I have a great gf but I want to have sex with other people and it is frustrating. The relationship is pretty good, we work on it, our sex is great, can't complain, yet my brain keeps telling me to end it and find other people. I know that the "other people" probably won't exist simply because I am not into one-night stands, or at least I am too socially stupid for them.
I realise that this is "nature" calling me but I need a way to deal with it.
>>16935136
>my brain keeps telling me to
>I realise that this is "nature" calling
No, retard. This is not nature calling you. This is social expectations and media calling you. Someone has instilled these values in you and you aren't disgusted by them because they are now your values.
>>16935136
How old are you? How many women have you been with How long has your relationship been?
All key questions.
>>16935136
Sure I want to fuck other people to, but I'm not actually going to do it.
>>16935151
21, two girls, almost two years
>>16935159
Makes sense, all in all. At 21 you're probably not going to end up marrying this girl or whatever. Maybe it's worth considering breaking up. You were still basically kids when you met. Don't stay in a relationship just because it's safe.
>>16935173
>At 21 you're probably not going to end up marrying this girl or whatever.
This is a really stupid lie women tell. I don't know why they all think this. Men are happy to stick around forever but women just sort of wander off when they get bored.
>>16935178
I'm a guy, you dipshit. 99% of my friends at 21, and myself, aren't with the girl they were dating at that age now.
That guys are content to "stick around forever" is some 4chan meme perpetuated by guys who have only ever had one woman interested in them their entire lives because they're fedora neckbeard shutins.
>>16935187
OP confirmed fedora neckbeard shutin. Very sympathetic, Chad.
>>16935173
That's cool that there is no harm in considering break up but how do I not go crazy in the meantime?
>>16935193
but I had a more than one girls interested in me ;-;
>>16935193
I wasn't calling OP a fedora neckbeard shutin, just the guy that said men are happy to stick around forever. If anything, the opposite is true. There's a ton of deadbeat dads in this world who just abandon their kids or discard women when they're done.
>>16935199
I dunno man, jerk off? Picture them in your head when you have sex? I'm not good at this, but it's why I'm single or only get into relationships with extraordinarily attractive women at this point if that's an option.
My last girlfriend was a very nice, sweet girl, nothing wrong with her for most, but she wasn't attractive enough for me to not think about other women, so I broke it off. I'm a narcissist, but she shouldn't have to suffer that.
>>16935203
Deadbeat dads are a black phenomenon. Most single motherhoods are caused by the woman forcibly removing the father. Divorces in general are mostly initiated by women, as is most cheating nowadays. One of the biggest problems is that idea that "we don't need to get married to raise kids." They'll just push you away because they see no value in starting a family.
>>16935211
Don't you have charts you should be posting on /r9k/ or something? I'm amazed you've made it three replies without using the word cuck.
I've seen plenty of deadbeat dads out there, and a lot less woman-initiated divorces (normally they're pretty mutual, where each person hates each other). Maybe you just don't live in a city or have nothing but the internet to go off of, I don't know.
It just makes me laugh to try to get in the minds of guys on 4chan who see men as these weepy, doe-eyed victims, who just want their white picket fence and happy family, while these lecherous women take them away and break this up.
Both sides are culpable and are assholes.
>>16935209
> I'm single or only get into relationships with extraordinarily attractive women
And how is that working out for you? I am guess that you are not socially retarded like I am.
>>16935224
>I'm amazed you've made it three replies without using the word cuck.
Because this whole argument is based on your expectations of reality rather than anything you actually know. I know, so I'm "the bad guy" for disagreeing with you. You haven't made any attempt to refute me, you're just insulting me because you don't LIKE my side of things.
>muh anecdotes
>muh NEETs
>muh beta males
>muh family unit
>both sides are wrong because they're dumb, i know because i'm not on a side
From an objective point of view it's obvious that you don't know anything about this. You want to have some kind of stake in this because you scream and cry and stomp your feet when you don't get to be right.
>>16935173
>it's fine! just cheat on her, or she's going to cheat on you! don't even try to stay together!
