Was I wrong?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Got a phone call Christmas Eve to come hangout with a girl I knew from college who I had a crush on.
She told me she really missed me and wanted me to come over. She lived an hour away, but I drove there anyway late at night just to see her. She let me stay the night but we didn't do anything just held each other and told each other how much we cared about one another.
We both decide to hangout New Years Eve. I really want to do something special, so I purchase some expensive cruise tickets for us to celebrate. We go on this massive boat where there is all you can eat food and drinks. Music comes on and we are the first two to hit the dance floor.
Everything is going great, then the girl im with gets up to dance by her self. Some random guy goes up to dance with her while im sitting at the table having a drink. I notice it out of the corner of my eye and it bothers me. This was supposed to be our special night and she is dancing with someone else. I get up and grab the guy dancing with her and push him away. I then try to start dancing with her and she gets mad.
She says "I don't feel like dancing anymore." We go back to sit down and im confused. The rest of the night she is quiet and upset. I ask her whats wrong. She says "You didn't need to do that." I said it made me feel uncomfortable so I had to do something.
The next day she text me and says she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who "acts like that."
I don't know what I did wrong. I just didn't want to see her dance with someone else that night. She told me she loved me before the day before we went on this boat... and now we don't even talk anymore.
Was I wrong or is she? I haven't texted her back. I deleted her off social media but I haven't said a word to her since her text about "just wanting to be friends."
>>16637746
Jesus dude, you were clearly wrong. You guys aren't even dating and you acted crazy jealous. Did you think she was gonna blow him on the dance floor?
>>16637749
It felt like it was disrespectful. I couldn't just sit there while I paid a ton of money for us to be there just to watch her dance with some other guy. I felt insulted. What if I had started dancing with random girls? We were supposed to be a couple that night. I didn't get us kicked off the boat or anything. Maybe I overreacted but is that really so bad? I didn't say anything mean to her or accuse her of anything. I told her it made me feel uncomfortable.
>>16637756
Bro fuck what others may say i would've done the exact same thing, the girls there with you period! Not some mug pushing up against her on the dance floor...
Admittedly this attitude always fucked this up for me and i am hopelessly alone.
>>16637756
>I told her it made me feel uncomfortable
Yeah, and before that you lost your shit. You should have not reacted somewhat violently.
Do you not get how that would freak her out?
>>16637746
I feel your wage, Anon. Very strong, yes I know this feel well.
All I can say is you should have established the relationship before investing in her (tickets, vacation etc).
You may have intended for the trip to become the outcome for a relationship, but the way you acted before those boundaries were established clearly to her was what spooked the lass.
In all honestly, it's hard to feel like a cuck. But two outcomes would have happened.
1: She would have come back to you sexually energized having danced with another man and returning to you, her major source of stability and affection and it could have ended happy ever after.
2. You get cucked and she ends up having more fun with the other dude or doesn't return. Believes her 'love' in you is friendly love and therefore grinds upon the other meat.
It's a bitter pill to swallow but some girls have weird justifications in their head. Could be that after investing so much in her she didn't want to risk that stability with a relationship.
Women, mainly girls, are incredible leeches. You provide for them and without proper clarity of your intentions/boundaries, they will hang with you for the good times and get wild and loose with other dudes. She'll come back to you for the source of 'Emotional Boyfriend'.
Some cunts are so deluded they think it's acceptable and alright because at the end of the day they are returning with you for the cuddles and cute time, and that's all the justification they need.
On the flip though, that was alpha way to handle it. But again, should have established to her that she was dealing with an alpha. Bitches should really appreciate that type of handling in this day and age of pussified cuckoldry.
>>16637756
>Maybe I overreacted but is that really so bad?
Yes. Overreacting is bad by definition. Communicate before acting.
>>16637767
>wage
Kek, pay me in anger.
>>16637763
>>16637767
Thanks guys
>>16637766
>>16637775
I paid for everything, her ass would have been sitting alone in her stupid apartment crying on new years eve if it wasn't for me. She can go attention whore on someone else's time.
