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Anonymous
2016-03-21 01:48:09 Post No. 16940259
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Anonymous
2016-03-21 01:48:09
Post No. 16940259
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Ok guys this is the first time im posting here, but i really don't know what else to do.
Ive been struggling with depression on and off since 2012, the year i finished school. Shit got really bad for me since my school days weren't the most fun, i had problems with bullying, even the teachers tried to fuck me over whenever they could. Basically i left school feeling like a worthless piece of shit. Feeling is still quite present to day, but i have had better days. My girlfriend at that time built me up a lot for 2 years and i was deciding to volunteer for some paid internship in a school because i decided to try becoming a kindergarden teacher. i really enjoyed working with the kids. halfway through i broke up with her, which was really hard on me, still is. She was the first one i really loved, she just understood me and my pain since she was hospitalized for stuff like borderline in the past. i felt like the biggest asshat, she built me up and i threw her away. In october 2015 i started university, actually applied for something different, since i didn't get the course i wanted (bad grades due to not giving a fuck anymore in school for obvious reasons, not an excuse tho). I very quickly realized that i picked poorly and i stopped going to my classes. right now i applied for a school to become a kindergarden teacher like i originally planned. but right now im not really doing anything. i should mention that i moved out of town since this place only brings me pain. right now tho im back in town, since my parents left for an emergency in our family and im stuck here with our two dogs. right now im sinking deeper and deeper into the depression again. i never really hurt myself before, but yesterday i did . it felt right and real, but after i went to sleep i realized that this was probably the dumbest shit I've ever done to myself. i don't really want to do it again but i fear im caving in at some point again. Im not suicidal but im afraid. cont-