My bf is an asshole but I love him, don't know what to do.
>>16644763
Ditto. Pretty sure I'll just start slowly resenting him and eventually break it off. Feels like the only way. Every time we break up, we get sucked back in.
God if he wasn't such an ass, we'd actually have a good, solid thing. He'll be sorry when I'm gone if he doesn't change.
>>16644773
What a delusional coping mechanism
>>16644763
>>16644773
Maybe you girls like him for this quality and just fail to realize it?
Not saying women definitively love assholes, but assholes do typically have more confidence, and they are also better at pulling emotions, it's been shown that girls like emotional tug-of-war relationships over plantonic, safe ones.
What makes him an asshole precisely?
>>16644801
He treats me mean when he is drunk and he doesn't "allow" me (or rather complain) things he does himself when he can
Does he have nappies is that why?
>>16644789
He is charismatic yes, but I can't stand this situation anymore. I'm depressed..
>>16644789
That's what I had thought. I'm not OP. I love his confidence, humor, and charisma. But when we argue, he's literally the most narcissistic asshole I know. Speaks in backwards riddles. Literally told me once when we hung out with friends and he secretly wanted to leave but didn't tell me that "Once I cross my arms and turn my body to the side, that means I want to go home and you didn't get the cue." then was mad at me for not understanding his psycho codes he only discussed with himeself? gas lights, blames, then tells me to apologize for "making him" upset.
Conflicted because I love the good and the normal, hate the occasional bad with a passion.
>>16644773
Only have attraction for him when hes a dick. Break up cause hes a dick or make him stop being a dick, lose attraction and break up. Ya, he's the problem yo
>>16644763
what is your age?
>>16644860
I'm 23
>>16644833
>>16644849
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTMxjADudbc
>>16644870
alright, It is time to be an adult, and make adult decisions. You must be able to recognize when someone might not be the best for you, and leave them. People don't change, He's an asshole period. Either deal with being 2nd class, or have some self-respect, and do other things. Honestly, the decision to stay with an asshole says alot more about you, then it does about him.
>>16644763
This feels like a very thinly veiled trolling thread.
If you really love these guys overall you should just stay with them. Nobody is perfect, and don't act like your shit don't stink either princesses.
>b-but he's an asshole!! I'll leave him if he doesn't stop being so narcissistic I s-swear
Yeah right.
>>16644898
i cry occasionally and complain sometimes. But that's about as annoying as I get as a girlfriend.
But, every chance I get to do something sweet for him, I do. I drive 30 mins to his work every day to bring him a homemade lunch because I know his job is hard on him and he has dietary restrictions. I get him fucking amazing gifts on his bday and christmas. I sexually satisfy him.
But when we argue, everything is my fault. He could spill milk, blame it on me, and somehow I have to take him out to dinner to make up for it... Generally because I get too tired and give up because his narcissist tantrums are too much for anyone. I'm passive and non-confrontational and he's a narcissist. A match made in hell.
>>16644763
Honestly I've been married for almost ten years, if you sense a problem that early it's only time until it boils up and fucks you over, also ask your male friends about him (nongay) they will say the truth. Make sure they aren't under duress when you ask them, just say you want honesty. But really if you have to ask that you know the answer already
>>16644898
Pretty much this.
If they started turning into doormats you would bitch about them having no spine, just admit the fact that you like that they are willing to stand up for themselves as men even though it might no go your way.
>>16644887
I'm very afraid to make a big mistake leaving him.
First time of my life I'm so in love with a man, we are together for 3 years.
I know objectively you're right in fact..
>>16644763
dump him
you don't want to, i get it, i've been there
but you need to
he's not going to change- not now, not ever
the only way for him to stop being an asshole is if he makes the conscious decision to change his life. that's it. you're not going to fix him or change him and you're going to exhaust yourself trying to.
you can't fulfill someone else by sacrificing your own happiness without it breeding resentment and difficulties.
you are better off without him. you are.
>>16644938
I disagree. I know I want the best of both worlds. I don't want a doormat and I don't want my bf to change. I want a confident, charismatic, sure person, who is comforting, sweet, and appreciative to me. I actually enjoy my boyfriend being a total dick to other people, but hate it when he treats me like this.
I know I am wrong.
>>16644941
just do it, make a mistake. People become stronger through their mistakes, not from being right all the time.
>>16644932
>that's about as annoying as I get as a girlfriend
I honestly don't think that's the case here. I'm not really trying to be a rude asshole and ruin your day or night, or your relationship, but nobody is that perfect. Nobody.
>I am passive and non-confrontational and he's a narcissist
>A match made in hell
Ok sure, but why haven't you left already? Why do you continue to stay? I have a hard time feeling sorry for you when you brought yourself to this point, all on your own.
You choose to stay with him.