And you criticize me and call everyone "deadbeats" for taking your stupid, uninformed advice.
>>16935240
It works out enough. My standards aren't as high for taking a girl out on a couple of dates, or hooking up, so I'm not saying I'm out there slaying 10/10 pussy every time I leave the house, just saying that I don't want to settle for a relationship with someone that I'm not wholly attracted to inside and out, because I know it will lead to a point where I'd hurt someone getting what I really want.
Also, sorry for mucking up your thread talking to this other "all women will abandon you" guy.
>>16935245
I've lived the shit I'm talking about, I have firsthand experience, along with combined experience from a large network of friends, acquaintances, family, and coworkers. Sure, it's anecdotal, but whatever you "know" sure seems like it comes from the internet, as opposed to real life.
>From an objective point of view
No, you're part of this argument, so you are literally saying something subjectively. The only way to refute your argument is basically through personal experience, because the next step here to "objectively" talking about the issue is that we go hunting for charts that prove our point from whatever source online we care to pick. Unless you want to make this some kind of an odd couple comedy and meet me in some random city and we'll run an empirical study for a week.
>it's fine! just cheat on her, or she's going to cheat on you! don't even try to stay together!
Not what I'm saying. I'm not even saying she's going to cheat on him. I'm not encouraging him to cheat at all. That would be him trying to have his cake and eat it too. If he's unhappy, leave, I'm saying. The odds of rescuing this relationship are poor, and trying to stay together when he's already got a hardon for everything that walks by means they're already on the way out.
>>16935288
>No, you're part of this argument, so you are literally saying something subjectively.
>The only way to refute your argument is basically through personal experience
>>16935288
Well, there are some issues we have, so I guess if they get bigger, I will consider leaving her. Thanks.
>>16935288
>"all women will abandon you" guy
How is that in any way what anyone said? You said he shouldn't care about maintaining the relationship because it will end "anyway."
>>16935338
>This is a really stupid lie women tell. I don't know why they all think this. Men are happy to stick around forever but women just sort of wander off when they get bored.
That's pretty much "women will abandon poor men who just want to stick around forever with the first one they catch."
I told OP the realistic truth of the situation - at 21, he probably isn't in the relationship he will be in the rest of his life. I said "MAYBE it's worth CONSIDERING breaking up." Not "go get your dick wet no matter what."
Yes, I feel no one should stay in a relationship just for the sake of staying in one. I think that only leads to things snowballing, and a worse breakup down the line. If he wants to fuck other girls enough that it's a recurring thing in his mind, that's probably not going to go away.
>>16935349
>This is a really stupid lie
>I told OP the realistic truth
Or maybe it's a lie millennials are all told by "strong independent women." 21 isn't early for marriage, it's right on time.
>I feel no one should stay in a relationship just for the sake of staying in one
>I have a great gf
>The relationship is pretty good, we work on it, our sex is great, can't complain
>just for the sake of staying in one
>>16935366
21 early for some, right on time for others. There isn't some grand truth out there that has been veiled by some greater motive. At 21, if you're attending a four year university, you probably haven't graduated yet. You probably don't have a job that can support you, or a home, or a child. Many relationships can't survive that strain. That's why people get married later and later now.
Society has put us into a situation where we aren't on a course for success until we're a few years into our 20s in most cases. It stinks, but it is what it is.
>All of this "great" stuff he's talking about
>Still wants to fuck other women so much he can't stop thinking about it at all
>Shouldn't make us think as advice givers that maybe there's a little more to this
>>16935392
The whole point is that OP's complaint is a contradiction. He needs to be reminded that he is happy when the entire world thinks that he is just a child who's going to stupidly break it off anyway.
If it is great like he says, you shouldn't be advising him to cheat or to break up. These chances don't come along every day. People think that sex is how you get satisfaction in your life but this emphasis on sex just causes strife in relationships.
There's a reason "sex with your spouse" was enforced for so long. It is much easier to live your life without this concern if you can honestly not want anyone else.
