>Have GF
>She was really great when we first started dating
>Time has worn on
>Has no hobbies
>Always sad or depressed
>Hair trigger emotional
>Extremely high maintenance
>Expensive
>Needy
>Demanding
>Nagging
>Rude, mean or demeaning for what seems like no reason whatsoever frequently
>Cuts herself
>Unhappy because I haven't uprooted my whole life to move closer to her
>Sex is boring and, with her, difficult. Especially since she rarely actually wants it, period
>Doesn't do anything except attend school, avoid people so intensely to the point of not leaving her dorm room unless its dark or she has class, watch anime and play one single video game
>And complain about how my life is, me who has a house and a car and a real steady well paying job that pays for the house and the car that I use to see her and bring her home and spend time with her and do shit with her
>With her because besides that I enjoy who she is as a person, her childlike immaturity and the fact that she has been a good companion and offered a lot to my previously pathetic life
I'm really just unhappy with her, ./adv/. I don't even know how to talk about it to her since she'll probably suddenly be so hurt and upset with herself and hate herself she won't want to find solutions and just break up, and really what makes matters so bad is that she has started telling me about this guy she has a thing for at her college, and how he might be better than me but she doesn't know for sure but "what if he is" (Like any person may be), but that she has no plans to break up with me or anything since I'm so "wonderful".
I dont even really feel much love from her anymore, and I think it just brought to light how unhappy I am with how she is with me.
What do I do, /adv/?
Brother, I've been in the same situation as you twice.
People need time to get their lives together, and it shouldn't be at your expense.
My quality of living was significantly improving after ending it
>and really what makes matters so bad is that she has started telling me about this guy she has a thing for at her college,
passive cuck
Plan to break up. Look around and try to find someone better for you.
Also if one of your next gf starts cutting herself and be all depressed, it's a good time to think about breaking up.
Let me ask this,
1. Does she have a purpose in life?
2. Does she have self confidence?
3. Does she have enthusiasm to start something she is not forced to do?
If you found that you have answered no to two of 3 of these questions she is on a one way track to failure.
>>16609540
Stop being such a beta fuck and confront her...what's the worst that could happen, cuts herself? She already does that shit...avoidance only seems to be getting her closer to some alpha jock at school. Don't cuck yourself.
She told you blatantly she's shopping around for new guys while treating you like complete shit and you're not even getting great sex out of it? Why fuck would you stay with her?
>With her because besides that I enjoy who she is as a person, her childlike immaturity and the fact that she has been a good companion and offered a lot to my previously pathetic life
Life still sounds pretty pathetic tbph...
>>16609576
>alpha jock
>>16609566
>passive cuck
Actually I'm 99% sure this is like a "maybe if I tell him I'm into someone else he'll obey me more" thing, and the main issue here that he "might be better than me" at is basically doing what she wants more.
Also
>Confront her
I do and she either becomes full of self loathing or apologizes profusely or whatever else to make it better right then
>>16609571
>purpose in life
no
>self confidence
she cuts herself m8
>enthusiasm
no
>>16609567
So a depressed/cutting themselves GF is a sign to break up asap?
>>16609540
>what makes matters so bad is that she has started telling me about this guy she has a thing for at her college
Yep, nope, fuck that shit. You are already second banana to some other chump in her eyes. At this point, if she's eyeballing somebody else and has told you "how he might be better," you're just a resource pool for her. Get the fuck out of there. There is no time to second-guess.
Like holy shit, how did you not immediately tell her to piss away off when she brought up the subject of someone else at her school? She doesn't sound like the sort of person to resist temptation, never minding the apparent social and psychological issues. Be prepared to have her threaten suicide if you leave her, would be my estimation.
>>16609581
>Shopping around
Not so much "shopping around" as much as "This guy was nice to me once and I have no social interaction and any time anyone is nice to me in any amount whatsoever it makes me fall for them". Its happened before sort of.
>>16609583
maybe so, but far past what it used to be.
>>16609597
>Second banana
Not second banana, she's not interested in actually being with the other guy, and probably said that shit because I inquired or something. I told her to piss off about it, and that I don't want her to mention him or anything tangentially related to him, and she has obeyed.
