cheaters
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My bf cheated on his ex once. He cheated on me 5 times with 3 different girls, in the first six months of our relationship. I found out a few weeks ago, we were together for 1,5 years, and he hasn't done it since.
As soon as I found out I broke up with him, so much fucking pain, but he took it hard.
>a lot of hints to suicide
>calling me almost everyday, which i answered as I was afraid he would hurt himself and I still missed him
> he's crying so much, saying he's sorry, that he was a major fuckup at the time and didnt want to lose me.
I want to take him back but can i ever trust him again? Is it really, once a cheater, always a cheater?
Should I leave and be fucking miserable for a few months, or have some hope and stay?
Pic related, thats him
Do not take him back. Period end of thread.
I personally would try and move on
>>16868233
People like him are never worth the risk. The writings on the wall, he's a compulsive cheater. You WILL get burned again if you let this scumbag back in.
>>16868233
He may have learned his lesson. He may have reached a point where he realized he has a problem and needs to work on it. I'm not gonna lie, there are pathological problems which can cause that behavior and with work they can be fixed.
But he needs to move on, and so do you. Bringing him back in at this point would only tell the part of his brain that decided to cheat that if he makes a show and says he's sorry, he can cheat again. Bringing him back tells him cheating is okay as long as you apologize, because Reliable Partner will let him back in.
Going back to him will, by the very nature of the thing, destroy his chances of becoming a better person. Don't be the sweet poison, be the bitter medicine.
He is going to a psychologist soon. He said he wanted to change, has been working on it for bout 2 months ( i do notice small changes), but he is seekimg professional help to fix him up as well.
>>16868249
Then he should fix himself first and then think of relationships with anyone. Without trust relationships never work anyway so I wouldn't try my luck with him again if I were you.
>>16868249
Don't be a sucker.
>>16868249
Shut the fuck up. You don't believe this shit and no one does either. Fucking get with a dude and watch him shudder in pain. Then cuck him for your enjoyment.
>>16868249
Good. His next partner might be the one he manages to succeed with, then.
Feel free to support that, but don't be that partner.
Fuck... Okay.. Next question, whats the best way to get over someone you still love :') Completely breaking off contact would be a good start right?
>>16868258
You are a fucking faggot.
>>16868265
Yeah, My girlfriend broke up with me, because she got bored about 10 days ago. And I have not contacted her, but she texts me every couple of days. She still wants to talk/wants me back. But if you don't give them the time of day, you would be suprised about the confidence you gain, and you will feel much better.
>>16868258
So now I spent nearly 2 years of my life (which were not always pleasant as did some some other weird shit as well), end up heartbroken and empty, and the only gain is that his next girlfriend might not get cheated on
>>16868233
> He cheated on me 5 times with 3 different girls
... yeah, he is totally sad ... let this bitch cry; this kind of human being does not deserve mercy. he is crying, because you caught him cheating, not because he was cheating .. or did he confessed after every of these accidents?
>>16868265
>Completely breaking off contact would be a good start right?
For most people, yes. It's smart to make communication difficult for a while; change skype names and don't tell them the new one, for example, or ignore texts/calls and get a cheap pre-pay phone for a month that you use to talk to the people you really can't avoid or speak to in person. A lack of available communication makes attachment difficult.
If he's crazy enough to try and stalk your home, police exist for a reason. You'll need to be stern with him, or else he won't learn.
>>16868278
His friend told me (the friend was already angry with him, and said he couldnt look at us chilling in the living room anymore, like we're a perfect lil couple). When I asked bf if cheated only later that evening to see if I could get 1 honest answer, he denied it. Half a minute later he spilled it, crying.
>>16868233
People who forgive repeat offenders are indirectly facilitating their behaviour.
Personally I don't know how you are still in love with him, considering his cheating went way back. He was never the person you thought he was.. So you are in love with the fake persona he had.
>>16868268
I'm sorry you feel that way.
>>16868274
I'm sure there's plenty you can learn from this scenario, too. But I can't tell you where to start without the prerequisite information, so you'll have to figure out how to better yourself on your own.
Dump his ass, had he loved you, he wouldn't have cheated so much, this was not a one time thing.
Contact his family if you re so worried about him, but for your own sake you need to move on. Eventually , he might even try to make you feel like it's your fault that he cheated.
>>16868284
I dont get it either. I hate him, and it would be so much easier if those love-feelings would have went down the drain as soon as I found out.
i guess it would be better to leave now, for the long term, though.
>>16868287
His family knows, I even spoke to his mom about the whole thing since she kind of sees me as the daughter in law already. She told me it was completely my decision to leave, she understands completely, but sometimes relationships become stronger when they come across such a thing (she got cheated on before as well).
