seem less crazy and insecure. See >>16963603
Trying to self validate. Most women are a bit insecure, but not that bad
There's no way she's a seagull, we are way smarter than that. This bitch got lost here on her way to Instagram or Facebook
>>16967182
Even the shitty use of "like" is consistent throughout the posts sympathizing with her
You retards got rused, hopefully her boyfriend is smart enough to see what a psychotic cunt this girl is
Dump her!
He faps thinking about his jiu jistu chick. Probably looks at her Facebook or something.