>>16637796
>I paid for everything
lmao just get yourself a hooker, then that would be a valid complaint.
>>16637810
A Hooker would have been a better deal. At least they are honest about what they are doing.
>so I purchase some expensive cruise tickets for us
>I couldn't just sit there while I paid a ton of money for us to be there just to watch her dance with some other guy
>I paid for everything, her ass would have been sitting alone in her stupid apartment crying on new years eve if it wasn't for me. She can go attention whore on someone else's time.
Haha, you're absolutely and utterly pathetic. You don't own her because you paid for a shitty cruise. She seems like a smart girl.
>>16637796
>I paid for everything, her ass would have been sitting alone in her stupid apartment crying on new years eve if it wasn't for me. She can go attention whore on someone else's time.
Wow, i think for the first time a beta provider is becoming a man on 4chan, also...
you both fucked up, you shouldn't pushed the dude away, he is not your problem, she is.
and she disrespected you dancing with a random guy when you're paying everything for her, that's shows she doesn't give a fuck about you.
you used to buy expensive shit for her or this was the first time?
>>16637818
No, getting a hooker would have been a better deal because at least you would have been honest about what you want. You emotionally behaved like you were owed feminine attention because you spent money. Don't treat random people like prostitutes. Go get one.
>>16637810
Related: a girl invited me out very suddenly late at night on NYE.
SHE paid for everything. I tried to pay and she took it from me.
What does it mean?
>>16637831
She wanted the D, pls tell me you gave her the D man...
>>16637819
It was New Years eve, I wanted to do something exciting with or without her.
No shit I don't own her you fucking idiot, but that has nothing to do with the situation. What she did was disrespectful to me.
>>16637825
This was our second date and it was NEW YEARS EVE I was going to go on this cruise with or without her. I let her tag along and she acted like a stupid cunt.
>>16637827
We both told each other we had strong feelings for each other the night before. It wasn't just about the sex for me, but now I wish it would have been.
>>16637834
Im way too fucking beta for that, man. I should have, I know.
I know. I'm not giving up though.
>>16637836
>she acted like a stupid cunt
Oh, so it comes out. You never thought you were wrong. You started this thread so we would agree with you that she was wrong.
She shouldn't have danced with that dude, but you are the one that blew it.
My nigga, you should not have spent all that cash on a bitch that you weren't even fucking, let alone in a relationship with. You look like a damn chump to her right now. Thats why she was twerkin on dude over there. You should have just left her ass there and did your own thing instead.
>>16637836
>We both told each other we had strong feelings for each other the night before
How do you know she had "Strong feelings" for you? how she expressed that? don't believe women words who don't came along with evidences, she got mad at you for fucking up a potential catch for her, that's not how somebody shows "strong feelings"
>>16637836
Allow me to elaborate because you clearly don't get it. You're entitled to your opinion about her dancing with other men. You're obviously wrong, but that's your opinion. But you CANNOT use the money you spent as an argument. That's extremely fucked up. And pushing the other guy is cringe-worthy childlike behaviour, senpai.
And no, I don't see a problem with her dancing with another man. It obviously depends on how they're dancing but a regular dance means nothing except having fun. Then again - I'm not an insecure little bitch.
>>16637846
I don't think spending money on a girl is inherently wrong, I think I just spent it on the wrong one.
I would have left, but we were on a boat... my car was back on land. It would have looked strange swimming back to shore while she is getting banged by captain chad.
>>16637853
calling someone a bitch online is pretty clear evidence that you are pretty insecure.
But anyway thanks for telling me im entitled to my opinion you fucking worthless asshole.
>>16637853
If someone goes out of their way to provide a luxury for you, paying for your meal, you don't throw the food on the floor.
Money is a factor, and if someone goes out of their way to give you something nice you don't disrespect that person. She clearly didn't give a fuck how I felt about it, which is extremely fucked up.
