I've dated this guy for a couple weeks and recently found out he's slept with a lot of people. More than 100, he couldn't tell an exact number.
He even slept with someone this weekend (we're not officially dating or anything, just interested in eachother). We haven't slept yet (I'm not holding back or anything, just hasn't come to it).
I want to try and see past his sexual history but it still makes me feel kind of disgusted. I don't judge him personally or anything it's just that I don't want to be with someone who has slept with that many people, and are actively still doing it.
My own number is around 10 people. I'm 20 years old and he's 27 to put it in perspective.
What would you guys do? Is it worth seeing past, assuming he's clean from STIs, or is he forever tainted by the sexual activities in his past (and present)?
Unless your time is super valuable or you're a gullible idiot, I would wait and see how it plays out. If he starts with the wandering eyes or the lack of appreciation for you I'm sure you'd notice.
That's fucking gross.
I mean, 10 people at 20 is also pretty gross, but god damn.
I mean, it's obvious that he's never going to be 100% monogamous with anyone. So you either have to accept that and be comfortable with it, or accept that nothing serious will ever really work out between you two. It's not a "right" or "wrong" thing, it just sounds like you and him have completely different attitudes about sex and love.
I did some back of the napkin math and if he started pimping at 17 he's fucked a new girl every month for 10 years
That's a lot for anyone. Unless the dude is obviously a massive player who strictly does not get into relationships or cheats constantly, he's lying.
Dudes lie about their partner count all the time. If he reads pick up artists shit a lot of what it says is to appear like you get laid constantly
He may be following that logic to the extreme and thinking, "If I tell her I've fucked 100 girls she'll be more attracted and think I'm awesome"
>>16587757
Well it's nothing more than me being disgusted by the fact that he's had his dick is so many people. And not always having been safe about it either. I don't know if I can get over and accept that or even if I should.
>>16587758
Well here in Sweden we have a pretty liberal view on sex. I've had sex for almost 4 years now so I don't think 10 is that much.
>>16587762
Valid point. The risks of being cheated on are increased by the fact that he's never had a serious relationship either. I think I'll skip this guy, but I'm still wary against future guys with a similar number.
It seems like it's so accepted in society to sleep around so should I just try my best to overlook the sexual past of others?
>>16587772
Yea, thanks for that math. A lot indeed, and maybe says something about commitment issues that are not worth dealing with. I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth though since why else would he admit he's fucked someone like 2 days ago.
Do you guys see someone as being tainted by having had sex with many people or do you view them just as "clean" and fuckable as anyone else?
>>16587785
>It seems like it's so accepted in society to sleep around so should I just try my best to overlook the sexual past of others?
No, not at all, it just means you shouldn't be judgmental of friends or acquaintances doing whatever they want to do. But in choosing your own partners, you SHOULD be discriminating, go with your gut, and try to find someone who's actually a good match for your values and your desires.
A guy who's fucked 100+ people probably isn't going to suddenly stop that, and only have sex with one person. He might try, but it's just obviously not the way he's wired. You can't fight your nature. If you're looking for monogamy, look for someone who doesn't have a history of quick, impulsive flings.
daily reminder that mansluts are just as disgusting and there is no double standard
>>16587785
>it's nothing more than
So it's not some kind of practical issue about how people might treat you. It's just you having a preconceived notion about what is and is not disgusting.
Disgust is, among the "core emotions," the only one which is learned. No one teaches you things like joy and anger. A person doesn't learn sadness through mimicry. But disgust isn't spontaneous. And when you use words like "clean" that's exactly what you're talking about. So while I wouldn't fault someone for having other feelings because they had no choice in the matter, on this one I don't give you the free pass of "it's just how I feel."
I would even understand disgust over him treating you like a piece of meat to be honest. It bugs me that you're disgusted by something that doesn't even have anything to do with you. You're not even dating.
>20
>already 10 people
Y'all niggas
>>16587823
Get over it, slut
>>16587797
Thank you, that's very good advice. While I don't judge others, and actually encourage my friends (and him) to not be ashamed of their number, I don't want it for myself.
>>16587823
Well no, I know I have a good judge of character and I'm confident enough to not put up with any bullshit.
While I do agree that disgust is learned to some degree, it's also in our nature. We are disgusted by feces, puke, rotten meat, etc. And I don't know but I think we're naturally wary of someone who's slept around and not stayed monogamous.
I don't care at all about someone's sexual history but since I'm going to have that dick in me and kiss those lips, I feel like I'd also be having sex with his partners in a way. And I can accept that but not when it becomes too many I guess.
>>16587829
/r9k/ pls
>>16587754
I took a course in human sexuality. My sources are from the mouth of a teacher: People who sleep around have a higher chance of cheating on their partner. They are not used to denying their urges to have sex, because they are used to the habit of sleeping with who ever they want. Cheaters are 95% likely to cheat again if they cheat.
