My husband and I were planning to have a baby. We've been married for 2 years.
I got cold feet though, the more I thought about being a mom the more it terrified me. I realized I only really let myself get pregnant because its what he wanted. I figured if I'm having all these thoughts and I'm so terrified, I'm not ready to be a mom.
Behind his back I got abortion. I'm a coward, I was too scared to tell him so I told myself it would be easier to just get it done and deal with the consequences. I told my husband after and he's really upset at me now and our relationship is a little strained at the moment.
Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have just had the baby?
If you had had the baby when you didn't feel ready for it, you would have resented the baby and you would have resented him. I do feel like he has a right to know about it though
Tell him you're really sorry but wasn't ready. Unless he's pro-life or something he doesn't have anything to worry about.
Unless there was a great deal of effort.
>>16906038
I'd dump you. Not for the abortion but for going behind my back and not discussing it with me, the man you married. I would feel incredibly hurt.
Props for having the courage not to bring a kid into a situation that you aren't ready for, shame on you for not having the courage to discuss this with your husband before things got to this point.
Probably time to reevaluate your entire relationship.
I'm very on the fence about wanting kids in the first place, but I'd be unhappy if this wasn't something we at least talked about so I could be prepared for it.
>>16906038
Yes you did the wrong thing.
You should have only agreed to concieve a baby if you were 100% sure you were ready from the get go.
Because of your doubts, your child lost his life. What you did was selfish.
That being said, your partner should not have pressured you if he sensed that you were not ready or having doubts.
You need to forgive yourself, op. Did you make a mistake? Yes. But what's done is done. Learn from that mistake and grow as a person. op- next time go to a counselor BEFORE you make a big decision to decide what you really want, and then if you have doubts later, go to therapy again to address the concerns.
Maybe you were having cold feet because of an emotional issue that would have been resolved easily by some therapy?
At any rate- don't beat yourself up over this. It was a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes. You can still be a good person and a good mom in the future.
Forgive yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, if your baby knew that he could sacrifice his existence for your well being, he probably would have made the same choice himself.
If I knew that I could have not been born to save my mother grief, then I would want her to choose whatever would make her happiest.
>>16906038
While I'm opposed to abortion, except in cases of rape or the possibility of death during childbirth, I think you having remorse and at least telling your husband speaks to your character. There are alot worse women out there. A child is a child though, it's a life and it's not as if they were going to be brought into the world in a bad disposition. You and your husband according to your post were planning to have a child, but the older you get (not to mention having an abortion procedure) the harder it will be to have a child. Personally I think you did the wrong thing, however it has been done. Y'know I'd usually tell people to use contraception or sterilize themselves so they don't have pregnancies in the first place to avoid abortion but, this is a bit different.
>>16906063
All of my this.
I'd be halfway through the divorce papers before you finished the sentence after "I had an abortion."
That's an incredible breach of trust.
You did what you thought was right. So no, you didn't do the wrong thing. I understand why your husband was upset though. I think you should give him a little time to cool down and then you guys should talk about what this means. Do you want kids later on? Do you never want kids? Is he willing to accept the situation either way?
Perhaps you should even talk about why exactly he is upset. Is it because he lost the opportunity to be a dad? Or is it because he feels like you went behind his back? If things don't seem to be getting better with a little time, you may need some couple counseling.
I sincerely hope you know that this doesn't make you any less of a good person.
You don't need permission to do what you want with your body, dear.
>>16906038
instant divorce. You're a piece of shit. Really. Think about what you did. Relationships are about trust and you just annihilated any that existed.
>>16906063
>>16906086
Wouldn't exactly be a big loss to her if you're going to do that without even trying to empathise. Sure, hiding something like this is bad, but jumping to divorce without even trying to work through it is probably worse.
>>16906038
Your child. Your body. Your choice.
>>16906100
Yeah, I mean, such a breach of trust isn't a big deal. It's not like you need to trust your partner in order to have a relationship or anything.
>>16906102
THEIR CHILD. Her body. THEIR CHOICE.
>>16906091
Topkek. But she can complain when he dump her yes?
It's unfortunate that he didn't know but it's not mandatory.
It's your body, you're the one that has to squeeze that baby out your vagina and suffer for 9 months with it. You're allowed to change your mind at your discretion and he'll just have to deal with it or go.
>>16906106
Of course not. It's not a fundamental part of a relationship like communication and empathy.
>>16906091
You do/should if you give a shit about your husband and your child.
>>16906108
Everyone is allowed to complain about anything. He's allowed to complain she didn't tell him but at the end of the day, he has no say in the matter just as she has no say if he wants to leave.
>>16906102
I can't believe you are this selfish. When you marry someone you are supposed to share decisions. It was his child too.
Totally would dump you. You don't deserve your husband i guess.
