Unemployed husband
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I asked my husband to get a job yesterday night before we go to bed.
>we're a young couple (19yo and 20yo)
>he's been in school since September
>financial aid dropped him in January
>he planned to get a job but he's been unemployed ever since
>he had binge on job applications some day
>some day just play League from morning to tonight
>I've been supporting him with my mother's money since September
>I'm tired of feeling like the provider of the family, without any of the pros of being one
>he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm providing for him
So I asked him to fill out and send in a job application at a phone store we went to last week. Ever since I asked him to get a job, he's been stonewalling me and just generally an asshole.
I can't help feeling like I've made a horrendous mistake. It's fucking awful.
>>16912216
>getting married younger than 21
>getting married without any financial planning
>getting married at all
I am 21 and make 80k a year. I am looking for a girlfriend. Dump him. Date me. Profit.
but seriously you need to give him a reality check.
>>16912216
dump your shitty boyfriend, you already know the answer.
>>16912216
>life got a little hard my marriage is bad :(
kill yourself, you dry cunt feminist
>>16912283
Life has been hard ever since I've started supporting him with MY MOTHER'S MONEY. I can't work on an F-1 VISA, but once my I-130 petition receipt comes back, I'm filing my I-765 to get my EAD.
>dry feminist cunt
My husband is the head of the house. He controls my life and all the financial decisions we make. For a man who has that much power, I fucking want him to earn the part, fucking NEET scum
>>16912247
>>16912269
I can't just dump him. He's not a heavy luggage I can just toss off the bridge. He's my husband and I vowed to love him through all (gay as shit but I honor my marriage).
>>16912341
You married a 19 or 20 year old with no job who is attending school. 19 or 20 year old males who are unemployed play video games and are generally lazy sacks of shit who have little motivation.
You put yourself in a shitty situation, that's just the way it is.
He's not going to get motivated to find a job by having his wife nagging at him, so find some other way to motivate him, instead of making him feel animosity. It's not fair, but that's how it works.
Yea he needs a reality check.
Step one: stop paying for shit he doesnt need. Phone, insurance, internet (hard granted i net you want it). Vices like smoking, drinking, etc. Car payment.
Be on his ass about getting a job. You are his wife and that is your right. You can not live off mom's money forever. He needs to work, if even an entry level job to just get his fucking ass up and working.
I envy these neets around here. Honestly id love to sit at home wasting away. But someone has to pay the bills at the end of the day. I make enough that ive told my wife she could quit her job and be a stay at home mom. She told me hell no.
It could ne that he is young and dumb. Or just dumb. Idk, light a fire under his ass. If he really just refuses, for the sake of you, leave him.
>>16912216
The mistake you made is simple, you let him become too comfortable. Seems like he's naturally a leech, and he saw an opportunity and took it.
I'd hate to say it, but this is KIND OF what you get for deciding to get married at 19. I know how you think you know everything at that age, but trust me...this is a spiraling behavior that he's putting forth that will only get worse and worse.
Before you know it, you'll be 23, in a ton of debt, and you'll wonder where it was you went wrong.
Even worse is that you're pushing him to do something that he needs to do, and he's resisting like a pussy, which will do nothing but build animosity between you two.
You need to evaluate YOUR situation heavily before this turns into something you can't get out of (which it kind of already has, but you're still young and mistakes happen).
Seriously though why did you get married at 19, good lord.
>>16912216
Husband here.
Wife conveniently forgot to tell you the following:
>supported her for a year off my minimum wage job because she decided to run away from home (and literally cut up her moms credit card)
>had to commute 4 hours a day total for said job so that we could be together
>helped her reconcile with her crazy mother by forcing her to go back to school (because I was going back to uni after taking a year off)
>pulled us through thick and thin, found us shitty place to live after shitty place to live
>I am the only reason we have the nice studio we currently live in, the car we drive every day
>if it were not for the support of my family we would have been homeless at least once
>I have had to almost single-handedly deal with her mother renting out a house 5 hours away from us, including moving out furniture, one time on my own
>getting her to do chores around the house is almost as hard as turning shit to gold
>she will watch youtube videos all day if she could, she wants to eat out every day then complains about gaining weight
>I have applied to over 35 individual job ads, gotten multiple interviews but no luck because I have to attend school at the same time and everyone wants full time
>made me turn down a specific job offer because of the late hours (my mistake for trying to please her)
>I am still applying and still looking
and now this fucking phone store, I ASKED for an application, received it, and WOW I DIDNT FILL IT OUT THAT SAME NIGHT WOE IS ME. No I have to go back to the store to pick up her phone so I plan to return it then, they said 1 or 2 days until the phone is ready.
