How do I deal with the fact that I always fall intensely for women I can't have? I'm only 20 and I'm on my fourth. It eventually passes but then it happens again. I really don't want to spend my whole life suffering this. Unrequited love is bad enough when it happens once.
>>16890375
I deal with the same problem. I constantly fall for girls who have boyfriends. It's getting seriously irritating because I just think about them 24/7 and have no fucking clue what to do. I usually end up being really close friends with them like a true cuck because I want to see them all the time.
>>16890375
>20
>Why do I always fall intensely for women?
>20
Hahahahahahaha. Oh man. Once you're staring 30 in the mouth a lot of this shit is really funny.
Get a couple female friends. Don't view every person as a potential mate, even if you guys hook up there's no "The one" there's no such thing as a "Spark"
Sometimes a person is pretty alright and then you hang out with them a bit longer and you learn that you actually love them (Over the course of a very long time)
You'll grow up but you're going to hurt a lot when you realize love isn't what you think it is.
>>16890540
I'm saying I fall for girls I can't appropriately be with. I have a big heart and my emotions just take over (i jave been in a couple relationships and i realize what youre saying). t gets better with age?
>>16890540
This anon's right. Don't see every girl as a potential girlfriend, see her as a person.
I disagree about the spark thing though, there are people out there who do have good chemistry from the start. I had it with my SO right from when we first met.
>>16890566
I don't see every girl as a potential mate a lot of time I meet them i realize I admire them and it just happens no matter what I think. There are plenty of girls I don't like
>>16890566
Man, a relationship is hard work and building good foundations is all I'm saying. You don't meet and make out to top 20-indie hipster soft rock on your Micheal Cera bedsheets and then there's a cut to 20 years later and you're picking up your kids in your Mazda 5 and you smile at your wife and end credits.
It's hard work, it's good foundations, you're building something not just experiencing a feeling.
But seriously OP, stop objectifying women. Make some female friends. Learn to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex before you consider getting into a relationship.
>>16890576
You can admire someone without wanting to fuck them. You know your dude friend who's really cool and you like hanging out because he's a cool guy and a lot of fun? Just have that relationship with someone who happens to have a different set of parts from you.
>>16890577
See >>16890560
And >>16890576
>>16890577
Don't get me wrong, I agree that relationships aren't easy and chances are that OP isn't going to meet someone he clicks with right away, but I'm saying it can happen.
>>16890576
Why do you admire these women? Do they have any flaws? The first step to taking them off the pedestal is humanising them.
>>16890582
Okay. I don't get what the point of having me reread your shit was...
>>16890560
>I fall for girls I can't appropriately be with
That's immature. If you know it's it's inappropriate then you need to get a handle on your emotions and stop fetishizing people and treating them like peers.
>I have a big heart and my emotions take over
No you don't. You're 20. You don't know what the fuck you have and you're really horny and making excuses.
>It gets better with age.
It gets better with maturity, I have found myself attracted to people even though I have been with the same woman for a few years now. Being attracted to people is fine. It's how you handle these feelings that's important though.
>>16890576
>I don't see every girl as a potential mate a lot of time I meet them i realize I admire them and it just happens no matter what I think. There are plenty of girls I don't like
If you admire someone it doesn't mean you are attracted to them, if you find yourself attracted to someone that's fine but that means nothing to you or them.
>>16890585
They are usually just beautiful and kind. They could end up being complete bitches and I feel like I'd still like them. Idk I know there's no "click" but it really does just happen idk what makes them different despite the fact that I can't possibly be with them and I see them and end up conversing with them and making them laugh a lot.
>>16890597
Its both attraction and admiration. Sorry I made you reread my shit
>>16890606
What. So if a girl is kind and pretty, or pretty and a complete bitch you feel you need to blast one inside her?
The fuck man. Like, you get how this is messed up and you're dehumanizing people?
>>16890608
This post makes sense. Kind of making me wonder now...
>>16890608
She's always nice to me on the surface. I'm saying if she's nice at first but I get to know her better and she ends up being a different person I would still have these feelings
>>16890611
But why.
Like, she's not a nice person.
>>16890613
Idk it might be because I really do like the person and accept their flaws
>>16890616
please stop
>>16890622
What's wrong with that? Like literally I'm really confused about the shit going on in my head
>>16890624
>>16890631
Thanks glad you came to an advice message board to fuck with people
>>16890632
Don't be a little shit about it.
You said "I love these women I really do! I think maybe i don't..." and I said "You very probably don't. You should work on not dehumanizing people and putting them on pedistles and work on treating women like peers" and you said "YEAH BUT I LOVE HER (because now it's specific) EVEN IF SHE'S SHITTY" and I said "Why? You're describing a shitty person." and you said "MAYBE I LOVE HER WITH HER FLAWS AND ALL. EVEN THOUGH I'M HAVING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW." and I said "djoal;kdfsgna;dflskgna;lkdnglkadf"
>>16890639
So because I fell for a few of them I automatically put a whole gender on a pedestal? And everyone questions themselves sometimes...
On this note. I am going to bed.
OP, you will never be happy until you mature enough to allow yourself to treat everyone, especially the opposite sex, like a peer. You need to be able to be friends with women and not just fetishize them. How could you ever have a good relationship without this ability? Your girlfriend grows into your best friend over time. Someone you just want to talk to and pick brains with occasionally. I don't mean this in a super romanticized way either.
Imagine your best friend, how you guys hang out, drink together, talk together, play vids together, all that good shit. Now imagine if you wanted to see him every day and occasionally you guys fucked.
That's what being in a grown-up relationship is like, and it's unattainable to you because you're very emotionally immature.
Honestly, that shit'll catch up to you. Nobody likes the dude who falls in "Love" with everyone. I had that friend. He sits in his parents basement, almost 30, no job, smokes pot all day. Last time I saw him he wouldn't stop hitting on my now exgirlfriend and made everyone uncomfortable.
Just grow up a bit. Put these feelings on the backburner. Focus on you. Focus on having fun and loving yourself and being the best possible version of yourself. Listen to some good music, and not what you like now, because that's probably shit and you're going to hate it in a few years. Learn to drink beer and whiskey straight. Learn to love Gin. Learn to cook an amazing meal for friends and family, like blow their fucking socks off. Learn a trade.
Make as many friends as you can. Men, women, anything in between, old, young, all of them. Make as many good friends and hold on tight because your highschool friends are shit and will forget about you and it gets really hard to make new friends around 25.
It's a fucked up ride and it's going to happen in a blink, you don't have to grow up all right now, but maybe just a little bit.
