My boyfriend told me something recently, and though I'm hesitant to come to 4chan for /adv/, I'm not sure where else to turn.
First off, he had a conservative upbringing. He was homeschooled, and his parents were ridiculously religious. He went to the types of churches that spoke in tongues...and grew up in a remote part of New Mexico. His mother was borderline fearful of anything sexual-related, and therefore did not teach her children sexual education (at all). Everytime the subject would come up, she would shame the one who brought it up. She would also tell all of the boys in the family that it was wrong to /look/ at a female. She would screen movies before showing the children, and wouldn't allow one to be seen if there was even kissing in it (or would fast-forward and instruct the children to look away during those moments).
In the family, there were four boys and one girl (my boyfriend being the eldest boy). One night, when he was 14, he decided to find out what a female's body parts looked like. He waited until his siter (6 at the time) fell asleep, and put his hand down her pants. He then licked her clit twice, and ran off to masturbate.
Now, I'm a fairly understanding person. I was also taken advantage of as a child. So, this subject is really very sensitive to me. I want to be level headed, and I have been. I understand he was very nervous to tell me this (it took a few times to expose the 'whole' truth). I can't stop thinking about it though, and worrying whether or not he thinks of children these days--though he denies that he does, though admits he does find 14~15 year olds attractive, in that their bodies are somewhat pristine and are now able to house babies. We talk a lot, and he's honest.
How do I get this out of my head? How do I not worry he thinks about that incident or other children? How do I let go? If he /does/ find children attractive...how do I accept this?
Anna Dugger, pls go
>>16920160
Troll, pls go
>>16920143
He's not attracted to children. He's attracted to females as evidenced by his lack of ephebophilia and his attraction to you. If his mother was passed out drunk he would have done the same thing to her instead. His little sister just happened to be the only sexual outlet he had power over at the time.
>>16920143
Your boyfriend likely doesn't find children attractive. Accept that he did something bad, that he knows is bad, but that he did it when he was a relatively young and very troubled (and potentially abused; certainly it sounds like he was psychologically abused, but that kind of church often molests children) teenager. He knows it was wrong and didn't do it again and likely won't.
Many men find young girls (12+) attractive. It's biological and doesn't mean he's a pedophile, it's just about the age girls are physically mature. If you're worried, ask him if he'd have sex with a child; if he says yes, then you can worry. If he says no, or feels they wouldn't be emotionally stable enough, or says he'd only do it if he were also 14, he's not a pedophile.
>>16920143
Wow, my boyfriend is actually extremely similar to yours and did something similar.
He like pulled up his cousin's shirt when he was 13 while she was sleeping or something, not as bad as licking clit but still wierd and molesty.
The thing is, he knows that this is totally wrong and he feels awful about it and now that he's learned to properly express his sexuality, he doesn't have any wierd urges like that anymore.
I think that type of thing is very common in households that shame children for their sexual desires. I don't think he's a rapist.
This is something that I'd take to a relationship counselor or something.
I seriously doubt that he likes children like that- but his fucked up childhood could potentially have fucked with his sexuality
This is pretty fucked, I'd go to counseling to sort this out because that isn't normal
>>16920143
>How do I get this out of my head? How do I not worry he thinks about that incident or other children? How do I let go? If he /does/ find children attractive...how do I accept this?
Well, good on ya for recognizing that the problem is you.
the problem is not that it's that particular thing he might be thinking about.
the problem is you're trying to control (or realizing you can't control) what is going on in his head.
literally everyone did something inappropriate when they were younger. just let it be in the past and let his present actions speak for him.
also if you can't handle the truth, don't ask questions you're not gonna like the answer to. you should know him well enough by now. also, try to get over yourself, and remember that having double standards is bad. and when you hear something you shirk back from at first, how would you react in the opposite situation, and would it really, really be that bad?
maybe he's a pedo, maybe he's not a pedo, maybe he was a pedo when he was a kid, maybe he was in a situation where he didn't have any other options.
everybody's weird in a certain way. you're weird too.
>>16920143
He was sexually repressed to the extreme and acted out in a way that any hormonal teenager in that situation would. He probably didn't get to experience being a normal teenager. If he can easily pop boners for you, I wouldn't worry about it.