>>16906100
Yes it would. Did she try to work it out with me when she knew I wanted a child. Itd be even worse because Im prolife but if I wasnt and say this was some other shit I wanted the is unforgivable behavior. Id cry while handing you the divorce papers.
>>16906038
I cant believe your husband is still with you. I guess he has his own major problems if he'd stay with someone as mentally sick as you.
>>16906110
Interesting. So he should be able to walk if she did have the child, no repercussions, no suffering for 18 years, cause he changed his mind at his discretion?
>>16906088
IT OBJECTIVELY DOES. It' not even debatable.
>>16906122
Once the baby is born, that's a different story. You've already made that commitment, you're too deep in at that point. She would also be a piece of shit if she abandoned her child at that point. It's done, it's out.
Before the final trimester though, it's free game.
>>16906107
Is2g if i could carry a child i would do the same thing. She can have another go at it in the future. Who cares
>>16906100
Fuck right along off. Try to empathize with her husband. Even if they got past her killing something they were trying for and his dream, and he forgave her for lying to him (which is what this is, a lie by omission, even rectified after the fact, is still a lie) How is he ever supposed to trust her again? How can she trust that he trusts her?
Marriage is over, you're a twat and the OP is breathtakingly selfish and dishonest.
>>16906122
Of course not, anon. It's okay when women do these things but not okay when men do them. It's like you don't know that women are uncapable of doing any harm. Are you a misogynist or ehat?
>>16906107
I want to shove something in your body that inflates and make you keep it there
Always a bunch of guys angry that they have no reproductive power. Sorry, that's just biology. Should have told the universe to be less one-sided.
>>16906130
Oh, so it's her discretion whether she vacuums his baby out, and it's her discretion whether he spends 18 years of a shitty life for a kid he doesn't want? Her discretion. Her discretion.
You don't at all see the hipocrisy in this?
>>16906038
You're fucking stupid and think he should have grounds to divorce and sue you for not consulting him. That was not your decision to make alone.
>>16906143
Your momma didn't tell you that for you to have a baby u need to be inseminated by a man? Can't blame her you are probably way too ugly to get any male attention in your life.
>>16906143
Deliberate abortions aren't biology. And if you want to talk about biology, then biologically a man can beat the shit out of a woman and physically control her but we don't let that happen anymore do we
>>16906145
There is no hypocrisy. What are you going to do to stop her? Nothing. Men have no legal or biological power over a woman. That's just life, not everything is fair.
>>16906038
You made the right choice but probably handled it wrong.
Either way, a child is a commitment. A life long commitment. If you aren't/weren't ready for that, then you really shouldn't take it on.
>>16906142
I want to allow/ask you to shove something in my body, knowing full well what that entails, and in this case even planning for it, both agreeing that we would do it, and that thing happens to be a human life, something most people have a profound emotional attachment to, then decide to chop it up into little pieces behind your back and go to 4chan and have people online and in real life tell me "hey, no biggie".
FTFY
>>16906038
>people actually falling for this shit
WAKE UP! This person makes MULTIPLE bait threads every day using outlandish and controversial stories, usually from the perspective of a young woman, to get replies and start arguments.
You can tell by the trademark anime screenshot reaction faces from whatever current moeshit is popular right now.
>>16906038
I really want to believe this is a troll. I beige yet people should do as they lie, but I also believe once your married that you have the obligation to discuss ALL LIFE CHANGING SITUATIONS ( unless they affect more drastically a direct blood family member, and maybe not even then) by your spouse.
Even if you said to your spouse
> I know you wanted this and I thought I did, but now I don't, neener neener neener, I am aborting your baby.
At least if you had said it to his face, then he would have the advantage of knowing exactly who you are.
And you owe him that if you pledged your fucking lives to each other.
>>16906143
You don't even understand what marriage is. How can you be this selfish? It wss his child too, you know?
this is the sort of thing that you need to be able to communicate about with your partner
>>16906155
>Deliberate abortions aren't biology.
Uh, yes it is.
>biologically a man can beat the shit out of a woman and physically control her
lol, go ahead and try then tough guy.
>>16906145
So in a fair and just world, what would happen if one person wanted the baby and one wanted an abortion?
>>16906156
I don't think you understand what hypocrisy means.
Regardless, It's cute that when women want what they want they scream "fair" all day long, but when something works in their favor, "hey, life ain't fair". Again. Look up that word you think you understand.
you're a baby killer
you deserve to die
for the good of mankind you need to kill yourself
>>16906156
Would treat her like shit for a couple a months and make her life miserable, then dump her.
>>16906172
In a just and fair world, given that both partners entered into a sexual relationship, knowing that pregnancy was a possibility, it would work like this:
Woman wants child, man doesn't. Woman bears child, man is able to sign away all rights to child, and is required through contract to not interact with child until 18.
Man wants child, woman doesn't. Woman bears child, man is financially responsible to assist through pregnancy (essentially child support), then when child is born, woman signs rights of child away, no contact until 18.
