Hey /adv/
I've recently been having thoughts of harming others. Really they're more like day dreams. I don't mean fantasies though. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'll catch myself zoning out and imagining myself hurting or killing things. For instance, I was chopping bamboo with a machete with a coworker a few days ago, and machete in hand I imagined taking it and slamming it into the back of his neck. I saw it happen like I was actually doing it, but I snapped out and went back to work.
I think I need help guys. I just don't want to be monitored by doctors. I don't want anyone knowing that could keep me from living my life and pursuing my future like I plan on doing. I've seen a few psychiatrists before for minor depression issues, and didn't appreciate any of their attitudes. I just wanted to have a conversation, but they only offered solutions to problems I had barely discussed with pity in their eyes. I don't want help from that /adv/.
Who do I go to? Surely someone on here has been in a similar predicament, or at least has plenty of experience with psychiatric help. I'm almost afraid I'll hurt someone when I don't even realize it.
Just curious; have you ever killed an animal? Like a bird or a frog for example.
Also have you ever watched videos of accidents / people getting hurt?
>>16898123
Couple weeks ago I went hunting for squirrels. The plan was to get some meat for a few meals I was planning. Fresh and natural and all that. I've done it before.
I ended up just killing a cardinal though. Shot him 3 times before he died. I only felt frustrated because I'm worried about my mental well-being. I didn't feel bad for the bird.
As a kid I would shoot and kill squirrels, chipmunks, and birds with a pellet gun. Never touched any of them with my hand though. I always threw them over my fence into the woods with a shovel. I only ever actually used the meat from a squirrel a few months ago. It felt good having that killing be worth something. Only done it once though.
I browse gore threads a few times a week. I have a folder on my computer with plenty of it, mostly car-related incidents.
Yep.
>>16898155
I don't think there's anything wrong with. Like the machete incident for example, i think that's a normal thing that people do. I myself for example, when i've been at work in a factory, was standing near a shaft with my friend, and i considered that it would be very easy for me to push him into the shaft, killing him. Of course i would never do such a thing, it's just kind of a "what if" thought.
>>16898181
I'm just worried I'll do something before I realize I'm doing it. I'm worried I'll lose track of reality at some point.
>>16898234
I think the problem isn't your fantasies, it's the fact that you are worried about them. Just my opinion.
>>16898105
What you have is totally normal. Every human on the planet has thoughts of harming other, even if they're close to you, and even yourself (at least at some/one point in time).
I've never been to the doc about it, but I daydream daily about suicide, killing individuals or multiple people and I'm still a fully functioning member of society. kek
To everyone in this thread:
It's NOT normal.
For advice and help see here.
>>16894115
Specifically
http://boards.4chan.org/adv/thread/16894115/#p16894713
http://boards.4chan.org/adv/thread/16894115/#p16894767
>>16898752
Same, ive struggled with general anxiety and bouts of major depression for a few years previously, but i'm all good now. Yet, i still think about sucide daily, and death in general, thinking about what it would feel like in those last moments of life.. Watching videos of people commiting suicide always gets me a little excited, too..
Along with that, daily daydreams of torturing and killing people, abducting them and keeping them as sex slaves, that sort of shit.. I think its normal, i can't imagine myself actually going through with that kind of stuff, getting caught would pretty much ruin it for me.. Funnily enough i can't stand the idea of killing animals though, i feel too much of a connection with them to even entertain the thought without being creeped out by it.. Pic sorta related
>>16898105
Nah, you're good homeboy.
>>16898752
>What you have is totally normal.
I'm shocked how people can shrug this off as normal only because they are as abnormal as the OP.
This is the reason those school shootings happen. Ignoring your obvious problems until it's far too late...
Don't do that and head over to this thread NOW
>>16894115
I'm going camping for a few days alone next week. I'm going to meditate on all this before making a decision. I'm still in college and can't afford therapy on my own. My university's mental health clinic sucks ass. If I want help, I'll have to tell my parents that I need it. I'm sure they won't ask me to talk about anything, but just mentioning it opens the door for worry and everything. There won't be going back. They'll look at me like I'm broken, which isn't inherently bad, but I feed off of feeling independent and healthy.
Plus I'm not sure if I'm looking for solutions or just for someone to talk to. I can't talk to any of my friends about this. It's not that I can't trust them, it's that none of them could empathize. Our personalities are so vastly different that all they'd be able to do is nod their heads and give one word responses. There wouldn't be conversation.
And my fear with seeking actual help is that I won't get conversation either. I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I'm not looking to spill my guts to a guy who writes notes and tells me obvious mental exercises on how to avoid these thoughts. I just need someone I can sit down with for a few hours and talk shit through like human beings.