>>16637845
She blew it, its her loss. I'm not afraid of physical confrontation. She was attention whoring and im glad I found that out about her and things ended.
>>16637876
...then why did you even start this thread?
>>16637856
Spending that amount of money on a girl that you're not even with is a chump move.
>>16637866
If you didn't ask for dancing exclusivity in exchange of money then you are not owed dancing exclusivity. I'm sorry. You either ask for something in return or you don't expect something in return.
>>16637881
I'm bored.
>>16637856
>I think I just spent it on the wrong one
Yes, you wanted a prostitute and you spent it on a normal person. A shame.
>>16637885
I was going to this thing with or without her. She won her ticket by default, but it just as easily could have been one of the other 6 sluts im currently talking to.
>>16637907
Just stop. You're making a fool out of yourself.
>>16637899
>You wanted a prostitute and you spent it on a normal person.
No, I thought I was spending it on a normal person but she turned out to be an attention whore, senpai.
>>16637910
o-ok, faggot.
>>16637756
Did you pay a load of money to give her a good time or did you pay a load of money so that she would feel indebted to you?
The moment you stop her from dancing with other guys you
1. Look insecure
2. Stop her from having a good time
She can dance with other guys if she comes back to you. If she ditches you for some other guy then she is a low class person and you tell her you never want to see her again.
You got all pent up and posessive when shes not even your girlfriend. People here will say that what you did was "alpha" but it really wasn't. You behaved like a little bitch.
>>16637907
So the ticket's monetary worth doesn't matter to you for the purpose of answering that post but it matters to you for the purpose of being mad at the girl's behavior. Real smooth.
>>16637866
You provided a luxury for her and she enjoyed it by dancing.
The guy started dancing with her. Is she supposed to tell him to back off straight away? There is nothing inherently disrespectful about dancing with someone. If you weren't such a bore and you got up to dance with her in the first place then maybe you wouldn't feel threatened by every man in the room with a shred of confidence.
>>16637918
She was there for my good time. That's why she was there. When it became about her good time I shut that shit down.
>>16637919
I'm not mad, I just didn't want to feel like I did something wrong by getting involved but the more this conversation goes the more I realize how right I was to cut the bullshit and not try to make amends the next day. I stand by what I did, I'd rather be alone than with someone who disrespects me.
>>16637911
A normal person doesn't owe you to behave in a certain way in exchange of receiving a gift. An escort owes you to behave in a certain way due to a contractual obligation. If you want control how a girl is allowed to dance then go to a professional who sells that service.
>>16637935
>She was there for my good time
Dude, she was there to have a good time with you!
You brought her there for your good time.
>>16637934
I danced with her almost the entire night. I just wanted to show her I could toss a faggot if he tried to make a play for my girl. I was just trying to show off for her, but she got upset cause she is an attention whore and was enjoying other people wanting to be with her.
she is the piece of shit, not me.
>>16637935
>She was there for my good time. That's why she was there. When it became about her good time I shut that shit down.
And then she shut your shit down for being an entitled child
You seem entirely at peace with this. Why the fuck did you make this thread?
You obviously are not the alpha dude you're trying to present yourself to be. You spent a night confessing your love to a girl before even kissing her. You're getting pissy and defensive in this thread the same way you got pissy and defensive with her, its like your modus operand.
>>16637947
we made out a lot, prior to going to the event we just didn't have sex. I finger blasted her in the car ride to the cruise.
I really shouldn't have made this thread. This board is infested with fucking feminists and cucks...
VOTE TRUMP 2016
>>16637948
Yeah you finger blasted her in the car ride
the night after you cuddled her all night and told her her how much you wuvved her
This thread is fucking hilarious.
>>16637946
nigga no. You sound like a fucking bitch. Dude would have probably laid you out if he wanted to. Get a grip.
>>16637935
>She was there for my good time. That's why she was there.
