Gather 'round, everyone.
>Be me.
>Have friend of like 6 years.
>Finally convince her to fuck.
>Blow her away.
>She cried as she orgasmed.
>"I was really hoping you would suck so we could go back to our lives."
>Next time, we were sober, but it was just as good.
>Third time, came too early.
>She apparently only wants the dick, so I can't appease her with anything else.
Now, finally, the kicker.
>I pass by for the fourth time.
>We decide to make something that uses jalapenos.
>We make it, we have fun.
>We wash our hands.
>I go to bathroom.
>Come back, sit down on the bed.
>Dick is suddenly on fire.
>A half hour later, after having dipped my dick in cold milk I'm good.
>Okay, we should probs not have sex today.
>Doesn't care, wants me inside.
>I do what I can, but I'm about to come to quickly, so I ask for a break.
>Suddenly, her vagina is on fire.
>After like 15 minutes of her being in pain, she comes back.
>I mention how we shouldn't do anything with jalapenos for a while.
>She says she doesn't wanna do this anymore.
>This kills any boner I had.
>She leaves and comes back again.
>"If you're not gonna fuck me, I need you to leave."
>Well, fuck.
>Force a boner. Try fucking her.
>It does not work.
>I lay next to her, she falls asleep on me.
Did I blow it?
>>16647342
Holy shit you're both functionally retarded. Please do not breed.
>>16647357
What? Like it's common sense the oil in these fuckers sticks to you like your mother on a black social worker?
>>16647342
Go to /b/
That's hysterical. Once I made some super-spicy pasta with a friend and accidentally lit my GF's vagina on fire later that night, found out months later that my friend had tried masturbating at right around the same time and literally cried from the pain. Today it's just a funny story that we can all laugh about. If you guys don't transition into a real relationship, I bet you'll still be friends in five years and you'll be glad to have this as a story.
>>16647342
Gather 'round, everyone. It's the biggest fool of 2016 so far.
>>16647372
We kind of can't transition into a relationship for geographical reasons and other more scandalous reasons, but we're definitely good friends.
It's just I'm worried.
>>16647374
See.
>>16647369
>>16647371
Why? I need an opinion, not a bunch of ballbreaking.
Did I blow it?
>>16647369
I've chopped countless jalapeños you chucklefuck. Never have I had it rub off on my skin to the point where it burned. You're dumb as fuck and should consider sterilizing yourself via vasectomy or via bullet to the head.
>>16647391
Yes
>>16647394
You sure you're not bad at telling jalapenos and cucumbers apart? We both washed our hands. Even applied hand sanitizer. The shit wasn't going away.
I still have some on my fingers right now. I even did the olive oil thing.
>>16647397
Well, that's sad.
What if I said I was really attractive?
>>16647418
I'm pretty God damned sure, faggot. Either that or you used your fingers to scoop out the ribs and seeds like a fucking idiot (which I already alluded to).
Drink some bleach and do us all a favor.
>>16647430
Being really attractive doesn't help with how retarded you are
>>16647440
This is a cucumber, btw.
>>16647449
I'm glad you were able to tell the difference, anon. How many times did you have to Google it before you figured that out?
>>16647441
I agree. But the question stands.
Did I blow it?
>>16647440
kek, I've done that.
Wasn't so bad, but then it doesn't bother me so much.
>>16647456
And I told you already yes you blew it you should jalapenos everywhere that shit don't fly
>>16647454
Well, seeing as I'm taking a class in agriculture, I'd say none.
You see, I read books with big pictures on them telling me what each vegetable looks like.
You seemed in need of some of my insight.
>>16647459
Okay, okay. I am getting you loud and clear.
But how attractive does one have to be for this to not be such a big dill?
>>16647457
So you know what it is like to feel like to wield the burning cock of Hades?
>>16647463
You're really pushing this idea that I don't know what a jalapeño is. It's alright, you can keep denying that you're mentally retarded if that'll make you feel better. Maybe your girlfriend can join you when you drink that bleach so we can be sure neither of you breed.
>>16647482
Based on your description of the alleged jalapenos you work with everyday, I'd say they more resemble the 'kumquat'.
Notice the difference.
Why haven't you killed yourself yet? Are you having you're identifying which bottle is the bleach?
>>16647532
It's not quite the same situation as yours; vegetables don't have their names written on them, which is why your situation is both understandable and entirely relatable.
Since bleach has its name written on it, I wouldn't have the same difficulties you would encounter while attempting to tell a carrot apart from a beet.
Pic related is not a carrot.
>>16647555
I did an excellent job of derailing your thread and causing you sperg out so hard that you've resorted to posting pictures of fruits and vegetables. Please, keep showing off how mentally handicapped you are.
>>16647567
You're right. You're a sly one.
True or false: What vegetable is this?
>>16647570
Anon that's clearly a fine cut of meat. A filet mignon to be exact.
>>16647576
Not sure if you were the anon who was having difficulties with vegetables, but if you are, you're lightyears ahead of where I thought you were. True story.
