I'm an American living in Japan and I think I might maybe possibly have a shot with a girl here.
But Japanese as a language is very indirect, and I'm worried that if I am too direct it might scare her or give a bad feeling, maybe?
Anybody have any experience with cross culture relationships?
Note: her English is great. My Japanese is garbage but she appears to be interested in teaching me.
>>16637377
Why not just talk in English then?
She is talking to you for no apparent reason.
This means she wants you, ya dummy.
>>16637380
That doesn't actually change the nature of how communication works with Japanese people, in my limited experience.
That said, we do mostly speak in English but I'm trying to up my Japanese too.
>>16637388
Brother you have no idea. She invited me out after midnight on New Years Eve, and when I was worried I couldn't get there she left to pick me up.
If I had made a move then it probably would've been good, but I was so shocked it didn't even occur to me.
And I guess that's why I'm wondering about being direct now. Her actions seem pretty fucking direct, but what if I'm wrong? I'm worried saying "I like you" might be too direct even still.
For OP: from the bits of contact I had with Japanese people, you don't want to spell everything out. Leave some things "in the air", specially when already implicit by context. Refrain from using laaaaarge gestures you Murricans love to do.
I'm currently with the same problem... but two different cultures...
>>16637380
It isn't just the language, but everything else tied with the language. Body expression, what should and should not be said, how to approach people without sounding creepy or distant... this kind of thing.
(I bet you Anglos never realized you "swing when you're talking, for example.)
>>16637377
I've lived in Japan (Tokyo, Akasaka) and had a few Japanese girlfriends. Being overly direct is frowned upon in Japanese culture so subtle cues work best. A neutral activity to start with non-personal small talk. Build on that over several neutral 'dates' gradually getting more personal.
Take your cues from her. If she's traditionally raised it'll be subtle so small gestures mean a lot. If she's more westernised then touching hands and so on will be expected earlier. Small gifts express things you can't say or do so they can have significant meaning.
Small gifts are the keys to a Japanese girl's lock. Just be careful stepping through the door.
Actually, I'll hop in and ask something similar:
I'm a Latin American in love with a German girl living here. How should I approach her in a way that helps my odds with her?
>>16637422
German chicks are pretty open and direct. Just ask her on a date, but like all girls, warm her up with lots of non-creepy compliments.
I like that shirt...
You are great at doing xyz, can you show me how?
I agree with what you just said.
She'll open up a bit and if there's a spark of mutual interest you'll see it.
>>16637432
What would be considered a "creepy compliment" for them?
>>16637432
Maybe I'm not complimenting her enough?
Thing is, she's travelling currently, I'm waiting until she's back to phone her and ask for a date.
On the contrary to what others are saying, being somewhat direct has merit. You're American, she doesn't expect you to act Japanese. Now, that doesn't mean saying "fuck your culture" and doing as you please, but she may expect a bit more directness from you than she would from another Japanese.
>>16637435
Unless she's a pretty girl and plays upon her looks keep away from the "you're beautiful" type compliments until you know her. If she is the type that wants to be complimented on looks then you need to feed that desire fairly early.
If she's a plain or average girl then show interest in what she's done and where she's going. Be in awe of her accomplishments. Personal and body compliments can follow once you've got access to the goods, otherwise it sounds fake.
If you're going to compliment her, start with her hair and eyes.
If you already know this girl well and she's not growing the relationship then you're friend zoned and unless there's some hidden lust in her for you you're not getting out of it.
>>16637409
>Just be careful stepping through the door
That sounds hella ominous. But I'm a kissless wizard, so I literally have no idea what I'm getting into.
Any advice assuming I can even get anywhere? I know this isn't my only chance at a relationship, but it kind of feels that way.
She said she felt I had a "Japanese spirit" which says to me that my, uh, less alpha tendencies might actually be a positive.
>>16637489
I mean be careful that something you see as insignificant may mean more to her. If you progress to holding hands, for example, this can mean a lot to a Japanese girl. A lot more than most western girls.
Simple public displays of affection are pretty common now, but even so a PDA means a lot, it means you have an understanding that you are in a romantic relationship. If you hold hands in public you'll be expected to be kissing in private. So at this stage make sure you can find private places to be together, that's your job, hers is to go there with you. From there, you get what you can.
>>16637477
So, basically, "normal stuff"?
Thank you for the advice...
And I know this girl somewhat, but it was in a professional environment, so we kept somewhat distant.
>>16637506
I've had a little bit of that just with a different friend. She assumed my yawning during a trip was due to boredom/disinterest and was kind of upset.
I only found out days later when she tOld me.
Have you found that kind of thing common? It makes me a little concerned that I have to be hypervigilant about nonverbal communication.
