So I have a problem with my LD boyfriend of about one year. We were together for a month like two weeks ago and it was great although it was clouded by some bad news. Namely he lost his job and his mom who is very important to him isn't feeling very well. So when I came back home he went home to take care of him. Since then we barely speak cause he claims to be too busy. I said that if he's over the relationship he can just tell me and and I'll understand but he says he doesn't want to lose me.
I don't have a lot of experience with guys and I know I can be pretty childish so I don't know what to think. Is he tired of me and too big of a pussy to break up or is he really too stressed and busy to think about me or how I feel? We basically haven't had a real conversation since I got back. Should I push him to talk about it or just give him time and space? If I should just leave him be how long should I leave it for?
I really like him and I would like to make it work but the situation is hurtful and I don't know how long I should wait for. Our characters are different and I can't imagine doing the same thing to him so it's hard for me. It makes me feel like I don't matter to him at all. I don't know what to think. I understand that guys might not want to talk about their feelings especially when they feel kind of helpless and weak but I just want to feel close to him. Am I just being a selfish bitch or is it valid to ask him to talk about the situation?
It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now. And as you already know, a LDR can complicate things further.
Give him some time. Ask him how things are going once a week, touch base, and see how the job hunt is going. How his mother is doing.
Since you care about him and want to make things work, set your own needs aside for a minute and consider what he needs. Maybe its a clingy girl calling him every day. Maybe its some space to handle the stress.
Go find out.
>>16606333
I already ask him how things are and how him mother is but I feel like he just dismisses me or changes the subject to something that ends the conversation. He won't talk to me long enough to make anything clear.
I would do anything to make it work but the problem is that I don't know how things are between us. Whether he's just busy or whether he's tired of me. I don't want to keep bothering or caring about someone who doesn't give a shit.
I guess I'm just hoping for a positive ending to this but his behavior speaks for itself and I already know the answer. He was the one who chased me, then got tired, and is backing away now.
It doesn't sound like he's tired of you. It sounds like you're not getting enough from him (understandably so) and you're projecting your feelings onto him. Rather than being honest with your disappointment, you're acting like he must be the one disappointed with you.
Don't be such a coward. It's okay to simply admit that this situation is not providing you enough of what you need. I don't care how much you want to make it work. I want to hit the lottery so very much. It's still not going to happen. But I'm not going to pretend that the lottery is working against me or something.
>>16606507
Yeah I'm admitting it's not providing me with enough but the point is that I would be willing to put up with it if he talked to me honestly and told me "Hey things are hard but I care about you and I'm trying to sort it out and I don't want to bother your with it". But I feel like he's just pushing me away. If he's done I'd prefer it to be one swift blow so I could run away from my heartbreak in my mind sooner instead of being this neurotic mess.
But thank you for your interpretation. I was just wondering if it seems as hopeless to others as it seems to me. I guess I will try to stick it out for a while then and support him by giving him space.
>>16606619
"Enough" is more inclusive than attention. That also includes openness. When I say that he's not providing you with enough I'm including "enough communication." In other words, I think we're on the same wavelength that being uncommunicative with one's girlfriend makes one a shitty boyfriend.
You don't need a swift blow in order to accept that realization, however. I still think that it's time to start reading this as his disappointment in you and to face your disappointment in him. You know you didn't fuck up. It's just terrifying you to realize that you've chosen poorly. Obviously you had no way of knowing. But this is why time is important. With time, couples eventually face rare situations together. They learn about the once-in-a-blue-moon things which can be critical down the line. This is a rare but critical lesson you're learning about him. When he gets emotionally overwhelmed, he shuts down and doesn't realize shutting down is abandonment. This is not good. It's also not your job to fix it. He's happy with you but he's fucking up keeping you.
>>16606657
*time to stop reading this has his disappointment
>>16606657
Really, thank you for your insight, I have a lot to think about. The thing is that I'm well aware than I have plenty of faults myself. I'm preoccupied by my fear of abandonment and I'm overly sensitive and insecure. The situation probably wouldn't even be that big of a problem for someone better adjusted than me. I'm trying to understand him and hopefully he will understand my side of it too. I just hope both of us can become better people and come out of it together.
