/adv/, I've forgotten how to do life.
It's 6PM and I haven't gotten out of bed yet, I haven't seen unfiltered daylight in two months. I've lost all creative ability I used to have, I get no enjoyment out of anything active anymore.
My days consist of laying in bed, getting out an hour before the supermarket closes, getting myself a bunch of beer and very little food.
Then I make it home, plop down on the couch and drink and smoke weed until I pass out, upon coming to, I drag myself back into bed.
Even the 5 minute walk to the supermarket takes a lot of mental preparation, I'm very afraid/apprehensive to go outside, I always go after dark.
My family doesn't know, my friends don't know, even my girlfriend (who moved out of my house four months ago, because she couldn't be near my depression all the time) doesn't know how bad it's gotten.
Does it get better? Or will my life just continue to dwindle down until I've lost all fire?
TL;DR- worsening depression, life without guidance.
>>16915291
Are you getting any help for your depression, anon?
It gets better if you fight it. If you let go to it, it gets worse.
>>16915301
I was getting treatment, but I've stopped going, mostly due to my fear of going outside. It's almost physically painful for me to be seen by people.
I know I need help somehow, but I don't exactly know how to do that in this situation.
>>16915331
Some therapist come home to see you. Some therapists offer help on the phone.
Look online if there is one in your area!
I went through the same shit you're going through and I am still trying to get better, but things improved so much since 3 months ago.
I swear it gets better, even if it's scary.
>>16915399
Thanks anon, it's difficult not to lose all hope sometimes.
I seriously cannot envision a future that looks brighter than this. I try, but it feels as unreal as picturing myself fighting dragons, even if I'm just picturing myself having a job.
>>16915441
I can understand it. I still have bad days when I feel hopeless and I feel like it is never going to get better, but at the end of the day I can see the positive changes and I keep going thanks to them.
You have people who care about you and love you, and even if you feel like giving up you should keep trying for them. Ask for help, that's the first and most difficult step. After that it will get better.
>>16915291
Studying psychology in order to expose and eliminate my underlying problems worked wonders for me. It takes a lot of introspection and self-discipline, but it is ultimately the best course of action imo.
My reasoning for this is simply because your consciousness is subjective, and no amount of questioning and therapy sessions are going to be enough to give him enough insight on it to fix whatever problems that you may have. Also, be honest, do you really think that you are honest enough with your therapist for him/her to fix your problems?
How old are you? Why do you feel you can't talk with your parents or a close friend?
Are you afraid they wouldn't understand?
I've been going through the exact same shit, and only being absolutely open with a handful of selected individuals is saving me.
I am also getting therapy twice a month. I found a therapist near to where I live, I had to seek help in order to start going there. Now luckily I can handle that bi-monthly 10 mins walk.
I am with you, anon.
>>16915452
I know I should ask help.
The problem is, if I tell my parents I feel down, their response is, 100% of the time, to make me feel worse by telling me my behavior is unacceptable and that I should not burden them more than they already are.
My friends, they like hanging out with me but all have expressed their distaste for hearing me talk about my problems.
My girlfriend has agreed to stay my girlfriend under the very strict condition that I avoid ever mentioning any depressive feelings around her, as it hurts her feelings to much to hear them.
It's sad to say but 4chan, right now, is the only place where people will listen.
>>16915470
I have a hard time talking to therapists mainly because they're trained not to emphatize with you.
I'm an armchair psychologist too, but many of my problems are so deeply entrenched into self-hatred and doubt that it's hard to look at myself objectively.
I'm immensely torn between the desire to be happy, and the idea that I do not and will not deserve a good life, and that I must actively make myself less happy.
Throw in that I cannot bring myself to negatively impact people willingly, not even in the slightest (I got kicked in the back of my knee by a stranger, I apologized to him for walking slow), it makes it nearly impossible to take charge.
>>16915477
I'm 27, and I funnily enough answered a large part of your question here: >>16915479
Thanks for your sympathy, and I wish you luck too.
>>16915479
My situation was pretty much the same.
My mom and my dad pretty much told me to "stop being depressed" when I told them how I was feeling.
Neither my boyfriend or my friends really felt comfortable with me when I was down and I saw I was making them unhappy, so I stopped talking about my issues.
Going to therapy was fucking terrifying. And therapy isn't a panacea for depression.
Most of the work, you do it on your own and it takes a lot of effort.
I use my therapist as a reality check. Saying things out loud makes me realize how stupid they can be. The way she checks on my progress weekly, even about stupid shit like cleaning and such, makes me feel more motivated to do things.
I got over some things I have been feeling bad about for years. I have still tons of things to work on, but it is getting better.
>>16915502
Yeah, I've been to several therapists in my life.
It's hard though, so far no one else has either gotten to the core, or helped me get there.
My view of myself is terrible, I have almost no concept of my own identity and rely on others to tell me who I am.
All I can really agree on about myself is that I'm an abject failure. I remember most if not all moments in my life where I failed vividly, whereas I barely remember things like what my room looked like or what my favourite food was.
Therapy is very difficult because, oftentimes, I feel like I deserve to waste away, and I sabotage myself constantly. I still don't know how to start loving myself enough to actually work at feeling better.
Set a very high goal.. anything that you want to achieve, something that you're very attracted to.. like having a Bugatti, Ferarri, being rich and shit, etc just anything, be specific with your goal and start working on it.
Here's a motivational video for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnwCUaOriJs
>>16915670
I used to have lofty goals, wanted to be a filmmaker, maybe get noticed one day.
I went to school for it and everything.
But it all slipped away, all motivation just slipped. I can't hold grand goals anymore, as part of me just wants to die and get life over with.
You need to have skills to work toward something, and you need money to develop skills, I have very little of either right now.
