It's for fun. Just do it

>>16614106

bleck. thats a tough situation. whatst he LDR deal? like when did you meet, etc?

me i wouldnt do it. if she hadnt made it an ultimatum i probably would have jumped on that train (of thought) but im a stubborn person and dont like the idea of being forced intso something embarrassing.

not sure what to say really, most /adv/ is clear cut. i could give moer solid advice if i understood the nature of the relationship more, how often this sorta thing happens, how long you been dating, how ya met, future plans, etc?

>girlfriend
>long distance
>New Year together
>not invited if you don't play along
Yeah, that's not how a relationship works. You don't get petty with an SO who lives too far for frequent visits just because they don't want to cross dress. You suck it up because it's your SO and you haven't seen them in a while despite missing them terribly.

It sounds like you're just her side piece.

>>16614130
At the same time, you could argue that if she meant that much to him, he'd suck it up and wear the dress. It goes both ways and they both need to compromise, don't do the typical thing around here and demonise the girl.

>>16614106

Are you going to be the only guy wearing a dress there? It not, just suck up your pride for a day. Buy a long dress, long sleeves, very little revealing. If you aren't the only one doing it, it won't feel as embarrassing, and you'll help the other dudes there who were probably forced into it as well.

If you are going to be the only guy doing that though, don't. She's just using her relationship with you to get you to do something no one else would so that she could say that she got you to do it.

Find this out, and go from there.

If you really don't want to and she adamant about it, then nothing you can do it seems. Your girlfriend sounds like a huge bitch for not trying to compromise (maybe go in a pink tuxedo or something) and flat out denying you from spending New Year's with her over a fucking party. The hilarious thing is that she will never forget this, because she will see it as your fault for not joining in on the festivities, your feelings on the matter be damned.

She doesn't sound like she's really vested in the relationship if she's willing to pass up this special day with you because you won't play her little games.

>>16614121
>>16614130

we're not LDR, we met at uni and we're both away for the winter holidays. We've been dating just over a year.

If OP is a guy then I would understand and say he should just not go. It's not ok or normal to enforce crossdressing.
If op is a girl/dyke/transguy then you should just wear the dress for the day.

>>16614137
I would say he already met her half way:
>I've never liked dressing up but she invited me so I said ok.

My claim is that he made sufficient compromise. I'm not demonizing her for being a girl. I'm demonizing her for being excessively demanding to the point of showing her true colors regarding his value in her eyes. You didn't touch on it, but setting aside the outfit thing for a moment do you see where I'm coming from about the pettiness? In a nutshell this situation is "girl threatens to spend NYE away from her boyfriend despite being long-distance." Apart from the catastrophic, do you believe there are circumstances where that's reasonably affectionate and respectful?

>>16614142
I'm a guy.

The reason for the dress is that she's wearing a suit, so she's cross dressing too technically. But cmon a girl wearing trousers? That is in no way as demeaning as a dude in a dress.

>>16614149
I wouldn't say that's half way. Maybe if he agreed to go in the dress, then get changed during the party, then that's a better compromise. Sure, she's being unreasonable and stubborn, but that's probably part of her personality and OP probably already knows that. Also they're not long distance, so it's not like they're not going to see each other again for months and months. In the end, it's just one night.

>>16614141
If you're apart for a month, that's long distance. It's just the reasonable kind which is short-term and unavoidable. (Contrast to the more unreasonable kind you often seen here on /adv/.) Nonetheless the relationship is suffering from the complications of distance. Even for a month I assume you two miss each other or at least ought to--especially because you just clarified that you're used to being in proximity. So I reiterate, how does a person bring themselves to say that they won't spend a special day with their SO despite having been apart for weeks (and likely weeks more to come)? Am I living in Bizarro World or does that sound like something a loving couple would NEVER do?

>>16614157
Him: I don't do dressing up
Her: I want you to come in a dress

Middle: I'll come in costume, but not a dress

Sorry but I can't accept your opinion about that not being half-way. It's just too obvious to me.

>>16614157
Also I don't think you're really discussing this in good faith.
>it's just one night
It's the start of a year, a night of celebration and where tradition involves kissing a loved one (often one's significant other) at the stroke of midnight. Did you miss the party that they're throwing around this special occasion? You're not being fair to the point that she's threatening to take that away because he won't acquiesce to her unreasonable and stubborn demand.

>>16614157
>>16614159

Her compromise was saying that I can wear trousers (which I literally just bought) under the dress.