Neither wants child, both sign agreement for abortion.
Both want child, profit.
Simple.
>>16906188
>woman doesn't. Woman bears child
And that's where your idea calls apart? Why should we?
>>16906172
Oh and if woman breaks contract and fucks up child, she would be financially responsible to the man for damages. and if the man breaks contract and doesn't provide for the woman during pregnancy, he would be financially responsible for damages.
>>16906195
Because you assumed responsibility by opening your legs. Just like we assume responsibility (whether we like it or not legally) by shooting our load.
Or conversely, by your logic, there should be no legal responsibility for fathers because, fuck it, why should we?
>>16906203
>Because you assumed responsibility by opening your legs
Except we didn't. We assume responsibility when we give birth. We can terminate anything we want if we don't want it.
>>16906121
not your body not your choice
OP, I think you did the right thing. It was much easier to just have the abortion, and then talk about it later. Better to just make the decision, act on it, and then discuss it with him. You didnt lie or anything, you just did what you needed to do for yourself. You should NEVER have a child just because someone else wants you to. That is such a massive responsibility, and it's better if both parents are ready and willing.
>>16906195
Just out of courtesy to the guy who was your husband? You won't ever see them again. Couldn't you people do it for someone who you supposedly love?
>>16906207
Then how do we assume responsibility by ejaculating?
>>16906203
>Because you assumed responsibility by opening your legs.
lol good luck trying to convince anyone of that in court.
>>16906208
How come you can't acknowledge it was his child too?
>>16906188
Why the fuck would I have to carry a TUMOR in my uterus just because some dude WANTS ME TO
Get fucked you stupid nigger it's not your body that's why it's not your choice
>>16906210
But people have sex all the time without any love involved
>>16906208
Again, if you really think that 9 months of pregnancy is comparable to 18 years of child support, you're insane. I've been around multiple pregnancies and seen 5 children born, including my own, and I would take the 9 months over the 18 years in a hot second.
>>16906220
That's a human being you're talking about. Women have become heartless these days.
>>16906208
>not your body not your choice
Thats not how marriage works which is exactly why a divorce should happen.
>not your money
>not your house
>mine mine mine
If you cant work out things on the topics you know matter to the other person you are a terrible spouse.
>>16906220
You will be wanting to when you are 40 and live with 20 cats and no man around you
>>16906222
Except we're talking about a marriage here.
>>16906188
>Either way woman bears child
Fuck you. Holy shit. Woman gets the extra 2% control simply for the schemer agony pregnancy and labor inflicts. You can never equate physical suffering with cash, never. That's like putting a monetary value on torture or years as a POW.
I know it sounds dramatic, and sure,some women love being pregnant, and motherhood. Even I love motherhood, and would do it all over again, but it's because I chose, this. I wanted this. But some days I STILL feel like a POW. Pregnancy can be pure torture. Some women can work until they pop. Some women are pot on bed rest for 20+ weeks. Some women have help from family and friends. Some women will lose their jobs and end up homeless if they take too many sick days.
Having a kid isn't a 9 month diversion. It is a commitment and a health risk. A quality of life risk.
>>16906220
Because that tumor is his child. Again, parental rights are a fucking joke as is the entire system.
>>16906217
If you ejaculate in a girl, you're fertilizing her. That's just basic biology, you are actively impregnating her. Women are not actively impregnating men, sex doesn't work that way. If they do get pregnant, they're the ones that have to carry the baby and deal with everything that encompasses. It's their body, if they don't want to then they don't have to.
Is it unfair that it works that way? Maybe, but women weren't the ones that decided that. We didn't ask to be the ones that carry the baby, but it's how it is so we make the best of it.
>>16906227
This is actually a pretty interesting point.
>>16906226
Yeah they are. Its because society lets them be selfish cunts and abortion is the direct sign of it.
Honestly theres no reason to respect a woman in todays age and they know it as well. Which is why the ones who dont respect them are more successful.
>>16906234
You know what? Dying alone doesn't sound bad at all anymore. Women are evil.
>>16906234
If you allow someone to ejaculate inside of you, you're allowing yourself to be fertilized. That's just basic biology, you are actively allowing someone to fertilize you. Women are just as involved in conception as men are, sex just works that way. If they do get pregnant, they're the ones that have to carry the baby, and they are guaranteed to be financially supported by the father. It's no longer his body, he has to use it to pay or go to jail whether he wants to or not.
Is it unfair that it works that way? Maybe, but men weren't the ones that decided that. We didn't ask that bitch to have the child, but we go to jail if we don't carry that anchor for two decades, so we live miserable lives or off ourselves.
>>16906231
Courts equate physical suffering with case. ALL THE TIME.