Is that what you secretly wanted or is that what you mutually agreed upon before the trip? Maybe there was a communication problem. Try saying this the next time: "I am inviting you to this boat trip but you will be there entirely for my good time and you must do everything I say". That way there won't be any question about what you have in mind when you hand out a "gift" to a member of the female gender.
Why the fuck did you pay for all the shit if you weren't even in a relationship with her
what the fuck man
>ever paying for some girl to hang out with you
OK?
>>16637954
look at this faggot projecting, hahaha. nah he knew better than to swing on me. I lifted his ass about 3 feet off the ground when I pushed him out of the way.
>>16637994
Did you push him with a rising uppercut
>>16638024
grabbed him under his arms and threw him
>>16638034
So you employed your lennie-esque retard strength to full effect?
>>16637946
Okay, sooooo, question
How was he dancing with her? Were they grinding? Touching at all? Or was she just dancing next to him?
>>16638041
I wasn't using my full power.
>>16637746
>>16637907
>>16637896
>>16637935
>>16637946
>>16637994
dude i'm sorry but you sound like a complete ass, this girl made the right choice by leaving you. You had zero trust in her, you apparently didn't give a shit about her claiming you have other bitches to replace her, call her the attention whore even though you just made this pointless thread purely for attention.
Hey OP.
Getting jealous in that situation is totally normal, but making a scene like that was kind of fucked up.
The smart thing to do would've been to one-up her game by dancing with another girl. Your actions made you look extremely insecure.
>>16638056
I don't remember, I just saw red like Tony Montana when he seen Gina go into the restroom with that coke fiend.
They only danced for about 2 seconds then he got tossed like a sack of potato's.
>>16638063
posting anonymously in a message board is hardly asking for attention. I just didn't want to talk about it with anyone I actually know. Its the opposite of attention whoring.
>>16638067
I agree, I should have just been concerned with having my own good time. I need to spend more time socializing but I don't have many friends so these experiences are usually awkward for me.
>>16638067
>>16638087
I really didn't want the night to turn into "who can make the other more jealous"
I didn't realize I brought someone like that, and it pissed me off to discover who I was really with.
It was a shit situation from top to bottom. They had a good buffet on the boat thought so it wasn't a total waste.
You both fucked up, but mostly you. It was wrong of her to just go and leave you like that but pushing that guy away? That dude probably didn't even know she was with someone else, it's not his fault.
The most adult thing would've been to go up to her and start dancing with her. If she ignored you and kept dancing with that guy instead, THAT would've been a valid excuse to get mad. Now you just looked like an agressive, jealous prick.
Violence is a red flag to women. If you act that possesive over a girl that isn't officially your girlfriend, it's no surprise you scared her away.
>>16638098
I felt like I was protecting her, she was drinking and I didn't know if she knew what was happening entirely.
I just misread the situation.
>>16638096
Someone like what? Someone who dances?
You know that if you are ever in a relationship (unlikely), your future gf will talk to guys. Sometimes they will make her laugh. Sometimes she will have a conversation with another man, and you will be sat there and you won't have anything to contribute. Sometimes she will hug men. Sometimes she will text men. Sometimes men will hit on her and you won't be there and she will have to deal with it by herself.
To make use of dumb internet terminology, if you are "Alpha" you dont need to limit and control her existence. You can allow her to live her life in the safe knowledge that she will come back to you because you are superior. You aren't confident that she will come back to you, so you lash out at any threat, and that is deeply unattractive.
>>16638125
Okay, so should I try to contact her? Make amends? Or just move on?
Keep in mind I thought she was drunk and possibly being taken advantage of.
>>16638150
Are you the same guy thats been posting in this thread the entire time? If so you are beyond help.
A little jealously is fine in an established relationship. But its not when you are just starting out. At the beginning of a relationship you need to be on point until she becomes invested in you enough that she forgives the dumb shit that you do. You can't open with dumb shit and then beg her for forgiveness because begging is even more unattractive than jealousy.
>>16638150
>I felt like I was protecting her, she was drinking and I didn't know if she knew what was happening entirely.
