Yeah, if you're already bored at just over a year, she's not the girl for you.

>>16631983

i suppose the root of my question is:

what makes a successful long-term relationship/marriage?

average amount of work put into someone who is just normal and not exciting to you?

or someone who might be really exciting to you, but stressful because of the excitement?

I feel like the girl I knew was definitely exciting and made me really fulfilled, but rationalized our separation later by telling myself I'd probably get tired of her wanderlust, her always asking questions, her crazy interest in seemingly EVERYTHING...

bumping because I could use some insight

the only thing that keeps me holding on, I suppose, is when she talks to me. if we don't talk for a few hours, and I start getting inside my own head thinking about this stuff, I start to have a crisis where I think "what am I doing, the last girl was so much better, I can do better, why do I have no excitement towards this girl" but then we start talking and I feel fine, even if it's about nothing.

is it just the attention I enjoy? the sex? it is amazing, but then again, I know other girls can be, too. I don't know. there's something about her that always keeps me going back to her, and I'm not sure what it is. i feel like if it's one of the aforementioned things, I can find that anywhere.

is it a red flag if I can't pinpoint what it is I love so much about this girl?

Stop masturbating and if you look at porn, stop that too. That 's probably why she looks boring to you.

Also, work on your own personality. If you're bored, you're boring.

>>16632003
>what makes a successful long-term relationship/marriage?

Good chemistry is the purest root of successful long-term relationships.

You must put work in to maintain a relationship, be it one with someone you have chemistry with or not.

Honestly I'd recommend seeking out really deep/weird/interesting girls, but they're so rare these days it's really sad. My only super serious long term relationship I had to basically uproot from basicness over the course of our time together before she truly became interesting to me.

also, thinking about it now, she's never the first to say "I love you". I always say it first, whether in person, over text, whatever, and she always says it back. which, feels good, but I want her to feel compelled to say it sometimes.

if I say "goodnight,", she will just say "goodnight" back. if I say "I love you," she'll say "I love you too."

but she never seems to say it first, I'm noticing. just would like to see a
>me: goodnight
>her: goodnight, I love you
>me: I love you too
every once in a while. I really feel like it's been a while since the last time she said it first.

>>16632212

what if you're putting in a ton of work trying to find interesting aspect, finding things to like about her friends or family, or her life in general, and she's still just not all that interesting to you?

she's so average, I feel like. she works in IT, loves watching stuff on Netflix, and likes to go hiking. she used to be a track runner so she says she likes running, but rarely goes any more and talks about it like a high school quarterback talks about "that one time at state championships 10 years ago"

im just finding myself becoming bored.

>>16632217
That would fuck me way up, honestly.

I couldn't deal with that as long as you have. If my girl doesn't tell me she loves me sometimes, It leaves such a weird feeling. Even though it's kinda dumb and redundant...I just feel like it's so important too.

>>16632234
She sounds boring as fuck desu.

I'd say if you want to stay with her, take the initiative and do some new fun shit with her.

If she likes hiking, she might like urbex. It's way fun to do with your girl. Also, public sex rocks.

>>16632256

I already feel like I take a good amount of initiative to make things work, to make things exciting for her. it's still just not an exciting relationship really, and I'm not sure if it's because I need to put in MORE work, or if she's just not on my same wavelength where we find excitement and fulfillment in everyday things, in just being with each other.

>>16632273
I'd just leave.

Being in a similar situation myself, I would say it's probably a good idea to break up. I made the mistake of getting pregnant with my average joe and we are four years and a two year old and a mortgage in, and I'm only now actually making plans to leave. It makes it a million times harder if you allow things to get like I have. If you break up amicably, there's a chance that a year from now, after you've been alone for a while, you may realize you enjoyed the simplicity of things even if they're a bit boring. Sometimes relationships aren't all passion and fire, but what makes it "successful" in my opinion is chemestry. If you wake up next to that person and are still crazy about them despite the problems, I'd say that is worth hanging on to. If you wake up and look at that person and just want to smother them with a pillow just to be free, then no. At some point security and stability just isn't worth feeling dead and bored inside, which is what happened to me. Are you a Sagittarius by any chance?

>>16632273
It sounds like you're putting in plenty of effort and she just isn't reciprocating that level of intensity. It feels like you could plan an extravagant date, and her reaction would be, "Wow, this is great! Thanks babe." but never mentions it again unless she needs something to brag about while never doing anything as involved or complex.

>>16632297

>If you wake up next to that person and are still crazy about them despite the problems, I'd say that is worth hanging on to. If you wake up and look at that person and just want to smother them with a pillow just to be free, then no

I'm neither, though.

I don't wake up and go "holy shit am I the lucky one"

but I also don't go "holy shit I want to kill this bitch"

I wake up next to her and go "hm. it's 8:30 already. what can I accomplish today? I wonder if she's going to want to wake up soon."

it's like a very meh feeling. but what I'm unsure of is if this meh feeling is how all successful marriages are? learning to live with the meh feeling? or are they constantly waking up and thinking "damn, I'm lucky" for their entire lives?

>>16632325
Well feeling "meh" can be normal, but it's usually balanced out with fun and exciting things. But if it's just a constant state of "meh", that's bad. That's called complacency. That's called settling. That's called convenient. I, for one, learned that stability and security is not enough for me personally. I am in a position where I've been taken care of for two years. I have stayed at home with my daughter the whole time. We have date nights every Saturday. He helps with cooking and the ocassional chore and is a great dad. But he's boring. We have little in common. He is boring in bed. He spends his money freely on himself but rarely gives me pocket money and usually throws "but we go out every Saturday!" In my face as if going to one of the same ten restaurants for the past two years is fun or exciting. He maintains his new truck impeccably and has had five vehicles in four years while I've had the same broke down piece of shit for seven, and for a year sat in the driveway with expired tags. He prioritized himself over me constantly. However, I could probably live comfortably (some would say SUCCESSFULLY, cuz hey, I got a man who makes good money and I'm not in need of anything, the femanons "dream", right?!) for the rest of my life with him if I kept my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. And that has proven to be my definition of hell, which is why I'm getting out of here as soon as possible.

>>16632433
As long as you don't try to take *his* money in the divorce, more power to you.

>>16632489
Oh no, we already have a custody arrangement made and neither of us are going to pull that shit. We're not married, but the way we see it is if one of us tries to screw the other over financially, our daughter will suffer. I can't even support myself, why would I try to drag him down in the process and us both end up homeless and unable to take care of our kid? No, we are totally cool on that.

>>16632433

great advice, thank you