>>16906247
Allowing to be fertilized and fertilizing someone are two different things. Again, it's our body so we make the call whether you like it or not. In the end it falls upon the man because no matter what decision WE made, yours will always be you accepting responsibility because you ejaculated inside her. That was your contract being signed, whether we rip it off and keep you to it is completely at our discretion.
>>16906260
So the argument boils down to "nyah, nyah, fuck you"
It all makes sense now.
I have met a few women that honestly felt that if they made the choice to keep a child and the man didn't want it, they were off the hook. This objectively makes sense. The fact that most women take your stance however, proves moreso than any other thing, that women are completely incapable of taking personal responsibility for their actions.
You really are children on a schoolyard. For your entire lives.
>>16906260
How is that reasonable, let alone fair? Why can't the man back out? The other anon got it right, women ARE evil.
Post fetus or it didnt happen
>>16906260
I'm gonna go make some popcorn. PLEASE, please, please try to make an argument as to how a man somehow has more responsibility for conception in cases other than rape.
>>16906275
No that's biology telling you "fuck you." Women are the ones that carry the baby so all the power is our hands. Again, maybe it is unfair but we didn't choose to be ones, it's just how it is.
>>16906276
>Why can't the man back out?
Because you signed the contract when you willingly ejaculated inside her.
>>16906251
But courts don't inflict the personal suffering, they make people pay cash for committing crimes that inflict personal suffering. Meaning inflicting personal suffering is the bad part, not that they're equal.
>>16906251
Which is why women often get the log end of the stick in court and wHy they authoueize abortions.
>>16906282
You failed to address my other question.
>>16906282
And? I have a say then, it's my child too. I still don't understand why can't I back out if you can.
>"You should deal with all the pain and suffering of pregnancy and squeeze out a child out your vagina just because it hurts my fee-fees!"
This is why men are never taken seriously.
>>16906287
If you think that the gross tendency for courts to side with women has ANYTHING to do with childbirth, you're crazy.
>>16906298
Yeah but we can't back out of the deal while you can. Nice strawman.
>>16906298
So if I don't want you to have the kid and I cause you to abort somehow, it's just hurting your "fee-fees"?
Noted.
>>16906307
You would be drugging or worse, assaulting her to do so. You would be a scumbag for a different reason.
>>16906300
>>16906307
Can we all agree that we are better off alone? Why should we have to put up with this kind of shit?
>>16906289
>is that fair?are you 5?
That's how shit is. Men have held women in near slavery for hundreds of thousands of years and now when we have decided that we can d
Choose when we have babies it's all of a sudden
>it's not fair
> such a cruel life!
Controlling access to birth control and keeping women pregnant and dependant is a common tactic of abusers.
Full disclosure : op is a pos
>>16906308
>punching someone is worse than ending their life
Female logic.
>>16906307
>So if I don't want you to have the kid and I cause you to abort somehow
Go ahead and try. Enjoy that jailtime.
>>16906308
Fee-fees hurt detected
>>16906312
Shouldn't have gotten her pregnant, Paco.
>>16906300
It has to do with generations of men dipping out and leaving their kids to be fed by the state.
>>16906314
Lol, this is why women can't be taken seriously
I don't understand what you guys are complaining about. Just don't get a woman pregnant or have sex if you don't want a child. It's worked for decades, it's surprisingly effective.
>>16906325
She won't be the one getting raped in jail so laugh all you want, kek.
>>16906327
Did you read that we're talking about a marriage here? I invite you to read the OP before you jump into a thread.
>>16906332
Yeah and the argument turned into a bunch of other shit.
>>16906330
Fee-fees hurt?
>>16906224
I actually don't agree with child support laws. It's pretty fucked that if the guy doesn't want a kid he still has to pay for it like forever. Archaic law.
>>16906226
I don't give a shit. It's my body.
>>16906227
>Thats not how marriage works which is exactly why a divorce should happen.
what are you even saying do you speak english ???/??
>>16906229
False
>>16906232
Because the child is housed within an established, sentient adults body, the mother gets to decide what happens; you cant just force someone to physically birth a kid against their will this isnt an HBO movie
>>16906339
Except we have been complaining about this crap in the context of marriage. Fuck off.
>>16906310
No one's arguing birth control.
No one's trying to keep women pregnant.
Equal responsibility and fairness is all you ever fucking talk about. So let's make it equal.
As a parent, I can't think of anything worse than losing a child. I am one who did have a girl abort our child against my wishes. I think about that child every day. He haunts me (yes, he was a he, and she was VERY far along) and has for years. I could and would have provided for that child and for her.
Guess what? She regrets having done that more than anything she's ever done in her life, just like every woman I've ever talked to honestly about their abortions. It's a scam, a ruse, for both people involved, and speaks to how fragile and fucked you are as a gender that you all push it and spout it like it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to you. Disgusting.
>>16906347
>context of marriage
No you weren't, you're an idiot.