You choose to let him win all arguments.
You choose to remain passive and non-confrontational.
Either you both are just the way you are and there's no way around it, or this is an issue that needs to be clarified. Either way there's no value in your sitting here and being frustrated over something you feel powerless about.
>>16644960
>I actually enjoy my boyfriend being a total dick to other people, but hate it when he treats me like this.
You date an asshole, you get an asshole, what the fuck were you expecting?
It's as you said, you want to have your cake and eat it too. Either break up with him or stop bitching.
>>16644966
Not asking you to be sorry for me. I'm just expressing my conflict.
I don't know why I stay. We argue, he breaks up with me because he turned the whole argument on me. It doesnt feel right to break up if he is not seeing the reason why I want to break up. I crawl back. He accepts. I was only in charge once and told him I was going to leave him. He cried and begged me not to leave and that he was sorry. We hadn't argued for a couple of years, then we got into an argument again recently where he did the same thing, blamed me, broke up with me, then I apologized for something I didn't do. And it's like nothing changed all over again.
As a boyfriend who gets called an asshole by my girlfriend a lot, I feel like I can weigh in here.
1. If you don't like me, say something or break up with me. I'd be damned surprised, but I;d get over it a lot faster than you.
2. Don't fucking hang on my dick while you window shop for a new dick, hop off it already if you;re going to hop off, it'll save us each a lot of trouble and time.
3. When you're mad at me and fussing at me, and I don't take you seriously it's because I know after an hour of you pissing and moaning you'll find your self making me dinner and sucking my dick. If you want to be taken seriously try to keep my dick out of your mouth.
Does this help?
>>16644973
But if we break up and he doesn't understand it's because he's an asshole. it feels like I have failed for some reason. If I leave, I want it to have impact.
I know, I know, I'm making excuses.
>>16644991
You didn't argue for years and after one fight you decide break up?
Jesus christ, never get married.
>>16645000
Ooo, trippy
>>16645005
He wanted to break up over one fight, I didn't. And I try to come in and say that's horrible closure and just stupid and he's thinking irrationally because he's angry. Then he says the only way to make it better is if I accept I was wrong for making him feel that way.
He holds the relationship hostage. It just instinctively makes me want to do whatever it takes for him to "put the gun down" so to speak.
>>16645018
He's obviously got you by the tits and you cave every single time.
You should've stood your ground, shit you should have left on his "bad terms", maybe the message would have finally went through, or at the very least you would have dropped a shitty person.
You made the situation worse in every single way possible.
>>16645026
That's my personal problem. I can't leave someone until I have the confidence to do so and everything works the way I plan it. I can't walk out the door if my dignity feels threatened. I can't "be dumped" by an asshole. Because then it feels like they won and I don't want to leave feeling like I lost a war. I want to see him hurt when I leave him. Because he hurts my feelings. And he won't empathize until I do it to him. But I can't seem to do that.
>>16645006
Ask me whatever if it help. Been with the same girl for almost two years. She calls me selfish and rude all the time.
>>16645043
>I want to see him hurt when I leave him
There is no amount of being an asshole to him that will cause him to be more hurt by the breakup than you will be. Just end it quickly and cleanly and don't look back.
>>16645057
The way he blubbered the time I had control. I wish I could have left then. Everything in my mind and spirit was telling me to walk away, but I didn't. If that could happen again, that'd be great. I don't even know how I gained control over the argument that time.
>>16645043
>
>>16645069
This is fucking pathetic.
Christ.
Grow some ovaries or something and move on already.
>>16645043
Girl are you still here? Just fall in love with somebody else
>>16644849
>then was mad at me for not understanding his psycho codes he only discussed with himeself
Sounds like you've got a girlfriend
inb4 200 replies
>>16644763
>He'll be sorry when I'm gone if he doesn't change.
lol. He'll find a new girl and forget you. You'll end up with another asshole and start wondering whether you're the problem.
>You are
My ex is an asshole. They never change.
He is fucking other girls while telling me he loves me and begging me to get back with him.
I am dating another guy, the nicest guy ever, and I'm happy with it.
If he cared about you, he wouldn't be acting like an asshole with you. He doesn't care, he never will, and you should stop caring about him.
>>16646410
>nicest guy ever
poor guy, will get cucked to hell
>>16646440
>poor guy, will get cucked to hell
I would never cheat on him or treat him poorly. He's not a pathetic doormat, and I would never date one; he is just a genuinely nice guy.
Why is this shitty /r9k/ troll thread still getting replies?
>>16644763
>>16644773
You don't actually love him
You're just afraid that if you try to find somebody better, you'll fail and end up alone.
>>16644763
So, he did "hack hypergamy"...
Start ghosting, go far away and never tun your back.
EVER.
It'll be tough at the beggining but it'll ease with time
