I live with my boyfriend and his roommate. Long story short, his roommates wife and kid moved in and I frankly can't stand them one bit. I've been able to handle his roommate for six months, but now that his family lives here of gives me extreme anxiety and I'm always stressed to the point where i can't even leave the room. My boyfriend makes my anxiety worse with his nasty comments and basically telling me I'm stupid because of how I feel. What can I do to make myself not feel stressed the fuck out?
>>16934501
move
This is the part where you either put up with it or move
Your bf is being a jerk. Seriously, nasty comments about feelings and lack of empathy towards parther (+ prefering the side of other people) are a sign of a bad relationship.
Just move out if you can and re-think everything.
>>16934508
They're moving out in a month, my boyfriend and I renewed the lease and he's searching for a new place.
>>16934517
OP hasn't even told us what the guy said. Don't dismiss the possibility that she could be is interpreting him.
>>16934517
My boyfriend is always really nice to me and our relationship is good but whenever i start to get anxious he just makes me feel terrible, I do really badly in crowds of people and he forces me to go to his huge family meetings then ignores me. I tell him I'm uncomfortable leaving our room because of how stressed I am and he gets mad and calls me rude, and throws a fit basically for having to do chores for a month even though I do all the chores everyday since I've been here. I haven't eaten in almost two weeks because of how stressed I am and he just plays it off as a joke.
>>16934524
Yes, it may be an interpretation, but miscommunications are bad too. It may be something as silly as a bad joke or sarcastic remark, but to some people, they hurt all too much too (especially anxious people) and in a relationship, you should know what not to say to avoid hurting the other party, imho.
But maybe sitting the bf down and trying to talk it out might be a good idea before OP decides to move out or stay or do anything, I totally skipped that part.
>>16934537
I wouldn´t call that being nice to you :( I would call that being a jerk, a very ignorant one on top of that.
>>16934537
Babe sometimes there are things you just have to do and it sounds like your bf is not asking too much for you to leave the room or go to family events. I get that your terribly anxious but there is a point where coddling you won't work - these are things you need to get over if you are going to have an adult relationship with him. Think if you can, how he must feel - he knows he can never go out with his girl, he can't even leave his room without knowing she'll be upset. If I were him I would feel trapped in a relationship like that. If you keep holding him hostage because of your insecurities I can guarantee you this relationship won't last. Get yourself to therapy because if you can't find the willpower to overcome this yourself you will need help, this is not healthy behaviour and your bf is going to suffer if you do not change it.
Find a new bf.
>>16934545
>I wouldn´t call that being nice to you :(
Fuck off and die.
>>16934545
Elaborate how he's being a jerk by wanting a gf who leaves her room.
>>16934660
>>16934656
It´s not about wanting her to leave the room, but about how he reacts to her being anxious or uncomfortable.
It´s a different thing to force someone to an uncomfortable situation and a different thing to be dismissive, sarcastic or downright mean about them even saying they have problem with something. Things like anxiety (and any feelings for that matter) need a bit of patience, maybe a bit of empathy and being nasty about it (meaning about someone being anxious) only makes them worse.
Taking someone out to a big crowd when they are anxious? No big deal. Leaving them in the middle and ignoring them when you know that person is having trouble? That is a problem.
If I take a friend who´s agoraphobic to a picnic to deal with his fear and I leave him there without any support or have nasty comments about them being anxious, it makes me a jerk. It´s about being there to check on them here and there and at least listen to concerns...
>>16934686
>...
fuck off, cunt.
>>16934739
Start your swearjar someplace else ;)
OP here, thanks for all your advice, I didn't expect serious answers. Thanks to the anon that's been backing me up, nice to know someone understands and I'm not just an overly emotional monster. And to the other anons I agree, it is shitty I put my boyfriend through this and it's a never been a huge issue until this month, and I'm hoping once we live alone things will get a lot better but there is a lot I need to work on, even if it means getting out of my comfort zone. I appreciate it, guys
>>16934686
>Things like anxiety (and any feelings for that matter) need a bit of patience
If you're 6.
Come on.
>dismissive, sarcastic or downright mean about them
When did OP say anything like that.
>Things like anxiety (and any feelings for that matter) need a bit of patience, maybe a bit of empathy
Why is OPS bf required to be the sole provider of this? Why should he be required or expected to have infinite patience? I agree it is an important quality but every person has only so much they can take. It sound slide OP has been like this for a while - what use is coddling her and encouraging her to never leave her comfort zone going to do to progress them a sindividuals or as a couple?
>Taking someone out to a big crowd when they are anxious? No big deal. Leaving them in the middle and ignoring them when you know that person is having trouble? That is a problem.
It's a family gathering. You're looking at it as rude to leave her alone but if it was his family, why does she have to have a monopoly over his time with his family whom he obviously sees a lot less frequently than he sees her?
You also keep mentioning these nasty comments that OPS bf has made, even though she has not provided any direct quotes. You assume too much and we do not have the information necessary to make such assumptions.
>>16934792
True, I may assume, but OP said "nasty comments and basically telling me I'm stupid because of how I feel", which is what I was referring to
I never said sole provider, but family gathering or not, to take someone with you somewhere and then ignoring them even though they may be anxious (or even normally nervous) when it´s (again, I assume) enough to just assure them every now and then just by saying a few words, might be the problem here. (Hell if someone took me somewhere and really ignored me the whole time, I´d get angry even without anxiety)
I don´t think coddling helps with this either, but neither does the attitude of "I´ll throw you in the water and you´ll just have swim" without any help. It´s not about endless patience, but being insensitive about it is just putting out fire with oil.
>>16934768
Good luck to you, you may try to talk to him, but just try not to overthink everything, it might help :)
>>16934753
Found the newfag
>>16934565
This, pretty much.
You should be seeking therapy to treat yourself instead of hiding in a room all day. That isn't healthy on any level.
Do the wife and child do anything to make you anxious?
>>16934565
this, but your bf should have communicated it with understanding and as sweetly as this poster did.
>>16934686
This
>>16934739
>>16934769
>>16934898
samefag
Sounds like you should move out of that place. Everyone else in that environment is making you uncomfortable.