>>16906346
>I actually don't agree with child support laws. It's pretty fucked that if the guy doesn't want a kid he still has to pay for it like forever. Archaic law
At least you're reasonable. I'm okay with this. If you give me that fair treatment of allowing me to back out, we're okay.
>>16906276
its neither reasonable or fair.
Its the sexist point of view of someone who believes the line of thinking that men simply have no place having an opinion about abortion because they're men.
and social consciousness accepts this for the most part.
>>16906260
>Allowing to be fertilized and fertilizing someone are two different things.
exactly how is one inherently less responsible for one of those than the other?
>Again, it's our body so we make the call whether you like it or not. In the end it falls upon the man because no matter what decision WE made, yours will always be you accepting responsibility because you ejaculated inside her. That was your contract being signed, whether we rip it off and keep you to it is completely at our discretion.
in your mind there is no co-mutual understanding of the act of sex based purely on the biological load placed on a woman.
this would be an acceptable arguement in a society that does not encumber men with impunity. The woman wouldn't need any further interaction with anyone about their reproductive acts because there would be no co-mutual understanding of the act of sex.
Which is fine, but fucking own up to it if thats your world view, and have the intellectual level capable of realising we don't live in that world, and instead we live in a world where a man bears, under penalty of violent force of the government, an infinitely higher burden on his personal liberties for conception of a child than a woman does.
>>16906354
Reread the thread, moron.
>>16906323
No. It doesn't. That is indeed the common idea that's put out there. It is not why we currently have these laws.
OP should have told him but whether he liked it or not, it was her decision in the end. Even if he completely disapproved, she didn't want the baby anymore and she shouldn't be pressured into keeping it. I'm not going to blame her for not saying anything though because she was scared and she panicked. She made a rash decision, shit happens. They can always try again the future, life goes on.
>>16906346
>Because the child is housed within an established, sentient adults body, the mother gets to decide what happens; you cant just force someone to physically birth a kid against their will this isnt an HBO movie
Completely agree, which is why my proposed fair solution is merely a response to the current situation. If women were out there protesting unfair and inappropriate child support laws then I would be out there rallying for their reproductive rights.
>>16906368
And he should divorce her on the instant and everyone is good .
>>16906368
Or he can walk away because she breached his trust. Life goes on.
>>16906376
>>16906377
Well it's not up to you two gentleman so your passive aggressive comments fall on deaf ears.
>>16906348
>equal responsibility and fairness.
I never talk about that shit. It's not about us that. It's abut financial solution for the children's.
I have also spoken to many women who have had abortions. The difference between you and I is that the women who confided in me, confided in me alone. I know this because I had an abortion too. And all the women I know we're like me. Weren't ready, aborted, told no one (except the father) and then came up in life to be stable and had babies later.
The women who talk about their abortion to their friends and families are often the ones who were conflicted. The ones who are conflicted and go through with it, of course they're going to be troubled, and talk about it later.
The rest of us, who chose logic and numbers over sentiment, who valued the quality of life for the children they would later have, and for the country, realize the value of facts and figures, of substance over art and mathematics over sentimentality.
>>16906373
Who the fuck is going to go out there and protest AGAINST getting money?
Fucking morons.
>>16906380
Actually that's what this thread is about. The OP wants to know what would hubby would do and we are telling her what he would do when she tells him..
>>16906050
>Unless he's pro-life or something he doesn't have anything to worry about.
Other than being married to someone who makes big ass decisions behind his back.
>>16906403
>The OP wants to know what would hubby would do
Nowhere did she ask that.
>>16906038
He feels the exact same way you would feel if he cheated on you.
Its his body he can do whatever he wants with it. Sure you wanted a child... I mean him not to teach, but he really needed to release and its easier to talk about it later.
OP if you are still reading tell us please - Is your husband leaving you?
>>16906424
As much as I've gone back and forth in this thread bitching about fair reproductive rights, this is probably the best argument as to why women that do this are hypocritical cunts.
>>16906038
Yes, you did do the wrong thing. A terrible thing.
You betrayed your husband's trust. He has every right to be upset with you.
Congratulations, even if you "Fix" your relationship, he'll never fully trust you again. The eternal seed of doubt has been planted, with nowhere to grow but up.
You should have talked to him first. Discussed it as lovers and best friends.
This wasn't some little white lie, like you ruining his favorite shirt in the wash and trying to cover it up, or you playing one of his video games and accidentally deleting his save file and trying to play dumb like a little girl afraid of getting scolded.
This was a major, life changing decision that affected both of your lives. And you made it without so much as showing him the respect of telling and talking to him about it beforehand. Not even a soulless "Hay bae, getting n abortion. bai <3" text message before the fact. You went into complete radio silence mode and just did it.
How would you feel if you were the one that wanted the baby, and he punked out like a coward at got a vasectomy without telling you, despite leading you to believe he wanted one in the first place?