So there is a high chance he will cheat, if he does it once, decide for yourself if he is a 5% kind of guy.
>>16587829
.thread
>>16587823
>not even dating
The whole point of choosing a partner is to judge their traits BEFORE you date them. They are thinking of dating them and are disgusted by his manslut ass.
It is a fact people who sleep around cheat are 80% more likely to cheat than people who seek managomous relationships. This shows that disgust has a valid reason behind it.
But go ahead and ignore numbers so you can enjoy getting a broken heart for your open mind sweety.
Why does it matter if he slept with 10 or 100 people really?
Also, consider that a lot of the people you meet probably would have slept with that many if they could.
Don't listen to all the prudes like >>16587758.
I've slept with around 20-30 people and I'm 24. Given the chance when single and drunk (only really have a sex drive then) I'd have sex with anyone I find attractive, but I suck horribly at picking up girls.
I have been in 2 long term relationships, plus a few more (not so long term), and never cheated on any partner.
All that said, you have to decide if this is just a bit of prejudice that you'll easily come over or if you still would feel like this after you started dating seriously. It's gonna be pretty hard to keep a relationship going if you have feelings of disgust for your partner.
When it comes to the cheating part. get to know the guy a bit better. You will probably notice from his personality if he is the type to cheat.
>>16587754
Well he isn't marriage material, but neither are you. 10 people by 20 means your pretty much just bitching he can get more sex partners than you.
>>16588028
>Also, consider that a lot of the people you meet probably would have slept with that many if they could.
a very dubious and self-serving claim
>dating/chasing a chad
just lol, I look forward to your future post complaining how all guys are cheaters/liars who use you for sex.
>>16588068
This.
I don't really get the resentment for people getting laid.
The people I know (and I have lived in a few different cities in my country and switched friends a few times, also have good friends in other countries) would consider NOT getting laid in ~4 months kinda... horrible.
Anyone choosing not to and anyone choosing to stay a virgin is free to do what they want to, but most people have a sex drive and feel a lot better to satisfy it.
~10 partners by 20 means roughly 2/year if you get started at 15 (kinda normal age I think, I lost my virginity at 16 and that was considered late).
That's kinda average for our generation?
Also, a point on all that bullshit about divorces and whatnot, my impression its young people getting married at 20 to their "first true love" or some bullshit without "playing" around or whatever you wanna call it.
So instead of learning and growing as a person (sexually) and get all that out of the way before getting in to a (life)long term relationship they rush into it headfirst and then regret it after 3-5 years.
First off if this statement is even true story, what u doing getting into his business bout how many people he screwed. Past is past n ur in the moment...second off u seem to just want to bang him n he knows that... At this point he seems to be in charge like a power over u. It doesn't hurt to be honest but first u need to figure out what u want from him.are u trying to be in relationship or bang other people while fuck buddies so forth and so on. Know what u want first.
>>16588044
Just the impression I've gotten from.. well at least 9 out of 10 people I meet around my age.
I'm generally the guy that picks hanging out with a friend and having another beer over getting laid, but when drunk and bored I used to get kinda horny.
More or less got that out of my system (the hornyness when drunk) a few years back though.
This thread is dildos. OP, as a female who's slept with over 100 men, here's my perspective.
People can have casual sex and monogamous relationships in the same lifetime. For example, I like fucking. If I were single, I'd be fucking new hotties every weekend. As of today, I've been in a monogamous relationship for 18 months because it's super fulfilling and wonderful to have a partner who I trust completely and share a mindset with. I love him to death and will either be faithful or leave him if I stop loving him. I think cheating is wrong, and that has nothing to do with my enjoyment of casual sex. It's stupid to make arbitrary assumptions about people.
To address your question, I'll tell you what I'd do if I were you and felt the way you do about his fornication.
Don't even bother with him. If it grosses you out, that's probably not gonna change. Best to find someone who's sexual lifestyle is compatible with yours.
Unless he explicitly expressed romantic interest, he doesn't want to date you. It was never an option, he's just trying to fuck you. But if he did say he likes you/has feelings/is romantically interested (not to be confused with sexually interested), then he's telling the truth. If he was trying to play you, he wouldn't have told you he fucked someone the other day.
>>16587863
This is true. My post is meant to show the point that people can have morals and enjoy casual sex too.
>>16588314
This.
GRILL KEK
Reminds me of that story, when Anon discovered that his gf slept with 200 guys. Then another anon used math, and he estimated that she sucked MILES of dick. To give him an idea, he said ''Drive (I dont remember) km. She sucked that much cock''
If he's a fan of oral, think about that the next time he kisses you
>>16588314
I don't think there's anything "immoral" about casual sex, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you're living your life, but I would not choose to have a serious relationship with someone with your history.