>Keep in mind I thought she was drunk and possibly being taken advantage of.
Are you serious?
>>16638174
Have you ever expressed an opinion without sounding like a condescending asshole?
You have good advice but you always open with some shitty remark. Is this just your 4chan love guru persona or how you actually talk to people in real life?
>>16638178
yes, I am slightly retarded.
>>16638199
Its really difficult not to sound condescending towards someone who talks about having crushes on girls, where he holds them all night and expresses his feelings towards them and then claims to have 6 women on the side. Or someone who asks for advice and then revels in the fact that what he did was right and that the woman in question displayed her worthlessnes. I was just trying to establish if all that was the same person or not, because to be honest I have no advice that can help this man:
>>16638069
>>16637994
>>16637948
>>16638199
Nothing wrong with calling out an idiot on his idiocy, especially since you spent most of the time on this thread boasting about how right you are when you were clearly in the wrong.
Like that anon said, solving this is going to be very hard, if not impossible. You could explain that you thought the guy was taking advantage of her, but that won't cut it I'm afraid. All you can do is tell her you're sorry and learn from this experience.
People in this thread are fucking beta cucks. If you're on a date, neither of you should be dancing with anyone else. Moreso because you paid for her to be there. It's true that you paying for something doesn't mean you're owed sex, but it DOES mean you're owed respect and manners. What she did was a really bitch move and anyone saying otherwise is legitimately retarded.
Now how you handled it was bad just because you "pushed" the other guy. He did nothing wrong so don't be mad at him. You should have just gone up to them and just gestured for her to join you. Or ask if you could have this dance, idk what kind of dancing it was.
But either way, her anger at you and her reaction are really unfounded based on the circumstances. It sucks but I don't think it would have worked out in the future even if it worked out that night.
>>16638223
The other women im talking to, I met before the boat hoe. I wasn't seeing them when I started talking to boat hoe because I wanted something real with her.
>>16638238
I don't think apologizing will help any and I didn't do anything to warrant an apology for. She should have tried to talk to me about it but instead chose to write me off as something im not, so fuck her.
I can't believe all the posts about how she's "not obligated" to dance with OP and how she can do whatever she wants because there was no contract or whatever. That's just bullshit; have you no sense of manners? Or you just go around and act like an asshole all the time because you never said you wouldn't be one?
There are certain social norms that should be observed if you're on a date else you're disrespecting the person. You shouldn't text at dinner, you shouldn't flirt with other people, you shouldn't dance with other people, you shouldn't order the most expensive things on the menu if you're not paying, etc. It's just being a decent human being.
>>16638258
It's cute that you keep calling her a hoe and then saying you wanted something "real" with her. You're really hurt by this, and trying to write her off like you don't care just looks really pathetic.
She danced with another guy for "2 seconds", you said. Are you sure they were even dancing together? Was she dancing by herself, someone walked up to her, and you lose your shit?
>>16638263
He said she was dancing with him for about 2 seconds, which doesn't really leave much time for her to go "yes, I am dancing with this other man" and more of her probably barely realizing there was someone else with her.
Sounds like she was dancing by herself and a guy walked up. That's her fault why?
>>16638258
You implied that she couldn't be trusted to dance with a guy for two seconds
Before she met you do you think she blew every guy that interacted with her for two seconds?
>>16638271
No they were dancing together. It wasn't for long, but they were dancing together. I didn't set a fucking timer.
You are just a feminist who wants to paint the man as the bad guy. stop posting in this thread.
>>16638258
>I didn't do anything to warrant an apology for
The subject of your thread is "Was I wrong?"
>>16638267
I thought differently about her prior to this boat experience. It sucks, but it is what it is.
>>16638288
After this discussion, on all the possible reactions I could have had. I think I made the right choice to get up and not just sit there and stand for that shit.
Just think if I would have let that play out. I smile and watch her have a great time. Then lets say she decides I'm boyfriend material based on my ability to watch other men enjoy her on my dime. What's next? Letting dudes fuck her while im at work?