You'd feel lied to and betrayed. You'd feel like he shit all over you and you'd never be able to look at him the same way again.
Multiple that feeling by a factor of 100, given that you were already carrying the child.
Your life isn't entirely yours anymore the same way his isn't entirely his.
You own a piece of him. He owns a piece of you. That's what marriage is, no matter what some pro-choice tumblrcunt tells you. You're not some trailer trash whore that got knocked up at the local barn dance. You're someone's wife now for fucks sake, and instead of acting like it, you acted like the former.
If you honestly feel like you can't be open and honest with your spouse about life-altering things like this, not only are you not ready to be a mother, I doubt you were ready to become a wife either..
>>16906346
Sure it's your body but you also hold an obligation to your partner who trusted and loved you. If you've actually talked him him then it's a different story, but by going behind his back like this is to basically stab him in the fucking heart and twisted the blade. You're one self centered and selfish cunt if you do this, and I honestly hope to god that you're rethinking your life and relationship priorities.
You killed a child , you should be for life in prison.
>>16906779
Fuck off you pro lifing faggot.
Go protest outside of Times Square you waste of oxygen.
>>16906038
To be honest with you, I think you're a piece of shit. I'm pro choice myself, but you went behind his fucking back to do it. How do you think this looks on his end? One minute he's a happy father to be with a wife who loves him, and the next his wife just killed the baby and is telling him it's his fault. Does that sound fucking fair to you? How is he ever supposed to trust you now? How is he ever going to trust WOMEN now? This was a fucking stupid thing to do, and don't expect your relationship to ever be the same again.
But should you have had the baby? No
You should have talked to him about it beforehand. You should have talked to him about the abortion. You shouldn't have pretended everything was fine.
I think it's good you didn't go through with something you didn't want. Too many women have kids they don't want. It would have been better to tell him beforehand, but it doesn't really matter. I guess I can understand that he's upset...but I don't get why. If you didn't want to be pregnant/have a kid, it would have been shitty of him to pressure you.
It's not like you're infertile now. You can discuss it and do what you both agree on in the future.
As for people with the vasectomy example...my dad did that. I almost killed my mom on the way out and he just went and got it done because he panicked about her near-death, told her after the fact. She had wanted more kids, and was a little disappointed but they worked it out. They could always adopt. Turned out when the time came she didn't want more kids either. It's not a huge betrayal. In op's case and my dad's case, mounting worries came to a head, they panicked and made a gut decision that was the right one for them at the time.
Don't see how it's different from your SO selling your favorite chair that they hate. It's not nice but it's not the end of the world. You can find a new chair. You can fertilize another ovum.
People who get overly attached to fetuses are weird. I understand it more with women because the hormones and 24/7 being pregnant thing...but it's extra weird with men.
>>16906856
She chose to make the decision she thought was best for her at the cost of her marriage. Thats her choice but again, its at the cost of her marriage. You think he will ever forgive her for this. see>>16906424
>>16906038
Please tell me hes considering a divorce. Its the only correct option.
>>16906102
>not Your child. Your body. Your wallet
if you are going to use that argument at least include "your wallet". men should not be responsible to pay child support.
TIL women can murder their children at any time without regrets and men should just accept it and deal with strong liberated wymyn
Ready for sharia at this point desu
>>16906038
You only get one life. Burn this shit all to the ground and do what makes you happy.
Keep in mind that you did just hurt your husband badly. And he might leave. And he probably should.
But that's on you.
>>16906038
What if you had a baby and he left you right after you had it and where like "Well, i didn't want it", "Im not gonna be a father for your kid" etc.
That's kinda like what you're doing OP, and i can understand why he is upset.
Completely ignoring the fact that you ended a human life, you also lied to your husband about one of the most major occurrences in both of your lives.
If my wife did something like this I'd leave her immediately, there is absolutely no trusting someone like that.
>>16906368
>>16906380
Is this bait?
>>16906814
Nice argument bro, I completely see why it's justified to kill babies now.
>>16906050
>>16906038
This. Just talk to eachother. It'll work out.
Don't get me wrong, what you did wasn't right. It's a consequence of hiding how you feel. If you don't talk now, your relationship's done.
>>16906779
>child
Bunch of cells*.
>>16906038
You made a colossal mistake. I'm not going to tell you that you should have just gone ahead with the pregnancy despite your misgivings, because motherhood is not something that you should just go along with when you aren't ready for it. But this isn't some teen mistake with a boyfriend, it was planned and it was with your husband, the man who you implicitly agreed to trust and share everything with when you married him. Going behind his back to do this without talking it over with him first was, to be blunt, a tremendous betrayal.
