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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So I'm in need of some serious advice, I've been told plenty of times to just move on but that advice is easier said than done.
So I dated this guy for roughly 3 months. We fought often, usually about his lack of effort to the relationship. He swore he loved me. We broke up 3 times, each time I begged to not give up on me. I loved him and I saw a future with him. It's been around 3 months since the last breakup and he has found a new girl and is working towards being in a relationship with her. I can't move on. I have days where I'm fully aware of my ability to live without him and be ok. Other days are rather rough. I miss him incredibly and I still want a future with him, although that's out the window now. I have obsessive thoughts about him wanting me back. I think about him constantly. He's still the only person I want to talk to when things happen, good or bad. I can't develop feelings for anyone who presents themself to me. I can't fall for anyone else because my heart is still with him. It definitely doesn't help that a week ago he contacted me and wanted to get back together. Naive me slept with him and it turns out that was all he wanted. He told me he dumped the other girl and wanted me but he just used me and lied about it.
How do I move on? I have a job, have a child, working towards getting my own place. I have friends and I go out often to drink and have fun. I generally do have a lot of fun even though he isn't in my life, but I still miss him terribly. I want to be with him and I can't let go of that desire. Help me /adv.
You miss the fantasy of what you thought he was. Not what he actually is.
>>16889289
>3 months
>in love
OK.
>>16889296
How is it a fantasy when I want him, all his flaws and imperfections. Through good days and bad? I know exactly who and what he is and I still accept him fully and want to be with him.
If you loved him that much three months isn't that long. You can't control what pops into your head but try and catch it and think of something else, also don't talk to him or follow or friend him on social media.
>>16889329
It's not that long but we've been broken up for nearly as long as we were together. He's already blocked on everything, including his number. I still haven't moved on in 3 months... Something is seriously wrong with me.
>>16889338
You may not have been in love, but it's easy to see that you did genuinely like him. I've been in short relationships like that. Some ended because I was cheated on, or they didn't care about me (didn't take me any time at all to move on from that, because I have self-respect--any love I had turned to hate and anger) and others took a little less than a year to move on from. You were constantly breaking up and you were unhappy because he didn't do enough. You were demanding something that he probably couldn't give to you. You're better off without him.
A lot of people on here say you should be over someone in X amount of time, but feelings don't work that way. Give yourself more time.
Sounds cliché but I'm convinced all you need is time. I went through the same situation, sounds crazy but only 3 months with managed to turn my life upside down for years. Until I accepted that maybe I'll never be able to feel the same again, to feel as happy as I was with him, but I'll find some other type of love and happiness and that will also be ok. Just keep on living, I promise it gets better.
>>16889375
I can't grasp onto that "you're better off without him" mentality. I don't feel better off without him. I feel a huge void.
>>16889615
Taking years to move on sounds terrifyingly painful. I don't have years, I need to be over this asap.
