Emotional Tornado
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hi everyone. I just had the worst day of my adult life yesterday.
Here's how it happened:
>I'm a 21 year old American studying in Japan
>I'm pretty hot, even by western standards. Good shape, weight, ect
>Tindering out of boredom.
>Japanese girl on Tinder messages me that she's horny and wants sex.
>I take the train and visit her the next night.
>trudge through the rain, finally find her place
>she's even more beautiful than her photos
>she sits me down, we strike up some nice conversation
>we have sex, she tells me she really likes me and that she loves sex as much as most guys
>we have sex a few more days, start getting really close emotionally
>we go on a date. I ask if we're dating.
>she smiles and says, "Yes"
>we spend many nights together.
>our love grows stronger, we gradually get more and more intense
>I have one month left
>We go out to a korean restaurant in Kobe, she visits me and we cook together, we go out to the city and have wonderful dates
>One morning, I walk her to her college
>We sit in the grass. She tells me she is scared of me leaving and that she wants to get married eventually
>I had this question asked of me before by another girl and it scared me. This time, I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of love
>I cry a lot. When I am with her. When I am working. When I am sleeping. I cannot imagine leaving her to go home.
>It is the last day I am with her.
>I hide a love letter in her cabinet with some presents. She hands me a card and tells me to read it on the plane home.
>we agree a long-distance relationship would be too hard and that we should separate.
>I cry in her arms. She cries. I get in the elevator and watch her disappear.
>I read the letter on the plane.
>It is absolutely beautiful. Filled with hearts, the words, "I LOVE YOU" in the middle.
>I literally die on the inside, start sobbing the moment I read it
>I return home. I parade around my house with the card like a child. I want everyone to see it.
So go back to Japan, stupid
>>16943244
Go back.
Life will be possible everywhere, living with regrets can be much harder.
cont.
>October 2015
>4 days since I am home in the US
>I cry myself to sleep every night thinking of her
>The emotional strain is too much
>same with her. We can't move on.
>We get back together. Long distance relationship
>We message every day. Our love keeps growing stronger.
>She says that other guys want to have sex with her and she thinks its annoying. I also had a girl try and have sex with me.
>She tries to visit me for Christmas
>She can't make it for Christmas.
>I buy her a beautiful necklace
>She buys me something
>She gets my present, skypes me on Christmas trying it on and telling me she loves me. Asks if I got hers.
>I never did. But her love is enough.
>She celebrates my birthday. I celebrate hers
>She goes to Europe for studying.
>She messages me frantically on the way there because she is scared of the trip. I give her emotional support and tell her I am there for her if anything goes wrong.
>She is photographed with two european men
>Another photo has her taking a selfie with another european man
>I instantly get jealous, but I tell myself I am overreacting
>She returns.
>She has a nervous breakdown the night she is home. I call her and talk her through it.
>She tells me she wants to study this summer in the US. Says she can see me
>I am so happy
>She tells me about how one of her (male) foreign friends took photos of her and made food with her
>get a little jealous, have a little breakdown, but trust her
>Another month passes. It is March 14th
>An italian guy adds me to Facebook
>I laugh because his name is similar to one of my friends. See that she is his only mutual friend
>Freeze up. I start worrying
>Go into it assuming the best
>I message him all friendly
>He says, "Oh sorry, I added you by accident. Hahaha"
>I ask him if she ever talked about me
>He says she talks about tons of guys
>I freeze up and lose my cool. I tell him I am her boyfriend, or so I thought.
>He says, "Oh my bad, I mean she talks about lots of people"
>I apologize
>>16943280
cont.
>I feel weak after talking to him.
>I suspect the worst. I have no energy to do anything
>She hasn't messaged for a few days
>I keep going to the gym, but I can barely do anything
>I talk to all my friends
>"You have to trust her. You're eating yourself up"
>I build up my trust.I keep telling myself to trust her
>Finally I restore my trust. She messages me back saying she was busy. Asks me to skype Thursday
>I wait eagerly on Thursday. Bring my brother and his GF
>She cancels due to work, says sorry
>We skype the next day
>It goes beautifully. She is so cute, we talk about longterm plans. She tells me she is going to visit the US in the Winter, and study in the US this summer
>I am filled with a wave of hope and happiness
>I want to marry her more than ever
>my love is at its peak
>Saturday
>I get a message from the Italian guy
>He posts a FB log between him and her
>It shows her gloating about sucking two dicks to him
> I lock up
>my worst fears became real
>I open up to her. I tell her that I love her so much, and that I want to spend my whole life with her.
>But
>Post the logs
>She responds back instantly (typically like 12 hour waiting time?)
>"who posted that" "block him"
>I start crying
>she finally says, "he and you are different"
>"I only love you"
>I start spilling my heart out to her
>That she has ruined my trust
>She asks how I can restore my trust
>She says the italian guy is trying to ruin our relationship
>she says she needs sexual contact
>I am literally breaking down crying
>I ask her about our future kids.
>She says she would never do that to them
>I ask her if what she would do if I cheated"
>She says "break up with you instantly"
>I tell her that she should have told me she couldn't live without sex
>That I could have helped her. I would be okay with an open relationship
>she says she didn't want to worry me
>I ask her to be honest
>"Did you cheat on me?"
>She says "no"
You've made threads about this a few different times, OP.
LDRs don't work out. Not fucking rocket science.
>>16943244
I believe your story..
it's japan, everyone there is fucking wierd right?
whole culture is fucked up? is that a reason to justify it? I don't think so but it maybe could help?
you gotta see her in person asap. I don't know how tho. let her come to you.