Also, consider that this is slightly more than just a fancy dress party. It's a thing she's done like every year for her whole life, she says it was her family who started it and it caught on to the whole town.

So I understand the importance of me dressing up in some respect. But if I wear something that I'm uncomfortable in, I'll just be in a bad mood. Past experience has taught me that when this happens she'll just decide not to spend much time with me.

Which is fair enough, who wants to spend time with someone who's being miserable? But that could just be avoided by not making me uncomfortable right??

>>16614153
So everyone is cross dressing?
Yeah, I wouldn't go if I were you. If the theme is cross dressing then that is insensitive to real transpeople and I could understand your uncomfortability.
I remember a thread about an asian party for a guy at work and he decided not to go and to inform the higher ups about it potentially being offensive.

>>16614163
Right, I agree. So I ask- does a suit count for this or is it not 'wacky' enough for fancy dress?

She will look good, even if she's dressed up. Am I selfish for wanting to look decent myself?

>>16614184
You not participating in the tradition would make her uncomfortable. Her demand of you wearing a dress would make you uncomfortable. A way to avoid both would be to have you participate in the tradition without wearing a dress--say, for example, by wearing a suit.

Seriously I just can't see how the midpoint is anywhere but there. Technically any concession counts as compromise but people generally expect the latter word to mean the fair balance of concession. Her idea seems to be giving very little ground to you while expecting basically all of your wishes to be ignored. Your problem isn't wearing nothing under a dress. It's wearing a dress full stop.

>>16614194
The whole point of you going in a dress is that you're a genderbent couple, which is a joke. If you go in a suit too, that whole idea is lost. How do you not see why it is so important to her that you wear the dress?

>>16614203
But a man in a suit isn't fancy dress.

OP, why don't you come up with another idea for dressing up in the first place?

>>16614209
Not OP but from the start it's "everyone does fancy dress." Where in those four words does it say that the joke HAS TO BE the genderbent couple angle? Are they seriously stuck on that single approach to fancy dress--despite the countless other ways in which it could be done, even if genderbending is common--just because she wants that one joke?

>>16614184

>this could be avoided by not making ME uncomfortable, right?

For her, New Year's is not a special private time between just you and her, if that's what you were hoping for. You're making it all about you.

For it, it sounds like it's a grand social event. You either join her in the social event, or you don't, and you see her next year and your relationship will be very obviously damaged from it, as she will see you as rigid and unable to compromise for, what appears to be, an important family tradition in her life for the sake of your pride.

Fortunately for you, this is only a one time thing. It sounds like this crossdressing thing was just this year's theme, so there's no guarantee that it will be the same one next year. The fact that you are allowed to wear trousers should be enough to wear a dress, since that's typically the most embarrassing part of wearing the dress for a guy.

Also, if you can't pretend to be jovial and lighthearted for a single evening, you are going to have some major trouble in your life. Is it that difficult for you to hide a face of misery? She's not making you put your mouth against an ice sculpture of a dick, she's just asking you to wear a dress. And you won't be the only one it sounds like.

>>16614223
It's just the idea that she came up with. OP doesn't seem to have offered any alternative ideas, so you can see where she's coming from in pushing the genderbent couple angle. OP can always come up with some other idea if he'd rather not wear a dress

>>16614220
If they can't find an angle to make it work, then so be it. Your question to OP about another idea is a good plan too. My major point, however, was that the original set of plans wasn't a good example of compromise. The suit is just an example to that end, not as the end-all suggestion to fancy dress.

>>16614203
This is basically my thought process.

>>16614209
A valid point. Probably what she is thinking.

>>16614220
>>16614231
This is true, but like I said, I don't do this kind of shit normally. She said it had to fit into the theme of 'weddings' wtf else is there for that?

>>16614231
I can't see suggesting an unreasonable compromise to one's partner, even if they're not giving you any alternatives to work with. I can totally see saying:
>Well then I need some ideas from you, because the middle ground here isn't going to work.

Again, my foremost criticism is her unbalanced approach to criticism and the petty threat she made on the subject of spending NYE with her own boyfriend in the middle of winter hiatus. I do agree that OP could (and likely should) come up with fresh ideas.

>>16614243
>She said it had to fit into the theme of 'weddings' wtf else is there for that?
Page boy and flower girl? The best man who hooks up with the maid of honour? The drunk uncle and the embarrassed aunt? It's like you've put no thought into this at all and you're looking for an excuse to whine.

Also can I pose another question?