18 months is not a long time. What's the longest closed, committed relationship you've ever had? I believe you that you're not a cheater, but I'll bet you're going to get bored and move on before the three-year mark of being with only one person. It's not a judgment, I just don't think most people are capable of flipping a switch and completely changing their habits/preferences just because they meet someone they really like.
So it's not really about judging "good" or "bad," it's about choosing a partner that really is compatible, and a good match for your feelings/tendencies towards sex and commitment.
>>16587754
Honestly he's probably lying, but if you get creeped by him don't waste your time.
>>16589729
It's even weirder if he's lying, though, honestly. That would just be pathetic.
As long as he's STI/STD free, what's the big deal? If he's telling the truth, he's probably really good at fucking. I'd say go buy a bottle of wine and prepare yourself for the best sex of your life.
[I'm a man, to put things into perspective.]
Assuming he begun when 18 years old, sleeping with 100 people is something like one girl per month.
Now, here's the question: why did he sleep with a different girl each month? Does he like casual sex a bit too much? Doesn't he bond with people? Is he the "fuck and dump" kind of guy?
This is a huge red flag IMO.
>>16589750
>>16589741
I got the impression that she was hoping for more than casual sex, though. And if things didn't "work out" with the other 100+ girls, what's gonna be different this time?
>>16589763
I mean, he might be a nice guy, but odds are he isn't.
To put it into perspective, people are grossed with OP, but she spent something like 5 months between each guy.
>>16589771
why is it better to have casual sex once a year than to do it once a week?
>>16589783
I didn't say it's "better"... I'm wondering what are his reasons for so many girls. One of them might be liking casual sex, but another might be he's afraid of bonding with people. In other words, someone not trustable for anything more serious.
OP, if you're into casual sex, then he might be your person of choice... but anything besides that and you will need to check not just his past, but "why".
>>16589783
It suggests that there was something somewhat special or exceptional about that one encounter per year. One hookup per week/month suggests that you're pretty much always on the prowl for new partners, and you'll fuck anyone who says "yes" and meets a basic checklist of standards.
Nothing wrong with that, but it's not relationship material. If you're even capable of being that impulsive about sex, I really doubt you can settle down with one partner and really commit to that relationship.
>>16589792
then wouldn't the question be "why hasn't he had any relationships worth mentioning" rather than "why did he have so much casual sex"
>>16589793
>>16589793
>It suggests that there was something somewhat special or exceptional about that one encounter per year
how? couldnt it just mean that only 1 woman a year was ugly/stupid enough to give him pussy?
>>16589793
>One hookup per week/month suggests that you're pretty much always on the prowl
since when does hooking up = cheating? it is so weird that you think the two are the same, or that one means the other. some men go a lifetime with only three partners- their wife, their gf, and their mistress
> but it's not relationship material
i dont care what you do at all with your life. for the sake of logic though, i have to argue that almost nothing about enjoying casual sex makes someone non-spouse material other than your belief that it does. of course there's some correlation between having a large number of partners and a personality disorder, but typically personality disorders are very glaring and obvious if they're significant enough to cause relationship problems. the remainder of the population will either deceive you and thereby make the number irrelevant or just be a normal human being with sexual urges who presumably acts on them in reasonable situations (taking a girl home from a club or bar, hitting on a qt at the park). these 'non relationship material' people you're talking about should be very easy to spot on a first date by observing body language, speech patterns, what exactly it is they're saying and what that says about them, behavior, and using your intuition or "feeling the vibe" to determine if theyre good on the inside and also sane.
Kissie kissie
>>16589849
>then wouldn't the question be "why hasn't he had any relationships worth mentioning" rather than "why did he have so much casual sex"
Yeah, more like that, indeed.
>>16589849
cont
TLDR the only time you should (logically, emotions aside) reject someone for having multiple partners is if you're a shit judge of character and very gullible (and if you are you won't know you are so ill type your response for you so it's easier to copy-paste)
"I am a great judge of character. I am like rain man with social interactions" And you literally are because you have autism.
>>16588044
Sex is not dubious. Self-serving, maybe, but considering it's a biological imperative, that is irrelevant.
How can someone be disgusted by having a lot of sex? If someone is smart enough to use protection and not get an STD/have kids, who the fuck honestly cares? The only people who seem to care are people who have some arbitrary stigma about it.
>>16589861
i was posting earlier, i feel the same way senpai. it makes no sense to me. seems to be either based in religion or some weird leftover traces of Victorian social shit that i thankfully didn't acquire.
