My dad
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I just broke down crying like a little bitch after my dad mentioned something I used to say to him as a kid. I managed to hold it in until I was alone.
I feel like I have this weird guilt around my relationship with my father, and I can't quite explain why but I really want to fix it.
I should mention it at least partially relates to an incident that occurred when I was 19. I'm now 22.
While helping take down scaffolding after we'd been painting a house, I accidentally cracked him over the head with a large, heavy piece of the metal framework. He had a hardhat on and apart from being shocked/really angry, he was ok.
I had been working out a lot, but wasn't used to it and my arms were just very weak and tender that day, and I had asked to be excused or whatever, but they needed help so I had to.
Any way, crucially I'm not 100% certain he knew it was an accident. Or at least he seemed to disbelieve me at first and thought I was just being a massive cunty teenager.
Then a few months or weeks later his vision in one eye was off and it turns out his retina detached. I thought it was all behind us, and the two things honestly never crossed my mind as related, until my mom told me it was probably because of the hit to the head. His vision really hasn't been perfect again ever since.
This is something that has devastated me since, and I just can't really bring myself to be friendly with him any more. I guess I'm ashamed or...I don't know.
Please. Anyone have anything similar and got over it?
Note, while the best incident is definitely a large factor, I do think things had been a bit weird between us since before that.
And it's very strange. He's never had any qualms about expressing his love for me or my siblings. Somehow I've become the bitter weird dude who can't tell him he loves him.
I just want to be buds with my dad again. He's the best. Please help.
Image: he loves chopping wood.
>>16814803
That sounds terrible, but it was an accident, you can't blame yourself for an accident. If keepin this bottled up is causing you so much stress then you gotta have a chat with dad, or at least with mom.
Well obviously you approach him, tell him that even though it was a long time ago, you never meant to hit him in the head, it was an accident and you've felt guilty about it for years and the guilt has been ruining your willingness to be friendly towards him.
Then tell him that you want to be buds with him again, and ask if there is anything he wants in order to bury the hatchet.
This is amends 101
>>16814827
>>16814838
I don't know how to broach the subject though, it's been quite a while. And also, I dunno, but I might start balling.
i would see a therapist and get help to figure out why you feel this way, Accidents happen, you shouldnt be taking so hard.
>>16814906
I know I'm the one seeking advice here but...don't be such a faggot xxxx Problems can be solved without therapy.
>>16814892
> I don't know how to broach the subject though
That is a great opening line, Dad, I don't know how to approach the subject, but I have something I need to tell you.. remember the accident when I hit you on the head, I feel terrible.. I can't help think I'm responsible for your loss of vision..
\
just go with the flow.
Being completely honest with him sounds like a good idea in this case
Oh also a detached retina is not an incurable disease or anything that life changing, so while feeling guilty is not bad, you shouldnt feel extremely so
>>16814803
Yeah, it's called guilt. You injured your dad, who you love.
Stop being a little bitch and tell him the reason you've been acting all weird is because you have felt guilty.
Being a guy, your dad has no fucking clue why you were so moody.
Just talk to him, straight up; he'll appreciate it.
>>16814892
Bro i just gave you the script right here.
>>16814838
For an introduction, say, "hey dad...." and then boom, lay it on him like i outlined. If you don't, your guilt will sabotage your relationship forever, no amount of therapy or SSRIs will ever help because you know the real reason and refuse to act on it. It's grow or blow time, shit or get off the pot, strike while the iron is hot, now is the hour of the Olympiad and all that stuff.
>>16815021
Nah, he's had multiple operations but his depth perception is still a little out if whack, and I think his sense of colour too. He just doesn't complain because I assume he knows it makes me feel guilty.
He probably doesn't talk about this with you because he does not wanna make you feel guilty. It is your turn now. Excuse yourself, explain it was a accident and tell him how much you wish to be his buddy again. There is nothing better for a father to hear that his son wants to be his buddy again.
>>16815047
Alright, alright you pushy little rascals. I'll try talk to him about it.
>>16814803
talk to him
tell him you feel responsible for his retina problem due to accident
apologize
he will understand - if he was blaming you you would know it
>>16815003
also this
>>16815059
This.
>>16815060
Do it, your dad will appreciate the honesty.
--a dad
He's your dad...
Accidents happen. I was in a crash with my girlfriend in the car and it was my fault. She's had spine problems ever since but she has never once made me feel guilty or harbored any sort of resentment towards me.
He will love you no matter what OP. He's your dad and you should be able to talk to him about anything including how often you masturbate.
Do it op... Do it before he passes away because that will be hard.