>>16609593
>>So a depressed/cutting themselves GF is a sign to break up asap?
No, you incredible idiot, that's a sign that they need help and you should be the emotional support to prevent them from being such a fucking dramatic pile of shit. BUT, in this circumstance, she's got nothing going for her and she's interested in another man. It's not a mind trick she's trying to pull, she doesn't have the self-confidence for that. She's self-destructing and is only using you as a crutch because she can't do anything better with her life, and she still is taking advantage of your resources and presence. Your relationship at this time is effectively over, you just need to brace for the backlash when you finally tell her you're done with it.
I understand you're trying to be at least somewhat skeptical of the fact, but you're not happy, she's not happy, some fucking asshole has apparently caught her eye, and it's only a matter of time before whatever fragile stability you have now comes crashing down in a mess of drama. Get the fuck away from her now.
>>16609540
Anime. Its always fucking anime. Tell her to cut those cancer cartoons and get some sunlight, she'll be better in no time.
Honestly, dump her.
A relationship should make you happier than you are alone. You can take some time to work on issues if you really care about the other person, but if she doesn't give a shit about getting better, just dump her.
You're wasting your time, energies, affection and money on someone who doesn't deserve them and doesn't do anything to deserve them.
looks like she has a destructive attitude and you are also not in a position to help her
it seems that she needs a wake up call, for her to realize that things are not going to work if they keep that way
>>16609593
>So a depressed/cutting themselves GF is a sign to break up asap?
That's a huge red flags man. Not necessarily a reason to break up, but something to really think about if it doesn't improve.
It's okay to be sad for no specific reasons sometimes, but if it's a constant state of sadness, then the person might very well be too self-centered to be a healthy partner for you.
Just ask yourself: "What would she do if I had a sad moment? Would she be there to cheer me up and tell me everything will okay? Or would she be cutting herself and bitching how bad she is and how shit her life is?"
>>16609614
Shes not legitimately interested in being with another man, just saying that "if we weren't dating I'd try and get with them"
As for being her emotional support, yeah I typically am. I'm not happy, she isn't happy with anything, ever. We talked and she admitted this other guy probably wouldn't make her any happier and honestly probably less so since he'd likely fail to live up to the (many) things that I do, and she has no serious interest. As for unhappiness, I'm primarily unhappy she she could even consider other candidates in a way enough to say "I'd go for them if I wasn't with you" and she even seems to see it as a badge of ethics that she'd be willing to tell me about all of this honestly, as though most people would just lie.
>>16609615
I know, right?
>>16609623
I think the issue here is that she doesn't see that anything is wrong with her on her end, and attempts to tell her otherwise are met with denial.
>>16609606
What's your level of emotional investment in your relationship at this point? You basically gave us a laundry list of dissatisfying factors that indicate you're pretty fucking unhappy with the situation, but don't want to leave because of fidelity to the lady, I guess, and also because you effectively have somebody under your control if she "obeys" you. But face facts, man: she's an emotional wreck that has no personal guidance in her life, but has expectations of what she wants from you, at cost? That's a one-sided relationship if there ever was one. And things you claim to enjoy about her presence don't hold up to the negative aspects of your relationship. So if you're making an active attempt at trying to "fix" her, then good luck buddy, it's your time you're wasting.
>>16609636
Just noticed my many mistakes, sorry.
ETL (English as a Third Language) here.
>>16609636
If I'm having a sad moment she actually tends to be willing to help out. On rare occasion I wake up from a nightmare at night reliving past events and I'm a mess, and she wakes up and takes care of my sorry ass, which I appreciate on the rare occasion it happens. With her, though, its daily. Multiple times daily. I know women are emotional, but she must have a crying breakdown at least 2 or 3 times a day
>>16609644
>Level of emotional involvement
If you asked me a year ago, after 4 years together, I'd say marriage - and soon.
Then bit by bit things started falling apart at the seams until we're at where we're at today.
>>16609643
>>if we weren't dating I'd try and get with them
How do you think that's supposed to make you feel, dude?
>>"If it weren't for you, I'd shack up with this other guy, so thanks for being immediately available, I guess."