The reality of the situation is that I'm leaving tomorrow, I've bought the tickets. I want to see her and I'm not throwing away 50 big ones.

How can I handle the situation without upsetting her come the 31st?

I'm staying at her house, so I'm not at liberty to piss her off really.

>>16614243
A priest and a flower girl.

>>16614261
They have a priest already. I think 'flower girl' puts us back at dress lol

>>16614253
*her unbalanced approach to compromise
typo

>>16614260
Come up with another idea and go as that, or suck it up and wear the dress. She's told you where she stands, it's now up to you to accept or make a better deal.

>>16614243

You either dress up as a priest or as her gay significant other.

Pink tuxedo, rhinestones, flowery shit, the whole thing. At least you'll still be in a suit. And she gets a "genderbent couple" that she wanted.

If she gets mad, you need to ask her to check her privilege and really think hard about the social constructs, gender, "gender", identities and all those other SJW buzzwords that SJW's use to try and confuse and bamboozle mentally healthy people.

>>16614268
Then come as the fucking bouquet.

For all the criticism I have of your girlfriend, I do agree with everyone else that you're doing a shit job of pulling your weight in this situation. Thank Christ you finally got around to even asking us for help with ideas.

>>16614277
I almost feel as if OP is being more stubborn and selfish than his girlfriend in this situation, to be honest.

>>16614277
hey I posted on here two weeks ago asking for costume ideas and got shit all response!

Then my buddy said I could wear a kilt (I'm like half Scottish) so I bought one and asked some people how it looked and they all laughed at me.

>>16614286
>asked some people how it looked and they all laughed at me.
Probably because you made as much effort into making yourself look good in that kilt as you're making now. Which is next to none.

>>16614284
What puts her in the lead of that shitty competition, in my opinion, is that she's just as guilty as not providing alternatives beyond "wear trousers beneath the dress." Surely she's just as capable as coming up with ideas as us losers on 4chan, no? She got so damn stuck on the dress that she couldn't come up with dressing like Elton John or a vicar? Come now.

They both suck but I get the impression that the girlfriend is a little mean about it.

>>16614295
nah fuck off I genuinely tried with that shit, I searched for ages to find a place that would ship it over night too.

>>16614298
Still, she's said to him he can wear the trousers. He's basically said "I'm not wearing anything but the suit". At least she's come up with an idea, he's done nothing but veto it.

>>16614286
You had two weeks to come up with ideas and you found nothing except a single idea from a buddy?

Fuck it I'm hopping on the bandwagon. You suck.

>>16614298
I'll regret saying this because you'll all tear me up about it. but whatever.

The dress was initially my idea. I was drunk and said as a joke 'if you're wearing a suit do I have to wear a dress?' and she took it literally. I made it obvious that I said that in jest, but she hasn't dropped it since.

>>16614301
You're a fuckwit, you can't just throw on a kilt and expect it to look good. It's like any piece of clothing, it looks like shit if you don't style it properly.

You know what? Just don't go to the party. You're just going to embarrass your girlfriend

>>16614307
but i can just throw on one of her dresses and I'll look fine?

>>16614306
>comes up with an idea
>complains about his OWN idea
>doesn't offer any alternative
Jesus fucking Christ

>>16614313
You wearing a dress is a JOKE, you retard. It doesn't matter if looks bad. If you wearing a kilt was a joke, it'd be fine if it looked bad, but you weren't going to.

>>16614306
Look I'm all for the idea that people should VERY RARELY have a trump card with their significant other. I think that's a byproduct of trust, that once in the bluest of moons you should be able to say to your partner:
>I know you don't understand, I know you don't agree, but this is so critically important to me that I just need you to do this one thing without question or objection.

Now I can't stress enough how rare that is. It's basically cashing in all of the trust a couple shares and can't be used but more than a few times in a lifetime before it becomes abused. But I'm considering it at this rate because I've honestly lost sympathy for the both of you.

So if you think that her demand for this dress is one of those trump card moments--which I think would be a silly waste but whatever--then yeah, you should acquiesce. Otherwise, both of you need to stop sucking at communication and fucking work together.

Jesus, looks like I'm wearing a dress then lads.

Thanks for the input, Iucky I got a lot of booze for christmas so maybe I'll get pissed enough to not end up stood in the corner feeling awkward all night.

>>16614331
still taking the suit with me tho

>>16614334
Have fun looking after your suit all night.

>>16614339
taking it to her house, not out with me. I'm not changing clothes half way through the night.