I get it. I'm a lazy unmotivated piece of shit. I'm fucking trying here, she cannot stop herself from spending and spending and spending. I have to say no over and over and over. Our home is filled with worthless shit that she buys against my consent. Oh but I am the bad guy.
>>16912644
Literally probably the reality of every single "my bf/husband does x" thread on here.
>>16912644
The only reason these past 3 months have been hard is because I was kicked of financial aid and GUESS WHAT I didn't fucking ask for your mothers money so I dealt with having to take the quarter off. Other than that I get financial aid that covers my school and expenses, maybe not all the way but goddamn if its such a problem okay I will never eat out again, I will never spend a dime for fun or leisure. I don't need your mother's filthy money. And I dont need the advice of a hundred rotting neckbeards that have never dealt with this.
>>16912660
ok loser
>>16912644
Damn
>this thread
>>16912706
Haha! I'm calling bait.
Kek you guys sound stupid as fuck for getting married while going to school
Although, im kinda siding with the husband. Why did they drop your financial aid anyway man? Which school you going to? Is the,degree gonna be worth it,or is it some trash like sociology
>>16912216
The problem is that you married too young, and it's worse on him than it is on you.
He's a man.
He spent the first 18 years of his life being taken care of by Mommy, and then right when she retracts her apron strings, he gets married and is now being taken care of by his wife.
He never had that stage of forced self reliance where he learns to just deal with shit on his own. There's always been an enabling woman shielding him responsibility. Now that one of those women is calling him on it, he has no idea what he's doing. So he returns to what gave him release a few short years ago. Playing video games and sitting on his ass.
Leave him for a week without any money and bring all the food with you. Just go live with your parents. Let him fend for himself.
He'll crack by day three.
>>16912644
>I have applied to over 35 individual job ads, gotten multiple interviews but no luck because I have to attend school at the same time and everyone wants full time
Okay, this is a crock of bullshit if you live in America.
A lot of companies don't want full-time employees right now because no employer anywhere feels like getting buttfucked by Obamacare shit unless they have to. The only full timers you're going to see are management level. This is especially true for retail, where almost none of them hire full time employees anymore.
>>16912229
This OP. Both of you dun goofed.
>>16912216
>he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm providing for him
What does that mean? Like what is the current situation and how does it differ from what you want? If he's just not groveling every night then that indicates a possibly warped perspective on your part since that still wouldn't be expected if the roles were reversed. If he's going "boy, you must be grateful I played League all day for us and put this roof over our head" then that indicates he's dangerously delusion and should maybe be put to sleep. I just don't know where along the spectrum this sits since I've never considered "acknowledging the provider" to be any more complicated than being able to answer the question of who brings the money in.
I am a little curious about this business of you using your mom's money. Doesn't that mean she's actually the provider for both of you or do you have a job as well? If not, why don't you get a job? That doesn't mean you need to suck it up and carry him forever but if you're struggling you can be proactive yourself and it's probably a good idea for both of your to get jobs unless one of you gets a particularly well playing one (unlikely at that age).
