Hi, this is weird. I dont know where else to ask this.
I took lsd a couple years ago, not for the first time, not the last either. And I had this really different experience, like the thought that "I wasnt top shit" REALLY hit home. I became very much so aware of how thoughtless, inconsiderate and unappreciative I could be, and was.
It was a shock, but I took it well, and there were a lot of good things that came out of it. It was like seeing the world in a new light, for the first time. So weird. I became so much more sensitive to all the little things going on around me.
Anway, none of this I could really explain to mates, and none of which has been able to relate to as yet.
So that was 2 years ago or so, and I managed to just well, REALLY be myself. From an arrogant, egocentric, confident guy, to a quiet, observing and thoughtful guy. I liked it, I didnt project myself at all, I cant explain how comfortable I was in my own skin.
How I feel now is a totally different story. I hurt, like my chest feels heavy. Im finding I cant handle a lot of social situations, or expectation. Ugh, like this hurts. I was thinking the other day that I should try projecting myself a little more, and putting more effort into conversation and people. Even though I feel like Im surrounded by people I dont think Ill ever see eye to eye with.
I should have mentioned that after that trip, due to life circumstances I had changed friend groups. From a pretentious uni student neo-urban-hippy friend group, to a rough n ready labouring group of lads.
CAn anyone sorta shed light on what was it I experienced or .. fuck, anything?
>>16613413
I don't know but this is really interesting, I'd love it if you'd write more.
It was an awegawking moment for you when you took that trippy feel. Becoming more sensitive means becoming more receptive.
But if you've taken too much load, then you need to be able to carry that load. If you've taken up too much than your body can handle, ease out a little.
I think it's good you're no longer pretentious. But you shouldn't end up whining because you've gone the rough honest road.
>>16613413
I think you've answered your own question. LSD can help some people change the way they act and how they treat others. It's not wonder that Steve Jobs said it was one of the most important moments in his life.
It sounds to me like you are considering taking it again because you somehow think that the effects have worn off or something. That is not the case. I mean, if you want to take it again, go for it, but you can't rely on it every time you want to feel better.
Also, if you do take it, be very safe about it. Get a test kit if possible and trip in a comfortable setting with a sitter if possible. Make sure you're only around people that you are very comfortable with.
>>16613413
one time i did acid and then it was not really acid
any way i couldn't move my left arm for 8 months and my heart always hurt
>>16613687
What are you interested in hearing about?
>>16613705
I only ever take 1 or 2 tabs. I honestly dont feel like I belong with these guys, I feel like Im more of an academic, I love travel, Im a nerd. These guys love to laugh and live loudly, not the most receptive or sensitive bunch.
>>16613743
Thanks, I see each trip as a new experience.
>>16613413
>>16613413
Don't know what to tell you man, like it's really awesome that you're comfortable in your own skin. You found the social group that you feel most comfortable in. You have a strong self of self and constantly reinforce your own image and it seems that you have self-confidence.
There is a thing with LSD called ego-death. It's almost like seeing your life flash before your eyes and being extremely critical of your life. In that moment you transform and evolve for the better. I believe that is what you've experienced.
But you have to realize your experience is a positive if you think it is (I think so too!).
However, you have to realize that in social situations you shouldn't project that superiority complex. You mentioned you think you're better than people in that you couldn't see eye to eye (don't know if you meant this literally, im not sure?) because of your experience. Hence why you're sorta introverted. But that is kind of wrong. You should have a curiosity of people not a self-constrained obsession of your belief.
Also, I explained this to a friend the other day - he felt upset that he didn't fit in at work and felt he might have to tone down his personality - I mentioned that you need to have two personas, one for work and one socializing. Believe me when I say that my work persona is very extroverted and does well project my personality and interest, but by myself or with friends I'm reserved and relaxed, respectively.
>>16615497
I think youre right, I have lost my curiosity for people. It may be a superiority complex, but I feel a longing for connection, for someone to be able to relate. Like I experienced this amazing thing, and no one knows what the fuck Im talking about. I think I feel like I need acknowledgement, and Im not getting it, so Im acting out, trying to grab something thats not there in the people around me, and probably rocking the boat in the process.
>>16613687
see
>>16615497
>>16613413
I took some 25-i back in senior year of HS and I realized how you gotta just go for/take things in life. Helped me be more assertive and confident.
Pretty cliche but it really did help a lot.
>>16615521
I think it's good that you want to connect with people. But you just need to keep that experience as a secret for you. You don't need to go and tell the world about how awesome it is and inadvertently how awesome you are - isn't that the opposite of what you experienced? Ego death? The death of your original self who was exactly that, egotistical, cocky and wanting of attention? Your experience should be something that you draw upon and gives you strength not cripples you emotionally and socially. Cool, it happened, you did LSD now move the fuck on.
I reckon what you are experiencing now is like you getting back to your old ways just in a new permutation.