You sound like you kind of know this already, since you're calling yourself a "Coward" in your post. There's a good chance that you were just psyching yourself out - and I don't blame you for that; pregnancy and impending parenthood can be immensely stressful - but your mistake was not talking about your doubts and feelings with your spouse, and instead trying to just CTRL+Z the whole thing and hoping it works out. Maybe all you needed was a long talk with the man you love to boost your confidence and change your mind. Maybe your fears were justified and you really weren't ready to be a mother, and your husband could have made the decision with you to abort now and possibly try again later. Now that you've already done the deed, you'll never know.
I would strongly advise that you look into marriage counselling if you're interested in saving your relationship with your husband, because it would benefit both of you right now.
>>16906038
Wow, and I thought cheating was the worst breach of trust in a marriage. From the sounds of things you're not ready to be a wife either.
>>16906455
best response in the thread.
this isn't about whether or not abortion itself is right or wrong.
OP went along with her husband wanting a child instead of voicing her concerns
She got pregnant under the idea that she was just doing what her husband wanted
Then she got an abortion behind his back, without talking about it with him.
Can you imagine being fucked over by your partner like that? To go along in life, thinking everything is okay, being sure that the path you've mapped out together is perfect and what you both want, being able to see your goals and future laid out nicely before you, and then having your partner say, "this isn't what I wanted, we're not doing it, you don't get to have that"? no compromise, no negotiation. that fucking sucks, and OP is a bitch, and I'm surprised that her relationship is just "a bit tense" as opposed to her husband immediately calling for divorce. she doesn't deserve him.
sage anyway because OP isn't even asking for advice.
Just kill all damn babies
Holy shit. Fuck you. Tell your husband now, if he finds out later it will be worse. If my wife killed our kid and then tried to lie further and I found out I don't think I could hold myself back.
Whatever the government or pro choicers say, you have no right to kill a kid no matter how many times you repeat to yourself that you do. Your husband has as much rights to that kid as you and your kid has as much right to life as you do, you have no right to kill a kid.
"My body my choice" is a shit argument as well, you made your choice when you chose to have sex, you know that anti-conception can fail, you know the possible consequences of sex, babies are not accidents. No sex=no baby, 100% fool proof. Fuck around if you want, but you know the odds and you should fucking bear the consequences of your actions just like any man does. I'm all for being rational, I don't believe in souls or anything but killing a human, however undeveloped, because it's convenient to you is fucking sick.
>>16907628
No sex, no baby, 100%, I agree.
No driving, no car accidents, 100%.
Should someone who is involved in a car accident just tough it out, regardless of the consequences, for the sole purpose that they chose to get behind the wheel?
>>16907628
read the OP. She did tell him. Hes pissed right now.
>>16907320
>itll work out
not when he hands her the divorce papers. If she wanted to work things out she wouldnt have done it behind his back.
>>16907628
U r such an idiot
>le divorce papers
Men don't have to go through actually having the baby. You just fuck then wait acting like you're an equal contributor, so you can all shut the fuck up.
Don't want her to have an abortion? Make sure she's ready next time and don't pressure her.
>>16907705
>Men don't have to go through actually having the baby
Your point. If you know I want a child and you kill my child behind my back without at least hearing me out you think Im going to stay in a relationship with you.
And before you go on about the fetus bullshit if a man were to kill the fetus against his will he would be charged with murder and not a form of violation which according to your philosophy it should be.
>>16907696
>U r
>>16907705
Or, you know, maybe she could have been open and honest about her feelings instead of hiding them and being "Pressured" like a little girl into doing something that she wasn't really ready for. That's disregarding the fact that the OP makes it sound as though she and her husband made the decision to have a child together, then AFTER getting pregnant she began second-guessing herself and just went out and got an abortion behind her husband's back rather than talking to him about her feelings first.
You seem really determined to blame the husband for a situation that he likely knew nothing about, unless the OP was going "Gee honey I'm not really sure but okay" throughout the time that they were planning to have a child together. The OP does not make it sound like that was the case. Part of marriage is communicating with one another, and the OP failed miserably there. That's not the husband's fault.
>>16906038
>your body
>without permission
Kek
>>16906130
That is, in fact, not true. As I'm sure you're well aware, even if the guy leaves well before the third trimester, he can be legally compelled to pay child support until the kid's 18th birthday. So really, the man gets no choice in anything.
>>16907730
Kill urself my man
>>16906133
This was my first thought. I'm not gonna jump to judgments on OP's character, but if I were her husband, it just wouldn't be possible to try again to start a family with her. I wouldn't be able to believe in it.
I'm a little bit shocked at the tone of the answers in this thread, honestly. Everyone seems to understand that when people are planning for a family, and there's an unintended miscarriage, it can be quite disappointing and even devastating for the parents. For the husband, this isn't much different, except there's an added layer of willful intent and willful deception. This isn't just an issue of politics, the guy was looking forward to having a child, they'd talked about it, they'd made plans for it, and she kind of just yanked the rug out from under him without even the courtesy of a conversation.