>>16935403
I dunno, I'm coming from a biased perspective here to some degree - I had a similar issue a while back with my girlfriend at the time, and despite everything "being fine," I was unhappy at my core because there were other women I was interested in (specifically one woman). I even came to /adv/ for advice, and had plenty of people like you telling me to "work it out," when deep down I knew something was wrong.
I broke it off with her, and I haven't been happier. "Great" from an outsider's/surface perspective isn't always really actually great.
>>16935430
He's asking how he can relieve his "feelings" without damaging his relationship. My answer, AS YOU KNOW, was that he should disregard them because they aren't his feelings, they are being taught to him by his confused peers. If you've spent any time on /adv/ you'd know that almost every female asking for help is immediately informed by the other women that "jeez, you're only 30, just break it off. Men won't stick around anyway, that's so stupid. You aren't even old enough for a serious relationship, wait until you're 45."
A lot of people feel this way. It's fundamentally flawed and it only does damage. This is the same advance you're giving to OP and you definitely 100% got it from the same source: "the grape vine." It's just what people think nowadays, an awful lot of them. It's becoming conventional wisdom even though it's fucking wrong. This attitude is only going to cause more bitterness, more breakups, and more dependence on sex to "get your fix."
The answer is that there is no way to achieve OP's goal without destroying his relationship. It can't be done. Even if the girl doesn't find out, he will know. It's a meme and a very destructive one.
>>16935436
No, I got that opinion from myself, not from "the grapevine." By getting into relationships in my teenage years and early 20s with this hugely optimistic, "everything is going to work out, and when it doesn't, we'll work on it together" mindset that turned out to be tragically flawed, because the relationship just wasn't going to work on one side or the other.
Of course, you're immediately jumping in hyperbole about the ages of 30-45, which doesn't help to prove your point. A woman at 21 might not be ready for marriage, and that advice is good. Waiting until 25 when you've actually had a minute to live adult life and see what you may or may not want to do with it is actually good advice.
For some reason you're stuck in this traditionalist mindset because "it's how we used to do it," and have failed to realize that the world around us has changed, so "how we used to do it" is now just the equivalent of sticking your head in the sand. People live longer, have less opportunities in their lives at a young age, and have to be realistic about that going forward. We also have more mobility and more options than ever - 60 years ago, you had to find a mate within 50 miles of your house, more or less, now you can immediately video chat with someone on the other side of the planet and get to them almost wherever they are within under 48 hours.
Different world.
>>16935463
I wasn't exaggerating the numbers.
>For some reason
Because it works.
>traditionalist mindset
Just because it's old does not mean it's bad. I don't think it's a good idea just because it's old, I think it's a good idea period.
>"it's how we used to do it,"
And of course this is not my reason, it's just your way of handwaving the idea.
>the world around us has changed
The more things change, the more they stay the same. People are still the same as they were, they just have different ideas floating around in their heads. Plenty of cultures decided to change the old system of monogamy and they are all dead.
Just because you can replace your old relationship doesn't mean it's acceptable or wise to do so. People didn't stick with just one person before because there were only a few mates to choose from. Relationships fail if both parties are not interested in maintaining it. If you keep this mindset and replace your relationship whenever it starts to fail, all of your relationships will fail.
The "wait until you're older" meme is arguing that you are young and stupid and so you haven't had time to learn how to maintain a relationship yet. That doesn't even make sense as an excuse once you're past 20 or so.
>>16935617
Well, you're not going to change your mind, and I'm not going to change mine. I hope you're enjoying your wildly successful relationship you must have. See you in another thread, I'm sure.
>>16935630
So you really aren't trying to help OP, you're just trying to win. That's just pathetic.
>>16935634
I've already given OP all of the advice I have to give. It's up to him to choose from here, or for other anons to weigh in, instead of us going in circles.
>>16935640
How condescending.
>>16935209
>caring about other people's suffering
You are not a narcissist and shouldn't abuse the label.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-f7redRQ01O4/VT2AoX37V9I/AAAAAAAALsM/RNFNI_-hTn8/s1600/pepe-the-frog-meme-14.png