>>16912644
>>16912658
>>16912660
Convieniently, I've done jack shit for you and the improvement of your life
>risked everything, including you, for a job that abused the shit out of me. They paid me $4/hours, worked me 72hr/week
>I couldn't even get up to pee at night after coming home from work
>your mother took us in and made me wash dishes in the backyard, noone wanted to even sit in the living room when I was there
>your sisters can't even look me in the eye out of disgust
>I waited for you at the Laundromat for 3 hours while you were out smoking weed with your friends, you showed up at the Laundromat high and 30 minutes before closing time
>I secretly paid for your traffic tickets, our parking tickets without my mother knowing anything
>when I got pregnant, you did noting but watch Russian Yt videos and played League
>when I couldn't turn anywhere for help, you sleep with your back towards me
>I had to take my tuition money to pay for the abortion pills
>I now have a uterus infection because of said abortion
>I am the only reason we have the nice studio we currently live in, the car we drive every day
if you were the only reason that we have a nice car and studio, we would have NONE. You found the car on Craigslist, my mother paid for it. You found the studio on Craigslist, my mother paid the rent
>I will never eat out again, I will never spend a dime for fun or leisure
you'd do all but to acknowledge that my mother pays the rent, the food, the gas and your tickets
also
>I don't need your mother's filthy money
then don't take my mother's filthy money that's been used to pay for everything. Get a job and pay your share. You didn't have to take any, you didn't want to take any but we forced money down your throat.
I've asked you nicely to get a job, and you wouldn't even touch me when we slept together
>>16913071
>abortion
I have no sympathy
>getting married when neither is at least 25
>>16913078
men never have sympathy for abortions, because it's not their dick that's bleeding and their insides being melted away. Men doesn't sympathize for abortions because their share in the experience is when they nutted inside
>>16913094
I don't have sympathy because you're killing a kid
Cry all you want, but you deserve it
>>16913097
>killing a kid
it's better that I kill it now than to have it grow up in poverty, with parents who hate each other because of the financial burdens and grandparents that never want to see it
so yeah I killed it
>>16913071
>>16912644
Wow, ok, money is not the issue here at all. You two sound like you hate each other, honestly. Is there any positive emotion left or is it just resentment and a list of "remember that time you..." offenses? You need to have a serious conversation about whether or not you even want to make this work and you both need to be honest about it.
If you want to make it work, get a therapist. They will be better positioned to help you than anyone here. If that isn't an option because of the aforementioned financial woes then you can try some bastardized version of what they could provide you. Lay everything out on the table, all the perceived slights, fears, rage and shit. Then don't try to defend yourself or argue, try to understand what the other is feeling. Try to relate to one another like goddamn adults with a vested interest in a lifelong relationship and not catty bastards constantly maneuvering to one-up the other. Then start focusing on the good, make time to make more of the good and, uh... magic happens? ...get a therapist.
If you don't want to stick together, then just do that. People break up all the time and putting a fancier label on something doesn't make it stronger. Don't let your pride bind you to a failing marriage if that's what it is, get out early before it destroys you both. Splitting the shit should be easy because apparently you don't have any of it, so at least there's that.
>>16913102
Nope
t. someone who grew up in those exact conditions
>>16913097
>>16913078
A fetus isn't a kid, moron.
>>16913094
Oh fuck off, I still sit awake at night wondering how our life would have turned out if we had kept ours. I'd have an 8-year-old today. I fucking love 8-year-olds and it's bullshit that I couldn't raise mine because the world is such a hellhole. Don't let your shitty husband poison your perspective on an entire gender, you're being just as dumb as the guy who can't tell the differences between wildly distant stages of development.
Uses her moms money and thinks she is supporting.. there's a woman's logic for ya. You are both pathetic leechers.
>>16913122
>A fetus isn't a kid, moron.
Yes it is
Denying something because it hurts your fee fees doesn't make it true
>>16912229
This. It's your own fault for getting married so young. Even if you're madly in love and have a healthy relationship it's never a good idea to do that when you don't have finances in order... Let alone still being students that can only work basic jobs. I love my boyfriend, and he makes enough money to support us while I'm still in school, but I would never consider marriage until I finish school and have a steady income myself. I don't know what to tell you.
Have you seen his applications? Does he include references, and have a decent work history for his age? Does he put down flexible hours for the availability? If there's nothing wrong with his applications then I don't know. Why don't you get a job yourself?
>>16913102
I grew up like that and even worse, didn't stop me from settling at being an over entitled lazy shit who complains over "muh feels" it actually set a drive in me to not be like a lazy cunt and actually make something for myself instead of wallowing in self pity crying over shit you can't change about people, but still doesn't mean they can't change. In reality IDGAF about you if I don't know you or need to know you.