If that's your idea of love I'd rather be the guy who eats dinner alone.
>>16637836
>Second date on new years eve
>Exchanged 'I love you's' the first time actually hanging out
>Give a gift under the guise of it being a kind gesture when really you wanted her to feel indebted
>Get aggressive on a second date because she danced with somebody else
>Ask 4chan if you're in the wrong, but get aggressive with them too.
I can't believe she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with you after those two days.
>>16638283
Naw. Just because it was your fault in this particular instance doesn't mean people are against you because you're a guy.
No one blamed the other guy in this thread, did they? Some dude just dancing before you flipped your insecure shit.
>>16638305
Why wouldn't you just go find somebody to dance with instead of being an autist who stares at other people having fun? She wasn't going down on him in the middle of the ship was she? Are you that insecure?
It's a fucking new year's eve cruise and you're incapable of having a good time. If you wanted her undivided attention then don't bring her to a place that would obviously have other people. Is your brain broken? You get undivided attention at a nice dinner, not a fucking cruise ship.
>>16638305
Holy shit, lol.
No one thinks it's bad that you got up. But you could have cut in with a smile, asked to dance with her. Made it appear that you're confident, and not intimidated by other men, and made it subtly clear that you're here to spend time with her.
You didn't have to shove and lose your shit. >>16638098 is right, violence (especially suddenly, out of nowhere) is a huge red flag. No smart girl would stick by a guy who did something like that; the logic being "if he flips his shit on a stranger, what will happen if I do something to make him mad?"
>>16638305
>Letting dudes fuck her while im at work?
Well I would expect you and your prospective partners to be smart enough to understand the distinction between sex and dancing.
Im going to try to hammer this point home:
>Your future gf will talk to guys. Sometimes they will make her laugh. Sometimes she will have a conversation with another man, and you will be sat there and you won't have anything to contribute. Sometimes she will hug men. Sometimes she will text men. Sometimes men will hit on her and you won't be there and she will have to deal with it by herself.
The issue here is that you are insecure, and rather than face up to that, it is easier for you to blame her for the discomfort you felt. You're suggesting that since you paid for her to be there, you were justified in embarrassing her and making a fool of yourself. Maybe you were, but shes also justified in ditching you like the insecure manchild you are.
>>16638258
And off you go again. Someone takes your side and you're once again deluded into thinking you were right. Thanks for reminding that you're not here for advice, but because you want someone to tell you you did good. Well, you didn't. You're an insecure faggot OP, and acting tough won't hide that.
That girl dodged a real bullet when she decided to stop seeing you.
>>16638346
>>16638341
>>16638328
>>16638314
>>16638310
FUCK ALL YOU BITCHES IM KING OF THE WORLD!!!!
the proper action here would have been to push HER aside and dance with the dude, possibly making a move on him.
>>16638346
>Someone takes your side and you're once again deluded
What's actually happening is that you've failed to convince them.
OP I've never had a guy buy me anything besides cheap food at some shitty fast food joint, and imagining someone doing that for me and me getting all over some random guy in the midst of it seems outrageous. Don't listen to anyone saying what she did was acceptable, it's not at all especially since you put that much effort in.
I hope there was a lesson learned that you shouldn't do things that are so nice for girls without an already established relationship of some sort. What a bitch.
>>16637746
You dun fucked up, op.
You should have asked her out on a date, stating you were interested in exclusivity, not gone out as friends. This is on you, not her. She isn't your property just because she accepted your invitation.
>>16638328
Well said.
>>16638330
But primarily, this. Don't get mad. Ever.
>>16638944
OP, here's a girl you can take to McDonald's who won't smile at anyone but you. Go for it.
>>16638978
>who wont smile at anyone
I'm convinced you are either a bitter rape victim or some kind of limp dicked creative writing professor... either way please get the fuck out of this thread and saying irrational shit like "OP was an absolute monster for not letting his date dance with another man"
>>16638485
i lol'd
