>>16926747
Yes, this is what I have been through. It was like I was in some void or limbo between two absolute places.
Between death and the living world. And I sooo wanted to connect with death, becaus ai couldn't connect with the living.
It's normal and.. You have to give it time and find something constructive to make that time pass. Whatever you've been through needs its own space to unravel.
Happy to answer any other questions. I know talking and finding someone who understands can be helpful.

>>16926763
Okay, first, pardon my probably lack of coherence. I'm on drugs lol >_>

Is it harmful?

Like I go through life being semi-convinced I died in one incident or another. That my ex accidentally choked me to death or concussed me one of the worse times. That I succeeded in killing myself one of the worse times. I feel like a ghost who doesn't know when to quit, or that my soul vacated but my mind and body continued. I can't tell if this is protecting me somehow or hindering me. How do you define "constructive"?

>i couldn't connect with the living.

I feel this a lot too, but I don't let it show. Mostly I feel resentful that so many people didn't help even though I begged for it

>>16926796
concussed me as in i died of some brain injury or something

i was concussed lol

>>16926800
another question, actually. do you have flashbacks? what are they like for you?

>>16926796
>is it harmful?
Depends on your situation.
Do you think the way you feel could lead to you harming yourself or other people?
Does it get in the way of you and your daily activities? Does it affect you in any outwardly negative way?

>semi-convinced
Did something actually happen to you? Repressed memories? I don't know whether you are saying you imagined things or not.

>"Constructive"
I started doing various creative things and ended up with photography. Is helped me as a form of therapy overall.

>flashbacks
For a long time I repressed a lot of what happened, even though I knew it occurred. I didn't think about the details too much. Every now and then something will trigger me. But flashbacks? I don't think so. I smoked a lot of weed so I wouldn't remember my dreams. I was having upsetting dreams. That's about it.

>>16926912
>Did something actually happen to you? Repressed memories? I don't know whether you are saying you imagined things or not.
Firstly, yeah, real stuff happened. My ex battered me for a long time. I never went to an ER but I probably should have just for the physical injuries several times.

I also found out recently that I was witness to a lot more domestic violence than I had originally thought at home as a kid, and I apparently forgot an incident where I watched my mom call the cops after my dad had beaten and attempted rape on her. She apologized for what she thought was burned into my memory and I didn't know what she was talking about

>Do you think the way you feel could lead to you harming yourself or other people?
Does it get in the way of you and your daily activities? Does it affect you in any outwardly negative way?

With respect to the feeling dead: I guess it makes me feel like there's LESS point to trying to die because I'm there already. But it also makes me give less of a fuck about most things in life so I don't try to reach out to anyone any more.

>>16926912
>I started doing various creative things and ended up with photography. Is helped me as a form of therapy overall.
Is any your photography centered around/related to what happened, or do you always focus on other subjects?

>>16926949
First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about what you and your Mother went through. No one deserves that and it's a testament to your strength that you are still here.

It sounds to me as if you feeling like a ghost, and that your soul has vacated is probably because that's kind of what you did in order to deal with the things you went through. Your mind switched off or went elsewhere during, or shortly after these traumatic events to protect you.
So how you feel makes complete sense to me. It's an automated coping mechanism.

The fact that what you've been through recently is an echo of things from your childhood tells me it's gone on for far too long, and that it may continue if something doesn't change. The way you've dealt with it would have been protecting you for a small amount of time, but at some stage you have to face these things that happened and deal with them head on.

May I ask how old you are? And whether your Mother is still with you?

>>16926747
I have no idea if it's normal, but at least it's true for me. I feel like an empty puppet, I should be gone, but I'm not. It doesn't feel like living, it's more like I'm a ghost lingering in this dimension without finding rest. I can't connect with people, I hear what they say, understand their situation and try to help, my advice is actually received very well, but I don't have the feelings I should have. Thurst and hunger are pretty much gone, most of the time I eat and drink is because if I don't, it causes me pain.

As a result of this, I don't take anything really serious. I mean, I shouldn't be alive anyway, so what's the point? People keep pestering me about getting a job, getting gf or study something, but I just couldn't care less about any of that. It certainly won't remedy my problems.

Yes, I have flashbacks, but I've gotten used to it, it usually doesn't stress me too much anymore.

>Is it harmful?
It sure is. It makes people more reckless, as they stop caring about themselves. PTSD also causes other problems like anxiety disorder and depression.

>>16926991
i'm 25. my mom is still alive. honestly both of my parents have serious problems; my mom is abusive also. i don't wish any of that on her and it's kind of a mindfuck that there's no good guy/bad guy dynamic in any of this.

>>16926997
do you ever forget where or when you are completely? when I have them I think it's anywhere from 2011-2013 and curl up like i'm getting beaten. my partner is used to this luckily and is very nice about it.

>>16926954
I wouldn't say it centres around it, but it deals with issues that circle around and stem off from the main one. It's slowly been getting closer to the centre.
So far I've explored ideas of identity, gender, perspective, self esteem, intimacy, loss, relationships, and more recently I've been looking in to voids.
I don't think I could deal with the main trauma through photography, but I feel like it will be easier to deal with now that the other issues are sorted and packed away.

>>16926747
Ptsdfag here

I was like that then I found my girlfriend and then I found out something traumatic about her and now I'm the same again

I sell weed just to be able to smoke it all day it helps

>>16927012
that's very cool! I know jack shit about photography and I'm very bad at it. I used to paint and sketch constantly but it seems to have dried up when I was doing a science major in college and then with all the bad shit happening after, and I don't know how to get it back.

>>16927017
it seems good for lots of folks! unfortunately it pushes me into some kind of terrible paranoia. i do dissociatives but not very frequently

>>16927009
Have you tried speaking to your Mom about this?
Having someone who understands what you're going through is important, and if you can somehow manage to help each other this will be a healthy positive for you. I hope there is at least some way you can get through to her.

That your partner is nice about it is a great thing. I would seriously adore it if I had a partner to be by my side through some of my issues.

I know it's difficult not to pretend everything is okay most of the time. I don't cry often but Ai know I should do it more often. The things that make me cry usually lead to opening up the issue and letting it heal little by little.

>>16927009
It's not really like forgetting...I simply become who I was back then. I just fade out, find myself in the situation just like it was back then, experience it and then return to the present. Apparently people notice, because they ask if something's wrong and tell me I'm completely spacing out, just staring. Not shocked, but simply staring. I just tell them I was thinking and it's fine.

>>16927026
Yea I figure if the blacks in the hood are fine with their PTSD I should be good though