It's her choice, it should be her choice, what she did should not be illegal, but I do think it was deeply immoral. The husband deserves a little empathy here. You can't really call that a good marriage or a respectful partnership if his feelings are just being completely disregarded like this
>>16906038
It will be difficult for him to trust you now because you made such a big life decision - for both of you - without consulting him.
It was a decision you made together, it should have been a decision you unmade together.
>>16906038
You could have talked to him and proven your point, but you chose not to. You could have pulled any card in the book to force him or convince him, you really could have done anything at all.
Instead, you made up your mind and resolved not to allow him to convince you. Even if he could have convinced you, that's just unthinkable. You don't care what he wants or even what he has to say. You don't trust him and you don't think he trust you.
You did the wrong thing. The correct course of action was to try to convince him and failing that, tell him. At least he could have stuck up for himself and maybe brought you over to his way of thinking. At the very least he could have known what you were going to do and that you really didn't want to have the baby. You lied and led him along.
This is grounds for a divorce. A relationship can't survive like this. You didn't even care to ask his opinion.
>>16906100
Why does the feminist logic states that:
>woman doesn't want the baby, husband does
"oh you should empathise it's her choice"
>women wants the baby, husband doesn't
"oh you should emphatise, it's her choice. now pay up for 18 years"
Is there any scenario in your twisted, fucked up rationale that believes the man should have any saying in it?
>>16906050
>Unless he's pro-life or something he doesn't have anything to worry about.
That's pretty fucking heartless desu. I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean an unborn child is just completely worthless. The poor guy thought he was gonna be a dad.
>>16907628
>kid
Bunch of cells*.
>>16907713
>child
Bunch of cells*.
>>16907937
>unborn child
Bunch of cells*.
>>16906122
They're married so he wouldn't get off so easily whether there was a kid or not. Dicorces are expensive..
>>16908836
>human
Bunch of cells*.
>>16906148
Okay? And if the husband says no and she says yes she's still going to get the abortion.
Op just skipped right to the chase honestly.
>>16906045
People very rarely resent their children, coming from someone who's grandmother was raped at 16 and gave birth to my father
>>16906226
What are you guys talking about? I'm pretty sure there have been women all through the ages and all over the world who have felt resentment for kids they didn't want or have sought out midwives/town witches and whatnot to induce abortions. That, or have killed themselves/ tobagganed down a flight of stairs on their bellies while hubby was away at work.
Women of today simply have legal protection and a changed societal atmosphere to voice that.
>>16906323
Pretty good point. Instead of making women have kids that aren't wanted by both parents just prevent it from happening in the first place.
Pretty square deal for all you babies crying "baaaaw why can't I back out of it?!!"
>>16908836
This bunch of cells is fucking alive. The fact that it hasn't developed a nervous and other systems yet, shouldn't make you disown it and happily cut into pieces. You erase a child from existence. Just accept it and don't make up hypocritical excuses. Whether it does have conscience or not is secondary. The bunch of cells IS your child, who is so helpless, that can't even tell where the doctor cut it.
One wouldn't feel better if their parents aborted him on "cell stage" rather than some weeks later.
>>16908836
You are also a bunch of cells, you fucking idiot
What if this was a thread about a guy who poisoned his pregnant wife to make her have a miscarriage? Still just "no big deal?"
I support OP's right to choose but that doesn't mean there isn't any weight to the choice. You can't just say "it was just cells lol nbd" and sweep it under the rug. If I was OP's husband this would destroy the relationship
>>16908836
>get charged with murder for a bunch of cells
You dont have a point there.
If I was the husband I would be disappointed but I wouldn't leave my wife because of it. It's not that big a deal in the end, I'll just wait until she's ready and then try again.
People keep acting like this was a devious calculated move but she was just scared. I'm not a woman so I have no idea what it feels like to carry that burden nor will I pretend to but if she wasn't ready then wasn't ready. I wouldn't force my wife to have a child if she wasn't ready so in the end the result would have been the same.
>>16907815
>urself
>No content
>lol kill urself
Was this whole thing bait?
>>16909283
Imagine if he was scared and slipped her an abortion pill.
>>16909438
Then he's a criminal. You can do whatever you want with your body but when you start doing things with other people's bodies then there's a problem.
>>16906038
I know this is bait, but bait threads like this is exactly why I told my gf that if she ever did anything like this without telling me Id drop her on the spot at any point in our lives no questions asked and if she didnt tell me I wouldnt actually love her because Im in love with the person I trust not to do that.
>>16909283
Found the fedora
>>16909443
Like a baby's body
>>16909443
Its a mild crime. Not that big of a deal.
>>16909458
The baby is just a clump of cells before the third trimester. It has no body.
>>16906162
This. Always telling when OP never replies as well.
>>16906038
No, you did the right thing.
>>16909528
>going behind you spouses back and doing something against his wishes is the right thing
You people
