Gambling Addiction is Killing Me

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Anonymous
Gambling Addiction is Killing Me 2016-03-22 05:13:24 Post No. 16944424
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Gambling Addiction is Killing Me Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:13:24 Post No. 16944424 [Report]

I have a gambling addiction.

Even though I have a decent job, I live paycheck to paycheck, even eating rice, drinking water, and eating a friend's left overs to get me by so I have money to gamble with.

It's actually betting that I've always done - I love the rush of the risk of putting my money up. Even though I have what they call a gambling addiction, I've never been to a casino.

I kind of quit cold turkey for almost two months until I ran into an old coworker that I know plays poker. He and I aren't friends but it was a known fact that I had a gambling addiction at that job. I asked him if he would teach me. He agreed and even acknowledged in the conversation that he knew I had a gambling addiction.

He, myself and two of his friends came over to my apartment where they taught me poker. I was losing because they were teaching me as we played and they weren't giving me advice on how to play well, just the rules.

It became obvious partway in that they were doing this because they knew I had an addiction, I was an easy mark, and they knew I would let them clean me out. They said things like, "You can't quit can you." One of them described the fact that I kept playing as, "bizarre."

I paid them via PayPal and an ATM. I gave up my TV, Xbox One and games, and an Alienware desktop computer that was given to me as a gift this Christmas. I'm writing this on a six year old laptop that computer had replaced.

I want to meet them again next time I get paid. I am more worried that I wont have enough to make it as intense as that first time than I'm worried about how I'm going to eat this week. Having my bank account emptied, a credit card maxed, and my electronics raided didn't hurt bad enough to want to stop. I'm deep in regret.

Even though I know I'm getting drained by them, I won't hurt my chances of doing this again by confronting them.

What's my rock bottom? Do I accept this and run myself into the ground until something clicks and I can stop?

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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:18:56 Post No.16944439
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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:18:56 Post No.16944439 [Report]

I have to take a shower before I go to bed here. I'll be back to check your replies in 15 or so.

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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:26:43 Post No.16944452
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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:26:43 Post No.16944452 [Report]

You need help. Seek therapy or support groups in your area. Do you have a friend or family member that you trust that can hold on to your paychecks and your debit/credit cards?

You may feel that this is how your life will be forever, but it doesn't have to be. You are almost halfway in changing things around - knowing you have a problem. You don't have to wait until you hit your rock bottom to start to make a change in your life. The next steps will be hard, but you can fucking do it. You need support and not people in your life to enable your habit and take advantage of it.

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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:38:12 Post No.16944470
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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:38:12 Post No.16944470 [Report]

>>16944452
It feels impossible but people obviously come through. Thanks for your encouragement.

I think part of the fear comes from having been laughed at and ridiculed to my face by these men and taking it politely and laughing along with them (which made it only funnier for them) because I was afraid they'd stop. I was afraid they'd stop taking my money. That is so humiliating I cannot describe it.

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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:59:16 Post No.16944521
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Anonymous 2016-03-22 05:59:16 Post No.16944521 [Report]

>>16944470
Do you have anyone in your life to talk to about this? If not I'd like to an ear for you, and give encouragement if you'd like.

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Anonymous 2016-03-22 06:04:35 Post No.16944534
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Anonymous 2016-03-22 06:04:35 Post No.16944534 [Report]

find a friendlier poker game than that, those guys sound like complete cunts