Girlfriend has been depressed for quite some time now. The only problem is that she's unwilling to tell me what's wrong. She says she's scared to open up to me due to past boyfriend being a manipulative psychopath who toyed with her emotions, and ended up tossing her away. How do I convince her that opening up to me is safe? I feel stuck. I can't concentrate on work, all I can concentrate on is her and how she's feeling. What do?
That's just an excuse of her wanting to break up.
You can offer her your love, and an ear if she needs. Leaving it open helps--then she can come to you in confidence. You're going to have to be patient, OP.
Her problem lies within herself. I know this from personal experience; I had been depressed all my life, and it wasn't until recent that I started climbing out of it.
My fiance helped me climb out quite a bit, though it's been rough (a lot of arguing), and I wouldn't suggest you two go about it the same way. There had been a lot of talk of suicide--again, not healthy.
It wasn't until I realized how selfish I was being that I cared to get out of the funk. I've been researching meditation techniques (went to therapy a bunch, but that didn't help) for the past couple of years. Alan Watts has had a lot of good stuff to say on the subject:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTNpx9N22ss&list=PL349DDE8D0DFB842A
This isn't your issue. You love her, but if this is getting in the way of your own happiness, you need to decide whether or not it's worth sacrificing part of your life for.
Good luck, OP
Don't force her. Encourage her to open up but don't push it. You want to establish yourself as a safe space.
Trying to make her open up is only going to make her feel unsafe and more likely to clamp up again.
Give her a place she can vent to when she's ready, and when she does open up, be supportive. As she realizes she can trust you, she'll be able to open up more and more.
>>16950979
>>16951035
Thanks, these actually help a lot. I just struggle with staying happy, seeing her depressed so often really takes a toll. I'm not going to leave her, as she's going through a tough time and just needs some support. Today I fucked up and tried pushing her into opening up. I think I upset her. I'm sure it'll get better as time passes and she trusts me more, thanks for the advice.
Don't force her to open up, and especially don't make yourself depressed worrying about her depression.
Take care of yourself for now and let her know you are there if she needs you, give her some level of space so that she can make the decision on her own rather than feeling pressured by you.
Having been with a manipulative psychopath in my past, being pressured into doing things was a good portion of the manipulation. So I think you need to understand that if you try too hard with convincing her to open up you are just going to make her more upset.
OP here.
Should I apologize for pressuring her tomorrow morning and move on with the conversation or should I just pretend nothing happened and try my best to make her feel happy? I have absolutely no idea where to go from here, any advice really helps.
>>16951179
Never apologize, unless you did something really wrong. But this is not the case.
>>16951195
I disagree. Let her know that you realized that pushing her isn't helping and that you're gonna let her open up on her own terms. I think that'll reassure her and get her to trust you more. It shows you have an understanding of her problem, and a mature person will admit when they did something wrong.
>>16951212
I'm gonna have to second this anon. Avoiding the conversation is just going to make things worse in the long run, if you acknowledge that you need to back off and let her know that she is the one in control things will be a lot better long term even if apologizing is a bit hard for you.