>>16913136
No, it really isn't. It literally, physically isn't a kid. It's human and it will become a kid but the same can be said of sperm. It wouldn't hurt my "fees fees" either, I'm pretty fine with killing people in most contexts that are for the greater good (life support, death row, etc). If a fetus could by definition be called a kid it still wouldn't feel or comprehend anything and thus there would be nothing wrong with killing it. But it literally doesn't meet that definition and you're literally wrong.
Idiot.
>>16913159
Everything you've posted is incorrect thank you
But I'm glad you admit you're fine with murder
>>16913169
Murder is defined as "unlawful killing." Abortion is legal and therefore by definition not murder. Not that there's any point in educating someone that is in this much denial but it's fun publically showing how stupid someone is.
>>16913181
>publicly
You're the only one that looks stupid here. I don't even necessarily agree with the one calling a fetus a kid, but you're a straight fucking idiot.
>>16913187
Uh oh, I made a typo in a thread that's going to be deleted in a few hours! Better kill myself.
Are OP and her husband even here anymore or did they murder-suicide each other? It's starting to look like the show is over, hopefully they'll at least be considerate enough to post an update.
>>16913181
>muh 18th century common law definition
Don't really care how people that feel it's alright to kill innocents and hold to utilitarian values feel
>trainwreck never returns to tell us how things got worse
Advice on living with this pain?
Not reading this thread besides what I skimmed of both sides but
>SERIOUSLY going to 4chan for marriage advice
See a fucking specialist, hell even the site Quora would be better, could teach wifey to calm her tits and hubby how to get a job.
>>16913159
>a sperm is a human
Literally wut. A sperm left alone will never become an adult human being. A fetus left alone will. A sperm is half the DNA of an existing human. A fetus has a completely full and unique genome of an individual. A sperm is a single cell. A fetus is made up of billions of cells. A fetus is absolutely more close to a fully birthed baby than it is to a sperm cell.
That's a total false equivalency.
>>16913504
>is human
>is a human
Those do not mean the same thing.
>>16913518
>It's human and it will become a kid but the same can be said of sperm
>>16913527
Yeah, where did you get lost? "It's human" means "it is human" but not necessarily "it is a human." The point about false equivalency then falls apart because no equivalency was advanced, just a shared quality (being human).
>>16913535
Look I'll spell it out for you. The post was trying to say that a fetus is human but not A human, and used sperm as an equal comparison to make that point. That is false equivalency, as I explained with my point, showing how a fetus is much more arguably a human, closer to a baby, and a sperm is not.
>>16913535
Also
>the same can be said of sperm
The same cannot be said of sperm. Sperm will not turn into an adult human left alone like a fetus will.
>>16913543
Um, no. I wrote that post and I was clearly pointing out how a fetus isn't a kid. At best you can argue that it's closer to being a kid than a sperm cell, which is absolutely true. It isn't a kid though, which is the actual false equivalence being promoted earlier in the thread. "You lawfully killed a closer-to-kid!" doesn't have quite the emotional punch to it though and in spite of the tough guy act earlier that's basically all that idiot was relying on.
>>16913557
It's a kid cunt
>>16913557
I'm not talking about whatever happened earlier, I'm just pointing out how it doesn't make any sense to use the sperm comparison in an abortion debate.
>>16913563
>Australians are pro-abortion shitposters
It all makes sense now.
ITT: "Don't get married when you're in/fresh out of highschool"
Whomever's dumb idea it was to get married should have been stopped by literally any reasonable adult.at 20/19 you don't even know what you want from life as a whole, much less a relationship.
I'm sure you're both equally immature dumb idiots in your own way. Please get a divorce before you ruin your own lives
OP here
We just went to the gym to lift heavy shit and let out our aggression. I plan to have an honest conversation tonight. I've been averting the subject that pipes a good amount of frustration inside of me, I guess if communication doesn't do the trick then I can alwayd become an hero
>>16913130
I can always pay my half of the rent, my half of the food, my half of the gas and my half of everything. Then maybe I won't have to guts to say I didn't carry him
>>16913565
Yes it does, in context. Let me spell it out for you:
1) Moron says fetus is kid.
2) Point out that fetus is human
3) Fetus can be kid eventually.
4) Sperm is human.
