Made a thread yesterday. Quick question after all that's happened.
Bullet points:
Girlfriend tells me she's meeting guy for dinner that she's been talking to for 8 months unbeknownst to me. Met him at a bar. She's 28. He's 22. I'm 29. He's visiting from out of town. I'm out of town on the holidays.
She claims he is meeting another girl and my girlfriend and him are only meeting because they have been talking on and off all this time online and became friends.
Told her this wasn't cool. She canceled the meeting and is in shambles. Inadvertently made me feel shitty for breaking a friendship.
Question. He's still there by the time I return. Do I ask her if we can all meet up together?
>>16611758
Don't flip flop on your word. Having a gf like that is trouble.
The fact that she didn't mention him before this is suspicious
>>16611779
Agreed. Her reasoning:
He was a nice guy that wasn't flirting.
They're only friends who talk occasionally.
He's there to meet someone else.
He knows about me.
Again, her reasoning. I didn't know about him until yesterday. I think he's into both girls regardless if they're single or not. I'm not there, so I can't do shit.
>>16611758
>Girlfriend tells me she's meeting guy for dinner that she's been talking to for 8 months unbeknownst to me. Met him at a bar. She's 28. He's 22. I'm 29. He's visiting from out of town. I'm out of town on the holidays.
This is a giant red flag.
>>16611758
>Do I ask her if we can all meet up together?
No. there is no reason for her to be friends with this guy especially since you say she is in shambles simply because she cannot see him. Here's what will happen. She will see him anyway and you won't know. She hid him from you for 8 months. Oh and you both don't act like you are 28 and 29 but more like 14 and 15.
If she was going to cheat on you, why in the world would she tell you about him and that she's going to dinner with him? Do you people even think, or just jump to "all women are whores!"?
>>16611851
If they only talk occasionally, why is it such a big deal to break off plans?
Red flag, op. Total red flag.
>>16611851
>I didn't know about him until yesterday
How can you believe a word she tells you about this guy? Can you tell me what is so special about him that she jeopardized her relationship with you?
>>16611758
>Do I ask her if we can all meet up together?
No. Having her cancel and cut him out was the correct course of action. Don't waffle.
>Told her this wasn't cool. She canceled the meeting and is in shambles.
Your silver lining is that she gave you the opportunity to intervene. This WAS AND MAY CONTINUE TO BE a test. It's petty and immature. All women are like this. So far, you've passed.
> Inadvertently made me feel shitty for breaking a friendship.
This is the trap where you may fail the test. Stick with your guns. Continue to think and act as if she violated boundaries of proper behavior. Do NOT fall into the trap of looking at things from the perspective of you having caused harm; any pain created is because of the tough love required to correct her misbehavior. Be kind but unwavering. Even if it appears wrong, stay the course. Even if you ARE wrong, stay the course. Better to be a mistaken manly man, than a correct spineless man.
Be a rock. Do not let her behavior steer yours. Do not get emotional. Don't discuss this more than you absolutely have to. Do continue to live your life, maintaining your standards of good behavior. Do be prepared to walk away if she violates your standards for her behavior. Hear her words, but understand that her logic is there to justify her behavior after the fact (in her head and to the world), not to help her choose her behavior. Consider monitoring her communications in the future.
Godspeed.
