> 20 y/o fem
> does fairly well in college
> extremely dependent on people due to past reasons
> break up with a boyfriend of 2,5 years
> get in a new relationship accidentally, and very quickly
> I would rate myself as 6-7/10
> mental health issues kick in when I lost my job in January
I am heavily suicidal.
I am on Prozac, Xanax and Zorclone.
I feel like I am dying and I find no motivation in anything anymore.
Boyfriend left me for another girl, our group of friends seems to disintegrate slowly.
My ex (2.5 years) has been begging me to get back, but my family won't allow it.
I am going Erasmus next year.
I am too pilled out to study properly, I keep on having panic attacks in college and extreme anxiety, I cannot deal with it anymore, my family is completely unaware of my problems and when I tried to explain to them that I need to see a psychologist/get antidepressants I was laughed at, so I take the meds without them knowing.
Lately I have been heavily contemplating suicide, I wonder if I should really do it. I attempted 4 times before, but never took the right dose of whatever I was trying to kill myself with.
I don't know what to do. I feel fucking useless. I feel like I am not bringing anything into neither mine or anyone elses life.
Should I do it?
No, you should not. I am not in the same situation nor am I a girl but I've thought of suicide and what-not in the past and I'm just gonna flat-out say no. Live life to your own satisfaction, and if satisfaction is bringing others happiness go to a church and volunteer to help people. Life in the end really doesn't make much sense, and there will always be shitty times, but I don't think you should kill yourself. I genuinely care. Have a good weekend, and happy Easter.
>>16957943
Thank you... <3
Perhaps the volunteering is a good idea...
>>16957814
6-7 how do we know ur not just hallucinating that.
>>16958026
Perhaps I am just hallucinating.
Stop taking pills especially stop mixing them. Just because a doctor or shrink gives them to you doesn't mean there what's best for you. Don't even think about suicide as an option there's to much to live for. I'm sure you're pretty. Just talk and vent with people don't take medicine just read side effects it's not worth it
Killing yourself is not the solution, you just postpone stuff... In next life you will have to deal with same things again if you dont solve them. You are probably messed up because of the meds you are taking or food you eat... Start meditating, do taichi, yoga or something like that. Eat healthy. No junk food. Be kind to yourself..
>>16958068
Op don't listen to this stupid mystical bull that's how you would fine yourself in a cult.
>>16958058
I did read the side effect of Prozac, and, honestly speaking, I asked my two closest friends what changes did they notice in me over the past few months. Pretty much all they said was on the list.
I want to get off it as soon as I can, but my doctor wont lower the dose and I am terrified of withdrawals.
>>16958068
I did yoga for a while, but it did not quite help me. I try to eat but all this nervousness only keeps me from eating at all. I have been "wilting", as one of my friends put it, and I found it impossible to eat without throwing up.
>>16958105
The withdrawals will be worth it. I have never understood why they give people with depression a pill and the side effect say it will make you more depressed.listen to the guy who said get involved in church and volunteer even if you don't fully believe what Christianity teach it's still good for you to get involved with loving people who will support you. That being said be careful what church you get involved with find one where people approach you and make you comfortable.
Just like everyone else you're already dying slowly op,why rush it ? This world is fucked up. Life is meaningless. Nobody's expecting anything from you, you're free. I'd suggest you spend whatever time you got left doing things that'll make you happy or searching for them if you haven't got any.
Enjoy your life it's all you've really got.
>>16958154
If inability to fight your demons means that I am "tampered in dark-sided stuffs", then yeah, I am...
>>16958154
Top kek
>>16957814
>20 y/o fem
>My ex (2.5 years) has been begging me to get back, but my family won't allow it
You are 20 years old and still allowing your parents to dictate who you date? Jesus Christ.
>>16958217
Yeah, it's kind of difficult. Pretty much the deal is that it is either him or them, and I am left to choose, and this is a very tough choice to make.
>>16958171
See stop being serious all the time lighten up Jesus play some conkers bad fur day have fun enjoy
>>16957814
I used to have a friend that had pretty much the same problem. She was bulimic and really hated herself for lots of small reasons that just built up to a huge problem with her self image. You become so accustomed to seeing yourself in a certain way it can be really fucking hard to change it. But you should realize that you're not really alone in this. You aren't the first to have this issue and you certainly won't be the last. We all have demons to conquer and the best you can do is to take it it one day at a time. and above all LOVE YOURSELF. forgive yourself of your faults, no one is perfect. No one is more important than you. Not a past boyfriend, not your family or your friends, YOU are your top priority. It would sound hollow if i, a complete stranger said that i care about you, because i don't know you, but try to stand in front of a mirror, take a good hard look at yourself and say "I love you" try your hardest, be good to yourself and take any enjoyment you can, because i'm willing to bet you are a good person and deserve every bit of happiness life can offer you.
>>16957814
don't those meds say to stop taking them if suicidal thoughts get worse? you should volunteer overseas, helpin people out can really make you feel better.
>>16957814
This is exactly what happened to me, OP! I'm 26 now, I have the right medication for my diagnosis (BPD) and I am being treated by a therapist. It took a long time to get here, but it was very worth it.
Please dont let your family getinthe way of your mental health, like I did. Get help and you'll find things can get easier. It just takes a little bit of work and time. Good luck and wishes!
>>16957814
>my family is completely unaware of my problems and when I tried to explain to them that I need to see a psychologist/get antidepressants I was laughed at
You know usually I am the anon that will tell you to not do it but man what a shit family.............they'd totally deserve if you did.
>>16958068
>In next life you will have to deal with same things again if you dont solve them
how do you know this?
I'm in my late 20's. I lived through almost a decade of depression. When I was 20 in the pits of one of my longest and most depressive periods ever. I got sick of it and how powerless all the repeated mental breakdowns made me feel, and decided that 22 was a nice round number. I resolved to be done with depression one way or the other by then. That date came by, so I stuck to my word and just forced myself to stop letting myself indulge myself in depression, and to quit it cold turkey.
The next year or two were fucking bleak as hell. It wasn't even sadness, it was like a total blanket of apathy where all of the world just seemed grey, and even part of me even longed for the depth of self pity and sorrow, just so I could feel something. But I pushed forward, and step by step forced myself to do things that I felt like normal people would do to be happy.
Then I met someone, and every bit of work I tried to put just sort of clicked in to place. It was a like a rush of color came surging back to me and everything seemed bright and vibrant for the first time in a LOOOOOONG time.
The years that followed were among the happiest I've had. Even now I'm in a happy relationship with someone that makes me feel more content than I ever had before.
I would have missed so much in my life if I'd gone the other way.
My first kiss, my first date, my first beer, my first orgasm, my first love, my first relationship, my first mind blowingly surreal experience with nature, my first trip to a tropical island, my first passion.
Heck, even some of the bad things, like my first heartbreak, felt more satisfying than apathy and despair.
You can give up now, but from someone who's been at that crossroads and lucked out to go the other way, there's a lot in life you have yet you experience, and when you've be at what feels like rock bottom for so long, there's a certain strength in knowing that you've been there and survived, and it makes you appreciate the highs so, so much more.