5) Sperm can be kid eventually.
6) Sperm is obviously not kid.
7) Ergo something can be human and have the potential to be a kid without actually being a kid.
8) Ergo they need to raise a point other than potential later stages to support their claim
I'm not saying that a sperm cell and a fetus are in any way equivalent stages of development because that's fucking ridiculous on every possible level. You're arguing against something that literally nobody here is trying to say. If you want to counter that argument then go find an idiot actually saying it, the internet is a big place. Don't just come into a discussion, ignore half of the context and rip out random pieces to argue against because it just wastes your time and makes you look like an imbecile.
>>16913571
Whatever it takes for you to rationalize murder
So OP, just going to guess
Did your mother have multiple marriages?
Did you ever see your genetic father?
Did you move out of your parents house before 18?
>>16913576
>if we can't work it out I'll just kill myself
Or, like, get a divorce? If you're just saying that to get sympathy it won't work, they can just get you institutionalized. This isn't high school anymore.
>>16913590
>wah the world is changing in a way that disagrees with what I want and I feel impotent
>>16913589
>Fetus can be kid eventually.
>Sperm can be kid eventually.
>can
Nope. You specifically said
>it will become a kid but the same can be said of sperm
>Will become
This is the important difference where you were totally wrong. Now that you're backpedaling with the "can", you're wrong of again. Left alone under totally normal circumstances, a fetus WILL become an adult human being. A sperm WILL NOT.
>>16913620
>lel if I ignore the obvious point being made and focus on poor word choice that makes me the winner
If you want to play that game both wordings are wrong, since a fetus won't necessarily become a kid either. A lot of things can go wrong in that process. I'm done talking about this though, you're clearly just bored and looking for any argument.
>>16913599
Don't bother, you're talking to a child.
This is very clearly the end of the world, even though these people easily have 50-70 more years of living as adults, This is clearly the bottom of the line.
Also dumb retards debating about abortion should take it to /pol/. It's irrelevant to the thread as a whole.
Go to counseling if you want it to work, or get a divorce and treat this whole thing as a lesson in maturity
>>16913639
>ignores the part about normal circumstances
>says I'm playing word games when her original argument was over the use of the word "kid"
>bails because she knows she's wrong
>>16913589
Oh look, someone who has never taken a biology course.
This is why people without a basic education or below a certain level of intelligence shouldn't be allowed to vote. You're killing human beings because you don't understand the basic principles of biological science.
>>16913817
Don't take it too hard, plenty of wrong things are legal, because people go nutz when you say no. Ever heard of the prohibition era? People will do wrong things no matter what, those of us who know it's wrong just need to hold our ground and remind them it is, while accepting it likely won't stop them. One must also remember that one false ideal should not condemn them, show disappointment or pity if you wish, but not hate. I agree with the idiots voting thing mind you, mind weeding them out is all but impossible, as it is never so simple.
>>16912229
I hate to be that guy, but this. As a 21 y/o who (almost) asked her ex to marry her, I can tell you that would have been a huge fucking mistake. People arent developed when theyre our age. This isn't our final form. So you have no way of knowing what it's going to be like in a few years.
>>16912269
this; it sounds complicated but it's really not.
>>16912318
>I fucking want him to earn the part, fucking NEET scum
you want a divorce, and will get one eventually. I can hear it in your type
>>16912644
haha wow you fucking hate eachother why are you even still together just break up
>>16912361
Definitely this. Threaten him with your marriage. It might be the only way to show how real this situation is not okay. Or baby him and fill out job applications for him while your at it wipe his ass
>>16913989
Nvm just read the rest of this thread.
>>16914006
What do you think of these lovebirds, anon?
>>16914015
They need to hate fuck and and resolve there problems and move on or divorce.
Well this turned into a interesting thread. Bait or not, you never get to have the other side respond.
He's being a childish dick but he's 19 or whatever. You say you are supporting him with your mother's money, so no, you're not his 'provider' because you're not working either.
I'd look more to helping him get his financial aid back or getting a scholarship/bursary thing. Clearly neither of you have a clue about getting a job if you are relying on "application binges".
And why should you? You're fucking teenagers. Go back and live with your parents.