Look, I'm glad that you've at least talked with her about it. That's loads better than what 90% of the other mooks on this board do. But it's not a backhanded compliment she's giving you here: it's an honest admission of "I don't think I can do any better with anyone else but you." It's settling. It's not saying "I'm glad I'm with you because you legitimately make me a better person," or "I love you because you're always there for me, and I know I'm a handful, so thank you."
If she isn't willing to deal with her problems because she thinks she has none, and refuses to not be such a drain on your emotional and financial situation, then you're kidding yourself if you think she's going to change or be repentant any time soon, considering her actions are habitual.
>>16609653
>>16609655
Okay. You've been with her for an extensive period of time. She's helped you out, but not to the tune of what she pulls from you. Really, dude: there's dependence and reliance on each other in a functional relationship, and then there's being an emotionally handicapped leech. If she's unable to go through a day without having a legitimate breakdown for insignificant reasons, and needs you to pull her out of it, you are not a boyfriend: you are a security blanket. She needs to address her emotional instabilities and insecurities, but it really does not sound like she wants to change, and is only placating you to keep you around so her support doesn't disappear. It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.
>>16609673
>"I'm glad I'm with you because you legitimately make me a better person," or "I love you because you're always there for me, and I know I'm a handful, so thank you."
Its funny because she basically said these these exact things the other day to me, anyway
>Isnt willing to deal with her problems
How can I talk to her, or speak to her at least, in a way that I can get her to realize that at least if she doesn't accept she has them that it should still matter that I think they exist and that should have weight
>>16609593
>purpose in life
no
>self confidence
she cuts herself m8
>enthusiasm
no
You have effectively answered your own question. Shes on her way to failure, and loss.
You either change these things about her identity, break up, or go to failure town with her.
Failure town could consist of
>cheating
>Feeling Heartbroken
>Anger
>Resentment
>Disgust
>Fear
>Betrayal
>>16609708
You said she regularly denies that she has any sort of problems, right? She's not capable of caring or considering what you think of them, because to agree that your observations are right or that your opinion on the matter is correct is to accept them anyway.
Think of it this way: she would rather metaphorically shit her pants than find a toilet, because it's the least bit of effort on her part and it's the easiest solution. She doesn't want to change, probably is unable to change at this point because she doesn't know what she wants out of your relationship beyond placation, and isn't going anywhere in her personal life. Meanwhile, here you are: stable, secure, and making all the effort to keep your relationship afloat beyond half-hearted kind phrases. You're in a stagnant relationship, and unless you want to continue the dynamic that you've found yourself in, you have little obligation to continue acting as her personal savior. Unless you get off on that sort of thing, which is what I've been trying to figure out since this thread started.
>>16609708
>Its funny because she basically said these these exact things the other day to me, anyway
Seems pretty manipulative to me m8...like, just saying enough of what you want to hear, without actually changing or modifying her behavior that's obviously destroying the foundation of your relationship. Also, the jealousy trips of being interested in another dude only adds fuel to this stress...methinks it's time to move on...learn to love yourself away from her, you'll be surprised at how many positive influences you can surround yourself with when you fully respect and love yourself. I got out of an 8 year toxic relationship a year ago...thought it would destroy me, so many things tied into the relationship...but I'm infinity better off now, one year later.
tl;dr get out of this shit, it's never too late to rebuild your life
You know what's better than being in a crappy relationship?
Not being in one.
Time to bail, OP
>>16609540
>What do I do?
You're a fucking moron op. You should dump her but I doubt you'll do any better if you need help with such a basic dilemma so I'd stick with her if I were you. Kek.
>>16610131
It's funny how it's always the nerdy kucks from 4chan and reddit who end up in relationships like this.
>>16610140
Nah bruh, don't confuse the fact that these "nerds" rely on sparring/seeking advice from others via this network with the faux-fact that it's only this segment of people that it happens to.
More like it's the fact that these persons would rather prefer seeking relationship advice (which in itself requires courage) from a somewhat likeminded yet complete stranger - as opposed to confessing to aunt Maude whom the original anon knows is a biased person.