The mom said those suicide things were 100% cries for attention.
Your boyfriend cheated on you at the beginning of the relationship. He hasn't cheated on you since. You haven't actually elaborated on the circumstances as to how this cheating business came about (did he just have messy non-relationships that he didn't cut off when you came around, did he find girls just for sex, did he attempt to have other relationships as backup plans) and how all of it came to light, but I assume it's either of these 2:
1. If he is the one who came out with it, he believed that the relationship with you is stronger and more valuable than the circumstances that led him to cheating on you in the first place;
2. If it was someone else telling you this, this is because they thought your relationship with him was not strong enough or had enough value to withstand it.
Ultimately, you chose to end the relationship because you didn't love him enough and the relationship was not of much value to you. So for the love of god, don't come here whining the fuck out about "how to get over some guy I didn't love enough to stay". You wanted to leave him. You don't want to take him back. You project your "being miserable" to last only a few months. Even though he has not cheated on you since, you insist on the screaming of "is once a cheater always a cheater" true.
At this point in time and given the fact that both of you are young and this is just a bf/gf relationship, taking him back is meaningless for both you and him. He will be constantly afraid and insecure you would leave him again and that could be a motivation for cheating. You will be constantly bitter and hold it over his head for everything (I cannot believe you were late in picking me up from work you don't care about me JUST LIKE THAT TIME YOU CHEATED ON ME).
So do both of yourselves a favour and don't take him back.
>>16868283
cut contact; my ex-gf was also cheating with one of my friends; she denied till the very end; after i showed her evidence she also was crying like a little bitch. you see? there is no honesty in these people; i cut contact; she was also theating to kill herself, stoppped eating etc; after her friends and family confronted me and told all of these thing (dont listen to them) i talked to her, told her that i wouldnt even give a fuck if they had to feed her "artificially" (not english speaker here). since that day it got better; you have to show them that they fucked up and there is nothing they can do to fix that; your trust is gone and i dont see how this ever would work out again ..
>>16868274
Don't listen to that moron. He is trying to act very high and mighty. Doesn't work well for him.
>>16868289
Let the anger out. Let the tears roll. Let the sadness take over you and pass. It's normal for you to feel emotional, and the fact that you can acknowledge that you loving him is irrational shows you have strength. You will eventually come to terms with what he did and it will no longer cause you pain.
Does ANYONE have experience with, or knows someone who got back together with someone who cheated on them, and lived happily ever after?
>>16868325
I don't. Like I said above, my girlfriend broke up with me and i feel as if she wants to come back in my life she is going to have to put in all the work. In your case I dont tbink it could since this guy is literally addicted to cheating on you since you can't seem to stop him.
>>16868424
But he didnt cheat in the past year, its not like he cant stop himself from doing it all the time. From the moment where he began to develop serious feelings for me (which i admit is not an excuse to cheat on me before that moment), he stopped.
He is putting all the effort into it now
>>16868516
If you're so sure, what the fuck are you doing here in the first place?
>>16868516
Get the fuck out of Denial Land. He will cheat again.
>>16868516
Well that is something a submissive bitch would say. Yeah now he's putting in some effort, because she wont put up with his shit any longer, the whole fucking time he was testing her limits.
cheating happens when people have poor self-control, live on their impulses, and have little or no regard for anyone but themselves.
>the "I swear I'm going to change, baby" routine
There's really not much you need to do to change your behavior - all behavior is a choice made by the person. If he could change, he'd just change and that would be that. "working on myself" is just code for "I don't have the capacity to change yet"; which means you're going to deal with the same shit.
>threatening suicide
This is the clearest "manipulator" red flag he has, and you should be very very wary of someone who will threaten to kill someone (themselves) to get you to do what they want. This is not healthy.
I would tell you to stay away, but since you're a moron and you're still referring to him as your boyfriend, you're going to take him back and we'll see you back here in 3-6 months crying about how he cheated on you again.
Don't do that.
>>16868325
>someone who got back together with someone who cheated on them, and lived happily ever after?
kek
But does being loyal afterwards, which is a year up till now, not mean anything then?
>>16868233
The fact that he won't leave you alone and is threatening suicide means he is an extremely manipulative person. Get out of there before you end up in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Let him fuck up some other girl. Cheaters aren't worth wasting your time on.
>>16868233
Whatever you do don't take him back. It'll be difficult being with someone you don't trust and you end up just being paranoid and wondering if he is still cheating on you.
It'll be difficult but I think you shouldn't take him back. He sounds too immature and he needs to learn a lesson that cheating is a no go
