Need some advice on moving on from a relationship
Was in a long-term relationship with a girl for about a year and a half. We both really, really loved each other (in fact, I was planning on marrying her when things were more stable) but there were some bumps. We were both at a time in our lives where we were very depressed, and we sort of had a long distance relationship (lived about 2 hours from each other.) Eventually it became too much and we broke up with each other. There were a lot of bad feelings after the breakup, but we tried to stay in touch. Things were actually pretty good for a while, but then last christmas I admitted I still had feelings for her. After that she would only respond to our conversations with one-word answers, and eventually four months later she just stopped talking to me altogether, and blocked me on Skype and facebook. I sent her one last email over the summer trying to be as honest as possible with her, saying I still had feelings for her, and asking her if she still had any for me. She was polite enough, but she said no. A couple of months later I tried getting in touch with her again (not for any dramatic feels talk but just to talk as friends), but she completely ignored me. Over the holidays I'd send her a message every month or so, but never got a response.
I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore, and I guess now I have to give up on ever hearing from her again. The thing is, I still worry about her a lot (she was very depressed and suicidal during our relationship) and I think that if I knew she was okay it would be easier to just move on.
1/2
But unfortunately there's no real way to find that out. She doesn't update her social media sites or anything, and I no longer talk to any online friends who are still friends with her. I could try talking to some people who I used to know to see if they still talk to her, but they might tell her I'm asking about her.
What would you do, anons? Should I try to see if she's doing okay to help me move on? Or should I just accept not really knowing about how she's doing anymore? It's kind of my new years resolution to completely move on from this girl.
The first step to moving on is to stop contacting her. The second step is to stop stalking her social media sites. The third step is to give up on trying to find out ways to contact her. The fourth step is to start thinking about yourself more than anything else.
Take the hint; she's not interested in you anymore. She's likely started moving on with her life and you being there is hampering that.
Hey OP, sorry to hear, in a similar situation.
I'm "lucky" enough that my ex decided she wants me as a friend and messages me every other day, for a few minutes maybe, about random shit. It's kind of nice but at the same time kind of hurts...knowing she is just out there, bored and alone most of the time, and will just message me when she is bored as a friend to chat a bit...
So just think about if that would be what you want. You may be better off without her as a friend. It's just going to prolong negative feelings. I've decided to drop my drama and let her message me when she wants, for her sake, but in reality, our friendship is most likely more beneficial for her than for me.
I'm sticking to my path of moving on, whether or not we continue to talk or not. Sure again it was really nice when she first started messaging me again after over a month of me missing her and pining after her. But it didn't change much. Still gotta move on.
>>16642142
>Was in a long-term relationship with a girl for about a year and a half.
Don't want to burst your bubble but that's not really long term. It's not short and I'm sure it was special but it's not a long relationship in the general scheme.
Reading your post, I think you will have to move on, it's been a long time and it's pretty clear she just doesn't want you. I know it's cliche, but it wasn't meant to be. Take a lesson from it and go on with your life.
The best lesson you can take is to know when it's over and stop clinging on, you're trying to see if, after nearly a year is it, she has any feelings for you, just by reading snippets of social media posting. It could be about anything and you're just going to find meaning where there is none. It's a really bad idea.
You need to move on OP.
>>16642521
That's not really the problem, after the letter in the summer I pretty much completely gave up on her. The problem is that I guess I still worry a lot about her, regardless of whether or not I love her anymore. She was in a pretty dark place most of the time that I knew her. I'm not reading her social media to see if she still has feelings for me or anything, I check up on them occasionally just to see if she's still alive, basically.
>>16642533
And if you find out she's feeling horrible or is dead, what would change?
>>16642533
Why are you worried about her? Do you feel at all responsible for her depressive state? It's not your problem at this point, really. I can only relate because I feel (stupidly, I admit) responsible for my ex's depression. I'm not, but the girl is 18 and im 28, so I always felt responsible for her. But I'm not and neither are you.
>>16642142
holy shit dude leave her alone
thats creepy as shit to keep messaging her when she obviously wants nothing to do with you
shes moved on, stop trying to drag her back down. just let her live her damn life
>>16642539
Well, ideally what I'd like to hear is that she's doing fine, and then I can stop worrying about her and just move on
>>16642540
I know I'm not responsible for her, but I don't know. It just seems weird to have this person I cared so much about and worried about so much and basically have to no longer care about her. I guess it would be easier if I thought she was more capable of taking care of herself.
>>16642553
Don't side-step the question. If she's feeling horrible, what would you do?
>>16642556
Well there wouldn't really be much I could do, would there? Not like I can really help in any way
Frankly I'd probably just feel anxious and then try to forget about it
>>16642562
>Frankly I'd probably just feel anxious and then try to forget about it
So then you'd be back where you are right now?
>>16642562
Sounds like you don't know what you want
Just assume she is okay and move on. What if you find she is doing a-okay from her statuses? You'll still worry that one day it will change. This could last forever. Just move on.
>>16642533
Sounds like you're making some excuses to justify your true feelings, that you aren't actually over her.
You need to accept that, while she had her mark on you, she is gone, and now she may as well be a total stranger.
Occasionally i check my exes profile, we split up 7 years ago, its pure curiosity, im not worried about her or anything. You need to stop doing that.
>>16642567
>>16642568
>>16642574
Alright then, fuck it. She's not my problem anymore.
