I'm 35, I've got no life outside of my job and the internet and I'm changing jobs and city soon. I'll be in an alien place where I know no one. This makes me realize how empty my life is, while my siblings are married and getting kids. This terrifies me.
Where do I start to get my life back on track?
>>16900854
get a nice recreational sports league. other than that I have no clue.
>>16900854
>I'll be in an alien place where I know no one.
You just said you have no life outside of the Internet. This should not matter. It's a new opportunity to not be a shutin fuckup. Use meetup.com and city websites to determine what's going on in town, then go do it, Make friends. After making friends, you'll have the social confidence to meet girls. Get girlfriend. Get married if you want, who cares.
It all starts with you ceasing to be a shutin.
>>16900854
i just wrote this >> No.16900000
holy shit just look at this get!
any way do you smock weed?
i allway fond people to hang out within days by looking for weed.
just ask people you might want to hang out with if they now where you can by weed works in every country on the planet...
I overcame my fear of going out by finding a little dive bar to become a regular weekend visitor at.
At my little bar there is never more than 20 people unless they host parties there. After about 3 trips bar tenders and patrons knew my name and incorporated me into their nightly routine. I picked up pool as a skill and I use that as a Segway into making friends at different bars.
The enormous plus side is that when they host party nights I can forge new connections that I can use to expand to other bars with other people. I got so lucky that the restaurant where I have breakfast before work I ran into a girl from the bar and now we are dating.
Maybe you will get as lucky won't know until you try.
thats likd the perfect moment to meet people, go out to bars and chat up, join a sports team and bro out, hire a hooker, go to a rave and do drugs
NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS YOU
great advice so far
Question though
>>16900916
>go out to bars and chat up
How do I chat up people?
>>16900923
In my experience at bars, people talk to you whether you want them to or not. I go out every weekend, and there's always someone next to me who will say something to me/start a conversation. Without fail. Older people tend to do this, not younger people. Being 35+, you'll be fine.
Go Salsa lessons, its social dancing so you dance with loads of woman a night and its a skill you can take anywhere.
>>16900881
Too late. Too late. Too late.
Brain formed, brain rotted.
Nothing left inside, never was much at all.
>>16900953
nah, my brain can change fine enough. I was an unemployed shut-in until I was 31 and then managed to turn that around to the point where I'm a sought after developer making 10k a month. I'm still mostly a shut in outside of the job but there's no reason I couldn't change the personal side like I changed the professional one.
>>16900982
Being 35 and having no friends and never having had any is indicative of some kind of disorder.
>>16900995
>and never having had any
That's a part you've added by yourself though. The local friends I've had in the past I let drift away, but I've got friends in a neighbouring country, originally from an internet forum, that I travel to meet there for a few days every two months or so and for each new year. We play board games and go hiking and do BBQs and all that.
>>16901018
>I was an unemployed shut-in until I was 31
But yeah, I was mostly satirically projecting myself
The advice you were given is pretty good, go to bars or any other kind of open social event, and also try to find people online
>>16901048
well, ok, maybe I need to amend "shut in"? Like, I can go outside and talk to people and all that, I'm not agoraphobic. and I had friends before becoming a shut in at 25 and appeared a normal if geeky person to my colleagues once I got employed, from 31 onwards, which coincides with when I started seeing my internet friends IRL. Went at the pub with colleagues and friends of my brother, too. Took drawing and climbing lessons. I don't flee the light of day or anything. But apart from those internet friends I see regularly I haven't been able to build long lasting relationships.
>>16901079
>I haven't been able to build long lasting relationships.
Why?
And you consider them friends, but you see them rather rarely.
>>16901092
Why? That's what I'd like to know. I just seem to stay at a surface level.
>And you consider them friends, but you see them rather rarely.
We're in almost daily contact over the net. And I'd go see them more often if they weren't a whole country away. And moving there isn't a serious option financially as both the economy and job market are in a big slump there.
>>16900854
29 year old here, military brat, switch cities and countries a lot growing up, for college, and post college.
The secret, in my experience, to 'having a life' really is as simple as:
>Think of things you might like to try
>Go try them by yourself until you meet people to try them with.
When you have the guts and the willpower to let go of the fear and insecurity and just go forth and try shit.... you will meet people. Will you immediately be bathed in a fountain of willing friends? No. But you will meet people and, over time, you will 'build a life.'
I wish you luck. Moving is HARD emotionally, financially, physically... But you've got this man. Just think about all the future possibilities!
Do meetups. Go to free events like concerts with music you like. If you have the money, try a new restaurant every once and a while. Get to know your new city so you can get to know the people in it. Also, you *can* actually find friends on dating websites like OK cupid etc. The whole:
>"New to the city, looking to meet new people and make new friends!"
bit works.
>>16900854
Good luck grandpa.
>>16900982
How did you managed to get a developer job at 31 with no employment history? Have you been coding for a long time?
>>16901714
I'd been coding since I was 15, yes. However what got me out of unemployment was networking: at my father's suggestion I contacted a few teachers from my old college of engineering. One was heading the college's web team, which was staffed both by student part timers and unemployed people hired as interns.
So I did my internship there and the main tool I learned happened to be an intranet-focused platform that, although unusual for schools, is all the rage with big companies, while also taking communication and acting courses on the side. It turned out I'm actually a good worker and it's only my shit social skills and then accumulated years of unemployment that had been preventing me from finding a job, the internship led to being hired in a full time position and put me back in the employment circuit.
>>16902655
>I'd been coding since I was 15, yes. However what got me out of unemployment was networking: at my father's suggestion I contacted a few teachers from my old college of engineering. One was heading the college's web team, which was staffed both by student part timers and unemployed people hired as interns.
>So I did my internship there
See anons? Networking is everything.