Read into mbti personality testing - it isn't a science just remember, it is pseudo science and should be taken with a grain of salt, no one is ever one type - this should restore a better sense of self that can help you in social situations as well as being curious of the people around you.
If you think what I am saying is beneficial I am more than happy to help and give some more advice
>>16615544
I thought those personality test stuff was more for human resource management, but if I am going through a bit of an identity crisis, haha yeh. Im starting to make a bit more sense of everything. Heads clearing up.
I think a fresh start would be good. New city, etc. Do some travel eventually, backpacking.
>>16615604
>>16615604
Yeah, I only started reading that stuff when I got into the workforce. Although I do have a strong sense of self, it helped me awaken the mainstream though on personalities and also made me curious to other people.
Emotional intelligence is also a huge key, if you're aspey or autistic then probably being introverted is the better choice.
Fresh start is nice, I am hoping for one too.
Good luck in your travels.
>>16613413
I know what you mean, OP. For many years, I'd been in therapy and had some inner sadness I couldn't really put into words or resolve on my own. Actively refusing drugs in my teenage years, I had a change of heart as an adult and researched the psychedelics (of which LSD has a sterling reputation).
My first trip with acid was in a good state of mind with an ideal setting. I took two hits (which I now suspect were part of an incorrectly laid batch...). This led to a 14 hour trip in which my ego didn't really "die" in the sense yours did, where you so freely criticized yourself. Rather, the drug put me in a state of happiness so foreign to anything I'd ever experienced (seriously, can't even clearly remember the first three hours of the trip, it's as if I barely existed) that I saw everything in a completely different light. For fourteen hours, I held what can only be described as a merciful honesty. I forgave others, and I forgave myself. I too was never the same person again. Although I still encounter struggles, I am mostly free of the anxious deathgrip that once held me prisoner.
If you want an explanation for this, there isn't one yet medically, but it's suspected that some pharmacokinetic aspect of LSD/Shrooms and certain other psychedelics has a profound and permanent behavior modifying effect upon its users. This is extraordinary, because personalities don't often undergo profound changes in adulthood.
Take on some new hobbies. Make new friends in different niches than those which you've accustomed yourself to. Sounds like you just need to find a community that better suits you.
>>16613413
Oh, another thing. I hadn't addressed this in my earlier post ( >>16615718 ) but expect only a rare few acid users to understand what you experienced. This transcendent state of mind we both described is actually quite rare, even on LSD. Some people just walk away from the experience happier with life without the personal knowledge bombs we both received (and that's okay).
>>16615718
Over a period of 14 hours? Holy shit, a spiritual experience? It felt like mine was in a fraction of a second, like a realisation that dawned on me, and yes, shed a new light on the saying "seeing things in a new light". Lateralus by Tool feels like it could be something close to or represents how it made me feel.
Well I stopped playing competitive sport, I was a decent cricketer, and I found the higher level you play, the more egotistic and arrogant people become. So I got out of that. Could that be the nature of competition? To an extreme perhaps..
Thanks very much. This may have been the first -very personal- thing ive come across, as I was always a very open person and liked to share everything with others, whether personal, deep, or just all of my experiences.
Thank you everyone :D
>>16615945
I like transcendent better, but both words are good estimates. Honestly, language can only approximate what I felt, saw, and imagined. The peak itself was overwhelming. The first half of the trip was the most profound (could fill pages writing about what actually happened), but as a whole the other half was very impactful. My trip was experienced alone. What I think made the difference was that I had the excellent fortune of talking to an old friend who discussed their thoughts and fears about life soon after the peak. Even now I still thank them having filled my head with so much food for thought. Anyway, good luck with your life dude.
I had the same experience on shrooms and I'm feeling almost that same sort of sadness. I actually found a book that has a few chapters that really help to understand that sort of feeling of the loss of the ego self UT as a spiritual journey called reiki. The book is called the spirit of reiki and the chapters are the journey from. The head to the heart and from the heart to the belly and the one after that called reiki as a spiritual path. These chapters explain that feeling really well but I guess it's in a natural state that it's described I this book.
Here's some quotes from the chapter : " reiki is a method that brings the energy from the head to the heart. In the process of descending to the heart, a sudden explosion of emotions may overwhelm us. We may suddenly feel that we ha not been living fully before we came into the contact with reiki."(In this case psychedelics)
"In my seminars I often notice participants frown when presented with exercises emphasizing negative aspects of the psyche. Being in the heart can easily be used as an excuse not to look at these shadow aspects, which don't go away if we try to ignore the! We need to lo at them, acknowledge them an let go of them. Only then can growth occur."
" the belly is the seat of our consciousness. It is our aim to find the small flame of spiritual awareness burning eternally in our hara located three fingers above the hara. The hara is where we learn to relate to our fellow human beings without attachment , acting from spiritual emptiness instead of egoism."
>>16616025
Funny, mine was triggered, if you will, by a friends comments on some of my behaviour. Food for thought. Thank you, and all the best to you too.
