Wait until sex is actually on the cards. Don't bring it up yet, because she might not want sex with you.

If you do both want to fuck, you don't have to tell her everything. Just say you want to go slow, etc. I'm sure if she said the same thing to you, you would respect it.

Only if things are getting into a serious relationship should you consider telling her about your history.

>>16898029
I'd like to bring it up before things get too serious and before initiating sex, so I don't get too hurt. I've come to use sex as a means for intimacy and sensitivity.

>>16898185
>I've come to use sex as a means for intimacy and sensitivity.

Well, there's the main issue. Maybe you can try to become more familiar and comfortable with verbal communication. It would make you less reliant on sex (which you're worried about because of your history) and more able to talk about things (which you struggle to do and rely on sex instead). It seems a vicious cycle.

>>16898216
Maybe I wrote that the wrong way. I never used to see sex as a tool for intimacy. I would put up with very aggressive and vulgar sexual things in the past. I'd pretty much let anyone use my body. Now that I'm starting to heal and feel like my body is my own, it's pretty much a 180 from that. I don't to deal with any aggressive or vulgar things, from kinks, fetishes to "dirty" fantasies. Not that I think any of these things are wrong. However I simply don't have the psych to handle these preferences. I've never had just plain intimate sex before much less sober and it's something I really want with someone I care about. I'm not talking about the frequency of sex.

>>16898287
And I'm more than willing to wait for sexual activity. I just want to let her before I get too attached or engage in sexual acts. The thought is gut wrenching to me. I hope I'm making sense.

Sorry for double post.

>>16898287
>>16898321
Then I suppose we have a difference of opinion on this. You want to let her know about your history and feelings about sex before you even know if she's interested. I think it's best to wait to see if things get more serious with this girl, and bring it up when it seems that sex is more likely.

You need to do what you think is best for yourself. If you really want to bring it up with her, be aware that because it's so early in the relationship, she might just nope out. Either because she's not ready to be so heavily involved in you and your complicated past, or simply that she doesn't like the fact you're assuming you'll be having sex together.

There's no right or wrong thing to do here, at least not without hindsight. Just consider the options, and think how each option might appear from her point of view, and not just your own.

>>16898352
Well we've been dating each other for 3 weeks but it's not like we've been spending every day together. We contact each other once a day via text or IM if we don't see each other. She recently had me spend the night and I quite enjoyed it. But that's why I made this thread. It's kinda sad, but it seems like I'm walking a tight rope as to bring it up. I suppose my background is kinda heavy and finding someone who's tame in the bedroom is hard to find, I also don't want to seem like I'm pressing for some sheet tussling or that's my main priority.

I haven't seen any super push for taking things much farther. So far it's been small kisses, flirty touches and short make out sessions.

>>16898423
Again, I reiterate, consider how it would appear from her point of view. You say yourself you don't want to seem like you're pushing sex on her, and she doesn't seem to be in any hurry with it either. There is really no reason to rush into disclosing everything.

I am sure YOU feel that you'd like to get this stuff off your chest and out in the open, but you must consider what it would be like for the person on the receiving end of it. A relationship should always be a two-way thing. So far, you've only really shown that you've thought about things from your own point of view.

I would also assume that with time and more experience, you'll feel more secure/comfortable with your history and this stuff won't dwell on your mind as much. Recognise that although this is a big thing to you in your life, but no one else sees your life or even cares about it in the same way, or as much, as you do. Again, always try to think how things appear from someone else's point of view.

>>16898461
I'm trying to see it from how it might seem from another party, that's one of the reasons I made this thread. I'm not trying to only consider myself.

She might not be comfortable with someone of my history in the first place, period. She may be "freaky" and hasn't revealed it yet. She might be interested but if I drop the bomb too quick she might back away. There's a lot of variables on this issue alone not to mention the other nuances of relationships. This issue is complex by itself. It feels kinda tangled messy, and I just want to comb it out.

This is my first stab at a "relationship" relationship, so I don't mean to paint it out as I'm only concerned about my welfare. I don't want either of us getting our heart strings tugged on too hard.

Sorry if we're just going over the same things over and over again. I don't mean to be melodramatic, but I'm just starting to get those little emotional tingles about her. And regardless of what happens. I'd like things to move as smooth as possible, regardless.
I don't know if relationships usually feel this "calculated," for lack of better words.

Sorry if I'm annoying anybody. But it seems like I'm only getting one responder.

You tell her you've been a hooker yet?

Somehow I'll be this has never come up during these chaste acts of intimacy.

If you were a whore you were t "letting people use your body." You were hawking your dick to them and asking them to pay.

Yeah. Tell her that.

>>16898576
Oh, and fuck you, ho. Oooh, your

I love former fuckbois like you when they try to get good.

And act like poeple whom THEY'VE hurt have been the ones in the wrong.

Fuck you, ho.

>>16898583
>>16898586
>>16898591

I haven't told her yet, no. That should be obvious by my posts. I think it'd be weird to bring that up straight out of the gate considering we weren't really friends beforehand. I don't intend to keep it as a dirty secret either. Prostitution isn't typically a life time gig unless the person ODs or is killed. If you're taking a shot at me because you were hurt by a hooker at some point I am very sorry. But I've never set out to hurt someone or someone's relationship by selling my body.

If you're saying being a sex worker is unethical on deontological grounds, I disagree.

Or are simply stating you wouldn't interact with me because, sex work is "gross" to you? Fair enough we all have are standards and sensibilities. Or is it because I've had sexual interactions with plenty of people? A lot of people have sex with lots of people before they settle down. Would you treat them the same way regardless of their job?

Sex workers often report some sort of abuse and discrimination during their tenure.

Again I'm sorry if a hooker ever hurt you, but I can't help think that you just want to get under my skin.

Don't want to derail my own thread, so I'll leave it at that.