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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
if you were friends with a couple, like a guy and a girl, and the guy did something unacceptable (e.g cheated on the girl) would you tell her or try not to interfere?
I wouldn't interfere unless there was some way I could get laid out of the deal. There relationship is definitely some thing that you have no involvement in, and you will lose both of them as friends.
yeah but wouldnt that cause some guilt?
>>16646488
You're implying that cheating is unacceptable. It might be for you, but if it doesn't fuck up their relationship, what do you care? They may never find out.
well i am sorry i should have clarified it earlier. i did not specify on which end i was, i am the girl and i have suspicions. so im just wondering and asking around if people are more interested in telling the person concerned the truth or staying away
>>16646535
If you think you're being cheated on and you're a girl, chances are he still loves you- he just needs some new pussy every now and then. Just be open about him fucking other girls, make sure he treats you the best, and I guarantee that he will stick around forever.
well that just sounds like my dignity being in question but thank you for your insight
>>16646562
You're confusing dignity with ego. Your ego is what makes you feel entitled to the ownership of your boyfriends penis. You want to own it, and maybe you will one day- but that will not bring happiness.
True dignity is being happy. Happiness comes from the love and understanding that you and the big will share, once you accept the fact that he likes to masturbate with other women's bodies. His heart will belong to you, simply because you accept him for who and what he is.
I would love, until the end of time, a woman that understands this concept. I would treat her like the queen she is, shower her with affection, and no one could taker her place. She would, without a doubt, feel dignified.
>>16646600
>you and the big
I meant to type 'you and the BF'
i couldnt care less that he masturbates or whatever. you know i might even forgive for a sexual affair.
what scares me is him developing FEELINGS for someone else. you get me?
>>16646600
sex leads to romantic feelings
that's chemistry, dawg
>>16646623
that doesnt always happen, but it can. thats why im scared.
ITT: cheater-apologists
>>16646616
He might develop feelings, but they will be minuscule compared to the feelings he has for the woman that understands him and his need to fuck girls on the side.
Do you get it? No man would ever leave a woman that is ok with him fucking other girls. It's so rare to find someone so understanding- he would cherish you. You would be his main girl, the one who provided him a way to be happy. Just tell him you're ok with the thee girls, you just want him to treat you well. And he will surpass your expectations.
It's when you tell him what he ISNT allowed to do, resentment will grow, and deception will creep in. You will push him into another girl forever.
>>16646643
i have never told him what he wasnt allowed to do, i have never been a control freak or thrown tantrums.
these minuscule feelings youre talking about could cause a lot of unnecessary pain and sorrow
>>16646643
Shiet man you have some weird concept of a relationship
As an engaged man I like it, but you're still playing with fire if you let your bf/gf fuck other people in my opinion
>>16646630
And yet so many people cheat? Is that behavior unnatural? It only hurts if there is LYING attached to it.
Some people want permanent companionship, but multiple sex partners. Is that such a horrible thing? As long as it can be don't without hurting your partner, I think it's possible.
Or you can just think the same way so many inexperienced people do, and just throw my reasoning in the garbage.
>>16646643
>but they will be minuscule compared to the feelings he has for the woman that understands him and his need to fuck girls on the side.
Wouldn't the girl that he's fucking on the side also recognize that he needs to fuck girls on the side? What happens when he starts comparing the two and looking at the pros and cons of each potential romantic relationship?
You sound like a shortsighted and very self-interested person
>>16646659
>It only hurts if there is LYING attached to it.
There is no cheating without lying
But if she already suspects him off cheating, and this is causing her distress, then she obviously isn't up for an open relationship
>>16646488
... tell her. i mean come on anon, what's the logic behind not telling her. unless you don't give a fuck about her and actually give a fuck about a cheater for some reason.
>>16646659
no, it hurts if you and the partner arent on the same wavelength. so you either tell them straight up monogamy isnt your thing and let them decide whether your so called neverendingaffection is worth it.
Please don't listen to the pro-cheating anon. What he's posting is actually about open relationships. If both people are in what both people think of as a monogamous relationship then cheating definitely involves lies and deception and therefore is inherently wrong and unhealthy.
To get back to your actual question. I would talk with the guy about the cheating before I would go to the significant other. If they end up feeling guilty or that the information is going to end up being known to the girl eventually, they might just confess.
However if they didn't show any remorse and were just going to keep lying to the girlfriend, I would definitely talk with her.