>>16587754
i dont see the issue, but the nagain I've had sex with well over 100 people, so its not like i could judge if i wanted to.
the issue becomes, is he just REALLY into sex, or really into sex with strangers. if the former, fine just be prepared to put out. if the latter, then maybe dont date him cuz he will have a hard time keeping it in his pants.
im the latter, i like to have sex with different people, but most of my relationships are 'open' so yeah.
>>16589861
ooh ooh i just thought of this
maybe its like that thing where fat girls will make fun of skinny girls because they hate themselves, but hating someone else is easier for the mind to process so they do that instead, being unaware the whole time. because it's totally fucking irrational.
>>16589861
He wasn't saying sex is dubious, he's saying your claim that "everyone would do this if they had the chance" was kind of naive and incorrect. I turn down opportunities for sex more often than I accept them. It's not that I dislike it, or have a moral problem with casual sex, it's just that it's usually a lot more complicated than "we like each other let's fuck." I've learned and witnessed how easy it is to fuck things up, socially and professionally, with impulsive sexual decisions. So I try not to be impulsive. Even if my body wants to do it, I like to actually get to know the person and try to gauge whether or not it's a good idea
>>16589881
desu senpai, i have had sex with 100 people too and i dont think you even have to be that into sex to get 100+ partners in 10 years. like that is less than once a month. that is so little sex. most people dating my age (20's) have sex at least a couple times a week, if not every day. i'd argue that my sex drive is normal for my age. i currently have sex with my bf three times a week or so, and excluding relationships (which i have more sex in) having started having sex 5 years ago and having right at 100 partners, that averages out to... having sex once every 13 days (and they were pretty much all 1 night stands with some repeats). ONCE EVERY 13 DAYS is not a lot of sex by any standards except Catholic Nun.
>>16587754
>My own number is around 10 people
You are both sluts. Its funny watching you realize that sluts are disgusting. But its too late. Just learn to deal with it. You dont have the right to deny someone based off their history.
Men like that are disgusting pigs with a sex addiction.
>>16589905
>100+ sex partners in ten years
im only 23 anon, i only had about 4 til i was 18.
im definitely seeing at least 2 guys a month but generally a lot more. also depends what you consider a sex partner, cuz i do orgies and porn theaters and such as well.
>>16589905
The amount of sex you've had is normal and healthy, the amount of PARTNERS you've had is not. You're supposed to have sex frequently, that's healthy, but not with a different person each time.
Honestly, I'll bet you're not even good in bed. I'll bet you're lousy, lazy, and inattentive, and that's why "repeats" are so infrequent. Because you've never learned to get past "first time together" sex. Good sex is about actually getting comfortable enough to cut loose with another person, and let them do the same, and learn how to make each other feel good.
It doesn't have to be fucking "true love" or marriage, it doesn't have to be vanilla, but you need an actual human connection to have good sex. And it usually takes more than one encounter to build that up. I'm not even judging you, I just honestly think you've got it all wrong and you're missing out on everything that's actually good about sex and love and relationships. I feel bad for you.
>>16589929
judging by your long ass fucking self important post that doesnt actually day much, youre vastly overrating how interesting and worthwhile the average fuckwit is. also, opinions and preferences and such, none of which are objective.
your both whores, your both perfect for eachother.
>>16589929
>I'm not even judging you
>I BET YOU'RE BAD AT SEX
>YOU'RE LOUSY
>LAZY
>INATTENTIVE
>TOO MANY PARTNERS
>YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG
>I FEEL BAD FOR YOU
im not sure you know what judgement is...
>>16589929
>You're supposed to have sex frequently
says who?
>>16589929
>All this projecting.
Also.
>IT'S NOT HEALTHY TO HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE
>IT'S WRONG TO HAVE SEX WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE.
Says who?
>>16589905
It's the other people part that monogamous people will judge you on. If you had had a master of disguise gf, for 5 years, that dressed up in costume for you once every 13 days, and you draged her home to play rape her, nobody would bat an eye.
>>16589949
>>16589963
>>16589976
Eh, you're right. Came out a lot uglier than I meant it, and I'm not even sure what point I was trying to make. Sorry to the person I originally replied to, that shit was uncalled for. I'm drunk and I think it's time to get off 4chan
>>16589987
>someone understanding their mistake and apologizing for it
>on 4chan
what has the world come to. good on you bro. most people dont deal in forgiveness these days, but if i was that anon you called out, id pat you on the back.
also, go home anon, your drunk.
this is bait
this same situation has been posted before with the genders flipped
>>16590004
Welcome to /adv/. B8 or not, this same topic is constantly being discussed. There is always a perpetual thread where people with differing beliefs argue about sexual history and nothing productive ever comes from it. Nobody is ever going to change anyone's mind.
Just sage and report like me.
>20
>10 people
>27
>100 people
Yeah, going to have to agree with other people ITT. You two are pretty disgusting. Whatever happened to morals? Not even religious.