Lmao is this a joke? She's just an Asian chick who fetishizes white guys and will fuck anyone as long as they're white. It makes her feel good that foreign guys are obsessing over her and extra special back in her home country. It's exactly the same as a white dude who has yellow fever who tries to fuck as many Asians as he can. Ditch her.
I never understood people who use "sexual addiction" as an excuse for cheating.
have you asked the italian guy?
try to get as much info out of him as possible, you gotta know as much as you can
>>16943319
>I ask again, saying, "this is the most important question I will ever ask you"
>She says "no"
>I literally die on the inside. I would have taken her back if she said yes.
>Tell her she is the only one who can fix this
>That if she wants to save our relationship, she knows what to do.
>I sleep on that last note.
>I wake up. She texts me an hour later saying, "but I can't go to america yet"
>I tell her that's not what I'm asking
>I tell her I need to see proof of her love
>she asks me how
>I tell her that the only way things can work is if she always tells the truth, no matter how hard
>That I want to help her more than anything. That I do not judge. I respect honesty.
>She tells me she is exhausted, that she needs sex
>She says I do not deserve her.
>I tell her we can have an open relationship so long as she promises to always tell the truth
>I ask her if she wants to hear everything I feel guilty about. Because it is a two-way street
>I tell her a list of things I feel guilty about. Sex dreams, how I messaged an ex-girlfriend to see if she was okay during a tough time, how I didn't delete my inactive tinder until a week after our relationship
>Half way through my list, she stops responding
>I feel lonely. I have a break down.
>I get more desperate.
>She has gone to bed.
>During the most important conversation
>During the conversation where I was going to give her the last a chance to be with me
>I cry the entire day (Sunday)
>She reads my message late sunday evening
>I ask her "please call me"
>I call her twice, no response
>I literally pour my heart out to her
>That I tried my best
>That I truly loved her more than anything in the world
>That I have been going through the worst two days of my life. That if she was, I would be there for her
>She calls me
>I start crying the moment I hear her voice
>She sounds like she's been lobotomized.
>I tell her that I tried my absolute best. That I have poured my heart and soul into the relationship
You reek of desperation, and are overly emotional.
Women do not want that, especially when it isn't in person, and no one has died.
Do not, under any circumstance, contact her. Wait for her to come to you, and for God's sake, do not fucking cry on the phone, again.
>trying to marry a girl who used/uses tinder
dude
nothing good could have come of that
>>16943373
>I am literally crying my heart out
>She says that she loves me
>I tell her I have her so many chances. That I would do anything to have her back
>But she didn't make the effort
>I tell her it is over
>I tell her I'm sorry, that I forgive her
>I tell her goodbye
>She says "w-wait"
>She stutters
>She breaks into tears
>She has nothing to say
>I break into tears
>I tell her I loved her unconditionally
>I tell her that I will always love her
>I tell her goodbye
>She says goodbye.
>I hang up
>I message her telling her that I hope she has a wonderful life. That I will always love her.
>She says that I deserved better than her.
>She tells me to enjoy my life
>She says she will always love me
It has been 24 hours. I still love her more than anything. Everyone tells me I made the right choice. I don't feel like I had a choice.
But I am literally dying on the inside. I firmly believe she was the one. But I cannot understand why she didn't fight for our relationship.
I am slowly recovering. But the driving force of my life was establishing a beautiful family with her. This was my shining light at the end of the tunnel.
The light is gone. My future feels empty.
I want to go back to her. But I think I cannot.
Please tell me. Is there any way to recover this? Do I have any chance? Or should I try and tear myself away from the love of my life? The person I valued more than myself, even though she hurt me so much.
I can't live without her in my life. But do I have to?
>>16943385
I'm not a desperate person. But I am desperate for this girl. I had gone years without crying. I had gone years without exposing much emotion.
This girl made me feel in ways I have never felt before. The love I felt for her was out of total benevolence. I truly wanted the best future for this girl.
>>16943397
What a fag.
What about before u meet her? U didnt have light in your life. Dude. You seemed better before meeting this girl.
As anon aforesaid. Tindergirls not wedding material.
Also the way she seems indifferent to your relationship is cuck red light.
Abandon ship.
>>16943397
You need to get the fuck out of this emotional pit ASAP. Women will drag you down into their idiotic, emotional, irrational, slut storms and take over your emotions. Drop that bitch like she's a hot coal.
>>16943397
Don't. If you crawl back to her, she will do whatever she wants. She'll know you're a weak willed individual. The infidelity won't stop. it never does.
It hurts a lot now but it'll hurt a lot less than finding out she's 'sucking two dicks' when you have kids and a house and all that american dream shit. You did the right thing. Take time for yourself, then move on.
>>16943397
You didn't love her unconditionally. Your love very clearly had conditions.
>>16943397
>>16943419
This, OP. You'll be a better man for moving on.
>>16943419
>>16943506
Is it okay to wait a week and ask her if we can be friends?
I did this to an ex-girlfriend in the past and it turned into a friend for life. The pain is gone with her.
I think it might help with reconciliation, because I cannot stand to cut someone out entirely.
>>16943837
It wouldn't be ok for you. How would you handle her being with another man? Friending them on Facebook, getting stupid 'omg i love yous' from them, etc.
Being friends with someone that close is not a good idea, it'll hurt you more. She cheated. She broke your heart. Is that someone you should be friends with?
If you have a shred of self esteem left, use it to let her go.