>>16646680
thank you so much :) i should start signing my replies. the pro-cheating thing doesnt feel right to me either.
>>16646652
Pain and sorrow for who? You?
Remember, that's your ego that is being hurt. Abandon your ego.
His feelings for other women will be like his feelings for his favorite pair of pants. When worse comes to worse, he will destroy those pants to make you happy. No one can take your place. They might come close, but who could walk away from the girl that truly loved them (that's you).
He will kick a bitch out to make you happy, if you just let him fuck her first.
>>16646693
i dont understand how you can still act serious here when i stated we were in a monogamous relationship.
why would i abandon my ego and let him feed his by fucking others? what the fuck is this logic?
You already got btfo in your last thread. Why post another one?
>>16646661
>>16646666
>>16646671
>>16646680
You guys are, frankly, a little bit too amateur. You're too afraid of getting your ego bruised, and too afraid to compete with others for true love.
I've cheated on by my significant other. We went to therapy and I finally confessed that I just wanted to have an open relationship. She actually honestly LOVED me enough to try, and we have never been deeper in love than we are now. We allow each other to be happy, and we don't focus on jealousy. It's more simple now than it was in the past.
A lot of you think cheating is the end of a relationship- it just might be a challenge to overcome, and a way to lead into a deeper relationship.
Or you could be afraid and just stop right where you are, OP, and break up. Then go on to another unfulfilling relationship where people spend time restraining themselves for the sake of looking 'normal'
>>16646709
That's not ego feeding to fuck other women. It's just biology.
You would understand that if you stopped thinking about your fears, and started focusing ON A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
Isn't that what you want?
>>16646737
An open relationship might work for you, I'm not saying it can't work. It depends on the person though. I absolutely do not want my significant other sleeping with other people and I don't want that for myself. I can be happy in a monogamous relationship. If you can't, then have an open relationship.
What you're doing is saying "This works for me, this is the way it HAS to work for everyone." Which is frankly just as dumb as what you seem to be against. I respect your opinion pro-cheating anon, you should respect that others can legitimately disagree with you and not just keep trying to shove your opinion in their faces.
>>16646765
And yet you tell others not to listen to me. You are pushing your agenda just as much as I am pushing mine.
The only difference between us is that I Have been in your shoes (strictly exclusive relationship by my choice), and you have not been in mine. I am providing a more holistic view of not only OP's situation, but of relationships in general.
You on the other hand, have only come in to tear down my advice and not really provide OP with any type of solution.
You only came to tell me I'm wrong, but you will never allow yourself to go where I have been. Just be upfront about that before you try to extend an olive branch.
>>16646790
You weren't answering the question in the first post. You were just steering the topic to your own agenda. If this was just a general relationship thread, a thread about open relationships, or if it was someone thinking about cheating, then yeah, things you posted would be relevant.
OP was asking about a specific situation and I don't think you were even trying to address. It just looked like you saw the word "cheating" and felt it'd be a great thread to post your opinion regardless of what the OP is looking for.
I don't have an agenda other than answering the first question. The only thing I took any stance on is that I think lying is inherently wrong, if you disagree on that then it's more of a moral argument I suppose, but you seemed to agree on that part. You start off talking about cheating (which naturally implies lying) and making it seem like that's ok, but then you reveal that you actually mean open relationships. Which is fine, but that's not what this thread was about.
And I actually have tried an open relationship and it's not for me. I enjoy the feeling of mutual exclusivity more than I enjoy casual sex with different woman. Sex with one person is fine for me. I don't feel the need to sleep with someone just because they're attractive. This will be my last reply in this thread, but I'll read your reply if you write one.
>>16646855
>I don't have an agenda other than answering the first question
Oh really? Then why did you come in with
>Please don't listen to the pro-cheating anon.
And what was the topical solution you offered? Talk to the person? What does that even mean? Talk about what? How?
I suggested OP consider things from a completely different perspective in order to gain personal insight. I backed it up with logic, and I even shared my own experience to make my advice relatable.
For the most part, you said, in a long winded way, "don't listen to him. Listen to me. No other reasoning necessary."
I called you out on it. After all of that, like any socially inexperienced person, you tell me that you're done talking to me.
If you can't have your opinion or advice challenged, then don't share it. It's a bad look to say you don't agree, and then walk off. Anon, it makes me value your thought process even less.
Sorry to make an argument in your thread, OP. If you care at all about your situation, why don't you just ask your BF what the fuck is up and try put yourself in his shoes.
